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bhall0689
Guest
Would this be permissible in the Catholic Church?
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Beth_Cecilia
Guest
Why not?
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baltobetsy
Guest
The Catholic Church does not regulate things like this. If it works in your relationship, go for it.
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Catholicpotato
Guest
As many people that are on these boards and in real life that complain about not being able to find anyone to marry… I would think this would be welcome. However, men should be men… but hey, If my wife had beat me to it I would definately still married her. Though my proposal was way cooler than anything she would have come up with.
Though it is good if a man can establish his leadership abilities and protector role right off the bat.
Though it is good if a man can establish his leadership abilities and protector role right off the bat.
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crenfro
Guest
I don’t think the Catholic Church has any views either way on who proposes first. However, from what I’ve read and observed in my own life, things go way better when you let the fellow do the proposing.
That’s what a real man does - that’s the kind of courage -I know, this is only my opinion and please take it this way - that most women are looking for in a lifetime mate.
If a man doesn’t propose to you, there’s a good chance he doesn’t want to marry you - whatever the reasons.
Geesh. Sorry to do another “remember when” story, but when I was in my 20’s I was so desperate to be married. I never thought I’d ever even get a date at first, but I learned the hard way, and believe me, it was very hard and after dating and reading about dating and relationships and what worked and what didn’t, 4 different fellows proposed, all of them terrible choices for me. So I sort of let things go, after terrible heartbreak, and decided to look for a decent sort of man and to put the rest into God’s hands. I also changed my behavior since no decent sort of man would want to be around the kind of person I’d been pretending to be.
I found a wonderful man, despite myself, since I’d behaved promiscuously and badly until my change of heart, and he married me and his integrity helped pull me out of a lot of sinful habits – though God still has a lot of work to do on me.
I’ve heard this dilemma so many times though it’s said with lots of variation and what I’ve always observed what works is when the man proposes even though friends and parents and who knows who will say it’s fine to propose to a man. You want a husband who loves you and wants you and him proposing is part of that proof.
Sorry to be such an old stodgy sort. Just my opinion…and thanks for letting me share and for introducing this topic…
That’s what a real man does - that’s the kind of courage -I know, this is only my opinion and please take it this way - that most women are looking for in a lifetime mate.
If a man doesn’t propose to you, there’s a good chance he doesn’t want to marry you - whatever the reasons.
Geesh. Sorry to do another “remember when” story, but when I was in my 20’s I was so desperate to be married. I never thought I’d ever even get a date at first, but I learned the hard way, and believe me, it was very hard and after dating and reading about dating and relationships and what worked and what didn’t, 4 different fellows proposed, all of them terrible choices for me. So I sort of let things go, after terrible heartbreak, and decided to look for a decent sort of man and to put the rest into God’s hands. I also changed my behavior since no decent sort of man would want to be around the kind of person I’d been pretending to be.
I found a wonderful man, despite myself, since I’d behaved promiscuously and badly until my change of heart, and he married me and his integrity helped pull me out of a lot of sinful habits – though God still has a lot of work to do on me.
I’ve heard this dilemma so many times though it’s said with lots of variation and what I’ve always observed what works is when the man proposes even though friends and parents and who knows who will say it’s fine to propose to a man. You want a husband who loves you and wants you and him proposing is part of that proof.
Sorry to be such an old stodgy sort. Just my opinion…and thanks for letting me share and for introducing this topic…
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puzzleannie
Guest
this is not any area where the Church has any teaching other than the general idea of exercising the virtue of prudence. personally I would not want to marry a man who has to wait for me to propose. However, be honest, in how many couples was the man the first one who had the idea at all?
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Catholicpotato
Guest
Well… one that I know of…
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larsenl1
Guest
Right on! A woman wants a man who is confident and in charge. Just look at the success of the romance book industry. The man always ends up winning the heart of the female who “refused to let a man make decisions for her”. There is a reason these love stories sell. It takes the right man to woo a female heart.As many people that are on these boards and in real life that complain about not being able to find anyone to marry… I would think this would be welcome. However, men should be men… but hey, If my wife had beat me to it I would definately still married her. Though my proposal was way cooler than anything she would have come up with.
Though it is good if a man can establish his leadership abilities and protector role right off the bat.
Don’t do it.
Women get tall the wedding stuff, the dress and everything.
Men only have this one thing.
What I mean is: When women were young they thought about all the aspects of their perfect wedding but men think how they will propose.
Don’t take that away from him.
I love my wife but if she had of proposed to me, well, I only have one go and that would be it. I wouldn’t love her any less and our marriage would be the same but it would be like a bride standing at the altar while the groom walks down the aisle.
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if_youCthispray
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Women do not ask, Women get asked.
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Ponyguy
Guest
It’s a woman’s world, entirely. A man hasn’t got a chance.
Look here:
When a man is born, everyone’s first question is “How is the mother?”
When a man gets married, everyone says “What a beautiful bride!”
When a man dies, everyone asks “How much did he leave her?”
Guys, just say a prayer and take your chances… you can’t win, anyway…
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Beth_Cecilia
Guest
He has the bride. If that isn’t enough, he should probably say no. Just sayin…
Slightly more seriously, I have no idea what you are talking about. The wedding is not “for the bride.” We get a dress, but that is really for both of us. It is nice to look pretty, but it is even nicer to see the face of my love when I dress up. Men and women are different, but couples are different too. It seems clear to me- whether a man or woman, you should know your significant other well enough to have reason to believe that your proposal will be well received.
Romance is great, but it is not everything. When I got engaged, the truth is that there never was a proposal. We discussed getting married and decided we wanted should. That was it. He got his mother’s ring for me a week later. I am not saying that people should not propose in grand ways- some people really want that. I am just saying people are different and what is more important than how you get engaged is knowing your beloved well enough to know what they want, and to love them enough that you want what they want more than what you want.
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Catholicpotato
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Never in my life have I seen a “say yes to the woman in the dress” show on TLC. Nor Have I ever seen a guy blow 100 dollars in bride dress magazines, nor have I ever seen a guy hang out with 6 of his best freinds trying to decide what dress a bride should have… Just sayin. Any good red blooded american male is NOT thinking “nice dress, if only I could see her in that for the whole honeymoon.” Just sayin.
Guys do not spend their childhood playing wedding, guys dont plan it out, guys just are praying she shows up.
Weddings are for women, marriage is for both. Never heard of a groomzilla.
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Beth_Cecilia
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Weddings are not for women- unless of course you are talking about gay marriage between two women, in which case we ought to be having a different discussion entirely. This modern obsession with the “perfect wedding” or the “bride’s day” is ugly and damaging. Weddings are for the couple, primarily, and the community as well.Never in my life have I seen a “say yes to the woman in the dress” show on TLC. Nor Have I ever seen a guy blow 100 dollars in bride dress magazines, nor have I ever seen a guy hang out with 6 of his best freinds trying to decide what dress a bride should have… Just sayin. Any good red blooded american male is NOT thinking “nice dress, if only I could see her in that for the whole honeymoon.” Just sayin.
Guys do not spend their childhood playing wedding, guys dont plan it out, guys just are praying she shows up.
Weddings are for women, marriage is for both. Never heard of a groomzilla.
As to the dress, I don’t know any married men who do not get emotional when they discuss the first moment they saw ‘her’ in ‘that dress.’ It is a detail. A small detail that does not matter at all, but both the bride and groom are likely to remember it well.
I have never seen any of the TV shows, so I won’t address that. I will only say that if a bride thinks the wedding is “her day” she misses the point of a wedding. If a groom encourages that perspective, he does himself and his bride a disservice.
There are a lot of details that go into planning a wedding. (Any formal party, really.) In general, those are the details that the bride cares about and the groom does not. Not always. (My future sister-in-law hopes that I will plan her wedding, since neither she nor my brother care much about the details. They just want to be married.) As with anything, if one cares and the other does not, than it is easy to see who will make decisions. At whatever point the wedding becomes those details- whether in the eyes of the bride or the groom- the meaning is lost entirely.
A man who is not interested in the details is understandable. A man who is not interested in the wedding should not be getting married. The wedding is when the sacrament is conferred. To talk about the marriage without talking about the wedding is false. If his thoughts on the subject do not include opinions about colors, styles, dishes, flowers etc., that is fine. If he has no opinions at all about the reception, that is fine. If his thoughts are that this is just something he is doing for her, he is not ready to be married. He does not understand the sacrament.
I am sorry for the detour, but it is a pet peeve of mine. I believe that this selfish attitude about weddings damages marriages in the same way that a fairy tale happily-ever-after notion of love does.
My post initially was just meant to respond to the man who did not want the proposal “taken away.” I think that the idea of divvying up what belongs to who in a wedding is devastating. Some men dream about proposing, some do not. Some women have been planing their weddings all their lives, some have not. The wedding should be a coming together. An offering, not a taking. Staking out what is mine and what is his is silly, but also sad.
What is essential about the wedding is necessarily shared. Everything else, the flowers, the reception, the candles, the proposal- they are all just details, to be shared as delights the couple.
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JaneGrey
Guest
I m wondering, since I never dreamed of weddings as a little girl, does that mean its ok for me to propose to a guy?
Proposals which are a complete surprise are downright idiocy.
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Soldier_Of_God
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My personal opinion is that the man should make the proposal. This isn’t a hard and fast rule about this but I feel it’s important that he to show his leadership and confidence about the marriage. However, dropping a subtle hint isn’t out of` the question.
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Catholicpotato
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I agree, good post.
The modern idea of a wedding is silly. That is sad. That being said… What do you think the ratio of women to men who watched the royal wedding? I’m betting not one strait guy in the US got up that early.
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Beth_Cecilia
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Lol! IMO, it depends on the man. Some here have expressed that they would have been disappointed. I know men who say they’d have been relieved. I doubt my own husband would have cared. It depends. You should know him well enough to have some sense of whether it would be welcome or not.
I m wondering, since I never dreamed of weddings as a little girl, does that mean its ok for me to propose to a guy?
Proposals which are a complete surprise are downright idiocy.
Surprise proposals can be nice. I have another sister-in-law who had discussed marriage with her boyfriend, and they had decided that was something they wanted but they were not sure when. He got down on his knee in front of both families at the next family affair. It comes down to knowing each other.
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Beth_Cecilia
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Or unmarried? I know some men who got up, against their will, with their brides.I agree, good post.
The modern idea of a wedding is silly. That is sad. That being said… What do you think the ratio of women to men who watched the royal wedding? I’m betting not one strait guy in the US got up that early.
I don’t really know what the ratio of men to women watching was. Based on my FB friend updates, your assertion seems true. I did not watch the wedding but I am told it is a love story. Watching the wedding is for many, something like watching a real life version of their favorite movie. Men don’t tend to like to watch romance movies.
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Ponyguy
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I was watching… (the insides of my eyelids…) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v313/ponyguy/sleeping.gifThat being said… What do you think the ratio of women to men who watched the royal wedding? I’m betting not one strait guy in the US got up that early.
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