Would you date someone who's in your circle of friends?

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Basically, the drawback is that if things don’t work out, and you have the same friends, it’d get kind of awkward. It’ll be like one of those sitcoms, where your friends will have to pick with one of you to stay friends with. Worth it or no?
 
When I was still in the dating pool…I had three basic rules I followed.

Rule one: Never date anyone I worked with.
Rule two: Never date anyone who was in my direct circle of friends.
Rule three: Never date anyone who had dated one of my close friends.

I’ve done all of the above with catastrophic results. No relationships formed, thank goodness, but just going out on dates alone with people who met one or more of those three criteria, always met with gossip, awkwardness and hurt feelings.

What didn’t count was when anyone of my friends from my direct circle introduced me to people I didn’t hang out with on a regular basis. I dated plenty of people who were friends of my friends. My friends introduced me to them.
People who were relatives (brothers/cousins), work buddies, college/high school friends and so on.

The only other guy I dated seriously besides my husband was not within my direct circle of friends. At least, I thought he wasn’t.
Most of my friends went to a different high school then I did. So I didn’t realize how many people knew each other.
My best friend introduced us. I came to find out just how many we both knew very well. It spilled over into my work friends too…which I didn’t expect at all. It goes to show how small of a world we live in.

At first it was fantastic. We knew the same people everywhere we went. If he went to a Christmas party at my work…he was totally comfortable. If I went to his buddies house, I was comfortable.
Then we had a nasty breakup and the whole world found out and took sides. That was awful.

From that point on…I tried to just date people I didn’t know very well.

The only drawback I came across when I dated someone who didn’t know anyone from my circle of friends was they felt out of place when we hung out with them.

I brought my boyfriend (now husband) to a party a friend of work was having. He knew absolutely no one there. He is very shy and very much an introvert. I went to use the bathroom and he felt so abandoned when I left for even a few minutes.
 
It seems wise to date people who have at least some connection to your friends or family; who else can vouch for their character?
 
AllSeasons said:
Basically, the drawback is that if things don’t work out, and you have the same friends, it’d get kind of awkward. It’ll be like one of those sitcoms, where your friends will have to pick with one of you to stay friends with. Worth it or no?
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Yes, that’s true, but on the other hand, there is something natural about progressing from casual friendships (in a circle of friends) through to closer relationships. You have the advantage of getting to know someone in an easy environment, and dating someone who may well come from similar background (eg. same school, community, religion, etc.). Better to have an eye out for the right person than to seek to avoid hypothetically awkward situations.
 
Rules is rules, and your heart take a very different road, and you can’t really do much about it. You date who you like, and the rest is up to God. And if it goes south, you will find out who is your friend and who is not, alas, sometimes is a very painfull manner. If you do date one from your circle of friends do keep in mind that it is possible to split up in a “good” way and remain friends.
 
Michael Corleone: “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.”

 
Although I saw and was even involved in some awkward situations, and lost friends because so many in our circle of friends decided to stick with one and not the other, if I’d made not dating friends a rule I wouldn’t have married my wife.
 
If you care enough about this person that you are willing to make a completely new life for yourself if the relationship doesn’t work out, go ahead. If you are just mildly interested, don’t bother.

This is actually somewhat similar to the question of whether or not one should take the risks involved with marrying somebody (which are like the OP’s question, except 10X bigger). If you are lukewarm about the person you are thinking of marrying, I don’t think you should.
 
To be honest, I think i might date someone in a circle of friends unless one of my guy friends dated them (unless they were really okay about it). However, I do think it depends how close you are. If you hang with the same people but aren’t buddy buddy then yeah its okay. If your BFFs with a girl or guy or super close then it might get messy.
I do think a good group of friends can help though. They introduce you to other people. Dating’s tougher when you only have one or two friends.
 
Thinking back to all the weddings I’ve been to recently, 4 out of 6 couples were friends before dating or dated someone in our circle of friends.

Finding someone to marry is hard enough as it is, and committing yourself to following an elaborate set of made-up rules sounds like a good way to stay single.
 
ack said:

“Finding someone to marry is hard enough as it is, and committing yourself to following an elaborate set of made-up rules sounds like a good way to stay single.”

Yes. You could paraphrase some of “the rules” to, “Only date somebody you don’t know.”
 
Sure. But I have multiple circles of friends, I’m not immediately or seriously looking for a marriage partner, and I’m really uncomfortable around people I don’t know. 🤷

I probably wouldn’t date someone who had previously dated a close friend, though.
 
I did in highschool. When we broke up, we just went back to being friends. The two of us didn’t hang out as much, but we’d talk about different things when in the larger group.

I wouldn’t recommend doing it. Just because it worked out in my case, I know from watching one of my sisters that it often doesn’t.

I was friends with my husband for a couple years before dating him. If things hadn’t worked out, I know that my best friend would have had my back, but his would have had his back. Which is fine.

I would NEVER date anyone from a bar or dating site. I think it is extremely important to know the person before you start dating them.
 
Cariethra said:
I would NEVER date anyone from a bar or dating site. I think it is extremely important to know the person before you start dating them.
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This is why their is no correct answer to this question…just opinions.

My husband and I met on a dating website. We went on a total blind date…after a week or two of emails and phone calls.

I felt so constricted dating guys that were only a couple degrees of separation from my direct circle of friends. I felt like I wasn’t meeting anyone new or interesting. Most of my guy friends hung out with people who were similar to them and shared the same interests…go figure, they were buddies for a reason…:rolleyes:

But that meant I was dating carbon copies of my friends…and truth be told, there was a reason I was friends with them and not interested in dating them.

That was why I took it to the web and tried my luck there. I wasn’t totally successful at first. I met one or two guys that I would never consider a friendship with…let alone a relationship and I quickly called it off.

My husband was perfect though. The two of us got to know each other over time and that was fun. We have so much in common and I never would have met him if I didn’t expand my horizons and date people I didn’t know.
 
Cariethra said:
I did in highschool. When we broke up, we just went back to being friends. The two of us didn’t hang out as much, but we’d talk about different things when in the larger group.

I wouldn’t recommend doing it. Just because it worked out in my case, I know from watching one of my sisters that it often doesn’t.

I was friends with my husband for a couple years before dating him. If things hadn’t worked out, I know that my best friend would have had my back, but his would have had his back. Which is fine.

I would NEVER date anyone from a bar or dating site. I think it is extremely important to know the person before you start dating them.
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Don’t date anyone who is in your circle of friends but do date someone you know?
 
It only gets weird after a breakup if you gave more away (emotionally or physically) than you should have. Only your spouse (and only when they are finally your spouse) deserves everything from you. I always refrained from getting involved sexually with the boys I dated, and I have been able to maintain normal relationships with them afterwards.

Don’t give too much of yourself away, and don’t try to hurt the other person. That’s all you can do.
 
Thank you for the responses so far. It sounds like it can work, but there’re definitely risks involved. And unless you really like her, it’s not recommended. Does that pretty much sum it up?
 
AllSeasons said:
Thank you for the responses so far. It sounds like it can work, but there’re definitely risks involved. And unless you really like her, it’s not recommended. Does that pretty much sum it up?
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It really depends on you. If it were to “not work out”, do you think could cope with it? She’s in your circle of friends, so you know her a bit: what is she going to be like if it doesn’t work out? Has she dated anyone in your circle? How did that work out, when they broke up? How about your friends–are they the kind who will make a break-up hard or will it be something they take in stride?

I have been in groups where I’d not want to date anyone in the group and groups where it wouldn’t concern me that much. It just depends. To say “look before you leap” is not the same as saying “never leap”. It is to say “don’t just leap anywhere. Choose what chasms you leap, because you’re not going to clear the mark for all of them and you’re not going to get anywhere if you don’t choose to have a go at least some of them.”

“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.” and "The joy in life is his who has the heart to demand it.”–Theodore Roosevelt

IOW: Don’t be so afraid of sorrows that you never reach out for joys. If you don’t have courage, what joy is there to be had in an otherwise virtuous life? 🤷
 
Between the ages of 15-19 i dated 3 of my “close” female friends (they didn’t know each other… I should mention that :rotfl: ). Out of these three, only one is still in the “loop” today. The other 2 i have not heard or seen ever since…

In retrospect I don’t think dating close friends is a good idea. There is some kind of a connection there that will ruin the relationship. I just knew to much about them and they about me, so jealousy and similar obstacles were to much to handle. :rolleyes:

If i had the chance to change the past, I would NOT. I grew alot from these experiences and i am still close friends with the one “ex” whose friendship mattered the most.
 
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