Would you confront a teen who's texting during Mass?

[PRmerger]

So it was a crowded Mass. A 15-ish yr old boy is sitting in front of me, next to his oblivious father.

During the Mass the boy would take his phone out of his pocket surreptitiously, glance at it, put the phone back in his pocket and attempt to blind-text. Presumably.

Over and over.

Not obtrusively. And not rebelliously/in-your-face

But enough that it was a distraction.

After a mental debate (“this could go really badly”), the next time he got his phone out I leaned over the pew and whispered, “Could you not do that please?”

And he had enough grace to look embarrassed, and put the phone away until he left Mass.

What would you have done?

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

So it was a crowded Mass. A 15-ish yr old boy is sitting in front of me, next to his oblivious father.

During the Mass the boy would take his phone out of his pocket surreptitiously, glance at it, put the phone back in his pocket and attempt to blind-text. Presumably.

Over and over.

Not obtrusively. And not rebelliously/in-your-face

But enough that it was a distraction.

After a mental debate (“this could go really badly”), the next time he got his phone out I leaned over the pew and whispered, “Could you not do that please?”

And he had enough grace to look embarrassed, and put the phone away until he left Mass.

What would you have done?

I have two different answers. Since I’m involved with youth ministry I do this often. More often than you would think.

But in your case where the kid was with his parent, I would not say anything. You are not the authority figure in that case. You would do well to concentrate on your own disposition and the mass. However, if you feel you must you could mention it to the father. Just realize that nine times out of ten the father is going to let you have it and not the kid.

 

[jeannetherese]

I thought the courtesy of your request may have been especially helpful to the young person as you were appealing to him rather than being bossy.
You gave him an opportunity to do the right thing and also to do you a favor.
I don’t really think of that as a confrontation. I thought you were very respectful.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I thought the courtesy of your request may have been especially helpful to the young person as you were appealing to him rather than being bossy.
You gave him an opportunity to do the right thing and also to do you a favor.
I don’t really think of that as a confrontation. I thought you were very respectful.

Yes I read that fast and didn’t realize exactly what had been said. It was handled well.

 

[Anony_Mous]

…What would you have done?

Similar, but I would have told him to go outside to do that.

 

[GEddie]

I’m not his teacher, so no.

 

[jmcrae]

It would depend on how close I am to him, if I can get his attention without distracting anyone else, and also whether I know his parents, and what the relationship is. Some parents don’t mind me reminding their kids, and others prefer to do all of that themselves.

 

[ProVobis]

I don’t know. Maybe he was texting someone in a hospital the gospel readings for the day.

 

[Confiteor_Deo]

I wouldn’t tell him anything. If I knew him, then I would.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I don’t know. Maybe he was texting someone in a hospital the gospel readings for the day.

Yeah, sometimes on this site the “charitable” ideas get a little outlandish!

 

[Maddie26]

Maybe pay attention to the priest rather than the congregation, although it can be hard when people keep talking. For young people today mobile phones are not just for texting. He may have been looking up something in an online missal for all you know, or following readings in another language. Or maybe he has a friend contemplating suicide and had his phone on to answer emergency calls. You just don’t know. I don’t think it’s nice to be glad about embarrassing someone, especially at Mass. I feel like his father or the priest should be the ones offering discipline.

I was once at Benediction and had no paper to follow. I could have looked it up on my phone and joined in the ceremony if it wasn’t for fear of judgemental people around me so I sat, stood and knelt without singing or speaking except when the reply was obvious. It makes me kind of sad that it had to be that way.

 

[UpUpAndAway]

I would, but I’m the head sacristan so if I don’t other people might think it’s okay to text during Mass and then we’d have a widespread adoption of the practice. If I’m at Mass outside my parish, I probably wouldn’t even notice it as I tend to be oblivious to everything going on away from the altar when I’m not serving.

 

[Exiled_Child]

No, it’s none of my business.

 

[mommy_k]

I would leave it up to the dad-if the dad was oblivious-I would make sure he knew.

I would not be direct-I would tell the teen in front of the dad after mass-- I noticed your phone at mass when you were texting – what kind of phone is it? If someone told me this about one of my teens, I would then take care to never let him or her bring a phone to church, and they would be corrected by me.

This is what is called laying a seed.

 

[mary_bobo]

At mass in my parish, we are reminded to turn off phones and other electronic devices before the introductory hymn starts. Maybe that would help.

 

[St_Francis]

When I first read your question, I thought no, because I have no authority over him. You handled the situation just right, I think: you asked as a favor at an appropriate moment, reminding him of proper behavior.

He clearly was disobeying his father, since he was doing it surreptitiously!

So it was a crowded Mass. A 15-ish yr old boy is sitting in front of me, next to his oblivious father.

During the Mass the boy would take his phone out of his pocket surreptitiously, glance at it, put the phone back in his pocket and attempt to blind-text. Presumably.

Over and over.

Not obtrusively. And not rebelliously/in-your-face

But enough that it was a distraction.

After a mental debate (“this could go really badly”), the next time he got his phone out I leaned over the pew and whispered, “Could you not do that please?”

And he had enough grace to look embarrassed, and put the phone away until he left Mass.

What would you have done?

 

[GoGoDiego]

This happened during our confirmation. One of our confirmand classmates was texting during the Mass, needless to say, in the presence of the Bishop of the diocese. I whispered to him: “Uy, mahiya-hiya ka naman, nagsisimba tayo at nagtetext ka habang nagmimisa ang Obispo.” (Be ashamed of yourself, we are hearing Mass and you are texting while the Bishop is saying Mass) He did not listen, rather he carried on. During the general intercessions, the bishop caught sight of that student and displayed a stern face. The student hid his cellphone upon looking at the bishop staring at him. After the Mass, I overheard his Dad scolding him.

 

[PRmerger]

Yeah, sometimes on this site the “charitable” ideas get a little outlandish!

Yep. Pretty much.

 

[PRmerger]

Maybe pay attention to the priest rather than the congregation, although it can be hard when people keep talking.

…or texting.

For young people today mobile phones are not just for texting. He may have been looking up something in an online missal for all you know, or following readings in another language

Nope.

I don’t think it’s nice to be glad about embarrassing someone, especially at Mass.

There’s a difference between being “glad about embarrassing someone” (which I wasn’t),
and satisfied that the boy had enough moral character to **be **embarrassed at the situation.

I feel like his father or the priest should be the ones offering discipline.

Fair enough.

I was once at Benediction and had no paper to follow. I could have looked it up on my phone and joined in the ceremony if it wasn’t for fear of judgemental people around me so I sat, stood and knelt without singing or speaking except when the reply was obvious. It makes me kind of sad that it had to be that way.

Yeah, it makes me sad for you, too. I take my phone out and use Laudate at Adoration.

I don’t give a whit if people judge me, because I know I’m not doing anything wrong, and if anyone approached me, I would simply smile and quietly point out the app to show them it’s all copacetic.

I don’t judge people for judging me.

For that would be…hypocritical.

 

[randomuser]

Why isn’t “Yes, even if his parents were around” an option?

Yes, I would. Of course, being a single (not with family), I do run the risk of being accused of you-know-what if I were to do so.