Wife's Rejection

[GhostMan]

On what planet do you live?

If you take a pregnant wife with temper tantrums to a counciler they will laugh you out of the office. if it continues after the kids are grown (or was exhibited before she was pregnant) then yeah, that’s something else.

I live on a planet where my three youngest children are mine because the state removed them from their birth mothers for abuse. That planet. Perhaps you’re familiar with it? Or, perhaps it’s a warm fuzzy planet with happy bunnies where all mothers love their children and are willing to sacrifice their lives for it. That’s not the planet I live on. Sorry.

So, mock me as much as you like. I am concerned with the tell-tale signs of emerging abuse. Sweep it under the rug, excuse it, convince yourself she’s a wonderful woman with an inattentive husband. Just don’t invite me to your planet.

 

[GhostMan]

For the record: I recant my objections to how this woman treated her husband. Obviously he is a cad and a mean husband and deserved what he got; she is a troubled woman who is scared and acted out of a moment’s mistake. It will obviously never happen again. My mistake for asserting otherwise.

So everyone can stop making me the monster?

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

So everyone can stop making me the monster?

**No one is thinking you are a monster…you have a different perspective due to your personal experience. In this case, you are most likely wrong. Just like doctors and nurses who see the worst case scenarios are more likely to think that a little thing can turn into a big thing.

God bless you for adopting those precious children and giving them a loving home.!

But please do not assume that all women who show some hormonal stuff due to pregnancy are going to be child abusers. Maybe your wife is lucky and din’t have the hormones affect her that much. But it does affect MOST women pretty drastically. It is COMMON. And in most cases it is nothing that a loving, patient, kind husband can’t handle and help.

And if all hormonal cases of nuttiness predicted future abuse then that would mean that 100% of all women will be child abusers because I don’t thin kthere’s a one of us who didn’t go a little nutty during the puberty rush of hormones. Teen girls throw things, slam dorrs, think everyone hates them…etc. We help them deal with it, we don’t label them monsters.**

 

[wifenmommy]

I live on a planet where my three youngest children are mine because the state removed them from their birth mothers for abuse. That planet. Perhaps you’re familiar with it? Or, perhaps it’s a warm fuzzy planet with happy bunnies where all mothers love their children and are willing to sacrifice their lives for it. That’s not the planet I live on. Sorry.

So, mock me as much as you like. I am concerned with the tell-tale signs of emerging abuse. Sweep it under the rug, excuse it, convince yourself she’s a wonderful woman with an inattentive husband. Just don’t invite me to your planet.

Yes, but by your previous posts you make it seem like the woman needs to be committed~throwing a pillow definitly does not warrent that at all…lets keep the OPs story in perspective.

 

[iluvmybabies]

I live on a planet where my three youngest children are mine because the state removed them from their birth mothers for abuse. That planet. Perhaps you’re familiar with it? Or, perhaps it’s a warm fuzzy planet with happy bunnies where all mothers love their children and are willing to sacrifice their lives for it. That’s not the planet I live on. Sorry.

So, mock me as much as you like. I am concerned with the tell-tale signs of emerging abuse. Sweep it under the rug, excuse it, convince yourself she’s a wonderful woman with an inattentive husband. Just don’t invite me to your planet.

I am very sorry for the experience you had with your childrens’ mothers but let me tell you that statistically there are more abusive men out there, then there are women, I mean so for the women here to jump on you is not out of nothing you know? I mean that’s why women jump to such things because many have been abused by a man sometime in their lives…I am sure there are many men that are abused by women as well but statistically they are not as much as women are…I am sure they didn’t mean to insult you but you are also generalizing based on your situations, when most of the women posting here, although none of us are perfect, do not live in a life of violence, and we do get hormonal and a bit out of wack sometimes, but as you can look back and read most of our posts, we are all hard working MOTHERS, whom would die for our children at any time without any problems or hesitation or even thinking it twice, do you understand?!

I mean I am sure there are some women as well as men, that are abusers, and whom really shouldn’t have any children, but we are no one to judge you know? Another thing we don’t live in a fuzzy bunnie planet and I congratulate you on taking care of your children, obviously you are their father and therefore they are your responsibility not just their mothers you know, and that’s awesome that you are taking care of them. I wish my children’s father would not quit working all the time that child support starts taking from his paycheck, so believe me when we tell you that hormones are not an excuse, but obviously there must be more to the story about his and his wife’s situation for her to overreact in the way she did and he did post that he hasn’t been there fully 100% for her, and that she didn’t throw anything at him she just grabbed 2 pillows and threw them…

So she was showing signs of emotional strain and stress based on situations arising from her husbands inability to be there for her 100%, so no we didn’t say it was OK and acceptable, obviously most of us have asked the OP to speak with his wife and hopefully she will apoligize but based on the new information the OP has provided it is understandable why she lashed out on him the way she did…

You are not a bad person, actually you are showing support to a man whom you fear might be in an abusive relationship but as the OP stated she has never been that way until that evening…So the more information that we have the better understanding we can give and provide for this couple!

I do hope they did talk over things and that they are doing better now…God willing! Take care Ghostman…and glad to hear your opinions…I am sorry you have endured terrible times with your children and their mother but hope all works out for the best for you! GOD bless!

 

[whatevergirl]

I think this thread should be put to rest. (get it? pillows? rest?) lol
The OP seems to be on the road to recovery with his wife…and has patched things up. It just seems to be getting a little out there – the last page or so.

 

[TLDenmark]

Dear GhostMan

I live on a planet where my three youngest children are mine because the state removed them from their birth mothers for abuse. That planet. Perhaps you’re familiar with it? Or, perhaps it’s a warm fuzzy planet with happy bunnies where all mothers love their children and are willing to sacrifice their lives for it. That’s not the planet I live on. Sorry.

So, mock me as much as you like. I am concerned with the tell-tale signs of emerging abuse. Sweep it under the rug, excuse it, convince yourself she’s a wonderful woman with an inattentive husband. Just don’t invite me to your planet.

Am I reading the same thread as you, the OP talked about his wife shouting and throwing a few pillows. Sure it would be a major problem if it happened often, but one such incident is hardly enough reason to call it abuse.

God bless you
TL

 

[iluvmybabies]

For the record: I recant my objections to how this woman treated her husband. Obviously he is a cad and a mean husband and deserved what he got; she is a troubled woman who is scared and acted out of a moment’s mistake. It will obviously never happen again. My mistake for asserting otherwise.

So everyone can stop making me the monster?

Ghostman, it’s not about recanting anything, you shared your opinion and your advice and that’s appreciated, the matter of fact though is that you really didn’t seem to have read other posts the OP has placed in the forum especially when he speaks about not being there for her 100%, trying to avoid confrontations with her so staying at work later, and the fact that he has been thinking or spending more time on himself rather than her, so perhaps that’s why she did lash out on him and she didn’t throw anything directed to him, she just grabbed two pillows and just threw them… So please do not feel as if you are being attacked or contradicted in any way it’s just that insulting women whom are pg and are having issues is not really a good thing to say to a lot of women that have had certain problems during pgs and hormonal anger during pg whom have no life of violence, just a few rants during certain overly strained emotional breakdowns during pg…so just please be a bit understanding…on all ends…

Just like I am sure most of us are being with you and the OP…and his wife!

 

[iluvmybabies]

I think this thread should be put to rest. (get it? pillows? rest?) lol
The OP seems to be on the road to recovery with his wife…and has patched things up. It just seems to be getting a little out there – the last page or so.

I agree with you…I have not read that the OP has patched things up with her but I do hope he really has, and best of luck to them!!

 

[apricot_yogurt]

All I would like to say is thank God we Catholics have the Sacrament of Penance available to us. (Speaking as a wife who does sometimes get angry-hormonally or otherwise.)
There for the grace of God go we all.

 

[iluvmybabies]

Dear GhostMan

Am I reading the same thread as you, the OP talked about his wife shouting and throwing a few pillows. Sure it would be a major problem if it happened often, but one such incident is hardly enough reason to call it abuse.

God bless you
TL

Yes and based on his experience he is just providing his advice and he’s appreciated for that but I do believe he is taking it a bit out of you know…??? But I understand the fear of violence in the home, I grew up with my father beating up my mother, he was an alchy so I understand why GM might fear for the OP and the OP’s unborn child but she never did that before until that night and more was unveiled about the OP’s behaviour as well so we were able to understand a little more why his wife might have lost her patience and started screaming etc…

 

[TLDenmark]

Yes and based on his experience he is just providing his advice and he’s appreciated for that but I do believe he is taking it a bit out of you know…??? But I understand the fear of violence in the home, I grew up with my father beating up my mother, he was an alchy so I understand why GM might fear for the OP and the OP’s unborn child but she never did that before until that night and more was unveiled about the OP’s behaviour as well so we were able to understand a little more why his wife might have lost her patience and started screaming etc…

You are absolutely right, and I am sure GhostMan have the best intention’s in mind. Actually I even think he is right to a certain point, in the sense that her behavior was unjustified and wrong. Hormones or no hormones, we are not supposed to shout at or throw things at each-other. However very often it is better to show compassion, patience and forgiveness when the people around us screw up. I believe the OP have described such an incident. As for your past, I am sorry about that. Abuse is a terrible situation, no matter who is being abused.

God bless you
TL

 

[iluvmybabies]

You are absolutely right, and I am sure GhostMan have the best intention’s in mind. Actually I even think he is right to a certain point, in the sense that her behavior was unjustified and wrong. Hormones or no hormones, we are not supposed to shout at or throw things at each-other. However very often it is better to show compassion, patience and forgiveness when the people around us screw up. I believe the OP have described such an incident. As for your past, I am sorry about that. Abuse is a terrible situation, no matter who is being abused.

God bless you
TL

Yes it is wrong to throw things at each other and scream, but sometimes you can’t help it…and that’s why we are human beings, we are not perfect and are bound to make errors and mistakes and that’s where the whole communication, love, compassion etc is a must… But remember she didn’t throw anything to or at him, she just threw things-2 pillows…

eh past is the past…I love my family no matter what…

Abuse is terrible but you get over it, those that are unable to need to seek help and those that are, well congratulations!!

 

[Through_Him]

For the record: I recant my objections to how this woman treated her husband. Obviously he is a cad and a mean husband and deserved what he got; she is a troubled woman who is scared and acted out of a moment’s mistake. It will obviously never happen again. My mistake for asserting otherwise.

So everyone can stop making me the monster?

I don’t think you are a monster maybe a little worried and I’m sure the OP has learned a bit from us all and that is all we are here to help and pray for each other. It sounds like she works and is worried about money so hopefully they get a lot of support from family, and reach out to others. Some of us who have been down the same road knows how it goes. Prayers for you too, you know first hand and could write your own book, We all reach out in our own way. Blessings to the wonderful family you have.

 

[thomfra]

I live on a planet where my three youngest children are mine because the state removed them from their birth mothers for abuse. That planet. Perhaps you’re familiar with it? Or, perhaps it’s a warm fuzzy planet with happy bunnies where all mothers love their children and are willing to sacrifice their lives for it. That’s not the planet I live on. Sorry.

So, mock me as much as you like. I am concerned with the tell-tale signs of emerging abuse. Sweep it under the rug, excuse it, convince yourself she’s a wonderful woman with an inattentive husband. Just don’t invite me to your planet.

I’m afraid you are letting your subjective experience cloud your judgement here.

Don’t take this the wrong way. But Ì see similiar posts from recovering alcoholics. Because they have had problems with the alcoholism, they see it in just about everybody else who has a whiskey on a cold night (as an example).

The VAST majority of families are happy healthy and loving. Your interperetation of this specific situation is clearly incorrect.

 

[thomfra]

So everyone can stop making me the monster?

And you need to stop playing the victim.

 

[estesbob]

Dear GhostMan

Am I reading the same thread as you, the OP talked about his wife shouting and throwing a few pillows. Sure it would be a major problem if it happened often, but one such incident is hardly enough reason to call it abuse.

God bless you
TL

I am suprised that this thread has advanced only to “they need counseling phase”. Usually by this time someone is telling them they need to get divorced and/or file a police report on their abusive spouse.!

 

[Oshiego_Rod]

WHAT???
You didnt say it was TWO!!! That’s a sign of BIG trouble!LOL! Just kidding! I think yall are gonna be just fine!! How are things? Keep doing what you are doing and everything is going to turn out a-ok!

We had a good conversation being our goofy selves and joking about what wil be thrown next time. Hormones are still there so I have to learn to “take it like a man” and correct her properly and acoordingly rather than argue. But we are doing fine so thank you for your prayers and advice.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

I am suprised that this thread has advanced only to “they need counseling phase”. Usually by this time someone is telling them they need to get divorced and/or file a police report on their abusive spouse.!

No, that’s only if the MAN had thrown pillows

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

We had a good conversation being our goofy selves and joking about what wil be thrown next time. Hormones are still there so I have to learn to “take it like a man” and correct her properly and acoordingly rather than argue. But we are doing fine so thank you for your prayers and advice.

That is great news!!! You must feel so relieved

Nothing like a pregnancy to give a newly married couple a crash course in how to work out things that don’t make sense, lol.