Women, did/would you change your name upon marriage?

[TheAmazingGrace]

Man, that must suck for all the cultures in the world that have never taken their husband’s name in the entire history of mankind

Not to mention modern Chinese, Korean, Greek, Italian, Dutch, and Spanish women.

 

[Sarcelle]

Not to mention modern Chinese, Korean, Greek, Italian, Dutch, and Spanish women.

Yes.

Chinese women do not take their husband’s last name and Chinese society isn’t what you call feministic.

 

[TheAmazingGrace]

Yes.

Chinese women do not take their husband’s last name and Chinese society isn’t what you call feministic.

I learned that the hard way. Made the mistake of calling a Chinese mother “Mrs. [son’s surname],” and she gave me a deer-in-the-headlights look before explaining how the name system works over there.

 

[ShrodingersCat]

I learned that the hard way. Made the mistake of calling a Chinese mother “Mrs. [son’s surname],” and she gave me a deer-in-the-headlights look before explaining how the name system works over there.

Ha, you know what I just realised?

Marriage is dissolved upon death. So, if we did have last names in Heaven, they would be maiden names! which obviously would need to be the case given the fact that one can marry upon the death of a spouse.

I doubt we will have surnames though. And I know for sure no-one will care

 

[ChikaisHis]

Ha, you know what I just realised?

Marriage is dissolved upon death. So, if we did have last names in Heaven, they would be maiden names! which obviously would need to be the case given the fact that one can marry upon the death of a spouse.

I doubt we will have surnames though. And I know for sure no-one will care

Like I said, as long as there is a “saint” in front of our names we are good

Chinese women do not take their husband’s last name and Chinese society isn’t what you call feministic.

Interestingly though, there is a Chinese equivalent of the title “Mrs” that is usually paired with the husband’s last name. But legally there is still (in most cases) no name change.
I believe in China and several other Asian countries, keeping your name is a sign of respect to your parents and ancestors.

 

[Sarcelle]

Ha, you know what I just realised?

Marriage is dissolved upon death. So, if we did have last names in Heaven, they would be maiden names! which obviously would need to be the case given the fact that one can marry upon the death of a spouse.

I doubt we will have surnames though. And I know for sure no-one will care

We will have the same surname, which is, child of God.

 

[Allegra]

A related story. In the school where I work, there is a high population of Hispanic students. Apparently, it’s common in their culture for children to have a hyphenated combination of their parents’ last names. I actually have two students whose parents must have the same last name, because their legal last names are Sierra-Sierra and Garcia-Garcia. I always find that a little funny. One of the kindy teachers gave Garcia-Garcia the nickname Gigi.

 

[Kit15]

Yes.

My husband bent over backwards to convince me that I had a a choice. There was absolutely no pressure on his end to change it. His parents kept their respective last names for professional reasons and their children have hyphenated ones. So father, mother, and childen all have a different last name from each other. He’s used to a family where surnames don’t matter so much. It’s just not that big a deal.

It meant more to me that our new family have the same last name though. So I decided to change mine anyway. I’m not really for the wife changing her name as a Rule. More like…whoever cares about having the same family name should be prepared to make the necessary sacrifice for it. In our marriage, it was me.

 

[chevalier]

I remember Roseanne Barr saying she wouldn’t take her then husband Tom Arnold’s name because she wasn’t his or anyone’s else’s property. Then it occurred to her that her own family name was her father’s name, which made her his property (according to her odd logic)

Oh the flames and smoke the last time I brought that little detail up in a CAF discussion. Now, being male is not something I would give up for anything in the world, but it does make your life more slightly more… interesting in those discussions.

I hope your country never went through such nonsense, but we in the USA certainly did and it still affects many of us, hence the reaction against feminist ideology that equates taking the husband’s name as giving him absolute power over his wife. Another odd idea they promoted, and some still promote.

It’s most harmful because it promotes an urgent to emphasize separation rather than unity, and there’s no way that can be good for marriage, on top of obviously ‘good’ old GenderWars™.

 

[EasterJoy]

We will have the same surname, which is, child of God.

I’ve never heard the priest or deacon address someone by surname when they were baptizing them!

 

[Graceful_Lamb]

I took my husband’s name when we got married. I changed my name to his because it is tradition, and my maiden name is hard for people to spell and pronounce. I thought changing my name to my husband’s would make it easier. It didn’t. People still have a hard time pronouncing and saying my married last name.

 

[Xantippe]

I took my husband’s name when we got married. I changed my name to his because it is tradition, and my maiden name is hard for people to spell and pronounce. I thought changing my name to my husband’s would make it easier. It didn’t. People still have a hard time pronouncing and saying my married last name.

Every time I give my married name to a new person, I have to spell it out, letter by letter, because it’s just so unfamiliar.

However, it is true that my maiden name (while much more familiar and obvious to pronounce) has a couple of spelling variations.

 

[chevalier]

I took my husband’s name when we got married. I changed my name to his because it is tradition, and my maiden name is hard for people to spell and pronounce. I thought changing my name to my husband’s would make it easier. It didn’t. People still have a hard time pronouncing and saying my married last name.

The most mispronounced names are probably the easiest ones to pronounce.

 

[heart4home]

And if so, I’m curious what your reasoning is?

Yes, because the Lord says that we become one. That we leave and cleave to each other and become one flesh.

Family names are what identify the clan so to speak. In marriage two people choose to become one family.

When a woman hangs on to her own family name are they really committing to becoming one, or hanging on to part of the old self?

 

[UbiCaritas]

Yes, because the Lord says that we become one. That we leave and cleave to each other and become one flesh.

Family names are what identify the clan so to speak. In marriage two people choose to become one family.

When a woman hangs on to her own family name are they really committing to becoming one, or hanging on to part of the old self?

blinks

So Mexican and Chinese women aren’t serious about their marriages?

Goodness.

 

[AnnArbor]

Yes, because the Lord says that we become one. That we leave and cleave to each other and become one flesh.

Family names are what identify the clan so to speak. In marriage two people choose to become one family.

When a woman hangs on to her own family name are they really committing to becoming one, or hanging on to part of the old self?

Why exactly does the ‘clan’ name need to come from the husband? While this is common in this culture, it’s certainly not a universal norm, nor does it imply anything about one spouse’s commitment to the marriage. It’s just a preference – nobody should read too much into it.

 

[chevalier]

Why exactly does the ‘clan’ name need to come from the husband? While this is common in this culture, it’s certainly not a universal norm, nor does it imply anything about one spouse’s commitment to the marriage. It’s just a preference – nobody should read too much into it.

Truth be told, patriliny does look a bit more Biblical than matriliny, as well as the concept of a woman as straight-out head of household seems to hold less water than man in that role. There are arguments against ‘patriarchy’, but not really any arguments in favour of matriarchy. Besides, emasculated men are little use to women anyway. Except maybe as masseurs or serving boys or some other such role.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

Truth be told, patriliny does look a bit more Biblical than matriliny, as well as the concept of a woman as straight-out head of household seems to hold less water than man in that role. There are arguments against ‘patriarchy’, but not really any arguments in favour of matriarchy. Besides, emasculated men are little use to women anyway. Except maybe as masseurs or serving boys or some other such role.

Gee, thanks for this information, that Mexican husbands are emasculated because their wives don’t change their names to his when they marry. Never could have guessed!

Indeed, I know many Hispanic couples who are legally married, but have different last names. I think the only ones where the wife did change her last name are those whose families are very “Americanized” in other ways and so they decided to follow “American” marriage customs.

Marriage name-change conventions really don’t track parallel to matriarchy vs. patriarchy. Medieval Europe was certainly a patriarchal society, as was Tudor England, but I can think of many married queens who never changed their names.

Even Anne Boleyn kept her last name and did not become Anne Tudor, but I wouldn’t call Henry VIII “emasculated” at least toward the end of their relationship. (Certainly many would claim Anne had a lot of “soft power” over Henry at first since he was so desperate to bed her, but certainly the end of their marriage showed who really had the power there.)

I also know that in many Asian countries, there are cases of a man marrying into a family that is of a higher status than his and changing his surname to that of the bride’s family. This was often done if the family lacked any sons to inherit. Rather than let their land, title, or family business go to some distant relative, they would find someone to marry their eldest daughter, take her name, and become a placeholder “heir”, and hope the daughter would have a son who would become the eventual true heir.

ETA: As to the actual question, I am a woman, but have really have not decided either way, and so far it seems this may never become an issue for me. But I would certainly consider my husband-to-be’s wishes in the matter.

 

[Xantippe]

Marriage name-change conventions really don’t track parallel to matriarchy vs. patriarchy.

Right.

 

[AnnArbor]

Truth be told, patriliny does look a bit more Biblical than matriliny, as well as the concept of a woman as straight-out head of household seems to hold less water than man in that role. There are arguments against ‘patriarchy’, but not really any arguments in favour of matriarchy. Besides, emasculated men are little use to women anyway. Except maybe as masseurs or serving boys or some other such role.

Holy cow! It’s quite a jump from a woman keeping her maiden name (as is traditional in many cultures) to emasculated men who are of little use. My last sentence, “Nobody should read too much into it” really applies here.