Would you leave your family to live in a better city or state?

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I’ve had several friends lately who have embarked on a career, and then about 10 years into, decide to start making changes to circle back to their hometowns and be closer to family…especially after having had a baby.

Another aspect to consider is moving somewhere that will reduce the amount of family support you have. This can be very important for young mothers. If one of you or the baby became sick (God forbid) or experienced some extraordinary need, someone in your family could help.

If you have more children, it would make having family support that much more important.

Just having a family member as someone in whom you have a high level of trust to babysit your child while you and your wife have a dinner out would be nice for your marriage too.

Also, there is something potentially valuable in a child experiencing the joy of cousins. (I couldn’t tell whether you or your wife have nieces or nephews.) Many people treasure the memory of cousins and playing together at grandma’s house…those relationships can be even stronger than friendships.
 
IMO, no! We are expecting our 7th baby, I am a SAHM, and my husband commutes an hour each way to work. We have discussed this off and on for years as it would be nice if my husband was closer to his job. Both of us grew up in the town we currently live in so we know personally a good majority of the people here and if not them directly, at least the family. So now that our older kids are in school, we have a good idea who they should and should not be friends with. We feel very comfortable leaving them spend time at friends’ homes.

Both our parents live nearby as well as several siblings. Our kids are able to spend quality time with them and their cousins and we are able to have someone watch them if we need it. My brother lives 3 hours away and his wife recently miscarried. They had no one to watch their 2 year old daughter so they could go to the hospital. My mom recently retired and was fortunately able to drive up and help them for a couple days! I have called my mom twice in the middle of the night when my water broke and I needed to get to the hospital ASAP!!

Both of our parents are aging, and I want to be able to help them if they need it! That would be much more difficult if we moved away.

These are just a few of the main reasons we have decided to stay! Now our oldest is in middle school, and I would hate to uproot him so I think we will stay put, but the conversation always comes up when my husband has a bad day! He is definitely bearing a heavy cross for our family!!!

I personally think it so sad how many families spread out all over. I understand there are dysfunctional families and financial considerations and all, but we have decided to put family first. We are here for them and they are here for us! I will be so sad if my children all move away!!!
 
aTraditionalist said:
We too are transplants. We are 8 hours from family but we decided to homestead here for our kids. We’ve been all over the country and lived in Europe, and this is the place we felt that was good enough to call home. You’ll have to deal with the culture any where you go. To us at least, it seems that Ohio was better than most. Our adventure hasn’t gone unnoticed, recently some family started to uproot and move here as well. The real bonus is that I am not really involved in the daily drama anymore. My family could do a season on Springer.
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That’s interesting. My wife is from Union, which is almost rural. I imagine that you’re pretty far outside of it all to be homesteading.
 
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Colorad007:
Quote:

Originally Posted by aTraditionalist

We too are transplants. We are 8 hours from family but we decided to homestead here for our kids. We’ve been all over the country and lived in Europe, and this is the place we felt that was good enough to call home. You’ll have to deal with the culture any where you go. To us at least, it seems that Ohio was better than most. Our adventure hasn’t gone unnoticed, recently some family started to uproot and move here as well. The real bonus is that I am not really involved in the daily drama anymore. My family could do a season on Springer.

That’s interesting. My wife is from Union, which is almost rural. I imagine that you’re pretty far outside of it all to be homesteading.
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lol no. We were a military family and homesteading is a term we use to reference throwing some roots down. I assume you are from CO? We lived in Aurora for four years. Unfortunately, my wife is not the true homesteading type, being a city girl. If I could build a Starbucks in the woods, she might agree to get off the grid with me.

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aTraditionalist said:
lol no. We were a military family and homesteading is a term we use to reference throwing some roots down. I assume you are from CO? We lived in Aurora for four years. Unfortunately, my wife is not the true homesteading type, being a city girl. If I could build a Starbucks in the woods, she might agree to get off the grid with me.

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I see. Yes, we live in the Denver area, across the city from Aurora.
 
Once again, I wouldn’t just dismiss liberal areas because they are liberal.

Liberal areas are more likely to have:
  1. Tolerance of racial minorities (and gays). More diversity.
  2. Tolerance of Catholics! (conservative areas tend to be Baptist/Evangelical and anti-Catholic. Liberal areas tend to have more Latinos, hence more Catholics simply because of that)
  3. Better international cuisine
  4. Better schools, colleges, libraries, and museums
  5. Better nightlife and fun, revitalized downtowns
  6. Access to the ocean (lakes in the Midwest and South can only go so far)
  7. Interesting, educated people with interesting life stories, like immigrants from the Middle East, or refugees from Southeast Asia
  8. Better-traveled, cosmopolitan people that don’t act stupid when they travel to Europe
  9. Health-conscious people. Triathletes, runners, cyclists, mountain bikers, winter sportspeople, water sportspeople, and so on
  10. Vegetarians and vegans, and dining options
  11. Independently owned cafes and breweries
  12. Independently owned boutiques that are socially conscious
  13. Independently owned bookstores and music stores (yes, they still exist!)
So moving to a conservative place might be fine, but what do you lose? It’s always give and take.

Answer this question for me. The coolest conservative city in the United States is…?
 
CaliLobo said:
Once again, I wouldn’t just dismiss liberal areas because they are liberal.

Liberal areas are more likely to have:
  1. Tolerance of racial minorities (and gays). More diversity.
  2. Tolerance of Catholics! (conservative areas tend to be Baptist/Evangelical and anti-Catholic. Liberal areas tend to have more Latinos, hence more Catholics simply because of that)
  3. Better international cuisine
  4. Better schools, colleges, libraries, and museums
  5. Better nightlife and fun, revitalized downtowns
  6. Access to the ocean (lakes in the Midwest and South can only go so far)
  7. Interesting, educated people with interesting life stories, like immigrants from the Middle East, or refugees from Southeast Asia
  8. Better-traveled, cosmopolitan people that don’t act stupid when they travel to Europe
  9. Health-conscious people. Triathletes, runners, cyclists, mountain bikers, winter sportspeople, water sportspeople, and so on
  10. Vegetarians and vegans, and dining options
  11. Independently owned cafes and breweries
  12. Independently owned boutiques that are socially conscious
  13. Independently owned bookstores and music stores (yes, they still exist!)
So moving to a conservative place might be fine, but what do you lose? It’s always give and take.

Answer this question for me. The coolest conservative city in the United States is…?
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This strikes me as presumptuous and diluted. It’s a matter of personal taste and preference. For instance, I don’t want to explain openly “gay” relationships to my children while on the street. There are plenty of great schools, businesses, and restaurants outside of liberal strongholds.
 
aTraditionalist said:
This strikes me as presumptuous and diluted. It’s a matter of personal taste and preference. For instance, I don’t want to explain openly “gay” relationships to my children while on the street. There are plenty of great schools, businesses, and restaurants outside of liberal strongholds.
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This strikes me as homophobic.

What benefit is there from sheltering children from gay people (or any type of people)? Gay people do no harm to us. Why do you not wish to teach them about the reality of the world we live in? Knowing my childhood, it’s not like they won’t find out about it anyway at an early age.

I attended public school in LA from K to 12, and I turned out relatively okay; I wasn’t promiscuous in high school and I didn’t do drugs… 😃

It will only serve to backfire once children enter college. Did Jesus shelter himself from nonbelievers?
 
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CaliLobo:
Quote:

Originally Posted by aTraditionalist

This strikes me as presumptuous and diluted. It’s a matter of personal taste and preference. For instance, I don’t want to explain openly “gay” relationships to my children while on the street. There are plenty of great schools, businesses, and restaurants outside of liberal strongholds.

Why not? What benefit is there from sheltering children from gay people? Why do you not wish to teach them about the reality of the world we live in? Knowing my childhood, it’s not like they won’t find out about it anyway at an early age.

I attended public school in LA from K to 12, and I turned out relatively okay; I wasn’t promiscuous in high school and I didn’t do drugs…

It will only serve to backfire once children enter college. Did Jesus shelter himself from nonbelievers?
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Again this is presumptive. I don’t shelter my kids. I explain the world as it is. As a parent though I choose to preserve their innocence when possible. I don’t want them believing that homosexuality is normal nor is it to be accepted. Before this gets out of hand, I believe in the person that a homosexual is but I won’t condone their behavior by being tolerant of it. Reciprocally, I won’t condone the sexual deviancy of heterosexual folks either. Sin is sin, and one type doesn’t trump another. Be careful with relativism, it’s a slippery slope.

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Perhaps now is not the right time for you to make a move although you should keep the idea on the back burner. It might be best to stay where you are until your baby is old enough for school and in the interim you can do more investigation on the best places to live that are more conservative. There are many factors involved here not the least of which will involve leaving family members. There are up sides and down sides to everything but what ever you decide, do a lot of research and have a well thought out plan. If you do decide to move away in the future it will give your mother time to adjust to the idea. Focus on a few areas and then find out everything you can about the communities including cost of living calculations in the new area. Plan to visit these areas to investigate jobs, homes, neighborhoods,schools, churches,climate, recreation and natural beauty and the people who live there to see if it is a good fit. It is very tempting to move somewhere where your kids can grow up in a community that has good values and does not despise religious values. But it is also a gift to grow up in a close knit family near grandparents and cousins. You will know when and if the move is the right decision if you pray for guidance and also listen to what your wife feels comfortable doing. Financial concerns should also be a important factor.
 
Thanks to everyone for their comments. Dies anyone else have any thoughts or advice?
 
Try another country! Where we ended up is a great place to raise kids…but after almost 10 years, we are looking toward moving closer to home. The issue? Aging parents on both sides and all that goes with it…the grandparents never get to see the kids, and now they (grandparents) are rapidly approaching not being able to drive, mow the lawn…all of it. So, it was good to get away…but at some point, depending on family circumstances, you may need to look at being closer again. I do wish I had some of the time back from when my mom was getting around well…
 
Colorad007 said:
Thanks to everyone for their comments. Dies anyone else have any thoughts or advice?
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Ultimately, it is really up to you (of course, I’m sure you know this). There are pros and cons – as with most any major life decision. The best advice is to discern carefully with your spouse in a spirit of openness and prayer.

I will say that the area you live in does make a difference. Of course, geography alone is no recipe for success (or failure). Children can grow up to be strong Catholic individuals in areas that are barren cultural wastelands. And they can fall away from the faith even in areas of great religious fervor. But when it comes to my kids, I want to stack the deck in their favor as much as possible. And certain places are just easier to do this than others.

I am glad that I live in a place where there are so many other homeschooling Catholic families with similar parenting philosophies. Whether it’s a picnic at the park or playing sports, prayer is just part of the activity. You don’t get that just everywhere.

Of course, you can’t let your guard down just because of where you live. There are problems no matter where you are.
 
I just don’t understand how anyone could leave their family and move unless they had to. I’m an only child and the thought of moving away from my mom breaks my heart and I know it would break hers too. My dad is already 62 and not in great health and I know I will have to take care of them as they get on in years. I really hope I never have to move.
 
anp1215 said:
I just don’t understand how anyone could leave their family and move unless they had to. I’m an only child and the thought of moving away from my mom breaks my heart and I know it would break hers too. My dad is already 62 and not in great health and I know I will have to take care of them as they get on in years. I really hope I never have to move.
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Are you married?

My family is my husband and son. My sister is my extended family.

(My parents are gone, but they moved to be closer to me, not the other way round.)
 
maryjk said:
Are you married?

My family is my husband and son. My sister is my extended family.

(My parents are gone, but they moved to be closer to me, not the other way round.)
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Yes, I’m married. My family is my husband. My mom and dad are also my family, and I will always feel a sense of responsibility to them. I don’t plan on moving away, unless a drastic turn of events necessitates it. I plan on being there for them in their old age, no one else will be.
 
maryjk said:
Are you married?

My family is my husband and son. My sister is my extended family.

(My parents are gone, but they moved to be closer to me, not the other way round.)
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That seems like a uniquely western concept of the family. It, really, is more Anglo and northern European. Even in Catholic countries like Italy and especially non-western countries, there is no easy delineation between immediate and extended family that suddenly happens when you get married. I’m not saying that either is better or worse, but it is to say that a whole lot of people have a different notion of family life that, in some ways, is much better than our American view.
 
Colorad007 said:
That seems like a uniquely western concept of the family. It, really, is more Anglo and northern European. Even in Catholic countries like Italy and especially non-western countries, there is no easy delineation between immediate and extended family that suddenly happens when you get married. I’m not saying that either is better or worse, but it is to say that a whole lot of people have a different notion of family life that, in some ways, is much better than our American view.
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Oh, I think it is worse. Families living together, for me, is an ideal. Although I know someone here will post about how horrific their family is and how bad it would be for them to live together.

BUT, my parents, instead of holding us in a area that didn’t have well paying jobs or an active Catholic community, moved to be with us. When their health got worse, they moved in with us.

I think family, extended is important. But if staying with extended family hurts your immediate family, there is a problem.
 
maryjk said:
Oh, I think it is worse. Families living together, for me, is an ideal. Although I know someone here will post about how horrific their family is and how bad it would be for them to live together.

BUT, my parents, instead of holding us in a area that didn’t have well paying jobs or an active Catholic community, moved to be with us. When their health got worse, they moved in with us.

I think family, extended is important. But if staying with extended family hurts your immediate family, there is a problem.
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That makes sense. In my case, there are jobs and one of the most active Catholic communities in the country. It is just the surrounding culture that really bothers me.
 
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