S
Spoken4
Guest
(First, please forgive any typos as the keyboard I’m using is crummy and the keys stick, and I’m not of a mind to gp back and fix every mis-spelled word!)
Okay, so my husband has been very self-centered lately, and has even been mocking Catholicism and the Sacraments. He’s not practicing, and has been falling away despite my prayers and wishes for him. He’s been saying things that also hurt me, and when I gently tell him how I feel about the way he’s acting, he pretty much dismisses me and tells me to “grow up”, or something else along those lines.
For instance, I was a little later than usual getting home yesterday evening and he asked why I was “so late” (it was only about 90 minutes, and a reasonable time as far as supper was concerned. I said that I had gone to Confession, and Adoration afterwards while I performed my penance-- since I was there anyway. That brought about a series of remarks regarding “buying my way to Heaven”, crude remarks about priests and young boys in the Confessional (to put it tactfully), etc. I boldly told him to STOP. Well, he had gone ahead and cooked dinner while I was at church… FOR HIMSELF. I made some pasta for my own dinner, but had cooked a bit more than my bowl would hold so there was still a small amount in the pot. I went back for the extra, and he had dumped it without asking me, though I had plainly said that I was going back for “seconds”. I reminded him that I was planning to eat the remainder, but he said, “Well, there was so little left in the pot that I just threw it away”. First, I had SAID that I was going to eat it. Second, it was wasteful. So then he went up into the freezer and pulled out a dessert that he had bought for himself (one of 3 puddings that he bought for himself, with no intention to share… just like the 3 oranges he bought for himself and plainly stated were HIS and that I wasn’t to eat them). This has been typical for him lately. He has also been withholding “general” affection as in hugs, kind words, etc.
Okay, background aside-- last night he crudely asked me for the marital gift. This, after I had laid beside him and tried to chat a bit, only to have him basically lay there in silence even after I asked a question… followed by, “Um, hello? Did you hear what I said?” Then-- he rolled over, only to crudely make his request some minutes later.
I said, “I really don’t feel like I’m in a very giving mood right now, especially since you have, for the past few days, basically ignored me and mocked or cut down the very things that I hold dear to my heart. Perhaps if WE can work out THOSE issues first, then perhaps I’ll be more inclined to WANT to give you ‘the gift’. But if I did so now, it would be ‘grudgingly’, and that’s not the right way to give a gift-- especialy one so precious.”
Now he says that he’s entitled to it. But am I not entitled to a respectful partnership? I’m not permanently denying him, but this can get serious if not reined in NOW. And NO, he will NOT go for counseling! Period, no way, no how.
Advice?
In Christ,
~Spoken4
Okay, so my husband has been very self-centered lately, and has even been mocking Catholicism and the Sacraments. He’s not practicing, and has been falling away despite my prayers and wishes for him. He’s been saying things that also hurt me, and when I gently tell him how I feel about the way he’s acting, he pretty much dismisses me and tells me to “grow up”, or something else along those lines.
For instance, I was a little later than usual getting home yesterday evening and he asked why I was “so late” (it was only about 90 minutes, and a reasonable time as far as supper was concerned. I said that I had gone to Confession, and Adoration afterwards while I performed my penance-- since I was there anyway. That brought about a series of remarks regarding “buying my way to Heaven”, crude remarks about priests and young boys in the Confessional (to put it tactfully), etc. I boldly told him to STOP. Well, he had gone ahead and cooked dinner while I was at church… FOR HIMSELF. I made some pasta for my own dinner, but had cooked a bit more than my bowl would hold so there was still a small amount in the pot. I went back for the extra, and he had dumped it without asking me, though I had plainly said that I was going back for “seconds”. I reminded him that I was planning to eat the remainder, but he said, “Well, there was so little left in the pot that I just threw it away”. First, I had SAID that I was going to eat it. Second, it was wasteful. So then he went up into the freezer and pulled out a dessert that he had bought for himself (one of 3 puddings that he bought for himself, with no intention to share… just like the 3 oranges he bought for himself and plainly stated were HIS and that I wasn’t to eat them). This has been typical for him lately. He has also been withholding “general” affection as in hugs, kind words, etc.
Okay, background aside-- last night he crudely asked me for the marital gift. This, after I had laid beside him and tried to chat a bit, only to have him basically lay there in silence even after I asked a question… followed by, “Um, hello? Did you hear what I said?” Then-- he rolled over, only to crudely make his request some minutes later.
I said, “I really don’t feel like I’m in a very giving mood right now, especially since you have, for the past few days, basically ignored me and mocked or cut down the very things that I hold dear to my heart. Perhaps if WE can work out THOSE issues first, then perhaps I’ll be more inclined to WANT to give you ‘the gift’. But if I did so now, it would be ‘grudgingly’, and that’s not the right way to give a gift-- especialy one so precious.”
Now he says that he’s entitled to it. But am I not entitled to a respectful partnership? I’m not permanently denying him, but this can get serious if not reined in NOW. And NO, he will NOT go for counseling! Period, no way, no how.
Advice?
In Christ,
~Spoken4
