Would priest avoid me on purpose?

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Azaryahtt said:
Well , I guess you will agree with me , making some stranger feel welcome into your congregation, it should not be compared to the retail business approach,
I mean I was almost (if not even) considering not coming back there, thanks for your comment
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Well, I wasn’t exactly in retail when dealing with students.

My point is that perhaps there were unintended actions on your part–dashing off after Mass or other things. Things that you probably didn’t even think about. This has been 5 years in the making. This isn’t as if you were new and kept trying to speak with him after Mass.

Call the office, introduce yourself. Ask when you can bring him a coffee or other treat. If he still ignores you then you have your answer. But seriously…it’s been 5 years. He is not your mother or a long-lost lover. Be an adult, and do something kind for him.
 
Azaryahtt said:
making some stranger feel welcome into your congregation
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Have you tried to reach out to the priest, say hello to him, smile, chat, get involved in church activities?

Or do you just stand there waiting for the priest to approach you like it’s some kind of test he has to pass?

Most priests, in my experience, are most likely to talk to the people they already know well and/or the people who reach out to the priest and try to communicate with him. If this is your normal approach to people, that it’s their job to somehow make you feel wanted or special, maybe it’s time you got off your high horse and started to reach out to folks yourself.
 
Hey , seriously, I wasn’t expecting a kiss on the cheek, a simple good bye would have suffice , you know when someone is just trying to be plain rude.
I don’t think I’m not being an adult, I am being nice to him , and he definitely knows who I am, it’s been 5 years yes , but on and off , between different parishes.
All I am saying is , and that was the whole purpose of this threat , does someone else struggle in as similar way at their parish, and there has been a few affirmative responses,
As far as what I am doing next, I don’t know yet , I would like to say it’s not a big deal, but for me right now , it is ,
 
The purpose of my threat, wasn’t placing the blame on anyone, wether there is reason for animosity , dislike is not what interests me at this point , ( I have had my own battles in that sense , and thank God I have come out victorious,.) .
The question was plain and simple, do you believe it is a priest role /habit to choose between people ,
Forget about me , this is not about me, is about priest/congregation interaction
 
Azaryahtt said:
Hey , seriously, I wasn’t expecting a kiss on the cheek, a simple good bye would have suffice , you know when someone is just trying to be plain rude.
I don’t think I’m not being an adult, I am being nice to him , and he definitely knows who I am, it’s been 5 years yes , but on and off , between different parishes.
All I am saying is , and that was the whole purpose of this threat , does someone else struggle in as similar way at their parish, and there has been a few affirmative responses,
As far as what I am doing next, I don’t know yet , I would like to say it’s not a big deal, but for me right now , it is ,
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:roll_eyes:

You are still making assumptions.

You have never actually spoken to the man.

You can either be “right” or be happy. Try to have some compassion and reach out.
 
You’re right, there can be multiple reasons for it, I just wasn’t in the best mood today, so that might have just added drama to the situation, but that I believe , he treats me on the cold side , I do, and i am not going to make any judgement , cause we know that’s not up to us,
The thing is it’s a very fine line between God dealing with people, and his representative dealing with people, don’t you think?
 
Azaryahtt said:
You’re right, there can be multiple reasons for it, I just wasn’t in the best mood today, so that might have just added drama to the situation, but that I believe , he treats me on the cold side , I do, and i am not going to make any judgement , cause we know that’s not up to us,
The thing is it’s a very fine line between God dealing with people, and his representative dealing with people, don’t you think?
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The poor guy is a human being.

You are not a regular attender.

You have NO IDEA what he is dealing with.

Do you know if he’s in pain? If he’s depressed? If he has cancer? If he recently lost a loved one? Do you know if he spoke to the others because he knew they were at the end of their ropes? Do you know if he didn’t approach you because he’d just had his head bit off the last 2 dozen times he’d tried to talk to someone with spotty attendance and he just didn’t have it in him to try again?

No. You have NO idea what is going on with this priest.

Yet you expect him to act like Jesus Christ himself…who…by the way… “ignored” people all the time. You think that the crowds pressing up against Him and calling his name were happy when he kept trying to get where He was going? Do you think that some were a bit miffed when the crowd was so big he went off in a boat to preach? Or how about when the lady with the hemorage touched Him just for healing? You think she didn’t try to get His attention first?

This priest is a human, not God.
 
Oh yes, believe me , I know when some thought comes to me about something, it’s very hard to make me change my feelings about it. I can reason it , go around it , but in the end my instincts just kick in ( sorry if expression not right, English not mother tongue).
That’s not actually true,I have spoken to the man , ( and you see I am already starting to feel bad about , talking about him , not talking to him) .
I guess it has to do with my past experiences dealing with people in general, I am most of the time on the defensive , I know that.
I definitely prefer to be happy, In any case all this forum chat has helped me to get it out.
There is always an opportunity to show compassion, we’ll see if we are up to it this time.
 
I think your feelings are very prideful.

Everyone wants to feel welcome and loved.

But you are wanting more out of this poor man than you have a right to ask.

Yes, priests represent God in some respect, but they are also human.

If you are not American, then perhaps Priests are treated nicer in your area/country. Where I live you might have one priest for 3,000 FAMILIES. That means maybe 5,000-20,000 people that they pastor. Most don’t attend regularly. Many have issues with hierarchy. To make matters worse, in my area it isn’t uncommon for priests with collars on to be spat on or name called or even have their tires slashed because people think that “all priests” are child molesters. (Police do nothing) To the point where the bishop allows priests not to wear their collar in public if they do not feel safe.

They are older. Their families have passed on. They often eat dinner alone…or miss it all together because they have no time. A very good priest friend of mine admitted to me after the 11AM Mass that because a fellow priest had been ill he’d done 3 masses back to back, had not been able to eat breakfast and had a 2-hour baptism class starting in 15 minutes and then an emergency parish council meeting across town, then back for a youth group meeting after that. I asked him when he was going to eat and he said, “I’m starving, but I don’t have a moment until about 9 tonight.” I ran to my car and got him crackers and a juice box. Then I asked him what his favorite sub was and ran to the sub shop and got him a foot long and a drink that could take him through the rest of his day. The poor guy was in his mid-70’s. It was not right or healthy for him to go a day without food especially given what he had to do.

You know? I’m betting when he was in the middle of finally pulling off of his alb and I was speaking to him there were a dozen people he “ignored”.

His burden was SO great, yet he was the kindest person in the world. Would give you the shirt off of his back.

There were actually many parishioners who didn’t like him…for some of the reasons you express here. You know what changed? The parish, not the priest. When I told the surly man who was asked to help lock up the church why I needed to get into the church during the baptism class he was like “oh, I had no idea. I’m just supposed to be an usher but Father asked me to lock up and I couldn’t say no to a priest. I was actually really angry because I signed up to just be an usher, not church caretaker—I didn’t realize.”

And he told his wife, who told the knitting group who then set up a profile on this “take them a meal” website so Father would never go hungry when he had crazy days. And you know? Many of those who disliked Father are his best “advocates” now.
 
It could also be that you are mistaken. It could be he knows these others for a long time. All clergy will use the test of time to watch over new parishioners. This is to ensure the safety and peace within the parish. It follows the Books of Wisdom as per precautions. I would let it go and don’t take it personally. Ensure you project a happy countenance and be eager to help out. If your the serious type, maybe that shows. Give time to let others get to know you. Anything positive should come from them and your good reputation will pass around quick. The priest will eventually sit with you and the others. Brother Andre of Montreal was always given the lowest tasks but accepted the priest superior’s directions happily and eagerly.

Only after a very long time,(1-2 years) you can do some investigation. You could say, “Father, I’ve felt for some time that perhaps I haven’t been up to par on my doing the tasks I’m assigned. Is there anyway you feel I can improve my status in this parish and my relationship with everyone”.? It’s the best approach and is non-provocative and shows that whatever it is that prevents you being accepted, it will be addressed. You may receive some bad news here. Either way, he knows your on to the situation.

Meanwhile, a time for self reflection. Do you know of any cause that might bring gossip to yourself? Do you publicly discuss controversial issues and take non-Catholic sides. Are you easily ticked off? Character traits that make people uncomfortable. How do you carry yourself? Do you shun self sacrifice for the sake of the parish? Are you self confident in God’s work,charitable,thinking of others and being spontaneous when the need is presented.? Are you a member of any abortion group, or not particularly watchful in moral habits?(Catholics are expected to maintain a spotless lifestyle). If not, these may present difficulty, but usually not complete rejection unless it is a case of social danger. Anyway patience when dealing with people helps and not being intrusive.
Do you always desire the last opinion? Do you lord it over others?

Take extra time for others to know you.
 
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Well, from a few digital characters on a screen, it is impossible to know the totality of the circumstances, or what you or Father are thinking, or feeling.

Since many Catholics are afraid of the Priest (no real reason for it, but it goes waaaaay back), ask him to have lunch or dinner. You might be pleasantly surprised.

In the meantime, get a catechism and begin reading. A compendium or The Faith is easier to begin with. Spend $10 at ThriftBooks and get free shipping.
 
michaelArc said:
My priest avoids me. It’s been a real source of anxiety and sadness. I feel like a part of my soul has been blackened.

He Baptized my daughter, and I’ve spoken to him on several occasions prior to the Baptism. But since then, it’s like he wants nothing to do with me. I’ve asked kindly on a few occasions if we could get our Baptism certificate for my daughter, but he never sends it. He asks me to send him an email to set up an appointment for some spiritual guidance that I requested, but he never responds to my emails anymore. He deliberately tries to avoid me after mass when I just want to say hi.

Sadly I don’t have a lot of options to go elsewhere, otherwise I would probably attend mass at another church. But I’m absolutely heartbroken that I can’t feel a part of a community where my daughter was baptised. At times, I feel like it puts me at the crossroads with my faith.

I meditate over the sorrowful mysteries and contrast it to my situation. People are people. There are bad people and there are bad priests. I don’t think this priest is a bad person but he has his reasons. I just can’t let it dictate my life. All I can do is pray for guidance, healing and for him and to remind myself why I go to church.
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This priest is either so overworked that he has not been able to fit you in and is embarrassed at his shortcoming, or else he is having a personal problem (burnout or some other anxiety). Do not take it personally. If he has an administrative helper like a secretary, see if you can get the baptism certificate from them. Meanwhile, I would suggest you perhaps talk with some others in your parish in a non-gossipy way to see what’s up with the priest. Something like, “I’ve been trying to get an appointment with Father X for a while but I can’t seem to reach him. What’s the best way to get through to him?” Somebody might share some background, like the priest is always impossible to reach, that the best way is to catch him at such and such time, that he has just had a death in his family and isn’t himself, etc.

I happened to get into a convo with an 80+ year old parishioner who is very active in two parishes and has a huge family and she let me know all sorts of things about the priests in casual conversation that I maybe suspected but didn’t know for sure. They were not bad things, just personality quirks. The reality is that the vast majority of priests are struggling hard with overwork and parish finances. When they can’t “be there” for their parishioners, some of them probably take it hard and that leads to them ducking people’s contacts which then makes the people in question feel bad. Priests do not come up in a “corporate culture” that teaches them how to deal with things like “client contact” and some of them are just bad at it.
 
Ok , I’ll go down to the heart of the matter here, i am a foreigner to the country were I am residing now, and do not have a family of my own , in fact I struggle lately about the fact that my family back home has not been able to come and visit here at all ( but that’s another story).
So it happens that I already struggle to get to know new people within the parish, most have their own family, and have been attending this parish for all their Life.
And believe me , I have tried, I pretty much go to every coffee morning that I can to get to know my brother and sisters .
But just to give us an example (and this is why I know it’s not just all in my head), in one of this coffee morning, I was seated at a table, and this priest came to salute the person next to me, well I might have been staring at him for like several minutes , before he dare to make eye contact and reluctantly smile and salute back at me.
Now as far of his reasons for being this cold towards me is my guess.
Believe me if I would have done something that could have caused that animosity, …
I think it could be the fact that I am most of the time on my own, and that I could look like a solitaire, wich I understand doesn’t call for someone to want to engage, other than that, it would be me speculative.
But for sure to me it gives me the message, ok man it was nice to see you around here, but I do have better things to do , I’m very busy with my parishioners already , no time for losers.
So there you go, plain and simple ,practical economy of the heavens,and believe me ,I do have some experience on being shunned in other religious groups before , so the idea of happening here is not pleasent at all,
 
Believe me , not the case of this particular priest,and I would not go into more detail , cause I do not want to release too much information, just to be respectful.
I do get being a priest is not an easy job, in fact sometimes I think I should use. More their services, but I’m afraid I’m going to be taking too much of their time!.
I would be prideful I’d say , if I would want him to give me some undiserved attention, but In this occasion , a simple good bye would have suffice , now I don’t mind being the first one to reach out to someone, but Honestly, the next time it happens maybe I won’t be so nice.
 
Azaryahtt said:
Ok , I’ll go down to the heart of the matter here, i am a foreigner to the country were I am residing now, and do not have a family of my own , in fact I struggle lately about the fact that my family back home has not been able to come and visit here at all ( but that’s another story).
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Thank you for this additional background. Now it makes more sense why you might feel unwelcome.

It’s possible that you’re running into a cultural difference. I don’t know what culture you come from, or which one the priest comes from, but certain cultures are very outgoing and others not so much. In any event I am sure it is not due to anything you did.

Is it possible for you to perhaps try to attend another parish, or is this the only one close by? Are there any other places for regular Mass nearby such as college Newman Centers, convents or monasteries that have Masses open to the public? You need to have contact with some friendlier priests and parishioners so that you don’t get fed up and leave the Church.
 
Well yes, the only problem with the cultural difference , is that there are several more foreign families , and I resalt families.
Do you mean leave the Catholic church , or this church in particular?
 
We don’t want you to leave the Catholic church. If you have to find another parish or Catholic church to attend Mass, this happens sometimes, we understand.
 
Azaryahtt said:
The question was plain and simple, do you believe it is a priest role /habit to choose between people ,

Forget about me , this is not about me, is about priest/congregation interaction
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No it is not a priest’s role to judge/choose between people. Jesus Christ will do this at Final Judgement.
 
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