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rmbrulotte
Guest
uch: but good point!
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uch: but good point!
T
TheAdvocate
Guest
How easy it is to judge. In a world of no-fault divorces, I took my first marriage seriously, but she didn’t. I pleaded to work things out, but no dice. Same with this one. I am taking it very seriously. My wife isn’t. The only reason why she went to counseling with me for the first time today is because her lawyer recommended it! Even her lawyer could see that giving up that early (after less than two years) without any minimal effort is foolish.
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Magickman
Guest
The last thing I am here for, is to judge others.
And I am not seeking a wife.
But it is my absolute right to decide for my own reasons who I would date, or who I might decide to marry.
I am not a 19 year old virgin. I am much older, and I have been around the block a few times.
Multiply divorced women, and women with children, are not people I will consider as mates.
I have never married, and I have no children. I expect the same in a potential partner. If it is unattainable, I can live without a woman.
I do not judge. I make choices. I decide what is best for me, what will enhance my happiness.
I owe no duty to foolish people, who have made poor choices.
And I am not seeking a wife.
But it is my absolute right to decide for my own reasons who I would date, or who I might decide to marry.
I am not a 19 year old virgin. I am much older, and I have been around the block a few times.
Multiply divorced women, and women with children, are not people I will consider as mates.
I have never married, and I have no children. I expect the same in a potential partner. If it is unattainable, I can live without a woman.
I do not judge. I make choices. I decide what is best for me, what will enhance my happiness.
I owe no duty to foolish people, who have made poor choices.
T
Trishie
Guest
No you don’t have or marry or have children. However fortunately God has a loving attitude to these people of whom you speak and God does not dismiss “those who are foolish or who have made poor choices.”
“We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves…For Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, ‘The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.’” [Romans. 15:1-3]
“By such love, everyone will know that we are Your disciples.” “Anyone who says ‘I love God’, and hates his brother is a liar, since a person who does not love the brother that he can see, cannot love God whom he has never seen.” [1 letter of John 4:20-21]“Since the Father loved us so much that He sent You to be the sacrifice that takes our sins away, we too should love one another.” [John 4:10-11]
Jesus seldom spoke of anything but love, even of our enemies. Love them and pray for them, He commanded. He made no exclusions
“ Love each other as brothers should, and have a profound respect for each other…If any of the saints are in need you must share with them; and you must make hospitality your special care.” [Romans 12:9-13]
“Be compassionate as your heavenly Father is compassionate” “Do not judge others and you will not yourself be judged. Grant pardon and you will be pardoned. Give, and there will be gifts for you: a full measure.” [Luke 6:36-38]
“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you; in this way you will be children of your Father in heaven, for He causes the sun to rise on bad men as well as good, and His rain to fall on honest and dishonest persons alike…You must therefore be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.” [Matthew 5:43-48]
“Why do you observe the splinter in your brother’s eye and never notice the plank in your own? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the splinter that is in your eye’…Hypocrite! Take the plank out of your own eye first, and then you will see clearly enough to take out the splinter in your brother’s eye.” [Luke 6: 39-42]
“Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You; or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and make You welcome; naked and clothe You; sick or in prison and go to see You?” Jesus replies “I tell you solemnly, in so far as you did this to one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did it to me.” “In so far as you neglected to do this to one of the least, you neglected to do it to me.” [Matthew 25:37-40, 45-46]
“Is there a poor brother among you, one of your brothers, in any town of yours? Do not harden your heart or close your hand against that poor brother of yours, but be open-handed with him.” [Deuteronomy 15:7-8] “None of us lives for himself only.” [Romans 14:7]
“Malice must be banished from your tongue.” [Psalm 34:13] “Cease to do evil. Learn to do good, search for justice, help the oppressed, be just to the orphan, and plead for the widow. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.” [Isaiah 1:17-18]
We may not choose to marry some for various reasons, for instance it might be unwise to marry a person with multiple divorces, but Jesus doesn’t dismiss even 'the least" but takes what is done to them, including dismissal of them simply as foolish and therefore not worth of our consideration, as being done to him That is, if we coldly reject them in our hearts or minds, then this in His view is rejection of Him. I don’t mean to beat you up or change you choices, but perhaps to warm your heart a little more. Probably not likely…more likely to annoy You perhaps…but there you are. This is our second such encounter today! Never mind!
God bless you!
N
Norseman82
Guest
[John 4:10-11]
Jesus seldom spoke of anything but love, even of our enemies. Love them and pray for them, He commanded. He made no exclusions
“ Love each other as brothers should, and have a profound respect for each other…If any of the saints are in need you must share with them; and you must make hospitality your special care.” [Romans 12:9-13]
“Be compassionate as your heavenly Father is compassionate” “Do not judge others and you will not yourself be judged. Grant pardon and you will be pardoned. Give, and there will be gifts for you: a full measure.” [Luke 6:36-38]
“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you; in this way you will be children of your Father in heaven, for He causes the sun to rise on bad men as well as good, and His rain to fall on honest and dishonest persons alike…You must therefore be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.” [Matthew 5:43-48]
“Why do you observe the splinter in your brother’s eye and never notice the plank in your own? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the splinter that is in your eye’…Hypocrite! Take the plank out of your own eye first, and then you will see clearly enough to take out the splinter in your brother’s eye.” [Luke 6: 39-42]
“Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You; or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and make You welcome; naked and clothe You; sick or in prison and go to see You?” Jesus replies “I tell you solemnly, in so far as you did this to one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did it to me.” “In so far as you neglected to do this to one of the least, you neglected to do it to me.” [Matthew 25:37-40, 45-46]
“Is there a poor brother among you, one of your brothers, in any town of yours? Do not harden your heart or close your hand against that poor brother of yours, but be open-handed with him.” [Deuteronomy 15:7-8] “None of us lives for himself only.” [Romans 14:7]
“Malice must be banished from your tongue.” [Psalm 34:13] “Cease to do evil. Learn to do good, search for justice, help the oppressed, be just to the orphan, and plead for the widow. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.” [Isaiah 1:17-18]
We may not choose to marry some for various reasons, for instance it might be unwise to marry a person with multiple divorces, but Jesus doesn’t dismiss even 'the least" but takes what is done to them, including dismissal of them simply as foolish and therefore not worth of our consideration, as being done to him That is, if we coldly reject them in our hearts or minds, then this in His view is rejection of Him. I don’t mean to beat you up or change you choices, but perhaps to warm your heart a little more. Probably not likely…more likely to annoy You perhaps…but there you are. This is our second such encounter today! Never mind!
God bless you!Jesus also said that divorce and remarriage is adultery. Elsewhere in the NT it says a divorced person must either remarry their former spouse or stay single, because a person belongs to their spouse while still alive. While there are few exceptions (like the Pauline privilege), clearly the area of divorce and marriage is an exception to the concept of “getting another try”.
Jesus called us to be loving - not stupid and naive.
A
Ailina
Guest
No, I would not. I am divorced myself, and am leery of the whole dating/second marriage thing as it is. Factor in another failed marriage, and I would guess that marriage isn’t for everyone.
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Lady_Mariegrace
Guest
Thank you Trishie for your wisdom and understanding.
Yes Jesus does know and feel and understand even when people don’t.
The love of God shines in your post.
Yes Jesus does know and feel and understand even when people don’t.
The love of God shines in your post.
O
odile53
Guest
I’m not sure, but I’d wonder why someone who had two failed marriages was even interested in spinning the roulette wheel again! Since I’m married and not in the market for dating, I hadn’t really considered this.
I have a male friend who is currently on marriage # 6. Some of his selection of wives have been so ludicrous to bystanders that we were beginning to wonder about his sanity. When he was married and divorced twice (to different women) in the space of sixteen months, another friend asked, “Hey, Joe! What are you giving away this week? Houses or cars?!”
Cruel, I know, but maybe he did stop and think for awhile. Not long, anyways. A year later he was married to # 4.
I’m not even touching on the religious or moral issues involved. Behavior like this is just plain nuts!
If I weren’t even sure if marriage # 2 was over with, I don’t think I’d be too concerned about marriage # 3. One failed marriage, okay—do the divorce/annulment procedures and get it over with. Two? I’d start taking a very good look at myself as the common denominator in both equations.
For the record, I’m on marriage # 2. We had a fight today (we don’t fight much, but it can be spectacular when we do.) I’m not thinking of leaving. But if something were to happen to marriage # 2, I just might try to find me a hermitage that lets me bring my dog!
I have a male friend who is currently on marriage # 6. Some of his selection of wives have been so ludicrous to bystanders that we were beginning to wonder about his sanity. When he was married and divorced twice (to different women) in the space of sixteen months, another friend asked, “Hey, Joe! What are you giving away this week? Houses or cars?!”
Cruel, I know, but maybe he did stop and think for awhile. Not long, anyways. A year later he was married to # 4.
I’m not even touching on the religious or moral issues involved. Behavior like this is just plain nuts!
If I weren’t even sure if marriage # 2 was over with, I don’t think I’d be too concerned about marriage # 3. One failed marriage, okay—do the divorce/annulment procedures and get it over with. Two? I’d start taking a very good look at myself as the common denominator in both equations.
For the record, I’m on marriage # 2. We had a fight today (we don’t fight much, but it can be spectacular when we do.) I’m not thinking of leaving. But if something were to happen to marriage # 2, I just might try to find me a hermitage that lets me bring my dog!
M
Magickman
Guest
Two divorces would be a big red flag for me.
Why would I even think about marriage with someone who has a proven record of marital unsuitability?
But to be fully truthful, I am disinclined to enter any marriage.
I do date divorced women, but I am not too comfortable with it.
Why would I even think about marriage with someone who has a proven record of marital unsuitability?
But to be fully truthful, I am disinclined to enter any marriage.
I do date divorced women, but I am not too comfortable with it.
J
joandarc2008
Guest
I am going through this now - my first marriage was before I was Catholic and I did not understand marriage. I received a lack of form nullity. this one I will most likely receive an anullment. I can see now why God did not bless me with children from people’s answers. I do feel that I am marriage material. I also do agree that it is how it is worded. Pray for me please.
M
monicatholic
Guest
this is really hard because twice or thrice failed marriages suggests that the abandoned spouse’s ‘partner picker’ has been broken a loooong time. and a broken ‘partner picker’ takes a loooong time to fix. marriage material needs to be able to choose marriage material worthy of them and worthy of the sacrament.
it’s hard to take. i’ve seen some of the nicest people be some of the worst spouse choosers.
J
joandarc2008
Guest
Yes but do you think it’s fixable with help?
J
Joseph_L_Varga
Guest
Could it be that NPD/BPDs also preferentially prey on nice people whom they regard as easy targets? For example, my father had the ability to put on a show and easily mislead just about anyone he wanted to - our neighbors, school teachers, police personnel in charge, attorneys and judges. My mother used to say that he should have become an actor. He played Mr. Nice Guy to the world, but was a cheater and wife abuser at home. However, why did he choose my mother, to date her and marry her? Why not some other girl in the area? That he was able to mislead my mother, was hardly unique, given the fact that he also misled a whole town, for years.
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monicatholic
Guest
joan, yes.
and joseph, yes again.
to become a strong person-- strong but not defensive; to become a person who needs Christ first and who doesnt transfer proper need of God to a disordered need for a partner; a person who is comfortable with the difference between discernment (holy) and judgment (unholy) and who allows him/herself to practice discernment ***without ***self incrimination; to become a person who has a keen sense of discernment and who comes to BELIEVE in his/ her God-given insight and who comes to TRUST in his/ her God-given discernment and who comes to ACT on his/her God-given discernment; a person who communicates strengths that attract good people, instead of telegraphing weaknesses that attract predators. when a person comes to believe and rely on the Truths God has planted in his/her heart, s/he is less susceptible to a liar’s deceptions.
all this requires grace. for many of us, this requires help. and mostly, this requires time. oftentimes years and years of time.
some of the best nicest sweetest people i know have failed on the*** time ***aspect. they begin to fear they would “always be alone.” predatrors can smell that fear.
joan, do not ever fear you will ever be alone. you are not alone-- you’re baptized into the life of the Blessed Trinity.
J
joandarc2008
Guest
Thank you - because to be honest I have felt in the past week or so as if I did not deserve better and that i why I got this even knowing what he had been diagnosed with. I needed to hear someone say it. Thank you.
J
Joseph_L_Varga
Guest
I think this is an important point. My mother, and a female friend of ours, for example, are both strong women, who were not insecure or desperate to get married. They were simply misled by people who were good at hiding their real character during the dating period. And in both cases, I’m convinced, the children benefited from them divorcing their husbands who started to act increasingly abusive. We (my sister and I) had a rough period while my parents divorced and our father was stalking us, and kept suing our mother for years, with ridiculous charges. However, when it was finally over, it was over, and we had again peace, happiness, and laughter in our home.
T
TheAdvocate
Guest
Thanks for sharing a little about your life. When you’ve responded to my posts in the past, you’ve always been very empathetic. Now I am getting a better sense why.
Blessings,
TheAdvocate
C
curtish1947
Guest
Hi,
Thanks guys. I have nothing to add, but merely share in being a victim of a NPD, so is my daughter. It took too many years to learn of her disorder.
Curt
Thanks guys. I have nothing to add, but merely share in being a victim of a NPD, so is my daughter. It took too many years to learn of her disorder.
Curt
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