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puzzleannie
Guest
I think we need to hear from Bama and Deb on this thread
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Galnextdoor
Guest
A weight gain would not affect my feelings, except that I might worry if he became obese. My ex-husband, however, was not so accepting. When I gained 15 lbs, he started telling me I was over- weight and unattractive. Then I started emotional eating. Every time he rejected me because I was too big, I would eat a half a jar of chocolate hazel nut butter. Eventually, he wouldn’t even touch me, because I am 30 lbs overweight. Needless to say, that’s part of the reason I am now his ex-wife.
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embwt
Guest
One that loves you very much. When you get married, it’s forever. Not, until you reach a certain size. You haven’t found the right one yet. He’s out there. You’ll still be self conscious, but he won’t care (even if you think he does). Just speaking as a guy. Hang in there. Prayers for you.
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BamaRider
Guest
I’d love to chime in, but if I do its gonna come out wrong, and some of y’all will think stuff, so I’m gonna watch.
Look here, y’all don’t need me when ya got stuff like this to read on this thread.
from Embwt
Man, thats awesome.
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Lady_Bug
Guest
thank you that’s nice of youOne that loves you very much. When you get married, it’s forever. Not, until you reach a certain size. You haven’t found the right one yet. He’s out there. You’ll still be self conscious, but he won’t care (even if you think he does). Just speaking as a guy. Hang in there. Prayers for you.
Like another poster said - I can be an emotional eater but I don’t always know the triggers for it - not consciously that is. I’m trying to lose some weight but so far I can’t - but at this moment, not gaining any more weight would suffice.
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funnyyetsavvy
Guest
I appreciate the responses…
I think that it would affect my feelings…not that I would not love the person, just that my level of attraction might change…
I agree with other posters that I’d be concerned about health issues…certainly!
I think that it would affect my feelings…not that I would not love the person, just that my level of attraction might change…
I agree with other posters that I’d be concerned about health issues…certainly!
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thomfra
Guest
You might like to try reading the OP. We are not talking about love. We are talking about physical attraction (i.e. the superficial type).
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funnyyetsavvy
Guest
I am not saying that the love would be affected, I asking if the physical attraction would be affected…
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thomfra
Guest
Well I think we all agree that it can have an affect on phyical attraction…
But the real question in your post is “would you mention it”. That’s a really tough one. How big would I have to get before my wife said…you know what Thomfra, you really need to start pounding the pavement.
I reckon I could go up at least 6-10kgs over todays weight… then I might find the missus packing a gym bag for me…heheh
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Feanaro_s_Wife
Guest
**
Well, speaking for myself, I could never say something to my husband that I knew would cause hurt. And saying, “honey those extra pounds you’ve packed on are affecting my physical attraction to you” would definitely fall into that category!
As for what TO do, it all depends on the relationship and the circumstances of the time.
If it is hubby who is getting a bit flabby because he hasn’t had time to hit the gym or do some form of physical activity, as a wife I would do my best to make sure that he gets that time…but not make him go (no packing gym bags here, lol). And I would do my best to make sure healthy meals are being served at home.
If it is the wife who is getting a bit too soft, hubby’s have to tread very carefully. Your good intentions are almost always taken the wrong way. NO gym memberships as a gift. NO work out equipment as a gift. (unless of course she explicitly requests either)…but a woman should never be surprised with a “here honey, i think you’re fat, but here’s how you can fix it” gift
The best solution is to eat healthy as a family and to be active as a family. And always put things in “I” terms… “honey, I’m feeling really blah and would like to go for a bike ride, would you like to join me?”**
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BamaRider
Guest
Well, I had a day to do some research on this subject. My research took place last night after supper while we were sitting around watching TV. Well I was watching tv she was tawking on the phone. I had the O’Reilly Factor on.
“So how come you like to tawk on the phone while I’ll tryin to listen to the TV?”
No response. She was yada yada yada mile a minute with her sister, then a friend.
I had the clicker ( I ALWAYS have the clicker) and cranked up the surround sound. She would tawk louder and I’d dial it up another notch. Unconsciously she was getting louder and louder. Her meeky voice was not gonna be a match for 5.1 full surround with a HUGE woofer in the back.
“NEXT ON THE FACTOR, WHAT THE GOP HAS TO DO TO REBUILD.” the announcer said, I was laughing now, as the vibrations shook the lamps.
“WILL YOU TURN THAT THING DOWN!”
“DO WHAT?”
“I SAID, TURN THAT NOISE OFF!”
“ARE YOU OFF THE PHONE YET?”
“YES”
“Oh ok”
So after that was settled things went back to normal. She was on her Blackberry with some work emails, and I was with the Factor, but during the commercials I had my pad out, making notes, working on my “research.”
I was on the couch and she was in the new chair I never get to sit in. She peered over to me.
“So what are ya writing?”
“Makin some notes”
“on what?”
“Well, some folks on the forum was wantin to know if a spouse gained a bunch of weight would it make any difference in things”
“and those* things *would be sex?”
“well that’s not exactly what the thread says, but everyone knows that’s the subject.”
“And whats your take on it?”
“Ohhh no, I’m not gonna step in that cow patty”
“NO, I wanna know if I gained 60 lbs would you still find me attractive?”
“of course I would”
“FIBBER!, nothing but a FIBBER!”
I was trying not to laugh. “Now you know I would.”
“Guy, been married a long time, but you forget I knew you when, and I was friends with several girls you dated before me, I know what you like.”
“you make it sound like I’m just superficial.”
“look its alright, lemme see your paper and I’ll make my point.”
She took my pad and jotted the names of 4 of my former girlfriends, she knew 2 of them, but not friends, one she knew well, and the last she met AFTER the fact.
“Now take these four girls. Now lets make a list on this side what all these girls had in common”. Sure enough a pattern quickly emerged. Although each had individual traits, all 4 had several things in common.
“Now look at the lists, and tell me the things I share with each of them.” I did and there were a number of things.
“And the point of this comparo is?”
“I think men like what they like, and for the most part stay there, I learned long before I met YOU, what some guys find attractive, some don’t. Prolly why God made so many of us, so everyone can find what he/she is looking for. I mean, back then I knew you were a dog, but I liked ya anyway, but not gonna lie, I had my reservations.”
“so you’re tellin me you had your finger on the eject button in the beginning?”
“Yes, at least till I was pretty sure you were no longer a dog.”
“well what about you? What if I gained 60 lbs?”
"women are just wired different. I always found you cute and attractive, but after I got to know you, I wouldn’t have cared if you had 2 heads. It takes more then looks to hold mine, and most other women’s attention. If you were boring to be around, I wouldn’t care if you were Brad Pitt, not gonna keep me focused. Over the years I’ve heard “the package looked good, but what was on the inside wasn’t hittin on much”
“Yanno that’s true, a guy will put up with alooooooot of stuff if she’s nice lookin. LOL”
" you should know all this stuff after 32 years"
“Well I do, i was just needing a refresher course I reckon.”
And then the commercial went off and we went back on cruise.
“So how come you like to tawk on the phone while I’ll tryin to listen to the TV?”
No response. She was yada yada yada mile a minute with her sister, then a friend.
I had the clicker ( I ALWAYS have the clicker) and cranked up the surround sound. She would tawk louder and I’d dial it up another notch. Unconsciously she was getting louder and louder. Her meeky voice was not gonna be a match for 5.1 full surround with a HUGE woofer in the back.
“NEXT ON THE FACTOR, WHAT THE GOP HAS TO DO TO REBUILD.” the announcer said, I was laughing now, as the vibrations shook the lamps.
“WILL YOU TURN THAT THING DOWN!”
“DO WHAT?”
“I SAID, TURN THAT NOISE OFF!”
“ARE YOU OFF THE PHONE YET?”
“YES”
“Oh ok”
So after that was settled things went back to normal. She was on her Blackberry with some work emails, and I was with the Factor, but during the commercials I had my pad out, making notes, working on my “research.”
I was on the couch and she was in the new chair I never get to sit in. She peered over to me.
“So what are ya writing?”
“Makin some notes”
“on what?”
“Well, some folks on the forum was wantin to know if a spouse gained a bunch of weight would it make any difference in things”
“and those* things *would be sex?”
“well that’s not exactly what the thread says, but everyone knows that’s the subject.”
“And whats your take on it?”
“Ohhh no, I’m not gonna step in that cow patty”
“NO, I wanna know if I gained 60 lbs would you still find me attractive?”
“of course I would”
“FIBBER!, nothing but a FIBBER!”
I was trying not to laugh. “Now you know I would.”
“Guy, been married a long time, but you forget I knew you when, and I was friends with several girls you dated before me, I know what you like.”
“you make it sound like I’m just superficial.”
“look its alright, lemme see your paper and I’ll make my point.”
She took my pad and jotted the names of 4 of my former girlfriends, she knew 2 of them, but not friends, one she knew well, and the last she met AFTER the fact.
“Now take these four girls. Now lets make a list on this side what all these girls had in common”. Sure enough a pattern quickly emerged. Although each had individual traits, all 4 had several things in common.
“Now look at the lists, and tell me the things I share with each of them.” I did and there were a number of things.
“And the point of this comparo is?”
“I think men like what they like, and for the most part stay there, I learned long before I met YOU, what some guys find attractive, some don’t. Prolly why God made so many of us, so everyone can find what he/she is looking for. I mean, back then I knew you were a dog, but I liked ya anyway, but not gonna lie, I had my reservations.”
“so you’re tellin me you had your finger on the eject button in the beginning?”
“Yes, at least till I was pretty sure you were no longer a dog.”
“well what about you? What if I gained 60 lbs?”
"women are just wired different. I always found you cute and attractive, but after I got to know you, I wouldn’t have cared if you had 2 heads. It takes more then looks to hold mine, and most other women’s attention. If you were boring to be around, I wouldn’t care if you were Brad Pitt, not gonna keep me focused. Over the years I’ve heard “the package looked good, but what was on the inside wasn’t hittin on much”
“Yanno that’s true, a guy will put up with alooooooot of stuff if she’s nice lookin. LOL”
" you should know all this stuff after 32 years"
“Well I do, i was just needing a refresher course I reckon.”
And then the commercial went off and we went back on cruise.
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Island_Oak
Guest
'Bama…I LOVE your posts!!
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Galnextdoor
Guest
Bama,
Great post and some good points made too!
Great post and some good points made too!
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whatevergirl
Guest
Excellent! Thanks Bama…and I like how you say…‘I reckon.’ My mom’s side was from Georgia, and they spoke like that…lol Haven’t heard I reckon in ages…maybe if I watch the Andy Griffith show or something.
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KayFrisco
Guest
DH and I knew each other for a while before he asked me on a date… I’d actually gained weight by the time that spark ignited. He would say “no, gaining weight makes no difference”. But when I started working out and eating healthy, he really admired and supported my commitment (even though I am not “tiny”).
DH has recently gained just a little weight, but you can’t tell it on his 6’3” large frame. But it does seem like he’s snored more being up that 10 lbs (he says he’s noticed a link). The snoring concerns me when it lasts more than a week. I hope he’s getting sufficient oxygen! He’s been hitting the elliptical more often, and adding tennis back into his routine, so that should knock out the snoring. I’m glad to see that he cares enough to take care of his health (& means I’m less likely to leave for another room halfway through the night!).
I’d always been attracted to heavy/heavier guys for some reason, so even if DH gained a noticeable amount of weight it wouldn’t diminish my attraction for him. I would be worried if his health was compromised. He’s 13 yrs older than I am, and I want him around a long time!
When I gain some of the weight back, >I< notice that I am more insecure and just dissatisfied with myself… Even though I KNOW he is attracted to me even a few sizes larger! I’ve noticed my behavior at such times can undermine our relationship, so I am very motivated to avoid that slippery slope.
I’m gaining weight back now that I’m pregnant, but that’s different – it’s an controlled and happy gain!
DH has recently gained just a little weight, but you can’t tell it on his 6’3” large frame. But it does seem like he’s snored more being up that 10 lbs (he says he’s noticed a link). The snoring concerns me when it lasts more than a week. I hope he’s getting sufficient oxygen! He’s been hitting the elliptical more often, and adding tennis back into his routine, so that should knock out the snoring. I’m glad to see that he cares enough to take care of his health (& means I’m less likely to leave for another room halfway through the night!).
I’d always been attracted to heavy/heavier guys for some reason, so even if DH gained a noticeable amount of weight it wouldn’t diminish my attraction for him. I would be worried if his health was compromised. He’s 13 yrs older than I am, and I want him around a long time!
When I gain some of the weight back, >I< notice that I am more insecure and just dissatisfied with myself… Even though I KNOW he is attracted to me even a few sizes larger! I’ve noticed my behavior at such times can undermine our relationship, so I am very motivated to avoid that slippery slope.
I’m gaining weight back now that I’m pregnant, but that’s different – it’s an controlled and happy gain!
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PaulinVA
Guest
My wife and I think that gaining weight later in life is for two reasons. One is that you are no longer in the dating pool, and you shouldn’t necessarily be attractive to people not your spouse! Then, God puts a little blindness in spouses so they don’t see the weight gain.
Second, as you get older, you get sicker. Having a little extra weight help you survive those periods of sickness.
Yes, we should all stay healthy, yes, we should exercise and take care of ourselves for our spouses and our families.
The secret is telling someone who has gained a little weight that they need to pick up the exercise pace and so it in a loving way.
Younger people - start an exercise and good eating habit now. Makes it easier later.
Second, as you get older, you get sicker. Having a little extra weight help you survive those periods of sickness.
Yes, we should all stay healthy, yes, we should exercise and take care of ourselves for our spouses and our families.
The secret is telling someone who has gained a little weight that they need to pick up the exercise pace and so it in a loving way.
Younger people - start an exercise and good eating habit now. Makes it easier later.
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rayne89
Guest
No it would not affect my feelings.
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whatevergirl
Guest
It wouldn’t and hasn’t affected my feelings for my hubby. When we met, he was working out 6 days per week, and was in fabulous shape…and so was I. Over the years, with having babies, I put on some weight, but I have managed to get it off after the babies. It definitely takes more work to stay in good shape than when I was in my 20’s! He also has gained about 25 lbs…and he is now working out with a close friend, who has a weight room at his home, and a special diet program he is going to help my dh with.
I think that more than anything, staying in shape is important for overall well being and health. Exercising and eating right, while doing so can cause one to be attractive to one’s spouse, it’s important to do this, because we have a body that is on temporary loan from God. It’s really not ours. We should keep it healthy, for God…it’s His temple. I have definitely had my moments when I’ve slacked off, but overall, working out makes me feel good…look good…(not in a vain way)…and function better for my family. I think that’s the same for my dh.
When I had a few extra pounds after having babies, etc…and my dh has been overweight, it never changed our feelings for one another.
I think that more than anything, staying in shape is important for overall well being and health. Exercising and eating right, while doing so can cause one to be attractive to one’s spouse, it’s important to do this, because we have a body that is on temporary loan from God. It’s really not ours. We should keep it healthy, for God…it’s His temple. I have definitely had my moments when I’ve slacked off, but overall, working out makes me feel good…look good…(not in a vain way)…and function better for my family. I think that’s the same for my dh.
When I had a few extra pounds after having babies, etc…and my dh has been overweight, it never changed our feelings for one another.
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TLM08
Guest
Mature love is not effected by moderate weight gain so long as it is not done our of a sense of complete disregard. Modest weight gain as a couple ages is common and should not threaten the marriage whatsoever provided the reltionship is mature and based on love and service to God.
However, it is my opinion as a red blooded American Male that obesity absolutely is a cold wet blanket on the flames of sexual desire. Anything more than 30 or so extra pounds on a woman can start to “mask” the characteristics that separate a woman’s appearance from that of a man. When that distinctively female shape that men find so appealing starts to disappear, the physical attraction will almost certainly suffer.
Mature love endures this and the appreciation of the entire person far outweighs (no pun intended) what is lost in terms of sexual attractiveness. Men who are immature or weak in their committment to their wives and faith will commonly turn to infidelity or pornography in an attempt to regain the physical excitement they once experienced with their wives.
I would submit that all of the above can apply to women as well when their husbands become fat and lazy slobs who sit on the sofa and watch football all Sunday instead of being a real man who values his wife and children ore than the television.
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TLM08
Guest
While large amounts of gained fat can be sexually repulsive, It’s very interesting that the majority of “Ken and Barbie” looking couples in their forties or fifties are on their 2nd, 3rd or even 4th marriage… and are often still miserable! Obviously these physically fit beauties and tanned hardbodies have other issues affecting their feelings!
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