Why the Bible is not a Science Textbook
FADE IN:
SCENE: Inside a tent in the desert. There is a small table and chair in the middle of the tent. Some baggage is stacked at the back.
Characters: GOD invisible and omnipresent. MOSES offstage.
MOSES enters the tent.
MOSES: “What a day! If I ever see another grain of sand I swear that I am goi…”
GOD: “Moses!”
MOSES: (surprised) “Yes Lord!”
GOD: “Get pen, ink and papyrus.”
MOSES goes to the baggage and fetches a pen, ink and papyrus. He takes them to the table and sits down.
GOD: “Begin writing.”
MOSES: “Yes Lord.”
GOD: “In the beginning I created a quantum fluctuation at the hyper-sub-quark level …”
MOSES: (interrupting) “Sorry Lord. Was that spelled K-W-A-H-K?”
GOD: “Hmmm. I foresee a problem. Humans will not discover hyper-sub-quarks for another 8,726 years three months and sixteen days. Perhaps something less cosmological might work better. Moses, begin a new sheet of papyrus.”
MOSES picks up a new piece of papyrus and prepares to write.
GOD: “In the beginning I created deoxyribonucleic acid …”
MOSES: (interrupting) “Sorry Lord, but could you spell that please?”
GOD: “Oy vey! Why did I make these people so dumb?”
GOD touches a finger to Moses’ forehead.
MOSES: “Ah, now I understand. Thank you for giving me all that knowledge Lord. Unfortunately I see a problem. If I write ‘deoxyribonucleic acid’ then none of the other Israelites will know what the he… heck I have written about unless you touch all their foreheads as well.”
GOD: “Hmmm. A good point Moses. Let me think about it for a few thousand years.”
MOSES: “But what do I do while I am waiting?”
GOD: “Never mind, I have finished thinking.”
MOSES: “That was never thousands of years.”
GOD: (angrily) “Do you doubt Me! Time is Mine to command. It is subject to Me, not Me to it.”
MOSES: (humbly) “Sorry Lord.”
GOD: “Start a new piece of papyrus.”
MOSES picks up a new piece of papyrus and prepares to write.
GOD: “In the beginning I created the heavens and the earth …”
FADE OUT: