“By Christ’s institution the Church is its guardian and teacher, having been endowed with a unique assistance of the Holy Spirit in order to guard and teach it in its most exact integrity.” (Pope St. John Paul II, Redemptor Hominis, 12).
“Being responsible for that truth also means loving it and seeking the most exact understanding of it, in order to bring it closer to ourselves and others in all its saving power, its splendour and its profundity joined with simplicity. This love and this aspiration to understand the truth must go hand in hand, as is confirmed by the histories of the saints in the Church.” (Ibid., 19)
You describe that you have no hope for truth. This is a spiritual sickness. People are often too fond of their own ideas and those ideas provide no place for the Church and her magisterium. You need a tender witness to the exact understanding of your own disordered self-esteem. The adoration of the Blessed Sacrament.
“The beginning of wisdom, get wisdom, and with all thy possession purchase prudence.” (Prov 4:7, Vulg.) That is, no response to Jesus and Mary is good unless it is unconditional. (cf. Pope Francis, 30 June 2014) “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.”
“There is a way which seemeth just to a man: but the ends thereof lead to death.” (Prov 14:12, Vulg.) Faith is certain. Bonaventure gives a fourfold way in seeking the truth in his commentary on Luke, He says, meditate with leisure, read with eagerness, learn with meekness, and judge with certitude
"The kingdom belongs to the poor and lowly, which means those who have accepted it with humble hearts. Jesus is sent to “preach good news to the poor”; he declares them blessed, for “theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (CCC 544)