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Sarcelle
Guest
I think TK421 was being a wee bit sarcastic.
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Medical_Student
Guest
Lol, never.
The ideas of children paying rent, or being sent off when 18, or even things like allowance money for chores growing up are extremely foreign to me as an Indian-American. I never received any of these and turned out just fine.
The ideas of children paying rent, or being sent off when 18, or even things like allowance money for chores growing up are extremely foreign to me as an Indian-American. I never received any of these and turned out just fine.
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
actually, I’d pay my kids to live with me forever…
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pianistclare
Guest
Amen. I’ve never understood the desire to get them out of the house.actually, I’d pay my kids to live with me forever…
We respect each other and support each other’s aspirations in terms of relationships and careers, and faith.
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Allegra
Guest
Probably not because I don’t think I would allow my adult children to live with me without there being a pressing reason in the first place. For example, if they were in school, there would obviously be good reason to stay at home for free. If they had some sort of “in-between-homes” situation like their house burned down or they needed a place to stay while they were building a home or waiting for a move-in date, they would have expenses of their own and it would be temporary. I would be pretty reluctant to let them live with us indefinitely without a good reason though, but if they did, yeah, they’d be paying rent.
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Allegra
Guest
I do. Some of the most irresponsible teenagers I known have been able to hold down a job. You’d be amazed how motivated someone can become when their money for weed is at stake!
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
Absolutely.
However I do know families of young adults who have struggled with drugs, or alchohol. And that is a situation I could see rent being an option. A troubled young adult, trying to sober up, needing to prove and learn responsible behavior.
But like I said, if that were the case. I would not tell them what I planned on doing with the money, but upon reformation and a release into the “world” again, I would give it back to them to help them move forward.
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angell1
Guest
no I meant more young adults.
they could still pay rent but not help out with anything else around the house.
or not pay rent but are very diligent with the chores. and know how to manage their affairs
the same goes for people who have moved out. many of my peers just don’t care about cleaning their house, eat out all the time, leave their laundry until the last minute, or even buy new clothes instead of washing them, or don’t pay their bills on time and accumulate debt. and these are people who are in university and have jobs and don’t live with their parents
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angell1
Guest
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Kit15
Guest
Probably not rent…at least not right away. Maybe if the child had actually moved out for a while and had to come home for some reason… But then the family dynamic would have changed that such an arrangement would become more palatable for both of us. But most likely not out of college.
After getting my first job, a lot of things suddenly became my responsibility. I had to pay for my clothes, entertainment, gas, car insurance, etc. All that stuff seemed obvious that I would start to take care of it, but when my mom tested the rent waters I remember my first reaction was one of horror. Why was my *mother *proposing we enter a renter/tenant relationship? If she ever had to move into MY future house someday, I wouldn’t have even dreamed of asking for *her *to pay rent.
I know what she meant now that I’m in my 30’s, but I remember feeling suddenly less like a loved one and more like an additional source of income. I must have made quite a face because she never mentioned rent again.
After getting my first job, a lot of things suddenly became my responsibility. I had to pay for my clothes, entertainment, gas, car insurance, etc. All that stuff seemed obvious that I would start to take care of it, but when my mom tested the rent waters I remember my first reaction was one of horror. Why was my *mother *proposing we enter a renter/tenant relationship? If she ever had to move into MY future house someday, I wouldn’t have even dreamed of asking for *her *to pay rent.
I know what she meant now that I’m in my 30’s, but I remember feeling suddenly less like a loved one and more like an additional source of income. I must have made quite a face because she never mentioned rent again.
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Sarcelle
Guest
For recent immigrants, the practice of kicking children out when they turn 18 is a foreign concept, some even view it as heartless.
I know someone who returned home from her high school graduation only to find her things out on the curb. She was essentially evicted. Now that is what I call heartless.
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WilliamE
Guest
Yeah! The little freeloader needs to learn the value of a buck.
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EasterJoy
Guest
This depends entirely on the circumstances. Throughout history, families have often needed mere children to earn salaries to help support the family. Other families have found that financial contributions from adult children staying at home are not necessary, but do find it wise or necessary to require the adult child to contribute in other ways that adults contribute to a home, such as doing routine work beyond just seeing to their own maintenance.
Still other families cannot accommodate the growing needs of the younger children if the older children remain in the home when they become adults. Some find the adult children are disruptive to the peace of the home and have to ask them to leave, even though it is not the children who are at fault for the lack of harmony. Paying rent won’t fix that; the adult child needs to find somewhere else to live.
Generally speaking, I wouldn’t ask my child to pay rent unless I were in a situation where I needed a renter to make ends meet or else the adult child was taking advantage of the situation to his or her own detriment when they weren’t asked to pay rent. I might also ask for rent to make things fairer if I had two children who wanted to live with me and I could only accommodate one: that is, I could ask for rent from the one staying with me to help the other out with their rent payment elsewhere.
I don’t think there is anything immoral about asking an adult to contribute to whatever household is giving him or her room and board. It is not wrong to put them up for free, but it is nothing the adult child is entitled to have, either. As it is, though, we have children we enjoy having at home and the means to support them. We’d be happy to have them, rent-free. (Some of my own relatives have lived at home rent-free into their 30’s, and it worked out very well for both the parent and the adult child. Others never married and never left home, but stayed at home and took care of their parents when they got old.)
Still other families cannot accommodate the growing needs of the younger children if the older children remain in the home when they become adults. Some find the adult children are disruptive to the peace of the home and have to ask them to leave, even though it is not the children who are at fault for the lack of harmony. Paying rent won’t fix that; the adult child needs to find somewhere else to live.
Generally speaking, I wouldn’t ask my child to pay rent unless I were in a situation where I needed a renter to make ends meet or else the adult child was taking advantage of the situation to his or her own detriment when they weren’t asked to pay rent. I might also ask for rent to make things fairer if I had two children who wanted to live with me and I could only accommodate one: that is, I could ask for rent from the one staying with me to help the other out with their rent payment elsewhere.
I don’t think there is anything immoral about asking an adult to contribute to whatever household is giving him or her room and board. It is not wrong to put them up for free, but it is nothing the adult child is entitled to have, either. As it is, though, we have children we enjoy having at home and the means to support them. We’d be happy to have them, rent-free. (Some of my own relatives have lived at home rent-free into their 30’s, and it worked out very well for both the parent and the adult child. Others never married and never left home, but stayed at home and took care of their parents when they got old.)
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EasterJoy
Guest
A surprise eviction on your high school graduation day by means of locking you out of the house and leaving your worldly belongings out where anyone could take them?
Heartless hardly describes that. That is a mind-boggling level of social aggression from a parent. I could argue it was worse than saying “You are dead to me” face-to-face would have been.
meltzerboy
New member
It’s not a cultural thing for Jews as it is for Hispanics and Italians, the latter also wishing to hold on to their sons as well as daughters. But I wouldn’t anyway, because I consider it a privilege to have my children at home, especially in this day and age, no matter whether they contribute or not to the finances. Besides, when I lived at home into my 20’s, I wasn’t charged for rent. So I guess it’s a family thing!
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Sarcelle
Guest
She was not locked out but her things were out on the curb and the social aggression, if I remember right, was not from a parent but a stepparent, specifically, a stepmother.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Some parents give their adult children the “five star hotel” treatment, however, never requiring them to do work around the house or even clean or iron their own clothing. That is very bad, because the child is being given no preparation for marriage or independent single life. Except under extraordinary circumstances, that is parent failure. It can paralyze the willingness of the adult child to become self-supporting, let alone willing to support a spouse and family or to contribute as a self-sacrificing single Christian or a member of a religious community.
Pope Francis once told a group of bishops: “In Buenos Aires many of the women were complaining, saying, ‘I have a son who’s 30, 34, and he won’t get married. I don’t know what to do!’ I would tell them, ‘Well, quit ironing his shirts!’…We need to give to the young people enthusiasm, so they will take this worthwhile risk. Here too, we bishops need parrhesia!"
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Sarcelle
Guest
My siblings and I lived for a while with our parents while going to University. We were all lucky to have cobbled scholarships and grant money and working part time to put ourselves through school. To save money , we lived at home. We all split the chores between us, cooking, cleaning and laundry. We also paid the utility bills while our parents paid for the house.
I count myself as incredibly lucky to have graduated from University without any debt. I couldn’t have done if I hadn’t lived with my parents.
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pianistclare
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pianistclare
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And look how well you turned out!- Status