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We will celebrate our 22nd anniversary next month.
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AFinley
Guest
My brother and I dated two sisters from our circle of friends. ( There’s only a year and a half between he and I) When we broke up with them, within a few weeks of each other, it split our group inhalf. The guys went with my brother and I, and the girls with them. We all hung out, however, not nearly as much, and no one enjoyed it as much as they use to. I hadn’t talked to Marissa for more than two minutes in two years, but one night we talked for quite awhile and we’re better friends now than we were beforehand. My brother and Caitlin will probably never reconcile entirely, since he’s gone out of state to college. So, there’s my experience. Oh, and she’s definitely been my favorite girlfriend, haha.
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AFinley
Guest
Forgot to mention that I regret nothing! If I could go back and change it, I wouldn’t.
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Rmac81
Guest
My husband and I were friends before we started dating.
We were friends for 3-5 months before we began dating. During that 3-5 months we were together all the time, found reasons to hang out, and never wanted to be apart. It sounds like we were dating, but we were really just friends. It was through this friendship that I found out that I didn’t want to be away from him–the friendship was a kind of dating I suppose that allowed us to get to know each other.
I would think that in a large group of friends, you would know if you and this person should take a shot at dating. I mean, if you’re friends, it should be pretty clear to see if you have a lot in common, if you share the same faith, if you always end up being near each other when in a large group, etc.
Just my two cents…FYI: I was never any good at dating so I spent most of my time with large groups of friends and God was most merciful to have me meet my husband in that group. Not everyone is like that though…so pray and ask God what your next step is.
We were friends for 3-5 months before we began dating. During that 3-5 months we were together all the time, found reasons to hang out, and never wanted to be apart. It sounds like we were dating, but we were really just friends. It was through this friendship that I found out that I didn’t want to be away from him–the friendship was a kind of dating I suppose that allowed us to get to know each other.
I would think that in a large group of friends, you would know if you and this person should take a shot at dating. I mean, if you’re friends, it should be pretty clear to see if you have a lot in common, if you share the same faith, if you always end up being near each other when in a large group, etc.
Just my two cents…FYI: I was never any good at dating so I spent most of my time with large groups of friends and God was most merciful to have me meet my husband in that group. Not everyone is like that though…so pray and ask God what your next step is.
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Aggies08
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I did; now he’s my DH.
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Joe_5859
Guest
I never dated someone who was not in my circle of friends. 
The breakups weren’t always pleasant, but in general people did not pry or feel they had to pick sides. At least not to my knowledge. We were all pretty serious Catholics, though, so saying “It wasn’t God’s will” was a pretty sufficient explanation.
Of course, it depends on how large the circle is, too. If your circle of friends is only six people (like the sitcom
), then it could easily go much further south.
The breakups weren’t always pleasant, but in general people did not pry or feel they had to pick sides. At least not to my knowledge. We were all pretty serious Catholics, though, so saying “It wasn’t God’s will” was a pretty sufficient explanation.
Of course, it depends on how large the circle is, too. If your circle of friends is only six people (like the sitcom
), then it could easily go much further south.
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underacloud
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I think many people overestimate the nature of their friendships when they are younger - teens through early adulthood. The truth is that most of the people in your circle of friends will have become occasional acquaintances by the time you’ve been married for a while and God-willing have children, a mortgage, school fees, full time job, and so on. Many of them will be “friends” only in the sense that facebook uses that term. Most people may retain a few close friends, more commonly of their own gender, especially once people marry and male-female friendships become more difficult to sustain with deference to spouses.
Finding a good spouse is one of the most important life decisions you face. It is much more important that worrying about maintaining friendships that will in all likelihood naturally fade with the passing of the years. Finding a good spouse should be prioritised, in a general sense, above friendships.
In short, do not fear that you will spoil a friendship by dating. The truth is that the friendship was going to end one way or another anyway - in marriage if you are lucky, or in a breakup perhaps, or naturally fade if you never give it a go.
Finding a good spouse is one of the most important life decisions you face. It is much more important that worrying about maintaining friendships that will in all likelihood naturally fade with the passing of the years. Finding a good spouse should be prioritised, in a general sense, above friendships.
In short, do not fear that you will spoil a friendship by dating. The truth is that the friendship was going to end one way or another anyway - in marriage if you are lucky, or in a breakup perhaps, or naturally fade if you never give it a go.
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otjm
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Well, for starters, I probably would not date someone form my circle of enemies…
As one gets older, one finds that one’s circle of friends becomes circles of friends. And it is more likely you will meet someone within or connected to one of those circles than pure dumb luck.
Even in college, I did not have “one” circle of friends; I had several.
As one gets older, one finds that one’s circle of friends becomes circles of friends. And it is more likely you will meet someone within or connected to one of those circles than pure dumb luck.
Even in college, I did not have “one” circle of friends; I had several.
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Joe_5859
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Very good point. In high school and the second half of college, I had a much easier time making friends with girls than guys. And how many of those girls (besides my wife) do I speak with on a regular basis? Zero.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
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tafan
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World’s collide…
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Mrs_Sally
Guest
Yes, absolutely. I did and I would expect my kids to do the same. I want to already know something about a person before I begin dating. Relationships went much better when we were friends first. My wonderful husband was a co-worker and went out to lunch, after work drinks, etc. with friends from work before we started dating.
I wouldn’t worry about big drama among a group of friends if we broke up, because I would expect to know enough about how compatiable we are before dating, and because we probably would realize sooner if the relationship wasn’t progressing.
I wouldn’t worry about big drama among a group of friends if we broke up, because I would expect to know enough about how compatiable we are before dating, and because we probably would realize sooner if the relationship wasn’t progressing.
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maryjk
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Where else would you meet someone?
I guess you could meet someone on line or through a dating service, but I wouldn’t think that is a better way. Just different.
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Midwest88
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Sure, if feelings are reciprocated and if I see them as a potential spouse. I’m hesitant to date anyone from work, though. It also depends on what you mean by date. I’m not into casual dates, so if a girl and I go out to eat or to get some drinks it’s because we’re friends or want to get to know each other better. I’m a friends first type of person, and I don’t do the “friend zone” thing. I also don’t agree with today’s concept of dating - it’s messed up.
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Iheartcoffee
Guest
My husband and I started out as friends. It worked out quite well.
In a marriage, you are probably going to spend a lot more time actually acting on a feeling of being best friends than acting on a lot of romantic feelings. That fact sounds depressing but it doesn’t have to be. A romantic love is very instrumental for good marriage, but don’t for a second discount the fact that the bulk of your marriage won’t be conducive to constant romance so the ability to have a best friend that you live with and go to sleep with every night is the best feeling in the world. That’s a love that beats the honeymoon-type love any day.
In a marriage, you are probably going to spend a lot more time actually acting on a feeling of being best friends than acting on a lot of romantic feelings. That fact sounds depressing but it doesn’t have to be. A romantic love is very instrumental for good marriage, but don’t for a second discount the fact that the bulk of your marriage won’t be conducive to constant romance so the ability to have a best friend that you live with and go to sleep with every night is the best feeling in the world. That’s a love that beats the honeymoon-type love any day.
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kelvinf
Guest
Interesting thread.
I have been in this situation before and it was so hurtful to have someone you thought you could start a family with turn you down simply because we are friends. Seriously? Till date, I still do not get it.
Are there really concrete reasons for this other than the fear that it would destroy your circle of friends as some have said? And why and how would dating a friend affect your relationship with your other friends?
What’s the reason for not wanting to date someone from work if I may ask the few who said so?
I have been in this situation before and it was so hurtful to have someone you thought you could start a family with turn you down simply because we are friends. Seriously? Till date, I still do not get it.
Are there really concrete reasons for this other than the fear that it would destroy your circle of friends as some have said? And why and how would dating a friend affect your relationship with your other friends?
What’s the reason for not wanting to date someone from work if I may ask the few who said so?
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AllSeasons
Guest
This is just one guy’s perspective, so take it with a grain of salt. To me, it’s all about ROI (return on investment). What are the investment and risks? The investment is of course time, money, resources, feelings, etc. The risks are possibly losing your friends, getting hurt, etc. Now, what are the returns? The return is the possibility of finding the woman you’re to spend the rest of your life with. If the investment/risks outweigh the returns, then the guy is likely not going to pursue the relationship. On the other hand, if the returns outweigh the investment/risks, then he’s more likely to pursue the relationship.
So what I’m trying to say is that it’s very possible that the guy was just feeling lukewarm about you, and didn’t want to risk losing his friends over it, but didn’t want to hurt your feelings or damage the friendship and make things awkward. If the guy was really crazy about you, he wouldn’t care about stuff like that. Make sense?
As for dating someone at work, that’s a lot more complicated, because you could potentially both end up losing your jobs, if it’s against company policy. There’re also all kinds of legal issues involved, as well. So unless there’re direct signs from God, I’d recommend against dating your coworkers.
Hope this helps.
So what I’m trying to say is that it’s very possible that the guy was just feeling lukewarm about you, and didn’t want to risk losing his friends over it, but didn’t want to hurt your feelings or damage the friendship and make things awkward. If the guy was really crazy about you, he wouldn’t care about stuff like that. Make sense?
As for dating someone at work, that’s a lot more complicated, because you could potentially both end up losing your jobs, if it’s against company policy. There’re also all kinds of legal issues involved, as well. So unless there’re direct signs from God, I’d recommend against dating your coworkers.
Hope this helps.
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Rau
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I can understand this if you live in a police state. But what company in the modern world makes rules about who you can date in your own time? Legal issues? -what did you have in mind?
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AllSeasons
Guest
Well, if you work in corporate, this kind of stuff gets drilled into you by HR. For instance, it’s a big no-no if either person is a subordinate in the relationship, i.e. you’re her boss or she’s your boss. This would just open up the company to all kinds of lawsuits. Also, if the relationship ends badly, and you find her crying in your boss’s office, that would be very, very bad. Further, this is how a lot of sexual harassment suits get filed. I could go on.
That being said, if you’re a married couple working for the same company, a lot of companies actually look upon it favorably, because that ensures “loyalty” to the company. Management would even make accommodations for it, such as having both of you work at the same location. But, if you’re just dating, you wouldn’t be entitled to this kind of “preferential treatment.”
Hope this helps.
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jmcrae
Guest
I agree. Dating leads to marriage. There needs to be a basis of friendship before you start down that path.
I dated and married my best friend from work. We’re still going strong after 26 years.
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Rau
Guest
How people behave at work is relevant to the company, and people have a duty to avoid conflicts of interest. Directly managing one’s fiancé would be an issue! The company may have an issue with married people, or people in obvious relationships working together. And if that is a problem, most company’s would seek to assist by, for example, moving one of the couple to a different area if warranted.
But beyond that, companies may not (and generally do not) seek to dictate your personal life. I dated and married a person I worked with (she did not work directly for me but was ultimately a subordinate through a few management levels). We didn’t disclose this (until getting married), and would certainly have felt no obligation whatsoever to do so, given no conflicts of interests etc. arose.
The workplace should not be allowed to dictate our personal lives.
We spend a lot of time at work, and it’s entirely natural that one might be open to forming relationships from that source.
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