Would you marry someone who uses foul language?

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superfalcon

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Hi I am new and I have a question.
Code: 
               Would any of you marry someone who has the bad habit of using foul language?
The reason I am asking is because my girlfriend uses bad language. And I have asked her to stop and she says she will try. So I am ok with that. But a couple of my friends say I should dump her because of it. My thing is she admits its a bad habit and she is trying to stop. So I dont see a reason to dump her because of it. What do you all think?

Thanks & God Bless
 
H#&& yes I would (I could not resist).

Bad language is a bad habit, it can be overcome. Work on a fine system, she must pay a quarter every time she says a foul thing - then the money goes in the poor box at Church.

Suggest you and she pray more together, work on building your spiritual lives and the bad language will be easier to battle.
 
superfalcon said:
Hi I am new and I have a question.
Code: 
               Would any of you marry someone who has the bad habit of using foul language?
Depends… I am already married so i am speaking hypothetically.

The reason I am asking is because my girlfriend uses bad language. And I have asked her to stop and she says she will try.
**
Do you notice if she is actually trying? Does she seem to care that it bothers you?**

So I am ok with that. But a couple of my friends say I should dump her because of it.

What exactly do they say?

My thing is she admits its a bad habit and she is trying to stop. So I dont see a reason to dump her because of it. What do you all think?

**I think that if this is just a bad habit and she is sincerely trying to stop and your feelings matter to her then do not dump her!!! But if she is only saying she is trying to stop so that you’ll stop bugging her about it then you’ll need to rethink the relationship.
**

Thanks & God Bless
Click to expand...
 
I would still marry someone if they were otherwise a good partner, caring, and kind. My boyfriend and I try hard not to swear. Sometimes it’s hard, it seems to become more and more acceptable to society. There are words said on TV that wouldn’t have been allowed on TV ten years ago. It’s also hard if all of her friends, or co-workers, or whoever, uses foul language. That’s not an excuse, but it certainly helps ingrain a habit.

I agree with whoever asked if she’s making a genuine effort to stop–it’s really not that hard. In college I kind of fell into cursing a little bit, but I always felt so uncouth and gross doing it, not to mention it’s sinful. I’ve almost eliminated it completely–and people don’t make fun of me or judge me for NOT doing it. I get teased a little here and there but it seems to be good-natured. And some people actually think it’s cute when I say “Rats!” or “Shucks!” instead of something foul.
 
I probably would not get this far in a relationship to be contemplating marriage, because I would probably not even have dated such a person. I also would not have been dating someone who uses critical, sarcastic, disparaging, destructive, racist language in general.
 
I will admit something.

I use foul language.

I try to stop, but it creeps back in sometimes. I never curse around other people though. only by myself. Though sometimes it slips out around my family.

My point is, I’m trying. If a woman was trying as hard as I am, I wouldn’t hold her language against her.

If a woman has no respect for my request for her (and I) to stop cursing, then yeah…I would end it.

But I wouldn’t hold it against someone unless it was like that.
 
Well, I have a pretty horrid mouth…sometimes.

I am working on it really hard, because I never want to use that kind of language in front of the children we hope to have.

I can blame it on growing up on the East Coast or having Italian immigrant parents, but really I just picked it up.

My husband still married me!

I am pretty sarcastic [witty is what I call it]. I’ve never ever dropped a racist word in my life. I do curse…which like I said I am working it out.

What are we calling foul language? Racist language would be a huge no for me. Sarcasm? I appreciate it as long as it is tasteful. Hateful words? Not okay. Dropping the words not appropriate for the FCC? No big deal.
 
When we were first engaged & married I was the one with the foul mouth. In my parents house swearing was unacceptable in the house, school or church! On the farm we could get by with it when you smashed your thumb with a hammer or got a tractor stuck in the mud! Of course once I started in business we all swore like sailors! My wife never swore at all until long after we were married. Now I am the one asking here to watch her language around or kids! I can turn it off or on on a dime! She can’t! It’s a bad habit especially if you can’t control it. I have heard that the fine system can break it. Good luck!
 
I think it depends a lot on the person’s attitude toward swearing in general. I grew up on a farm. My parents tried to avoid swearing in front of us, but really, they cursed regularly. The s-word in particular was used in casual conversation (in reference to shoveling livestock waste as a farm chore). However, swearing was generally limited to situations (****! I dropped the bucket of milk!) and was never directed at people.

If your girlfriend knows that you don’t like to hear foul language, and she occasionally makes a rude exclamation in surprise or pain (****! I forgot my wallet! :eek: Oops! Sorry! :o I know you don’t like me swearing.), that’s not unreasonable as long as she’s making an effort not to. On the other hand, if she’s dropping the f-bomb into conversations with friends (I have so much ******* work to do, can you believe my boss, that *******, asked me to do more?) you may need to have a talk with her. And if her language is not just foul, but directed at you (Why are you so ******* late, *******?) then your friends are 100% right, and you should abandon this relationship right now!
 
Two words: HECK no!

If they have the audacity to use their tongue as a tool for the Devil, what else might they do?
 
superfalcon said:
Hi I am new and I have a question.
Code: 
               Would any of you marry someone who has the bad habit of using foul language?
The reason I am asking is because my girlfriend uses bad language. And I have asked her to stop and she says she will try. So I am ok with that. But a couple of my friends say I should dump her because of it. My thing is she admits its a bad habit and she is trying to stop. So I dont see a reason to dump her because of it. What do you all think?

Thanks & God Bless
Click to expand...
When I was in the military I cussed a lot. I felt I had to. It was part of the culture. If you didn’t swear, people didn’t trust you. You came across as a ‘Boy Scout’, which didn’t help you get your job done. Since retiring, I’ve cleaned up my mouth considerably. One of my cardinal rules is to never swear at work, out of respect for the sanctity of Education.
 
I confess I have a pretty foul mouth. :o I grew up cussing because my dad always would cuss in front of us kids. I remember I got in trouble in kindergarten for cursing!!! :eek:

I tried once to quit and worked really hard at it and basically succeeded, but I only succeeded because I had a friend who helped me. The thing is, once you get into the habit of cussing, it becomes second nature…half the time I don’t even realize I’m doing it until the words are already out. So basically what this friend did for me was everytime she heard me cuss, she would give me a quick little whap on my hand to remind me what I had just said. It would make me stop and rethink what I just said.

Eventually, I started to pay more attention to what I was saying and stopped cussing. 😃 Now, I don’t suggest hitting your girlfriend like that, but maybe you can do something similar to help her stop?? Ever since my friend helped me, I’ve relapsed into my bad habit and it’s hard to stop on your own. If you have someone to remind you when you do it, you become more conscious of what you say and you try harder to not do it again, kwim?

I know that might not make any sense, but it worked for me, a potty-mouth. 😉
 
superfalcon said:
Hi I am new and I have a question.
Code: 
               Would any of you marry someone who has the bad habit of using foul language?
The reason I am asking is because my girlfriend uses bad language. And I have asked her to stop and she says she will try. So I am ok with that. But a couple of my friends say I should dump her because of it. My thing is she admits its a bad habit and she is trying to stop. So I dont see a reason to dump her because of it. What do you all think?

Thanks & God Bless
Click to expand...
Sounds to me like your friends are the problem.
 
I would, and I did lol.
He doesn’t use them directed towards me. Now THAT would be a problem. He usually just uses them in expression of frustration, but never in front of children. Doesn’t really bother me.
 
thomfra said:
Sounds to me like your friends are the problem.
Click to expand...
uh, no. The foul language is the problem, and perhaps the friends may be tuned into other worrisome characteristics in said girlfriend that are less than appealing. But, not wanting to be critical, are laying it all on the language…something to think about.

That being said, my husband (and his parents) had foul language. As he hung out more with me, and less with his friends, he dropped much of the ## words. Once we had a baby, I told him (and his parents) I wanted to raise a polite child. I never wanted to be responsible for a child being punished for repeating what he learned at home.

My husband (and his parents) have never said a foul word since.
 
Do you love her?

Show her,tell her,support her. Be a good example for her. Then if she loves you she won’t use the words that make you cringe.

Spoken from a woman who could make a sailor blush,then washed out my mouth when I realized that God did not want me to use profanity.

This is what helps me…

Matthew 15:11
" It is not what enters into the mouth that defiles the man, but what proceeds out of the mouth, this defiles the man."

James 3
8But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.

9With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God;

10from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.

Psalm 59:12
On account of the sin of their mouth and the words of their lips,Let them even be caught in their pride,And on account of curses and lies which they utter.

Proverbs 17:20
He who has a crooked mind finds no good,And he who is perverted in his language falls into evil.

And what is your answer? Would you marry someone who uses foul language?
 
Here come my two cents…

I think what counts more than her swearing is how she handles your request to stop. If she respects your wishes, makes an effort and notable success to change this habit, then she proves that she’s trustworthy, loyal, compassionate, and able to put others’ needs ahead of her own. These are great qualities in a partner!

However, if she hems and haws, makes excuses, puts forth a half effort, behaves differently in front of you than in front of others, or otherwise demonstrates that she is unwilling to make sacrifices for you or your relationship, then I say RUN!

Only you can decide what is an acceptable level of effort on her part, but you’ll know. Trust your instincts and don’t forget to pray!
 
Being a potty mouth myself, I don’t have a problem…for me words are just that…I understand what Jesus said which makes a lot of sense, because of the fact that most people who curse or cuss or swear are really dark in nature and full of wrongdoing…But there are people like myself that will be doing something and “OH SH#&!! I forgot this!!” Or “Oh S@B I can’t believe I didn’t do this or was late on the payment or F#$% I lost my documents…I forgot to take the dog out I don’t want to see what my house looks like now!!!” You know not meaning to anyone, mostly meaning to my stupidity or the dumb things I do or mess up on…I am not going to lie to you when I am angry or upset, because of someone mistreating me or the way my last landlord just kicked me out into the street, I did cuss up a storm, and I am sure some of it was directed towards him, nothing racist because I am not racist, but yes I probably did say some rude things towards him, after words of course I felt bad even though I was in the streets with my 3 kids, and would have had to go to a homeless shelter if it wasn’t for my fiance who helped us out…and I did pray for forgiveness because I didn’t mean to, I don’t do that and I am not that kind of person…but it happens. It’s true once you start cussing it becomes second nature and a really bad habit like my other bad habit of chewing my nails, it’s like you can try and try and try and eventually you will get it but the road is rocky and long!!! I have been minimizing my foul language big time, but once in a while I will catch myself and be like Homer Simpson, “DOH!!” My fiance looks at me and will be like “come on they are just words that don’t mean a thing!!” And even though I agree, Jesus spoke against it and we are both trying not to cuss…

I grew up with potty mouthed parents until my father was 36 he slowed down the cussing now being 50+ and my mother the same, their cussing is almost non existent and they will yell at us every time they hear us cuss…and I understand them and believe me I wish I could stop cold turkey but DANG it it’s hard not to blurt something out in the worst times!! 😦 lol…I try not to use fowl language in front of my kids but growing up with fowl languaged parent’s didn’t cause me to cuss, I just ended up picking it up… I really didn’t begin to cuss until I was 18, I might have said the s word or the f word when I was 17 like once or twice, don’t remember though.

But like I said it’s a work in progress for me even though I try not to say them…it’s still something I am working on…very hard…
I could go for like weeks without saying a single bad word and then all of a sudden I blurt one out and it’s like “OH MAN!!!”

So if it’s just a bother to you then yes let her go…and hopefully you will find a woman that loves you and doesn’t cuss or swear or anything negative, she will be perfect!! :rolleyes:

I know we are not perfect and I mean you could get a woman that will never raise her voice nor cuss but will be rude, and treat you wrong, where as you might have to deal with a little cussing for a while until she finally is able to stop, and she might treat you with all the love and respect ever!!!

So it’s your choice really! I have never let my friends’ interfere with my choices and I have had the same friends since before hs…and I have never interfered with theirs…It’s only fair to advice each other but we knew that the choices had to be made by each and every one of us single handedly, as long as we were there for each other through good and bad times, we were bff and thank GOD we still are!! Wouldn’t change a single thing!! Not at all! So if your friends are just trying to do this out of spite then you need to let go of your friends not your gf…
Like I said if they are true friends they need to respect your decision whether right or wrong and be there through the good and bad times no matter what because that is what true friends do!!

So if you want her to stop be a good and positive influence, talk about how you feel and what she’s willing to do to stop and make things easier for the both of you, but don’t let your friends’ interfere with your choices…
And if she’s showing she’s trying then you are doing a great job and congrats to the both of you!! 😃
 
superfalcon said:
Hi I am new and I have a question.

Would any of you marry someone who has the bad habit of using foul language?

The reason I am asking is because my girlfriend uses bad language. And I have asked her to stop and she says she will try. So I am ok with that. But a couple of my friends say I should dump her because of it. My thing is she admits its a bad habit and she is trying to stop. So I dont see a reason to dump her because of it. What do you all think?

Thanks & God Bless
Click to expand...
If she recognizes that this language is morally offensive and makes a good faith effort to stop using it, I wouldn’t let that be a hindrance to marriage, by itself. Bad language, however, is sometimes indicative of harder-to-overcome problems, which could be an obstacle. I would examine the source of her language and also take into consideration her spiritual maturity, as well as the less serious issue of whether you two have compatible social/cultural backgrounds.

I personally know some intelligent, well-educated, faithfully practicing Catholics who use bad language from time to time … but for personal reasons I don’t believe I could be married to one. I find that sort of thing embarrassing in a mate.
 
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