Women, how do you handle feeling bad about your body?

[GreyWings]

I think it is genetics where hair thins as we age and it no longer looks the same when it is long.

I spent my whole life when I was 24 and younger wishing I could have nice long hair down to my waist. It NEVET made it past my shoulders. A genetic thing. It use to frustrate me to no end when people would tell me to grow my hair and when I would respond ‘it just doesn’t’ they would label me as weird.

Now that I am 45, the longest I could get it if I tried for 2 years is 2 inches past my neck

The trend I noticed is woman cut their hair within 2 months of being married. Perhaps they only want it long for the big day so they can do something with it and then just want it gone. Who knows

Well…after writing this post, I have just depressed myself over how society equates a woman’s value with long hair:sad_yes:

Hey Angie, have you tried biotin? Hair Skin and Nails vitamins are aaaaaamazing. Also coconut oil applied to the ends of hair at night keeps hair healthy. I can PM you an herb you take in extract that does indeed give you thicker longer hair. It’s a Chinese herb valued in China. But I’m not mentioning it here because it’s strong and may not be for everyone.

Honestly at this point I’m not sure how much I have a “looking young” problem and how much I have a “self-esteem” problem when it comes to my body. I’m leaning towards more of the latter - it’s just hard to look at yourself in the mirror and not see all the things you don’t like about your body.

I know it can be hard, I personally don’t like my nose, it’s pointy. But hey, I can smell the roses. And likewise, look at your lips, the color of your eyes, and apply some makeup. Maybe get a new hairstyle and some new clothes. Get a makeover! Women are beautiful in all shapes and sizes. And even if you don’t believe it, you ARE beautiful.

 

[DarkLight]

Honestly I’m already struggling with finding money in the budget to get a decent haircut without having to shell out $100 bucks to get both sides even. Makeovers and new clothes are out of the question - and my meds made me put on weight so the only thing that fits anymore are loose t-shirts. I bought just enough clothes to get through interviews but I can’t afford more.

 

[EasterJoy]

As important as looks are in this society, I think I’d find a professional mentor and concentrate on how to make a positive impression as a professional by how I went about my job and how I improved myself even during my off-hours. Ask how you can volunteer or what you need to do to get a positive letter of recommendation, what sort of things you need to work on to stand out from other candidates, and so on.

You look young now, but that will change. Provided you do the best job of grooming you can afford, work on the substance of your resume. Work on your reputation as a co-worker and an employee. If you are asking how to make yourself more professional and obviously work with motivation to act in the most professional way possible, the people you impress will often open doors for you. If you have that and clothes are getting in your way, they’ll help you with that later.

I don’t know if you are old enough to have watched the comedy MAS*H, but there was a character on it named Radar O’Reilly. He had a pup face, he had a gee-whiz clean way of talking that reflected his Midwest family, and he literally slept with a teddy bear. Everyone depended on him, though, because he was perceptive, resourceful, unmatched at anticipating and providing for the future needs of his unit, and simply the most competent company clerk in all of Korea. Be more like Radar O’Reilly, and it won’t matter how young you look. Plenty of people are going to want to hire you, because the best employees are not so easy to find that people are picky about looks.

 

[CradleJourney]

Honestly at this point I’m not sure how much I have a “looking young” problem and how much I have a “self-esteem” problem when it comes to my body. I’m leaning towards more of the latter - it’s just hard to look at yourself in the mirror and not see all the things you don’t like about your body.

:hug1:

That’s hard.

Is there anyway for you to try to change the focus to what your body can do (aka what works) rather than what it looks like?

Exercises increasing my range of motion, balance, and physical achievement have helped me appreciate and enjoy what my body does (or can do…working on getting back into shape) rather than what it looks like. I also tend to avoid mirrors except to check for stuff stuck in my teeth and/or hair looking completely silly.

 

[E_7]

Sorry if this is in the wrong place, didn’t seem to be a good place to post it.

How do you handle feeling bad about or hating your body? In my case my problem is I look perpetually 16, and I feel like I don’t get taken seriously because people think I’m a child. Even dressed up people think I’m more “high school debate team” than anything else. It’s got me really worried about doing job interviews because how can I look qualified and competent when I look like a little kid?

I can understand a bit. I am petite and my voice over thr phone sounds like a young teenage girl. I have been told by strangers that I don’t look my age and that I have a baby face. Even my husband sends me to ask people favors when asking in person because he says there’s something about me that makes it hard for people to say no. I have wished to look at least 6 years older so I can look like a woman of the same age as him. But deep down, I’m glad I’m this way. The only complain I have of my body is the dark circles around the eyes.

Currently, I’m under professional help for other issues and I’ve been given certain tasks and all is going slowly well. But no one can help me feel more secure than my own husband whenever I break down.

If you’re petite, shirts with necks like Polo won’t match. Long skirts won’t match. Heels with the ankle straps won’t match. Big bags won’t match. If you wanna look older on the face, use a lot of eye makeup, but always choose colors that match your skin tones. If you have green veins on the wrist, you are most likely warm. If the veins are blue, you are cold. Choose the color of your clothes and makeup according to your skin tone. Also, try to avoid braids, they can make you look even younger

 

[pensmama87]

Trust me, the long hair didn’t help on me. The trouble with my hair is you can’t really do anything with it. I have too many chemical sensitivities and not enough cash to perm it. And it doesn’t curl, it doesn’t style, it doesn’t do anything long. You can let it hang there, or you can braid it - that’s about it. I’ve even had it done professionally, it’s back to its normal state within an hour. It just hangs straight down in what we’ve referred to as the “home school girl cut” pretty much no matter what.

Black plastic glasses too, because with cheap insurance you can get black, silver, or gold. I have a pretty expensive prescription (astigmatism) so glasses aren’t something to be bought out of pocket easily.

I’m sorry, I wasn’t clear. I meant that having short hair would probably help you look older, because it’s a way of styling hair that’s less common with women who are younger. If your hair is thick it might hold a short style better because there’s less weight.

There are cheap options for frames online, but I think you have to know your face pretty well. My sister has a lot of luck with that, but I don’t trust my own judgment enough. I have to try them on and see what they look like.

 

[Sarcelle]

Like it or not women are primarily judged by how attractive they are.

Almost all men name beauty as the primary attribute of women. Women who are not beautiful by today’s standards feel deficient. I think it is even harder for women of color to feel beautiful since the standards of beauty are often white women. Look up eyelid surgery which is quite popular in Korea.

 

[Crown_of_Stars]

I think it is even harder for women of color to feel beautiful since the standards of beauty are often white women.

This I’ve really never understood. I think dark or darker skin is beautiful. It’s gorgeous. Why do white women lie in tanning beds, and wear fake tan if they can’t tan naturally? Just a rhetorical question. I’m Italian/ Indian and have olive-golden skin. The darker skin has an advantage. A constant pretty suntanned look that you never have to keep up with! Dark is extremely pretty, I’ve always thought.

 

[DarkLight]

This I’ve really never understood. I think dark or darker skin is beautiful. It’s gorgeous. Why do white women lie in tanning beds, and wear fake tan if they can’t tan naturally? Just a rhetorical question. I’m Italian/ Indian and have olive-golden skin. The darker skin has an advantage. A constant pretty suntanned look that you never have to keep up with! Dark is extremely pretty, I’ve always thought.

It’s not just about skin tone. If you look at the type of darker-skinned women held up as pretty in the media, they tend to have more caucasian features even if they have dark skin. So for example there’s tremendous pressure on black women to have their hair relaxed and straightened - in other words to make it look more like caucasian hair.

 

[pensmama87]

This I’ve really never understood. I think dark or darker skin is beautiful. It’s gorgeous. Why do white women lie in tanning beds, and wear fake tan if they can’t tan naturally? Just a rhetorical question. I’m Italian/ Indian and have olive-golden skin. The darker skin has an advantage. A constant pretty suntanned look that you never have to keep up with! Dark is extremely pretty, I’ve always thought.

I think in some ways being white (or pale) was seen as beautiful because it meant a woman did not have to work outside. Headcoverings like bonnets and hats were meant to shield the face partly to preserve the lady’s complexion. At least, that’s what I learned reading Little House and Anne of Green Gables.

The desire to look tan and outdoorsy is pretty new, I think.

 

[Crown_of_Stars]

I think in some ways being white (or pale) was seen as beautiful because it meant a woman did not have to work outside. Headcoverings like bonnets and hats were meant to shield the face partly to preserve the lady’s complexion. At least, that’s what I learned reading Little House and Anne of Green Gables.

The desire to look tan and outdoorsy is pretty new, I think.

I know white was considered the higher-classed look. I still think a pretty golden skin looks nice. Suntanning has been desired since, I believe, the nineteen-twenties. There’s nothing prettier than a nice white sundress with a golden tan. Anymore, a tan isn’t associated with hard toil. It’s just a pretty look, and more so the honey sun-kissed look rather than the orangey-brown leathery look. I actually prefer a more golden skin. I just think it’s the prettiest. Not to ruffle any feathers. I know what a sensitive thing talking about skin color can be.
Also, ladies on talk shows and such are always very nice looking in their sundresses and tan makeup. I love the look.

 

[Lily_Bernans]

I know white was considered the higher-classed look. I still think a pretty golden skin looks nice. Suntanning has been desired since, I believe, the nineteen-twenties. There’s nothing prettier than a nice white sundress with a golden tan. Anymore, a tan isn’t associated with hard toil. It’s just a pretty look, and more so the honey sun-kissed look rather than the orangey-brown leathery look. I actually prefer a more golden skin. I just think it’s the prettiest. Not to ruffle any feathers. I know what a sensitive thing talking about skin color can be.
Also, ladies on talk shows and such are always very nice looking in their sundresses and tan makeup. I love the look.

It’s all in the eye of the beholder. I know men who love dark, exotic women and men who insist women be very fair.

I didn’t think anyone wore a sundress anymore.

 

[Lily_Bernans]

I have to admit, I don’t understand the whole “don’t like my body” thing. I’m fine with mine, and if I weren’t, I’d exercise and change it. I’m getting back into an exercise routine now after having been hit by that truck. I’m not at the gym yet, but I use resistance bands for strength training.

Sure there are things you can’t change. If you have dark skin and long for porcelain white skin that’s not going to happen. But both are beautiful and all shades in between. Height doesn’t matter unless you are eight feet, maybe. I’m only 4"11" and 90-95 lbs. and I don’t mind being so tiny. Currently, all of my students are bigger than I am.

I was having lunch with two male professors one day, both Americans. One spotted an Oriental girl - Thai - and he was really taken with her beauty. He loves olive skin, black hair, and black eyes. The other professor said he didn’t find her attractive at all! He likes fair-skinned blondes, preferably with curly hair. And I have a friend who goes bananas over redheads. We can’t be attractive to everyone, but we will be very attractive to some. And in the end, unless we die young, we will all lose our looks, to a certain extent. A warm, loving, and compassionate heart, on the other hand, will attract everyone to you.

 

[Sarcelle]

I have to admit, I don’t understand the whole “don’t like my body” thing. I’m fine with mine, and if I weren’t, I’d exercise and change it. I’m getting back into an exercise routine now after having been hit by that truck. I’m not at the gym yet, but I use resistance bands for strength training.

Sure there are things you can’t change. If you have dark skin and long for porcelain white skin that’s not going to happen. But both are beautiful and all shades in between. Height doesn’t matter unless you are eight feet, maybe. I’m only 4"11" and 90-95 lbs. and I don’t mind being so tiny. Currently, all of my students are bigger than I am.

I was having lunch with two male professors one day, both Americans. One spotted an Oriental girl - Thai - and he was really taken with her beauty. He loves olive skin, black hair, and black eyes. The other professor said he didn’t find her attractive at all! He likes fair-skinned blondes, preferably with curly hair. And I have a friend who goes bananas over redheads. We can’t be attractive to everyone, but we will be very attractive to some. And in the end, unless we die young, we will all lose our looks, to a certain extent. A warm, loving, and compassionate heart, on the other hand, will attract everyone to you.

This is why I like growing older. It gives me perspective on what is really important in life.

 

[Lily_Bernans]

This is why I like growing older. It gives me perspective on what is really important in life.

I agree with you. The saying, “With age comes wisdom” is almost always true.

The only thing I don’t like about getting older is that eventually the immune system weakens. I try to eat right and I take probiotics and I’m only thirty-two. Better to get started on it now though, I think.

 

[Sarcelle]

I agree with you. The saying, “With age comes wisdom” is almost always true.

The only thing I don’t like about getting older is that eventually the immune system weakens. I try to eat right and I take probiotics and I’m only thirty-two. Better to get started on it now though, I think.

You know what they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

 

[DarkLight]

I have to admit, I don’t understand the whole “don’t like my body” thing. I’m fine with mine, and if I weren’t, I’d exercise and change it. I’m getting back into an exercise routine now after having been hit by that truck. I’m not at the gym yet, but I use resistance bands for strength training.

Sure there are things you can’t change. If you have dark skin and long for porcelain white skin that’s not going to happen. But both are beautiful and all shades in between. Height doesn’t matter unless you are eight feet, maybe. I’m only 4"11" and 90-95 lbs. and I don’t mind being so tiny. Currently, all of my students are bigger than I am.

I was having lunch with two male professors one day, both Americans. One spotted an Oriental girl - Thai - and he was really taken with her beauty. He loves olive skin, black hair, and black eyes. The other professor said he didn’t find her attractive at all! He likes fair-skinned blondes, preferably with curly hair. And I have a friend who goes bananas over redheads. We can’t be attractive to everyone, but we will be very attractive to some. And in the end, unless we die young, we will all lose our looks, to a certain extent. A warm, loving, and compassionate heart, on the other hand, will attract everyone to you.

Honestly I always felt pretty ambivalent about attractiveness. A lot of times I feel like I can’t wait to be old and “ugly.” It seems that the combination of looking young and having a reasonably good figure attracts a whole lot of unwanted attention and a lot of creepiness. I’m not really in the dating game, so I don’t feel like I have much use for being pretty other than attracting attention that is, at best, unwanted and kind of awkward, and frequently creepy and even frightening.

 

[Lily_Bernans]

You know what they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

I believe in it.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Honestly I always felt pretty ambivalent about attractiveness. A lot of times I feel like I can’t wait to be old and “ugly.” …

The word “old” doesn’t have to be followed by the words “and ugly.” I prefer to read the words “older and wiser”

Aging has helped me feel better about my looks, while simultaneously knowing I look worse now. It’s one of those paradoxes that older and wiser women might understand. I look back at pictures of myself and remember all the things that I thought was “wrong” with my appearance years ago, and that helps me to feel better about myself today. In ten or twenty years, I’ll wish I looked like this again.

 

[DarkLight]

The word “old” doesn’t have to be followed by the words “and ugly.” I prefer to read the words “older and wiser”

Aging has helped me feel better about my looks, while simultaneously knowing I look worse now. It’s one of those paradoxes that older and wiser women might understand. I look back at pictures of myself and remember all the things that I thought was “wrong” with my appearance years ago, and that helps me to feel better about myself today. In ten or twenty years, I’ll wish I looked like this again.

It was in quotes there for a reason! I don’t think old necessarily means ugly - but most of society does. I don’t think older looking women have to put up with the demeaning way a lot of guys treat a “pretty” woman in the same way.