Women/Wives

[Xantippe]

Maybe it’s just because I have boys, but honestly, this is not my experience at all. I have no idea what girls are into these days and I’d be stumped if you asked me. I’m surrounded by boy stuff. There is boy stuff a-plenty (and also a lot of neutral stuff that is quite good at least for the preschool set.)

Then again, for my sanity I turned on a “princess movie” (Sleeping Beauty) for my boys once and they absolutely loved it. And now they re-enact Prince Philip slaying the dragon.

I do have (some) concerns about books for boys, however. I was a voracious reader as a child and most of the books I really remember loving were definitely geared toward girls. Thankfully, my husband was also a reader and he read different things, so we should be okay. I know that in an effort to get more kids reading, there’s a lot of really vapid stuff out there, and I’d prefer to avoid that just like I prefer to avoid mindless TV.

I do agree that there is a crisis of masculinity in Western culture today, and that it’s very hard to be a boy. However, I do not think you have to ignore the ills that feminism (at least in the early days) was trying to correct to see it, and we don’t have to roll back the valid strides that were made culturally. The best thing for the masculinity crisis in boys is strong male role models. We don’t have to beat women down to lift men up, and shouldn’t, because that masculinity is false.

Yes.

By the way, at our house we love Phineas and Ferb.

We also love My Little Pony, but I realize boys can get a lot of unnecessary pain for liking that show. (For those that don’t know, My Little Pony is about virtue, friendship, and finding your vocation.)

 

[Xantippe]

Well if I knew only of men/women from TV and movies I would know that men are either:

1. Raging evil psychopaths
2. Stupid, inept, and utterly useless

Oh and am interesting thing, my son who is SEVEN, only seven, had a question for me…I didn’t even know how to answer.

“Daddy, why is everything for girls? like shows and toys and they barely show the boys.”

And I have realized that now I can’t barely think of one kids show available to him that isn’t female centric, and generally most of the kids shows have a girl being highly skilled at “male” things and beating all the boys. (I didn’t notice this until my 7 yr old expressed his irritation)

So 7 year old has realized something, perhaps there is really a pattern?

I just told my 11-year-old son what you said about there being nothing suitable for boys and he literally snorted and laughed. When he recovered, he said “It’s a very strange claim.” Here are some things he enjoys

–Phineas and Ferb
–Star Trek (I have to add–appropriately chosen Star Trek)
–Star Wars
–Minecraft
–“I feel like for books you need to make a trip to the library, because people have different tastes.”
–but he likes the Warriors books (I have no idea if they’re any good–it’s about cat tribes, basically)
–LEGOs
–blocks (combined with his Crusader and Saracen figures)
–How It’s Made
–board games

I think you need to go browse Toys R Us (particularly the LEGO Star Wars area) and the book store or library. My son also enjoys watching My Little Pony with his sisters (which you may think too girly), but it’s a really good show. At our house, we don’t gender segregate for media–my 13-year-old daughter also adores Phineas and Ferb, Star Trek, Star Wars and Minecraft (and in fact, owns a couple of Star Trek manuals which are prized possessions).

One thing I should point out to you that I’ve often heard is that boys are often much more interested in non-fiction books than girls, so they don’t necessarily even want to read fiction. I’ve found that to be true with my big kids. My son is probably a 50/50 a fiction-non-fiction guy, and one of the books I saw him get into the most recently was the Horrid Histories of Scotland.

I suggest to you that you read less whiny media criticism and get out there more and see what is available. I promise you that if you go walk around Toys R Us with your kid, he won’t complain that there’s nothing for boys…

 

[Oktava]

Times have changed and now the Church is trying to depict more feminine picture of woman’s role in the family and society. I am afraid men and women are not equal. xD

 

[Xantippe]

I also queried my 13-year-old daughter as to whether it is true that there are no shows, TV or toys suitable for boys and she said, “That’s absolutely ridiculous.”

 

[LethalMouse]

I just told my 11-year-old son what you said about there being nothing suitable for boys and he literally snorted and laughed. When he recovered, he said “It’s a very strange claim.” Here are some things he enjoys

–Phineas and Ferb
–Star Trek (I have to add–appropriately chosen Star Trek)
–Star Wars
–Minecraft
–“I feel like for books you need to make a trip to the library, because people have different tastes.”
–but he likes the Warriors books (I have no idea if they’re any good–it’s about cat tribes, basically)
–LEGOs
–blocks (combined with his Crusader and Saracen figures)
–How It’s Made
–board games

I think you need to go browse Toys R Us (particularly the LEGO Star Wars area) and the book store or library. My son also enjoys watching My Little Pony with his sisters (which you may think too girly), but it’s a really good show. At our house, we don’t gender segregate for media–my 13-year-old daughter also adores Phineas and Ferb, Star Trek, Star Wars and Minecraft (and in fact, owns a couple of Star Trek manuals which are prized possessions).

One thing I should point out to you that I’ve often heard is that boys are often much more interested in non-fiction books than girls, so they don’t necessarily even want to read fiction. I’ve found that to be true with my big kids. My son is probably a 50/50 a fiction-non-fiction guy, and one of the books I saw him get into the most recently was the Horrid Histories of Scotland.

I suggest to you that you read less whiny media criticism and get out there more and see what is available. I promise you that if you go walk around Toys R Us with your kid, he won’t complain that there’s nothing for boys…

Phineas and Ferb I actually really like, However it is no longer TV so that is like me saying that GI Joe is for boys. I am going on current available stuff that doesn’t require special efforts.

Shows that are regularly playing: Bunk’d, Jessie, Stuck in the middle, KC undercover, Austin and Ally, best friends whenever, etc. Prime time kids shows. Especially anything “older-ish” as my son has not been big on cartoony stuff. Except Star Wars and TMNT but they are not on much in comparison. Austin and Ally is probably the least girl centric, but can you really call Austin a “male” role model?

As for toys I don’t think he meant it in the sense you are taking it. He is a bit spoiled on toys actually and I have found and ordered a great many toys and are all very boy. But he was when saying this asking from a point of what he sees on tv. He felt the ads, and other things were just far outweighing. I haven’t conducted a scientific study on the topic but I couldn’t disagree with him as a general theme.

HOWEVER I am divorced and many things that can affect him happen when he is with my ex. IDK exactly what she does, we are essentially raising 2 different kids in the same body (horrible I know and it pains me often) but to give an example of the crazy:

My son came home and said he couldn’t watch the Avengers because of its being PG-13…THE AVENGERS??? REALLY?

THEN he comes home the following week quoting Bevis and Butthead, because apparently that is not bad? lol… it only gets more convoluted and crazy from there.

So he can go to her one day and she could be treating him like a spartan. and the next day trying to put dresses on him…that is about the extremes of her. The only good thing is I like her live in BF and think he seems to add a tiny amount of stability to the situation. But that is still limited.

 

[LethalMouse]

I also queried my 13-year-old daughter as to whether it is true that there are no shows, TV or toys suitable for boys and she said, “That’s absolutely ridiculous.”

We are going back to taking points as extremes? It is not a all or nothing game. It is a more/less. So of course the answer to is there NO stuff for boys? Is that is ridiculous…

 

[gardenswithkids]

I thought of this thread while replying on another thread. In order to post my response, I had to click a button that said, “Submit Reply”. :ehh:

 

[Xantippe]

I thought of this thread while replying on another thread. In order to post my response, I had to click a button that said, “Submit Reply”. :ehh:

Funny!

A lot of sites just have “submit.”

 

[Eliza10]

…
HOWEVER I am divorced and many things that can affect him happen when he is with my ex. IDK exactly what she does, we are essentially raising 2 different kids in the same body (horrible I know and it pains me often) but to give an example of the crazy:

My son came home and said he couldn’t watch the Avengers because of its being PG-13…THE AVENGERS??? REALLY?

THEN he comes home the following week quoting Bevis and Butthead, because apparently that is not bad? lol… it only gets more convoluted and crazy from there.

So he can go to her one day and she could be treating him like a spartan. and the next day trying to put dresses on him…that is about the extremes of her. The only good thing is I like her live in BF and think he seems to add a tiny amount of stability to the situation. But that is still limited.

Aw, Lethal, I just want to know I feel for you raising your son like this, as I did too, after divorce, which was settled when my son was in 3rd grade. He is in college now, and doing well, and I am now happily married, to a good, loving man, a man of integrity, and I am very happy. I met him when my son was finishing high school (I should say I had no intention to date or marry, until my son had his own family - but God had other plans. My husband also was a single divorced parent, too, and also did not date, so we have this in common). So while I live in this oasis of relief - with my son safely and wisely making his way into young adulthood, and me happy at home with my dear husband - I still look back and shudder at the difficult days of being a single divorced parent, and I thank Heaven for the many, many graces that got us through those days.

So I was primary custodian and he was with his Dad weekends and some of the vacations. Your family life and your holidays are all dictated by that custody agreement, the big RULE dictating all of your scheduled life, and limiting a great deal of your choices and putting the tight squeeze on many of your hopes and dreams. And yes, half the time you are a single parent, the other time you live like one who has lost their child, because you have - you are not allowed access to their life and have no jurisdiction how your own child is being raised. I like how you put it, "we are essentially raising 2 different kids in the same body ". Yes, its crazy. Its a crazy that intact families can’t imagine. But they should, so they can thank God every day for the great grace of an intact marraige, and for choosing the right decent person to marry.

Its a crazy life and you must live in prayer and in trust. Early on I went to my first Divine Mercy Sunday Mass and was exposed to the veneration of the image of Divine Mercy Image for the first time. Several weeks later I was faced with some stressful times. We needed to move, again, and my son’s father was disallowing something he had a jurisdiction over that I knew was best for us, and I was anxious and afraid. And I could not make the anxiety and fear go away! I said (aloud? I don’t remeber), impatient to rid myself of this debilitating anxiety: "But I *HAVE *faith! I *know *I have enough faith! Why can I not stop worrying??" And the answer came to me, interiorly, that faith, the faith that had carried me powerfully for so long, was not enough for me here. What I needed was to trust. Trust. And the Divine Mercy image I had venerated came back to me. Yes, sometimes faith is not enough, and I need to trust. And so I trusted, and that is what it takes sometimes, and I think you need this for all the time when you are living the crazy life of a single divorced parent, trying to do the right thing, and it seems like no one cares or sees what you are trying to do. You need to keep walking in trust.

Yes, it sure is difficult to be a single divorced parent, but God gave me little helps along the way, in the midst of the difficulty and aloneness. Like the above. I cannot call that a “little” help, though; it changed my thinking and helped me hugely.

[continued, next post]

 

[Eliza10]

[continued, previous post]

Another BIG help which I think you will also find helpful, and since its so accessible, is the words from Jesus and Mary and others in Heaven found through the works of Anne, A Lay Apostle, in her ministry Direction For Our Times. It is direction for these crazy times we live in which include so many, many broken marriages, and these times when we are trying to live for Christ in a world that often seems to hate God and all the things of God.

These words are riches, and you can read them free on the website’s “free library” page, here. That page starts with the links to the pdfs for the ten volumes, and below that, lower on that page, are the little short booklets for every topic. So you can read them there or print them or take excerpts out of those web pdfs to paste in emails or what have you (which does not work on all pdfs but works on those).

I like to have those nice little actual volumes and all the booklets. I had the full set at home, and I carry some, and keep some in my car, and read them all the time, and buy extra and share them, because I want to. Those booklets in particular, and there always seems to be an occasion to share “To Those Who Don’t Know Jesus” and “To Those Who Have Rejected God”. The volumes are $5 and the booklets $2 and they are all treasures. Volume One takes you through Anne learning to walk with the Lord, and by it you can see its not so hard to do - as Anne’s imperfect example assures us that we, too, can walk with God, even with our imperfections and faltering ways. Volume Two I take with me to read at a Holy Hour.

But I particularly want to direct you to Volume 6, the light blue one, which is for Families. It was with great trepidation of pain and sadness that I read this one, in my single Mom days, because of my status of one trying to run a broken family, that felt not much like a family. In it, an unknown Saint spoke to Moms, and she in the first little chapters is addressing Moms, and seeming to assume they are *all *in intact homes, but then later she speaks so reassuringly to those of us parenting not the way God intended - all alone. And she assures us most convincingly that we will receive all the Heavenly help we need. That is encouraging! Then St. Joseph speaks to fathers, and I am sure you will be blessed with his words. St. Joseph is a specially loved Patron Saint for my husband and I. Then Jesus and Mary speak to children. They are messages in little chapters, and it is a beautiful thing to read to your son, who is about the right age I think. I have begun to read them to my husband’s granddaughter, who is 6. I choose a cozy time when she is ready to listen quietly and happily.

All the booklets and volumes and other works have an Imprimatur, which is assurance that the Church has most thoroughly examined the works and finds NOTHING in conflict with scripture or Church teaching. So you can stay safe in the arms of Holy Mother Church.

---

P.S. Also extremely helpful to you will be the booklet, Heaven Speaks About Stress, with the words of the wonderful Padre Pio in it, and its really just he thing for busy over-stressed families, and single parents are ALWAYS in that category. It is a good guide for living. And your son will grow up in two worlds. But with you he can see the world of living simply Gods way.

 

[Xantippe]

Phineas and Ferb I actually really like, However it is no longer TV so that is like me saying that GI Joe is for boys. I am going on current available stuff that doesn’t require special efforts.

Shows that are regularly playing: Bunk’d, Jessie, Stuck in the middle, KC undercover, Austin and Ally, best friends whenever, etc. Prime time kids shows. Especially anything “older-ish” as my son has not been big on cartoony stuff. Except Star Wars and TMNT but they are not on much in comparison. Austin and Ally is probably the least girl centric, but can you really call Austin a “male” role model?

As for toys I don’t think he meant it in the sense you are taking it. He is a bit spoiled on toys actually and I have found and ordered a great many toys and are all very boy. But he was when saying this asking from a point of what he sees on tv. He felt the ads, and other things were just far outweighing. I haven’t conducted a scientific study on the topic but I couldn’t disagree with him as a general theme.

HOWEVER I am divorced and many things that can affect him happen when he is with my ex. IDK exactly what she does, we are essentially raising 2 different kids in the same body (horrible I know and it pains me often) but to give an example of the crazy:

My son came home and said he couldn’t watch the Avengers because of its being PG-13…THE AVENGERS??? REALLY?

THEN he comes home the following week quoting Bevis and Butthead, because apparently that is not bad? lol… it only gets more convoluted and crazy from there.

So he can go to her one day and she could be treating him like a spartan. and the next day trying to put dresses on him…that is about the extremes of her. The only good thing is I like her live in BF and think he seems to add a tiny amount of stability to the situation. But that is still limited.

1. When your kid is with you, he shouldn’t just be flicking on the TV and watching whatever happens to be on. We don’t have cable and just do Netflix streaming for most of our kid stuff. The internet suggests that just streaming is about $10 a month. We still have to step in and shut off the spigot from time to time (80+ episodes of each show!), but we don’t just have random junk on.

Do research and plan your child’s media consumption when he’s with you.

1. They say that 90% of everything is terrible. I believe it’s more like 95% for kids’ programming. So it’s not just a girl versus boy issue, but that the average media is very poor.
2. However, on the bright side, there’s more good stuff available than ever before. It’s so much better than it used to be, when I was a little kid and found myself home alone at my grandma’s house with grandma’s TV, I remember despairing that the only thing to watch was Three’s Company, Phil Donohue, MASH, plus of course all the soaps. People’s Court was a bright spot, which just goes to show how terrible it was back in the 80s. We did have Sesame Street, but that’s only for little kids.
3. I looked up Avengers on the UCSSB site and yep, it looks inappropriate for a 7-year-old.

The UCSSB says, “But there are also more questionable elements on display amid all the mindless action. Though relatively mild, these troublesome ingredients – listed below – will nonetheless raise concerns for some parents, putting them in the uncomfortable position of having to tell the young 'uns under their care that this otherwise thoroughly enjoyable romp is off-limits.”

catholicnews.com/services/englishnews/2012/marvel-s-the-avengers.cfm

1. Your kid has several reasonable shows he likes. That’s enough.
2. Steer clear of TV-advertised toys. If they were actually amazing toys, they wouldn’t need to make ads for them, right?
3. It’s not necessarily the case that your kid picked up the Beavis and Butthead under his mom’s supervision. All you have to have is one B & B fan in his social circle and he’ll pick up all the catchphrases.
4. It’s about time for your kid to move on to more big kid stuff. He’s ready for a bigger world. How about trying (if you haven’t already):

–visiting various more challenging playgrounds
–library visits for books
–check out free library programming (for kids that age, our area has LEGO club and some other things and for slightly older kids, there are board game groups and retro video gaming)
–children’s museum events (science demonstrations, etc.)
–joint athletic activity (my husband and the kids do indoor rock climbing, various kinds of boating, roller skating, and swimming together)
–trying out music lessons

If you have him on the weekend and he is in school, he should also be getting weekend birthday invitations from time to time.

Good luck!

 

[LethalMouse]

1. When your kid is with you, he shouldn’t just be flicking on the TV and watching whatever happens to be on. We don’t have cable and just do Netflix streaming for most of our kid stuff. The internet suggests that just streaming is about $10 a month. We still have to step in and shut off the spigot from time to time (80+ episodes of each show!), but we don’t just have random junk on.

Do research and plan your child’s media consumption when he’s with you.

1. They say that 90% of everything is terrible. I believe it’s more like 95% for kids’ programming. So it’s not just a girl versus boy issue, but that the average media is very poor.

I find it hard, I am not hardline and totally against all media, in fact I didn’t even entirely notice this stuff until his complaint. I understand the measuring of what is watched to a point, but I have never lived that way. I find it hard to go to that extreme, and needless to say with so many influences other than me I find compromise needed…

1. However, on the bright side, there’s more good stuff available than ever before. It’s so much better than it used to be, when I was a little kid and found myself home alone at my grandma’s house with grandma’s TV, I remember despairing that the only thing to watch was Three’s Company, Phil Donohue, MASH, plus of course all the soaps. People’s Court was a bright spot, which just goes to show how terrible it was back in the 80s. We did have Sesame Street, but that’s only for little kids.
2. I looked up Avengers on the UCSSB site and yep, it looks inappropriate for a 7-year-old.

The UCSSB says, “But there are also more questionable elements on display amid all the mindless action. Though relatively mild, these troublesome ingredients – listed below – will nonetheless raise concerns for some parents, putting them in the uncomfortable position of having to tell the young 'uns under their care that this otherwise thoroughly enjoyable romp is off-limits.”

catholicnews.com/services/englishnews/2012/marvel-s-the-avengers.cfm

I don’t think I can get hardline enough to see this as an issue

1. Your kid has several reasonable shows he likes. That’s enough.
2. Steer clear of TV-advertised toys. If they were actually amazing toys, they wouldn’t need to make ads for them, right?

I know many Catholics who are shall we say “successful” get a bit more of a bubble, I haven’t been in one so not being quasi worldy is pretty hard

1. It’s not necessarily the case that your kid picked up the Beavis and Butthead under his mom’s supervision. All you have to have is one B & B fan in his social circle and he’ll pick up all the catchphrases.

He specifically and factually watched it there. As I said I am not concerned that he watched it so much as I am concerned how one day Superhero kids stuff is bad but Bevis and Butthead are okay, it is mixed messages from one parent while he already has soo many mixed messages. (she runs hot/cold varying on everything)

1. It’s about time for your kid to move on to more big kid stuff. He’s ready for a bigger world. How about trying (if you haven’t already):

–visiting various more challenging playgrounds
–library visits for books
–check out free library programming (for kids that age, our area has LEGO club and some other things and for slightly older kids, there are board game groups and retro video gaming)
–children’s museum events (science demonstrations, etc.)
–joint athletic activity (my husband and the kids do indoor rock climbing, various kinds of boating, roller skating, and swimming together)
–trying out music lessons

If you have him on the weekend and he is in school, he should also be getting weekend birthday invitations from time to time.

We do cubscouts and he occasionally goes rockclimbing. we do all kinds of stuff but what to do on an avg school night in bad weather? I have slowly implemented some measures, but I also believe a radical change can be a problem for a kid. Also his mother puts a damper on cubscout activities etc… making things difficult like not taking him to Bday parties and us having a reputation for being useless with plans because she will do something…

Good luck!

I appreciate your post and might heed some where I can

An extra difficulty, I am coining the phrases here but I am more a Boondock Saints Catholic and not a Sweater Vest Catholic. This makes some advice that comes from SVC not work so well in practicality

 

[GF_Girl]

Hi Lea101, God gave men and women different roles and different gifts. For example He can touch a woman in a way He cannot touch a man, He can creare life in a woman. The Church is the bride if Christ, meaning new life stems from the Church not the priesthood (representative of Christ himself). Women tend to rule more by emotion than logic, meaning a woman will weigh the emotional cost before committing to a decision. Also, Bishop Fulton sheen said it best when he said “Every woman in the world was made to be a mother, either physically or spiritually”, either by becoming a nun or bearing a child or through adoption. Of course men are physically stronger than women, a fact we all know, but as always there are exceptions.
Women are called to submit to their husbands but not obey them like “Rub my feet and cut my toenails!” Rather women are a man’s equal, remember through the sacrament of marriage the two become one flesh. The man is the head of the family like Christ is the head of the Church, the man guides, protects, prays and loves his family, to the death…literally. A woman is the heart of the family, she is the glue that holds everything together. But when a person makes a decision they do not make a decision based solely upon logic or solely upon emotion, therefore any decisions must come from both halves of the whole. The marriage is a sacrificial love, where each person places the others needs ahead of their own, rather than just the woman, it is a compromise.
A husband does have to respect his wife’s wishes. Remember we are called to chastity even in marriage! Meaning not acting upon our own lustfull needs, but rather respecting the other’s wishes. That being said a wife shouldn’t punish her husband by deliberately withholding intimacy. Remember it is called making love for a reason.

 

[Xantippe]

I appreciate your post and might heed some where I can

An extra difficulty, I am coining the phrases here but I am more a Boondock Saints Catholic and not a Sweater Vest Catholic. This makes some advice that comes from SVC not work so well in practicality

1. So, are you going to improve your kid’s media situation while he’s with you or just complain about it?

For the last 40+ years, it has not been the case that responsible parents could just turn kids loose with a TV and hope for the best. If you have cable, just get rid of it. Problem solved.

We have a parent password on our Netflix on the Wii, so up until our 13-year-old recently figured out the password, the kids literally couldn’t turn on Netflix without our cooperation.

1. We don’t just sit down and watch TV. We choose something to watch, we watch it, and then we turn it off. (A little harder with the 80+ episodes of everything, but the kids don’t get to just flit between different shows without clearing it with us.)

They have a handful of favorite shows, and that’s what they watch.

1. It’s not extreme to research kids’ media and read reviews before exposing your kids to it. Look for the good stuff. And, ideally, find stuff you both enjoy.

In fact, I would suggest going ahead and starting a thread on CAF asking for media appropriate for a 7-year-old boy.

1. What I’m talking about is pretty basic parenting. It’s not anything super hardcore. I’d say that 90+% of the regularly commenting parents on CAF do basically what I describe, or are more restrictive.
2. Just do your best with your days with your kid.
3. I personally don’t really believe in kids doing a lot of stuff on school nights, but school age kids do need weekend activities.
4. For indoors during the evening and winter, we really like the old Wii games–Wii Sports Resort, etc.

It’s possible to install a lot of stuff indoors that doesn’t necessarily occupy a huge amount of space. My 11-year-old enjoys a homemade chin up bar that my husband installed into his doorway, we’ve got a couple of exercise balls, and bigger kids can use adult exercise equipment. We’re thinking of putting in one of these climbing practice boards:

outdoorgearlab.com/Hangboard-Reviews

1. It’s great you’re doing cubscouts.

 

[LethalMouse]

1. So, are you going to improve your kid’s media situation while he’s with you or just complain about it?

For the last 40+ years, it has not been the case that responsible parents could just turn kids loose with a TV and hope for the best. If you have cable, just get rid of it. Problem solved.

We have a parent password on our Netflix on the Wii, so up until our 13-year-old recently figured out the password, the kids literally couldn’t turn on Netflix without our cooperation.

1. We don’t just sit down and watch TV. We choose something to watch, we watch it, and then we turn it off. (A little harder with the 80+ episodes of everything, but the kids don’t get to just flit between different shows without clearing it with us.)

They have a handful of favorite shows, and that’s what they watch.

1. It’s not extreme to research kids’ media and read reviews before exposing your kids to it. Look for the good stuff. And, ideally, find stuff you both enjoy.

In fact, I would suggest going ahead and starting a thread on CAF asking for media appropriate for a 7-year-old boy.

1. What I’m talking about is pretty basic parenting. It’s not anything super hardcore. I’d say that 90+% of the regularly commenting parents on CAF do basically what I describe, or are more restrictive.
2. Just do your best with your days with your kid.
3. I personally don’t really believe in kids doing a lot of stuff on school nights, but school age kids do need weekend activities.
4. For indoors during the evening and winter, we really like the old Wii games–Wii Sports Resort, etc.

It’s possible to install a lot of stuff indoors that doesn’t necessarily occupy a huge amount of space. My 11-year-old enjoys a homemade chin up bar that my husband installed into his doorway, we’ve got a couple of exercise balls, and bigger kids can use adult exercise equipment. We’re thinking of putting in one of these climbing practice boards:

outdoorgearlab.com/Hangboard-Reviews

1. It’s great you’re doing cubscouts.

I have two retired family memebers who are lapse cstholics, (believe in God and check Catholic on the box, but it’d be hard to not think they were atheists) I have a 1440 sq foot house with 3 “independent” adults and 1 seven yr old. I contend with the usual overly lenient family memeber plus the entire already explained exwife thing. I only own half ny house and pay half the bills. Ending cable isn’t a thing for a retired guy paying half the bills who would think I was crazy for worrying about such.

I live rurally and a drive to many things is not always prudent.

Again, this doesn’tmean I don’tdo what I can where I can, but not everyone lives the sweet life. I may only have first world problems, but I have most of them all at once

 

[Xantippe]

I have two retired family memebers who are lapse cstholics, (believe in God and check Catholic on the box, but it’d be hard to not think they were atheists) I have a 1440 sq foot house with 3 “independent” adults and 1 seven yr old. I contend with the usual overly lenient family memeber plus the entire already explained exwife thing. I only own half ny house and pay half the bills. Ending cable isn’t a thing for a retired guy paying half the bills who would think I was crazy for worrying about such.

I live rurally and a drive to many things is not always prudent.

Again, this doesn’tmean I don’tdo what I can where I can, but not everyone lives the sweet life. I may only have first world problems, but I have most of them all at once

Bummer!

 

[EasterJoy]

So how do you lead in a Christlike way?

Wash feet. The greatest among all will be the servant of all. Our Lord said it Himself over and over; I don’t know how it can be missed.

If you take the New Testament in its plain meaning, authority in the Church, whether among the high or the low, is essentially the authority to sacrifice your life to defend duty, because Our Lord Himself also said, “Amen, amen, I say to you, a son cannot do anything on his own, but only what he sees his father doing; for what he does, his son will do also.” (John 5:19)

There is no authority for any Christian to defend his or her own personal trivialities over someone else’s, but only a requirement to sacrifice ourselves to do the will of God. When it comes to trivialities, well, if we do what we ought we’ll all be falling all over ourselves so much to see to the preferences of others that it will become just as much a sacrifice to submit to someone else’s desire to have the pleasure of giving you your way as it will be to give someone else their preference over yours.

People who fall in love do this out of natural infatuation, and don’t see any sacrifice in it at all, because pleasing the other person is their greatest pleasure, even sometimes their greatest anxiety. The Christian ideal is in Heaven what is done out of anxiety to please will be done out of a serene pleasure taken in giving way to others and allowing them the pleasure giving us our way. “Love your neighbor as yourself”…it is where it all leads.

 

[Eliza10]

I have two retired family members who are lapse cstholics, (believe in God and check Catholic on the box, but it’d be hard to not think they were atheists) I have a 1440 sq foot house with 3 “independent” adults and 1 seven yr old. I contend with the usual overly lenient family member plus the entire already explained exwife thing. I only own half my house and pay half the bills. Ending cable isn’t a thing for a retired guy paying half the bills who would think I was crazy for worrying about such.

I live rurally and a drive to many things is not always prudent.

Again, this doesn’t mean I don’t do what I can where I can, but not everyone lives the sweet life. I may only have first world problems, but I have most of them all at once

Aw. Please consider yourself and your son the most important people in the house! Doesn’t matter that you own only half the house; your ideas of what is best for your son should take precedence over everyone else when he is there. They can have *all *the favor they want when your son is away with his Mom. You can step back and let them have their way then to the fullest possible extent. But be fierce to protect what is *most *important in that house, your son, when he is there, and the impressions they and the choices you make for him make on him in his formative years. And you, with the most important job of all in the house, that of the father to the son, take precedence. Keep that in mind, without saying so (which is obnoxious), but, acting so (since its the truth), establishing your importance confidently at that time, confidently saying what is your “way” and expecting it to be followed. *Even if *those adults once had legitimate “importance” over you (i.e. parents). This is your time, time for them to recede and support *your *rule, as you are the parent now, as they already had their turn at it.

I hope you do look at those DfoT links sometime. I know you will be blessed, and find them written just for you. Graces are promised with them!

Also, I grew up in and spent the greater part of my adult life as a Protestant before i converted and am ignorant of much of Catholic culture, that people who grew up in it aren’t (but I can tell you about the Protestant one). Can you please explain a "Boondock Saints Catholic " and a “Sweater Vest Catholic”? Thanks.

 

[LethalMouse]

Aw. Please consider yourself and your son the most important people in the house! Doesn’t matter that you own only half the house; your ideas of what is best for your son should take precedence over everyone else when he is there. They can have *all *the favor they want when your son is away with his Mom. You can step back and let them have their way then to the fullest possible extent. But be fierce to protect what is *most *important in that house, your son, when he is there, and the impressions they and the choices you make for him make on him in his formative years. And you, with the most important job of all in the house, that of the father to the son, take precedence. Keep that in mind, without saying so (which is obnoxious), but, acting so (since its the truth), establishing your importance confidently at that time, confidently saying what is your “way” and expecting it to be followed. *Even if *those adults once had legitimate “importance” over you (i.e. parents). This is your time, time for them to recede and support *your *rule, as you are the parent now, as they already had their turn at it.

I hope you do look at those DfoT links sometime. I know you will be blessed, and find them written just for you. Graces are promised with them!

Also, I grew up in and spent the greater part of my adult life as a Protestant before i converted and am ignorant of much of Catholic culture, that people who grew up in it aren’t (but I can tell you about the Protestant one). Can you please explain a "Boondock Saints Catholic " and a “Sweater Vest Catholic”? Thanks.

Well, I also need said adults to be there to watch my son. It is a blessing and a curse. 1 is my Dad, and is instrumental in my ability to care for my son and provide babysitting both in the morning and afternoon and drill weekends. And a huge factor from a legal standpoint why my son’slife is more stable with me than with her. I imagine it would be hard to find daycare much better than my Dad by comparison unless I were wealthier, and then you’rehoping strangers are what they sell themselves as. It is both financial and physical dependence.

Remember I am a work in progress myself I was roughly as lapse as them until recently.

The other adult is less important, and has less of a direct care role. I could cut TV for him lol. He is my uncle and is only alive because he lives with us. The only fix for him in regards to me is to send him to die… which will probablyhappen one day… he is a useless human who does nothing lol. His main negative impact on my son is just that my son exercisesdominion over him and he is a pushover. He is last in the house of adults and we really don’t like him anymore, just family love to not let him die if he can limp along without drinking and such. The minute he is not treated like a child he will blow all his money and either be dead or in a nursing home as a ward of the state. I have no illusions to any other outcome

Boondock Saints is a movie one could argue the validity of their “goodness” and discounting the killing portion, they are devout Catholics who live a pius life of poverty, seem to live almost monk like, no showing of random sex etc… they live amougnst the poor and the shady elenents of people and have like manerisns. The movie may have more F words in it than any other. They are not PC nor anyother typical religious persons behaviour. If for arguements sake and within the cinematic universe were given their questionable mission from God then in the whole movie I would say they lack committing sins despite being outwardly the kind of people most would assume were highly sinful.

Sweater Vest Catholic is to paint the picture of a sweatervest wearing nerdy type. Your typical religious person who would try to argue that the F word is a sin. The sweatervest catholic is much PC. Said SVC would be the kind of person who at Mass once whisked her family away from me as I smoked a cig and looked at me like I was the Devil incarnate.
(After Mass, not in the Mass fyi lol)

Last time I checked cigs and beer were good for catholics and only bad for protestants lol but the SVC could, COULD not necessarily be so anti my cig but still interacting with me for a few moments they would make the sign of the cross and pray the pharisees prayer that they thank God they are not a heathen like me. Okay, I am being harsh… they may not be malintent just misguided imo as to what is and isn’t necessary to be a decent human being.

 

[LethalMouse]

Aw. Please consider yourself and your son the most important people in the house! Doesn’t matter that you own only half the house; your ideas of what is best for your son should take precedence over everyone else when he is there. They can have *all *the favor they want when your son is away with his Mom. You can step back and let them have their way then to the fullest possible extent. But be fierce to protect what is *most *important in that house, your son, when he is there, and the impressions they and the choices you make for him make on him in his formative years. And you, with the most important job of all in the house, that of the father to the son, take precedence. Keep that in mind, without saying so (which is obnoxious), but, acting so (since its the truth), establishing your importance confidently at that time, confidently saying what is your “way” and expecting it to be followed. *Even if *those adults once had legitimate “importance” over you (i.e. parents). This is your time, time for them to recede and support *your *rule, as you are the parent now, as they already had their turn at it.

I hope you do look at those DfoT links sometime. I know you will be blessed, and find them written just for you. Graces are promised with them!

Also, I grew up in and spent the greater part of my adult life as a Protestant before i converted and am ignorant of much of Catholic culture, that people who grew up in it aren’t (but I can tell you about the Protestant one). Can you please explain a "Boondock Saints Catholic " and a “Sweater Vest Catholic”? Thanks.

Oh and I like my other new phrase I use for SVC, I will tell my tome:

On a CatholicMatch chat I made a joke referencing the possible inclination of this girl to girls due to her comment about never finding a man attractive

So this guy chimes in on how over the line it was, and SHE tells him to chill out, she and I have been pals for about a year. HE insists that it is not okay and he procceeds to argue with HER (I literally never got involved in the argument)

Said guy is what I have invented term wise as a SVC…

But my favorite part was at the end I chimed in:

“You are the reason people stop going to church” ah, that about sums up my SVC lol