Women, did/would you change your name upon marriage?

[CatholicFireman]

Does anyone know of a husband who changed his name? I know one couple where both husband and wife chose to use a hyphenated last name.

As a matter of fact, my niece’s (on my wife’s side) husband took her name. He had no ties to his family from what I understand.

 

[heidi_storage]

I changed my name because I was leaving my family of origin to be one with my husband, and because I am not from a culture in which it is traditional for the woman to keep her maiden name. I made my maiden name my middle name.

Just curious, why are you asking?

 

[DarkLight]

I changed my name because I was leaving my family of origin to be one with my husband, and because I am not from a culture in which it is traditional for the woman to keep her maiden name. I made my maiden name my middle name.

Just curious, why are you asking?

Because I’m daydreaming, mostly.

 

[Xantippe]

Because I’m daydreaming, mostly.

Awwww!

This experience is not complete without writing “Mrs. Cute Guy” on your Trapper Keeper, making sure to make little hearts above each “i”.

(Are you too young to have had a Trapper Keeper?)

 

[DarkLight]

Awwww!

This experience is not complete without writing “Mrs. Cute Guy” on your Trapper Keeper, making sure to make little hearts above each “i”.

(Are you too young to have had a Trapper Keeper?)

googles

I think I was too homeschooled to have one of those.

 

[Bonnie]

Awwww!

This experience is not complete without writing “Mrs. Cute Guy” on your Trapper Keeper, making sure to make little hearts above each “i”.

(Are you too young to have had a Trapper Keeper?)

I’m too old! We wrote things like that on our Pee Chees. And the name would be surrounded by daisies.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I never wanted to change my surname. But about five years after we got married I added my husband’s surname, so it is now hyphenated. The main reason I did it is because I was once travelling with the kids and my passport and surname were different from theirs. We were held by the security at the airport until I found a way to prove I was their mother. It was quite frightening, so I decided it was best that I also take the family name.

 

[UpUpAndAway]

I never wanted to change my surname. But about five years after we got married I added my husband’s surname, so it is now hyphenated. The main reason I did it is because I was once travelling with the kids and my passport and surname were different from theirs. We were held by the security at the airport until I found a way to prove I was their mother. It was quite frightening, so I decided it was best that I also take the family name.

Oh goodness, that is scary! When I travel outside the EU, I bring a certified copy of our marriage certificate and its official, court-sanctioned translation into English with me in case I have to prove my marital status. This has only happened once, but boy was I glad to have the paperwork on hand when it did.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I would NEVER change my last name. I remember in the 70’s when I was a kid my brother telling me that before mommy married daddy she had a different last name. I couldn’t believe it and when she told me it was true, I was shocked. I remember being five and thinking it was horrid. (too young to know what sexist meant). I remember being 5 and thinking it just was not fair to women. As grew older and found out it was the standard for women to take their husband’s name, it was a fact I though was the downside of marriage. Then in my 20’s when I started to hear women were keeping their last name, I was relieved to know the option existed and decided that I would always keep my last name.

As for kids, I always felt that if I had them, it would extremely offensive to carry them for 9 months and not be able to pass my last name along for the simple fact that I am a woman.

I have always been vocal about this opinion. Has it scared some men away… probably but all I can think is good riddance

Angie

 

[Polluted]

I would NEVER change my last name. I remember in the 70’s when I was a kid my brother telling me that before mommy married daddy she had a different last name. I couldn’t believe it and when she told me it was true, I was shocked. I remember being five and thinking it was horrid. (too young to know what sexist meant). I remember being 5 and thinking it just was not fair to women. As grew older and found out it was the standard for women to take their husband’s name, it was a fact I though was the downside of marriage. Then in my 20’s when I started to hear women were keeping their last name, I was relieved to know the option existed and decided that I would always keep my last name.

As for kids, I always felt that if I had them, it would extremely offensive to carry them for 9 months and not be able to pass my last name along for the simple fact that I am a woman.

I have always been vocal about this opinion. Has it scared some men away… probably but all I can think is good riddance

Angie

It amazes me how many women are so defensive and shameful of anything feminine. Like the word shouldn’t even exist! Why make yourself look pretty either? Why give in to the patriarchs? Why shave any part of your body, or even shop in the “women’s section”? You could be the Rosa Parks of Wal-Mart when you waltz right into the men’s section and buy yourself some blue jeans and a tank top!

Sorry but I have zero empathy for this line of thinking. You are posting in a Catholic forum and you wanna complain about “tradition”? It’s shocking to me how many women hate the fact that they are Women.

Not to mention I’m pretty sure if your name was Jessica and your last name was Gorgonshplat you would have zero problem changing your last name if it meant Jessica Rose or something similar . All you females reading this should just change your last names and stop trying to create this invisible battle of inequality over something as trivial as a freakin name. Just like Gay marriage in heaven Zero same sex couples actually have a valid union in the eyes of God…no matter what USA law says. And in heaven your name tag will always read
:::Your first name::+:::Your husband’s last name::: no matter what crazy feminist stunt you pull on earth

 

[Spark2]

It amazes me how many women are so defensive and shameful of anything feminine. Like the word shouldn’t even exist! Why make yourself look pretty either? Why give in to the patriarchs? Why shave any part of your body, or even shop in the “women’s section”? You could be the Rosa Parks of Wal-Mart when you waltz right into the men’s section and buy yourself some blue jeans and a tank top!

Sorry but I have zero empathy for this line of thinking. You are posting in a Catholic forum and you wanna complain about “tradition”? It’s shocking to me how many women hate the fact that they are Women.

Not to mention I’m pretty sure if your name was Jessica and your last name was Gorgonshplat you would have zero problem changing your last name if it meant Jessica Rose or something similar . All you females reading this should just change your last names and stop trying to create this invisible battle of inequality over something as trivial as a freakin name.

Hun, you seem really angry. I’m sorry you are frustrated right now. This vent seems counter productive.

What I’m reading and have lived is that this may be an issue for a couple or it may not. What matters is how they communicate to get to a satisfactory and mutual resolution. I suggest you focus on that element and incorporate that into your own relationship. Marriage is not “getting MY way,” it’s both partners feeling content and comfortable.

 

[Zaiga]

And if so, I’m curious what your reasoning is?

I got married last month. I will be changing my name. I just think it’s a sweet tradition and one of the things I looked forward to was changing my name to my husband’s name. We’re a new family and it makes sense to me that we would share the same name.

 

[Allegra]

You know, I was thinking that until fairly recently, it was a lot more common for people to address one another formally. Mr. Lastname and Mrs. Lastname. Now it seems like that custom only exists in schools. I remember recently overhearing my mom getting all hot and bothered about a sales call where someone had the nerve to request her by her first name and she gave him an earful. Anyway, back when people considered it a sign of respect to refer to people as Mr. and Mrs. it was a whole lot more practical and beneficial for a woman to have her husband and children’s last names. But on the other hand, it really stood out when a woman’s children didn’t have the same last name as their mother and probably led to judgement.

 

[AClaire11]

You know, I was thinking that until fairly recently, it was a lot more common for people to address one another formally. Mr. Lastname and Mrs. Lastname. Now it seems like that custom only exists in schools. I remember recently overhearing my mom getting all hot and bothered about a sales call where someone had the nerve to request her by her first name and she gave him an earful. Anyway, back when people considered it a sign of respect to refer to people as Mr. and Mrs. it was a whole lot more practical and beneficial for a woman to have her husband and children’s last names. But on the other hand, it really stood out when a woman’s children didn’t have the same last name as their mother and probably led to judgement.

That’s a good point. Society has gotten a lot more casual.

 

[pianistclare]

I will say that the hyphenated double name options are really confusing for offices of all sorts. Even though it does sound like a reasonable option.
The Mexican tradition is to have the children take the mother’s last name and the woman and her husband have his name or maybe the husband only with his name. In American culture, everyone tends to go with dad.
So we in the parish offices go mad trying to figure out where to file their records,and then, eventually where to find them.
So here’s a sample scenario:
Mom registers kids for religious ed.
Dad comes back with a payment a couple of weeks later, (staff have never seen the entire group together).
He insists their family name is Rodriguez.
No child by that name combo in the R’s.
Are you registered??? Of course!
SO, dig through the advanced search function in ParishSoft seeking the name and location of the person with the strangest name in the family so the software will filter out that name, hoping to find the same address or the same family, in which there are 5 kids two of which have one name, and the rest have another, neither of which are the name of mom or dad because it’s a blended family. :whacky:
Sweetest people in the world…a nightmare for bookkeeping.

 

[Gertabelle]

I will say that the hyphenated double name options are really confusing for offices of all sorts. Even though it does sound like a reasonable option.
The Mexican tradition is to have the children take the mother’s last name and the woman and her husband have his name or maybe the husband only with his name. In American culture, everyone tends to go with dad.
So we in the parish offices go mad trying to figure out where to file their records,and then, eventually where to find them.
So here’s a sample scenario:
Mom registers kids for religious ed.
Dad comes back with a payment a couple of weeks later, (staff have never seen the entire group together).
He insists their family name is Rodriguez.
No child by that name combo in the R’s.
Are you registered??? Of course!
SO, dig through the advanced search function in ParishSoft seeking the name and location of the person with the strangest name in the family so the software will filter out that name, hoping to find the same address or the same family, in which there are 5 kids two of which have one name, and the rest have another, neither of which are the name of mom or dad because it’s a blended family. :whacky:
Sweetest people int he world…a nightmare for bookkeeping.

Oh my goodness, yes! It’s the same thing in the schools – to the point that we find it amazing when a whole group of siblings have the same last name as both of their parents – “How odd…”

We manage, of course, but our long-suffering office ladies long for the days when a family all had the same last name!

 

[DarkLight]

Of course, historically, common people didn’t even have surnames until the late middle ages. Most surnames developed out of descriptors that people used when there was confusion. So for example, my last name means “of <>.” My mother’s maiden name means “son of <>”.

 

[pianistclare]

Of course, historically, common people didn’t even have surnames until the late middle ages. Most surnames developed out of descriptors that people used when there was confusion. So for example, my last name means “of <>.” My mother’s maiden name means “son of <>”.

How does that apply to today’s scenario?

 

[Xantippe]

You know, I was thinking that until fairly recently, it was a lot more common for people to address one another formally. Mr. Lastname and Mrs. Lastname. Now it seems like that custom only exists in schools. I remember recently overhearing my mom getting all hot and bothered about a sales call where someone had the nerve to request her by her first name and she gave him an earful. Anyway, back when people considered it a sign of respect to refer to people as Mr. and Mrs. it was a whole lot more practical and beneficial for a woman to have her husband and children’s last names. But on the other hand, it really stood out when a woman’s children didn’t have the same last name as their mother and probably led to judgement.

That’s a very good point.

 

[ChikaisHis]

It amazes me how many women are so defensive and shameful of anything feminine. Like the word shouldn’t even exist! Why make yourself look pretty either? Why give in to the patriarchs? Why shave any part of your body, or even shop in the “women’s section”? You could be the Rosa Parks of Wal-Mart when you waltz right into the men’s section and buy yourself some blue jeans and a tank top!

Sorry but I have zero empathy for this line of thinking. You are posting in a Catholic forum and you wanna complain about “tradition”? It’s shocking to me how many women hate the fact that they are Women.

Not to mention I’m pretty sure if your name was Jessica and your last name was Gorgonshplat you would have zero problem changing your last name if it meant Jessica Rose or something similar . All you females reading this should just change your last names and stop trying to create this invisible battle of inequality over something as trivial as a freakin name. Just like Gay marriage in heaven Zero same sex couples actually have a valid union in the eyes of God…no matter what USA law says. And in heaven your name tag will always read
:::Your first name::+:::Your husband’s last name::: no matter what crazy feminist stunt you pull on earth

What does not wanting to change last names have to do with rejecting femininity? **Clothing, shaving, names etc are all cultural and are not universal or even Catholic definitions of femininity and womanhood. **As a Catholic, Mary is my model for femininity, and she didn’t have a last name

Some women feel strongly about NOT changing their names, just as you feel strongly about having them change their names.
If last names are trivial, why did you feel the need to respond so emotionally and make a big deal out of it?

It really has nothing to do with feminism. After all, most women who don’t change their name would still be keeping their FATHER’S last name.

Changing last names is not a Catholic tradition. I doubt that it will matter in heaven… the important part of our name should be the “Saint” part. In many cultures,it is not tradition for women to change their names. I am of Asian heritage. My mom did not change her name, neither did her mother, or grandmother etc. And neither will I, when I get married.

I won’t change my name because it’s not really a part of my heritage. It would also be a hassle to change my name legally, and on my important documents (such as degrees and certifications), as well as writings and publications. I love being a woman and embrace my femininity. But I don’t think something as trivial as changing my last name would make me more feminine.
Will I care if I’m addressed by my husband’s last name? Nope. Do I care about the decisions other women make regarding their last name? Will I call them anti-feminist if they do? Not at all. We have way bigger issues to worry about in this world.