Would it be better for me to get sterilized, or my husband?

[jmcrae]

I realize this is technically the case, but couple using NFP generally have more accidental pregnancies than those who use artificial methods.

I have heard the opposite - that those who use NFP correctly are in complete control of when they conceive and when they don’t. I know one lady who arranges to conceive in the same month every two years, so as to save money on birthday parties.

 

[PeterJohn]

To all future readers of this post, and to those who read it and see it like I do, I’m sorry that we continue to see bad answers presented here. It seems there are people, coming to CA forums, seeking a catholic answer, and getting seriously flawed answers. I’m sorry if I’m making anyone upset but to the OP, if you seek a catholic answer to who it would be better for to get sterilized then the answer is neither of you. There is no other Catholic answer to this besides dont do it.

 

[cheezey]

I have heard the opposite - that those who use NFP correctly are in complete control of when they conceive and when they don’t. I know one lady who arranges to conceive in the same month every two years, so as to save money on birthday parties.

my sister did this and she’s not even Catholic. However, eight years later, after having her sterilization.…the third and last one came along…I am sure the chances are extremely low but!!!

 

[porthos11]

Neither of you should get sterilised. Sterilisation is classified as a mortal sin, a complete separation from God. Do you really want to risk the immortal soul of yourself or your husband?

And deliberately getting sterilised and then intending to confess afterwards would make the confession invalid.

Not necessarily; such sins can be forgiven. It isn’t necessarily presumption to sin with the hope of repenting and being forgiven in confession (because one isn’t actually denying the need for grace). Many times sins are committed with this attitude but are not unforgivable. This is different from using this knowledge as the direct cause of the sin.

A valid confession requires genuine remorse for the sin. If you’re not genuinely sorry for what you’ve done, then your soul would remain forever separated from God. Would you really want that?

Correct. Because of the permanence of the sterilization, how sure can we be that we would have true remorse? A good confessor will probably ask the right series of questions to determine how sorry one is, such as “If you have the opportunity to make this decision again, would you do it differently?” One can lie fool the priest into absolving him, but God is not mocked.

 

[mwncheesehead]

To all future readers of this post, and to those who read it and see it like I do, I’m sorry that we continue to see bad answers presented here. It seems there are people, coming to CA forums, seeking a catholic answer, and getting seriously flawed answers. I’m sorry if I’m making anyone upset but to the OP, if you seek a catholic answer to who it would be better for to get sterilized then the answer is neither of you. There is no other Catholic answer to this besides dont do it.

Peter John, I read through the answers to this point, and pretty much all of them said, “don’t do it” as you did. Why are the other answers “seriously flawed”? What makes your answer more Catholic than the others who also cautioned the OP against any sterilization?

To the OP, I will pray for you in your tough situation, but know that sterilization is not the Catholic answer.

 

[WingsOfEagles]

Peter John, I read through the answers to this point, and pretty much all of them said, “don’t do it” as you did. Why are the other answers “seriously flawed”? What makes your answer more Catholic than the others who also cautioned the OP against any sterilization?

To the OP, I will pray for you in your tough situation, but know that sterilization is not the Catholic answer.

I believe Peter John probably didn’t like by honest area about having trouble with the teaching, but I also felt I was careful to advise that the Church teaching is completely against sterilization. I thought the point of a discussion board was to be honest about tough topics sometimes…

 

[SonCatcher]

I realize this is technically the case, but couple using NFP generally have more accidental pregnancies than those who use artificial methods.

Doubtful. The vast majority of NFP couples know when they’re taking a risk. That certainly is no “accident”.

 

[WingsOfEagles]

Doubtful. The vast majority of NFP couples know when they’re taking a risk. That certainly is no “accident”.

In a marriage, how likely is it a couple will eventually “risk it” because they don’t feel like adhering to NFP? Not necessarily a good risk if the woman has a medical issue and not good for the marriage to be abstinent. I realize the Church teaches that the couple is to abstain if medically necessary, but I don’t believe it’s real life.

 

[SonCatcher]

I believe Peter John probably didn’t like by honest area about having trouble with the teaching, but I also felt I was careful to advise that the Church teaching is completely against sterilization. I thought the point of a discussion board was to be honest about tough topics sometimes…

I also think that it is profitable to express your doubts. If nothing else, another user might put a new perspective on the particular concern that could help us move past them.

 

[godisgood77]

I speak from personal experience… please do not sterilize yourself or your husband.

My wife and I have three children. We lost the second during childbirth. The third was not planned, but gratefully accepted. My wife suffered from great depression after the loss of our second. I did too, but not to the extent that she did…

Before the birth of our third, she was very fragile emotionally and there was the constant physical reminders (displaced bladder, incontinence, etc.). Wanting to get rid of those reminders, she consulted with a Dr. The advice was to have surgery to remedy some of the physical discomfort she was experiencing, but that if we went forward with the procedure, then she shouldn’t carry any more children. With the birth of our third child via cesarean section, the opportunity presented itself to have the tubal ligation and correct the bladder issues at the same time… so we did it…

She regretted it immediately and has been tortured by that decision ever since… I won’t go in to all of the details, but it almost cost us our marriage and she has been to the edge and back… I’ll just say that Satan was very active in our sub-consciences and that it was the most trying experience we have ever been through…

We are scheduled to go to Chapel Hill, NC for a reversal in May (pray for us please)…

I will pray for your husband and you both… that you will be shown God’s will and that you will heed it.

 

[twopekinguys]

I realize this is technically the case, but couple using NFP generally have more accidental pregnancies than those who use artificial methods.

Do you have a link or a reference for this statement? Or, is it a presumption?

I ask because I found this link.

 

[sdeco]

To everyone telling me to “just use NFP” - we have been using NFP for ten years. It has failed us four times. I have tried multiple methods, fertility monitors, diet, medications, etc. Nothing has worked. I have a health condition (PCOS) that makes it almost impossible. Fertility monitors don’t work with PCOS.

This time I conceived when it was almost impossible to conceive, after coming off Prometrium to induce a period. Plus, I had absolutely no fertility signs at all. It was completely dry every day.

My husband said I am irresponsible for continuing to insist on NFP for so many years after three (now four) failures. One reason is I have to work part-time to support the family, and my MIL watches the kids on the days we both work. Having another child would create more work for her, if she watches this child. Or we could put it in part-time daycare, which would be expensive. I can’t afford to stay home.

NFP has been an absolute nightmare for us. With the other pregnancies, I could see how they might be user error or that maybe we weren’t careful enough. But this time, there was absolutely no fertility signs at all. It really, truly does not work for me.

The only other options we have are abstaining until menopause, which would destroy or marriage (I have 20 years until menopause), or continuing to have baby after baby after baby, which we can’t afford or handle.

I tried to follow church teaching. I tried for ten long years. I can’t do it anymore.

 

[Soren_Itenu]

Sterilization is a sin, no matter what. Now, for example, if someone gets a hysterectomy because of another problem and that just happens to sterilize her, that’s fine. If a man has testicular cancer and gets his testicles removed, sure he’s sterilized, but that’s a secondary effect, not the primary reason why he has his testicles removed. But to willfully sterilize yourself for the sake of birth control? That is intrinsically evil and should not be done.

NFP is not meant to be easy; it highlights just how much the sex act is ordered to life. If you absolutely don’t want to get pregnant, then the only thing you can do is abstain. I know it sucks, but there it is. No one ever died from not having sex. Abstinence would destroy your marriage? Why? Would your husband resent you or blame you? If so, then tell him to talk to me. I’ll set him straight. I’ll tell him what is required of a loving husband.

 

[porthos11]

To everyone telling me to “just use NFP” - we have been using NFP for ten years. It has failed us four times. I have tried multiple methods, fertility monitors, diet, medications, etc. Nothing has worked. I have a health condition (PCOS) that makes it almost impossible. Fertility monitors don’t work with PCOS.

This time I conceived when it was almost impossible to conceive, after coming off Prometrium to induce a period. Plus, I had absolutely no fertility signs at all. It was completely dry every day.

My husband said I am irresponsible for continuing to insist on NFP for so many years after three (now four) failures. One reason is I have to work part-time to support the family, and my MIL watches the kids on the days we both work. Having another child would create more work for her, if she watches this child. Or we could put it in part-time daycare, which would be expensive. I can’t afford to stay home.

NFP has been an absolute nightmare for us. With the other pregnancies, I could see how they might be user error or that maybe we weren’t careful enough. But this time, there was absolutely no fertility signs at all. It really, truly does not work for me.

The only other options we have are abstaining until menopause, which would destroy or marriage (I have 20 years until menopause), or continuing to have baby after baby after baby, which we can’t afford or handle.

I tried to follow church teaching. I tried for ten long years. I can’t do it anymore.

Have you tried contacting the Couple-to-Couple League for assistance?
ccli.org/

 

[sdeco]

Have you tried contacting the Couple-to-Couple League for assistance?
ccli.org/

They are not going to be able to help me. I conceived when it was almost impossible. The nurse at my NFP-only doctor said she had never seen someone ovulate while coming off of prometrium. Like I said, I had absolutely NO signs of fertility.

NFP DOES NOT WORK for me. I have already tried everything.

 

[sdeco]

Abstinence would destroy your marriage? Why?

Sex is supposed to be the renewal of the wedding vows. It’s extremely important for Catholics. It’s extremely important for the relationship.

The Church supposedly thinks that the procreative and unitive dimensions of sex are supposed to be equal. But then why do they insist every act must be procreative (even if the woman is already pregnant or past menopause) but they don’t insist that every act must be unitive? Using NFP often interferes with the unitive dimension of sex.

 

[porthos11]

They are not going to be able to help me. I conceived when it was almost impossible. The nurse at my NFP-only doctor said she had never seen someone ovulate while coming off of prometrium. Like I said, I had absolutely NO signs of fertility.

NFP DOES NOT WORK for me. I have already tried everything.

That’s not what I asked. I asked, did you try to contact them for assistance?

 

[Soren_Itenu]

sdeco:

Sex is supposed to be the renewal of the wedding vows. It’s extremely important for Catholics. It’s extremely important for the relationship.

Yes, it is important. Yes, it is significant and meaningful. Yes, it’s the renewal of your vows, and it’s awesome!! But, it is not necessary. If my wife were to be injured in some way that we could never have sex again, then we would be no less married, no less close, and no less devoted to each other. And vice versa.

sdeco:

The Church supposedly thinks that the procreative and unitive dimensions of sex are supposed to be equal. But then why do they insist every act must be procreative (even if the woman is already pregnant or past menopause) but they don’t insist that every act must be unitive? Using NFP often interferes with the unitive dimension of sex.

No, it doesn’t. Cutting down on the times and occasions of sex does not interfere with unity. However, when you do have sex, the unity is there even if practiced in infertile times.

 

[Frank_Drebin]

I realize this is technically the case, but couple using NFP generally have more accidental pregnancies than those who use artificial methods.

Even if that were the case, if it was that dire, said couple could abstain. If they can’t do that, then clearly it isn’t thatimportant to them anyway.

 

[Frank_Drebin]

To all future readers of this post, and to those who read it and see it like I do, I’m sorry that we continue to see bad answers presented here. It seems there are people, coming to CA forums, seeking a catholic answer, and getting seriously flawed answers. I’m sorry if I’m making anyone upset but to the OP, if you seek a catholic answer to who it would be better for to get sterilized then the answer is neither of you. There is no other Catholic answer to this besides dont do it.

Ummm, pretty much every post already said that…