Women, how do you judge your own modesty?

[Luvz2travel]

I dress trendy but modest. I’m in my 40’s though so if I wore some of the younger styles I’d just look silly.

 

[anilorak13ska]

This drove me nuts for a while. I ended up with a little house on the prairie dress that made me look and feel quite unattractive, and my poor hubby didn’t understand what I was doing.
I think it definitely depends on where you live. If a certain style is known to be considered sexy by a group of people, you may want to avoid it. To me, I am distracted by too much skin and too tight material in the bum/breast area. I know micro stars/skirts are popular now but I find them highly inappropriate especially at church. Yet I’m the one judging and looking immodestly at others, so it’s as much my problem as theirs.
Cat calls or lewd comments do not necessarily mean you are even dressing successively. Some people will objectify women just becauseweare women. In conservative Muslim countries, I’ve read that even women in certain style burkas can be victim to such sexual harassment.
Have you asked people IRL who are close to you of their opinion of your modesty? I think if no-one from your inner circle thinks you need to change your style, you probably don’t need to change it.
Hugs.

 

[SnowAngels]

Don’t think that your body is the issue! It most definitely isn’t! My modesty standard is: Would I wear it if I were to meet the Lord today? It definitely weeds out some bad outfits!

 

[chemaeslay]

Please, I’d rather keep this thread mostly to women. I suspect I’m not the only one who looks at clothing and has a hard time answering the question “is this modest?” It seems like I get labelled as “slutty” or “distracting” or “tempting” no matter what I wear, especially with a body that many refuse to believe is my natural shape (no dieting or implants or padding). I just have the wrong sort of figure to be seen as a good modest woman.

I was taught to ask what would tempt a man, and to look at whether or not I was treated more or less sexually as the judge. But it seems that in a long skirt and blouse I still come across as more of a sex object than another women may be in a minidress. If we can’t go by this standard, what do we go by?

You know what I say to myself before putting something on… "Would our Holy Mother of God wear this?’’ If the answer is no then I, simply, won’t wear it…I am not comparing myself to her or anything but I think she sets a very good example for what modesty is.
Mary has inspired me with so many things. I look up to her! Pray and ask her to help you with this question.
God Bless

 

[AlTheCollegeGal]

You know what I say to myself before putting something on… "Would our Holy Mother of God wear this?’’ If the answer is no then I, simply, won’t wear it…I am not comparing myself to her or anything but I think she sets a very good example for what modesty is.
Mary has inspired me with so many things. I look up to her! Pray and ask her to help you with this question.
God Bless

Standards like this are slightly perplexing to me; I highly doubt that Mary would be wearing jeans and a t-shirt, however, there is nothing inherently immodest about either of these two items.

 

[maryjk]

Standards like this are slightly perplexing to me; I highly doubt that Mary would be wearing jeans and a t-shirt, however, there is nothing inherently immodest about either of these two items.

I agree.

I look at what I have on today. A skirt that falls below my knee. A pullover shirt with a short sleeved sweater; and a pair of sandals.

Would Our Lady wear that? Probably not. The skirt would need to go to the floor. I didn’t wear anything covering my head. And my arms, from my elbows down, were showing. If I had worn that during Our Lady’s time, she would have been scandalized.

But what I have on is very modest.

 

[Vico]

Please, I’d rather keep this thread mostly to women. I suspect I’m not the only one who looks at clothing and has a hard time answering the question “is this modest?” It seems like I get labelled as “slutty” or “distracting” or “tempting” no matter what I wear, especially with a body that many refuse to believe is my natural shape (no dieting or implants or padding). I just have the wrong sort of figure to be seen as a good modest woman.

I was taught to ask what would tempt a man, and to look at whether or not I was treated more or less sexually as the judge. But it seems that in a long skirt and blouse I still come across as more of a sex object than another women may be in a minidress. If we can’t go by this standard, what do we go by?

Modesty is really complex because the meaning of modest is broad. It opposes the deadly sin of vanity. Compare 1 Timothy 2:8-10 with the definition of modest and one can see clearly the emphasis of the virtue of humility: 8 It is my wish, then, that in every place the men should pray, lifting up holy hands, without anger or argument. 9 Similarly, [too,] women should adorn themselves with proper conduct, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hairstyles and gold ornaments, or pearls, or expensive clothes,g 10 but rather, as befits women who profess reverence for God, with good deeds.h
Modest (Collins Dictionary)
**adjective (British) **

1. 
   *]having or expressing a humble opinion of oneself or one’s accomplishments or abilities
   *]reserved or shy ⇒ modest behaviour
   *]not ostentatious or pretentious
   *]not extreme or excessive; moderate
   *]decorous or decent
   

          **adjective (American)        **

   1. 
      *]having or showing a moderate opinion of one’s own value, abilities, achievements, etc.; not vain or boastful; unassuming
      *]not forward; shy or reserved ⇒ modest behavior
      *]behaving, dressing, speaking, etc. in a way that is considered proper or decorous; decent
      *]moderate or reasonable; not extreme ⇒ a modest request
      *]quiet and humble in appearance, style, etc.; not pretentious ⇒ a modest home
      
      chaste, shy

 

[chemaeslay]

Standards like this are slightly perplexing to me; I highly doubt that Mary would be wearing jeans and a t-shirt, however, there is nothing inherently immodest about either of these two items.

Well this is just me…I ask myself if Mary were here on earth today in 2014 would she wear x? If she wouldn’t then you won’t catch me wearing x! That’s all I was trying to say…no Mary never wore yoga pants or flats because they didn’t have that kind of clothing back then…I think u took it the wrong way…anyhow, God Bless

 

[AlTheCollegeGal]

Well this is just me…I ask myself if Mary were here on earth today in 2014 would she wear x? If she wouldn’t then you won’t catch me wearing x! That’s all I was trying to say…no Mary never wore yoga pants or flats because they didn’t have that kind of clothing back then…I think u took it the wrong way…anyhow, God Bless

Well, my question to you then is how do you know what Mary would wear if she was here on Earth today?

 

[chemaeslay]

Well, my question to you then is how do you know what Mary would wear if she was here on Earth today?

My answer for you then Is I don’t know exactly what she would wear if she were on earth today! But I do know for sure the things she wouldn’t wear! Therefore I don’t own anything like this in my closet!

 

[chemaeslay]

My answer for you then Is I don’t know exactly what she would wear if she were on earth today! But I do know for sure the things she wouldn’t wear! Therefore I don’t own anything like this in my closet!

Also…I might bring to your attention, this is a “what if” “what would” situation. .have u ever heard of wwjd? This is “wwmd”! Ha! Pretty clever of me to come up with that! I like my idea of what is modest. Thank you for your criticism tho. I will continue asking myself if mMary were here today would she wear this outfit…and I will also continue being very modest!
God Bless you

 

[maryjk]

Also…I might bring to your attention, this is a “what if” “what would” situation. .have u ever heard of wwjd? This is “wwmd”! Ha! Pretty clever of me to come up with that! I like my idea of what is modest. Thank you for your criticism tho. I will continue asking myself if Mary were here today would she wear this outfit…and I will also continue being very modest!
God Bless you

I always thought that “WWJD” was pretty presumptuous.

But if that is what you have found to you keep yourself modest, then go for it.

 

[chemaeslay]

I always thought that “WWJD” was pretty presumptuous.

But if that is what you have found to you keep yourself modest, then go for it.

Thank you and yes it works very nice for me and for my 11 year old daughter as well.

 

[chemaeslay]

Please, I’d rather keep this thread mostly to women. I suspect I’m not the only one who looks at clothing and has a hard time answering the question “is this modest?” It seems like I get labelled as “slutty” or “distracting” or “tempting” no matter what I wear, especially with a body that many refuse to believe is my natural shape (no dieting or implants or padding). I just have the wrong sort of figure to be seen as a good modest woman.

I was taught to ask what would tempt a man, and to look at whether or not I was treated more or less sexually as the judge. But it seems that in a long skirt and blouse I still come across as more of a sex object than another women may be in a minidress. If we can’t go by this standard, what do we go by?

Sorry I wrote a lot of replies on here…I was just trying to share my own personal opinion with you and some ppl took it wrong. I wasn’t trying to speak literal terms or anything…hope you got the point. The one poster said it better though. She said if she were in the presence of Our Lady (would she wear such and such)…the way she said it was actually more of what I was trying to say… It sounds to me like you are just an attractive woman and ppl will look at beautiful ppl no matter what they wear. Anyways, God Bless you

 

[DarkLight]

Modesty is really complex because the meaning of modest is broad. It opposes the deadly sin of vanity. Compare 1 Timothy 2:8-10 with the definition of modest and one can see clearly the emphasis of the virtue of humility: 8 It is my wish, then, that in every place the men should pray, lifting up holy hands, without anger or argument. 9 Similarly, [too,] women should adorn themselves with proper conduct, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hairstyles and gold ornaments, or pearls, or expensive clothes,g 10 but rather, as befits women who profess reverence for God, with good deeds.h
Modest (Collins Dictionary)
**adjective (British) **

1. 
   *]having or expressing a humble opinion of oneself or one’s accomplishments or abilities
   *]reserved or shy ⇒ modest behaviour
   *]not ostentatious or pretentious
   *]not extreme or excessive; moderate
   *]decorous or decent
   

          **adjective (American)        **

   1. 
      *]having or showing a moderate opinion of one’s own value, abilities, achievements, etc.; not vain or boastful; unassuming
      *]not forward; shy or reserved ⇒ modest behavior
      *]behaving, dressing, speaking, etc. in a way that is considered proper or decorous; decent
      *]moderate or reasonable; not extreme ⇒ a modest request
      *]quiet and humble in appearance, style, etc.; not pretentious ⇒ a modest home
      
      chaste, shy

1. 1. 
      And I think this is part of the problem for me. I’ve been struggling to learn what constitutes healthy selfishness. I don’t want to aid anyone in sinning, yet it seems the only way not to be a temptation to at least some man is to sequester myself alone. It’s an issue for me in a lot of areas. The way we grew up “testimony” was a big thing, to where it seemed you could do very little, because you should avoid anything at all someone might judge you badly for.

 

[Mayita30]

​

Unfortunately one’s “gut” often depends as much on one’s background and training as anything else. If like me you grew up in a fairly restrictive environment, anything other than baggy t-shirts and oversized pants cinched to stay up high feels immodest.

God wants us to be beautiful and wearing baggy tshirts and oversized pants will definitely not make you beautiful.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

And I think this is part of the problem for me. I’ve been struggling to learn what constitutes healthy selfishness. I don’t want to aid anyone in sinning, yet it seems the only way not to be a temptation to at least some man is to sequester myself alone. It’s an issue for me in a lot of areas. The way we grew up “testimony” was a big thing, to where it seemed you could do very little, because you should avoid anything at all someone might judge you badly for.

DarkLight, try googling Elizabeth Esther modesty. These are the first 3 links I get

elizabethesther.com/2013/01/committing-pornography-with-your-life-how-modesty-rules-hurt-women-and-men.html

elizabethesther.com/2009/08/whats-the-real-goal-of-modesty.html

elizabethesther.com/2011/03/why-i-dont-make-rules-about-modesty-for-my-daughters.html

I don’t know if they will answer your specific concerns but I appreciate her thoughtful approach to the subject of modesty. Your last sentence reminded me of something I read on her blog but I don’t remember which post. BTW she’s also a convert.

 

[Vico]

And I think this is part of the problem for me. I’ve been struggling to learn what constitutes healthy selfishness. I don’t want to aid anyone in sinning, yet it seems the only way not to be a temptation to at least some man is to sequester myself alone. It’s an issue for me in a lot of areas. The way we grew up “testimony” was a big thing, to where it seemed you could do very little, because you should avoid anything at all someone might judge you badly for.

The inordinate attachment occurs in three ways according the St. Thomas Aquinas (Summa Theologica, Second Part of the Second Part, Question 169). Maybe something from that will be helpful.

1. 
   *]seeking glory from excessive attention to dress as a kind of ornament.
   *]seeking sensuous pleasure from excessive attention to dress as to the body’s comfort.
   *]too solicitous in attention to outward apparel.
   
   Also that, directed to those other than the spouse, to be adorned with the intention to provoking others to lust is to sin mortally, yet not always mortaly when out of frivolity or vanity for the sake of ostentation.

 

[runwaymodel]

Fashion doesn’t require a hefty budget. You’d be surprised how many people I have assisted/volunteered with on my time off and help dress fashionably yet modestly with the clothes they already have. Layering is great. You can even layer in the summer with a basic tank top with a loose blouse or scarf. It just takes being creative.

Also, try to command some respect. Work on your confidence. If a man ever talked to me that way—as you mentioned that some guys come up and make a rude comments–I would definitely put him in his place firmly but eloquently. No man (or woman) should ever speak to another human being in such crude nature. So command that respect. People will also judge you (believe me), but why does it matter? There are more important things in this world than worrying about someone’s lewd opinion of me, regardless of how modestly one may dress.

 

[AClaire11]

I’m somewhat in the same boat as you, OP. I have a small build (5’6’’ and size 4 on bottom), but am very curvy on top.

While it’s sometimes hard to find clothing that doesn’t make us look like either a “loose woman” or a box, getting to know my body type has helped a lot. If you haven’t done so, I’d recommend googling “best clothes for hourglass figure” and looking around on some of the websites that pop up. When it comes to modesty, I make sure nothing is too short, too tight, or too low (camisoles are a girl’s best friend!). It also helps to make sure you don’t cross the line from figure flattery to figure exaggeration!

I’m not a fan of a lot of the current fashions. Leggings as pants? No, thank you! And some of the fabrics they use to make clothes these days… :nope: I’ve seen a cute shirt and then tried it on to find that the fabric was transparent and so clingy, it looked like I was in a wet t-shirt contest!