Wife's Struggle With NFP

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A.Pelliccio

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My wife and I were married six months ago and have been practicing NFP since then. My wife is in medical school and we want to have children, but these next few months in preparation for her boards, it would not be healthy for a baby ( constant studying, sleepless nights, coffee by the gallons) and her time is limited. Her complaints with NFP is that she says my semen burns her and causes great discomfort. She says it’s unberable and has she does not wish to continue. Has anyone experienced this?

On more of the theological and scientific side, she can not differentiate between NFP and ABC on the grounds that it accomplishes the same thing.

Thank you

Anthony
 
A.Pelliccio said:
On more of the theological and scientific side, she can not differentiate between NFP and ABC on the grounds that it accomplishes the same thing.

Thank you

Anthony
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NFP = ALWAYS open to life

ABC = NOT open to life

As Catholics, in the marital act we are called to be open to life at all times and unite ourselves in the love of our spouse that we professed on our wedding day.

As for the semen “burning” her, I have never heard this, not to say it is not true or does not happen, but sounds very strange, almost as in an excuse. With all the stress she may be under, I would think that becoming pregnant would be more difficult, but someone can correct me on that if I am incorrect
 
It is possible that your wife has an allergy to semen. I know a woman who was diagnosed with this allergy. I would have her look into that diagnosis with a doc and then talk to a priest about your options should that be the case. Or it could be a yeast infection, or vaginisimus, or vulvodynia. There are several things that could cause sex to “burn.” I would also do a search for “NFP” here so you can clarify to your wife the difference between NFP and ABC. I’ll pray that your wife comes to understand and accept NFP, and for a solution to her discomfort.
 
A.Pelliccio said:
Her complaints with NFP is that she says my semen burns her and causes great discomfort. She says it’s unberable and has she does not wish to continue.
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Um, hello, this has nothing to do with NFP. This is a medical problem, for which she needs to seek medical attention. She’s in medical school, you say?
A.Pelliccio said:
On more of the theological and scientific side, she can not differentiate between NFP and ABC on the grounds that it accomplishes the same thing.
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So does robbery and working. They both accomplish obtaining money. Is there no difference between working and robbing a bank?

Each act of intercours must be ordered to both procreation and unity of the spouses. In NFP, you choose to abstain on certain days. There is no act of intercourse. On the days you have intercourse, you do nothing to alter it at all.

NFP is *information *used to determine when to abstain and when to engage in intercourse for the purpose of either avoiding pregnancy or achieving pregnancy.

Contraception is an *action *taken to sterilize yourself. That is disordered.
 
It can happen…it is usually a mild allergic reaction.

I’d suggest you see a doctor and see if there is anything that can alleviate her discomfort without using ABC. Also, the doc would make sure this isn’t a sign of something more serious.

I thought I recalled sometimes dietary changes can help but don’t quote me on that.

It could be stress manifesting itself, with a wedding, a new marriage and boards- that’s a lot in 6 months. When I studied for the bar I had all sorts of odd little things crop up.

I hope you find a solution!
 
If the semen is burning her, it’s quite possible she has some sort of allergy to it. It’s somewhat rare, but not unheard of. She needs to discuss that with her gyno. They will help her with treatment for that.
 
Just as an FYI men, semen may well burn if there is some tissue irritation, or mild infection of the tissues. The pH of semen is somewhat different than that of female excretions. Just as a thought, the other method of NFP is abstinence. The sacrifice goes both ways. If It is uncomfortable for your wife, I would not err on the side of accusation that this is an excuse, rather that a) she is experiencing some distress, and B) that might be exacerbated by the stress she is under. As a loving husband you may want to back off a bit. She might also bring up this concern with her gynecologist.
 
A.Pelliccio said:
My wife and I were married six months ago and have been practicing NFP since then. My wife is in medical school and we want to have children, but these next few months in preparation for her boards, it would not be healthy for a baby ( constant studying, sleepless nights, coffee by the gallons) and her time is limited. Her complaints with NFP is that she says my semen burns her and causes great discomfort. She says it’s unberable and has she does not wish to continue. Has anyone experienced this?

On more of the theological and scientific side, she can not differentiate between NFP and ABC on the grounds that it accomplishes the same thing.

Thank you

Anthony
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This is probably an allergy that can easily be cured through a series of allergy shots. Have her see a doctor.
 
Ohana said:
Just as an FYI men, semen may well burn if there is some tissue irritation, or mild infection of the tissues. The pH of semen is somewhat different than that of female excretions. Just as a thought, the other method of NFP is abstinence. The sacrifice goes both ways. If It is uncomfortable for your wife, I would not err on the side of accusation that this is an excuse, rather that a) she is experiencing some distress, and B) that might be exacerbated by the stress she is under. As a loving husband you may want to back off a bit. She might also bring up this concern with her gynecologist.
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Filing this now under the “learn something new everyday” file.

Thanks.

(fyi - the only reason I said “excuse” was that based on how it was written and she not wanting to have a child she could have no interest in sex and that would be a way to avoid it. Not sure if the “burning” compaint has been there since they were first married 6 months ago. Just a thought that was all. Understand that this is not something to vocalize to her, just something to think about.)
 
This definitely falls under “need to seek advice of doctor” I mean, when you do want children the semen will still burn, this doesn’t have anything to do with NFP.
 
On the other hand, it may have something to do with dryness. And the stress of finishing up medical school. Since you can’t use lubricants because of the effect they have on the mucus test, I would suggest more and more intense foreplay.

A vaginal infection of some kind or another could also increase sensitivity to pain.
 
A.Pelliccio said:
My wife and I were married six months ago and have been practicing NFP since then. My wife is in medical school and we want to have children, but these next few months in preparation for her boards, it would not be healthy for a baby ( constant studying, sleepless nights, coffee by the gallons) and her time is limited. Her complaints with NFP is that she says my semen burns her and causes great discomfort. She says it’s unberable and has she does not wish to continue. Has anyone experienced this?

On more of the theological and scientific side, she can not differentiate between NFP and ABC on the grounds that it accomplishes the same thing.

Thank you

Anthony
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Is this the proper place to be talking about this?
 
Eagelswings said:
Is this the proper place to be talking about this?
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These boards have always been an excellent source of information and advice concerning the faith. As to another poster, my wife would not be dishonest with me an you should be more charitable in your responses. As to the others, thank you.
 
SummerSmiles said:
If the semen is burning her, it’s quite possible she has some sort of allergy to it. It’s somewhat rare, but not unheard of. She needs to discuss that with her gyno. They will help her with treatment for that.
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Yeah. I’ve never experienced it either, but I’ve heard of it. It’s a Real Thing and it’s not very nice imo to assume or suggest that she’s lying about this. (not the OP, but a pp said it sounded like an “excuse”.)
 
A quick google search will produce LOTS of info on semen allergies. Rare, but this is NOT the first time I’ve heard of it. In fact I’ve heard it more in the TTC forums on other sites.

Could also be… DH, you have an abnormal PH within your sperm: From Wiki:

“pHWebMD lists a normal pH range of 7.1-8.0;[2] WHO criteria specify normal as 7.2-7.8.[1] Acidic ejaculate (lower pH value) may indicate one or both of the seminal vesicles are blocked. A basic ejaculate (higher pH value) may indicate an infection.[1] A pH value outside of the normal range is harmful to sperm.[2]”

I’m sure you are aware the more acidic or basic the ph of anything is, the more it BURNS… So, she may not be allergic… YOU may have a problem that you don’t readily recognize??? worth looking into. And well, if that’s the case, being open to life is a bit hard if/when you’re killing your own sperm.
 
I have a friend who can not get pregnant because she has a allergy to her husbands semen and her body rejects it. Just saying…
 
A.Pelliccio said:
Her complaints with NFP is that she says my semen burns her and causes great discomfort. She says it’s unbearable and has she does not wish to continue. Has anyone experienced this?
Click to expand...
Hi Anthony,

I just want to let you know that being on the pill likely will not alleviate her discomfort. This is something I struggle with with my husband; and having only recently come off the pill, I know the discomfort is no different now than when I was on it. I have never considered the possibility of an allergy, but that may be something that she can speak to her doctor about.

Good luck as you guys figure out what to do.
 
I kind of imagine that a woman that claims semen burns is not looking to use “the pill”. I imagine she’s looking into condom usage? The pill is not going to change that… a barrier would prevent the semen from even touching her skin. Short of breakage.

That said… WHAT ABOUT… using NFP with a condom with a tiny hole??? Sperm can always pass through that… but most of the fluid wouldn’t. NO SPERMICIDE or anything that kills sperm. Not sure if that’s “ok”…
 
faithfully said:
I kind of imagine that a woman that claims semen burns is not looking to use “the pill”. I imagine she’s looking into condom usage? The pill is not going to change that… a barrier would prevent the semen from even touching her skin. Short of breakage.

That said… WHAT ABOUT… using NFP with a condom with a tiny hole??? Sperm can always pass through that… but most of the fluid wouldn’t. NO SPERMICIDE or anything that kills sperm. Not sure if that’s “ok”…
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I think that would be considered taking away the unitive aspect.
 
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