Wrong to invite gay friend to wedding?

[redrosetea]

My daughter was married a couple of years ago…One of her best friends is a gay man…He brought a friend to her wedding…I think it was just another friend and in no way were they romantically linked, they are just friends…Not everyone that gays hang out with are their lovers

They behaved with such decorum, and were such good mixers everyone really enjoyed them both…They drove man,y many, hrs to attend my daughters wedding, then had to turn around and drive all that way home again

It was a mark of his love of my daughter that brought him to make that long trip. I was glad he didn’t have to make it alone

 

[Blessed_Hope]

I agree wholeheartedly that the mother in law in this case is VERY wrong in thinking that the gay friend should not be included in the wedding.
She is judging another person, which is as wrong as can be!

 

[averil]

Actually, you will be doing yr mother-in-law to be a favour, by inviting your gay friend - it is never too late to show her that she is a prude!

Someone mentioned that if sinners were cut down, the guest list would be quite small - actually, i think there would not be any guests!!!

 

[Matt33]

Actually, you will be doing yr mother-in-law to be a favour, by inviting your gay friend - it is never too late to show her that she is a prude!

Someone mentioned that if sinners were cut down, the guest list would be quite small - actually, i think there would not be any guests!!!

She isn’t a “prude” she is a bigot… there is a HUGE diference. To be against homosexuality is not prude but in fact holy. To persecute said people is not holy but evil.

 

[averil]

It is very easy to see if the mother-in-law is a prude or being ‘holy’.

Just ask yourself this one question:

Would jesus do what the mother-in-law is doing?

Well?

Do you have an answer?

To me, the motherinlaw definitely sounds a prude… That is my opinion, and i am entitled to my opinion, i am sure…

 

[AHapka]

Would jesus do what the mother-in-law is doing?

Well?

Do you have an answer?

To me, the motherinlaw definitely sounds a prude… That is my opinion, and i am entitled to my opinion, i am sure…

I’m guessing that if Jesus were at this wedding he’d be sitting down to dinner with all of the sinners there, including her. And lovingly telling her the truth while also saying “go forth and sin no more.”

Oh, not to mention the fact that the mother-in-laws power would be reduced because the wedding would be much cheaper. The bar bill can be a huge part of the wedding expense, and by turning water into wine you would be saving a ton of money. Simply note that beer will not be free because the wine will be, and it’ll be the best tasting wine anyone has ever had. I know our wedding cost about $5,000 and the bar bill was $732. That’s over 10% of the cost of the whole wedding!

 

[Matt33]

It is very easy to see if the mother-in-law is a prude or being ‘holy’.

Just ask yourself this one question:

Would jesus do what the mother-in-law is doing?

Well?

Do you have an answer?

To me, the motherinlaw definitely sounds a prude… That is my opinion, and i am entitled to my opinion, i am sure…

Perhaps you are mistakenly using the word prude…
From Funk and Wagnel’s Dictionary… Prude: One who shows or affects extreme modesty.

No one is saying Jesus sides with the Fmil’s actions. NO ONE! Jesus would not do what she is doing, but Jesus also would not want to be a homosexual either.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

I don’t think it’s fair to say to one person only–no guests. It’s as much a slap in the face as not inviting her. I’d say invite her, let her bring a guest if all other single people are invited to do the same (if you read back, Wendy is not in a relationship currently). I would not treat her differently than another guest. Sure, you may not agree with her lifestyle, but it doesn’t give you license to treat her differently–like she’s diseased. She is being invited to a wedding to honor the NEWLYWEDS. They will be the focus of this celebration. It’s not about a guest being judged for lifestyle choices. Lots of people bring guests to weddings. And I’m guessing that Wendy is probably less likely to cause a distraction away from this couple than say the uncle who gets completely drunk and starts picking fights with everyone, or the friend who gets on the dance floor and starts a major bump and grind with every guy she can find–married or not. Yep—been to those weddings. A lesbian couple discreetly slow dancing wouldn’t catch my attention as much as the on-the-make girl.

The role of the wedding hosts is to make sure all guests feel welcome and comfortable. That’s what a gracious person would do.

Being single at the moment does not automatically mean a person will be single, or not find a date, by the time the wedding rolls around. Honestly, I went to a wedding that had all three (the drunk uncle, bumping girl and gay couple, in this case men) and I did not want my 3 yr old and 2 yr old (who were there, the 3 yr was in the wedding) exposed to any of them, I was lucky they fell asleep early. Love the sinner, not the sin. Loving the homosexual person does not mean you have to be accepting, “tolerant”, of their actions. There is a difference between two females going to a wedding as friends (I went to a wedding as the guest of a female friend a couple of years ago when I was single. She was single and didn’t want to go alone and didn’t have a date, so I went with her), and two females going and acting in ways that demonstrate they have romantic motives. I don’t think it would be a good idea to purposefully invite a same-sex couple that would be publicly demostrating affection. I still think Wendy should be invited, though.

 

[Bass]

Being single at the moment does not automatically mean a person will be single, or not find a date, by the time the wedding rolls around. Honestly, I went to a wedding that had all three (the drunk uncle, bumping girl and gay couple, in this case men) and I did not want my 3 yr old and 2 yr old (who were there, the 3 yr was in the wedding) exposed to any of them, I was lucky they fell asleep early. Love the sinner, not the sin. Loving the homosexual person does not mean you have to be accepting, “tolerant”, of their actions. There is a difference between two females going to a wedding as friends (I went to a wedding as the guest of a female friend a couple of years ago when I was single. She was single and didn’t want to go alone and didn’t have a date, so I went with her), and two females going and acting in ways that demonstrate they have romantic motives. I don’t think it would be a good idea to purposefully invite a same-sex couple that would be publicly demostrating affection. I still think Wendy should be invited, though.

well, i agree with you there, but not the last part. Jena have to make a decision as to who is more important to her, her mother or her friend. its one thing for a repentant sinner to be invited and quite another for an openly proud sinner, homosexual or not, sinner is a sinner and yes it is a bad example to have active sinners as your friends, especially if you have kids.

Now a comment about the mother in law, yes she is unreasonable to get angry at her daughter and future son in law, after all they are adults and have free will. if i was the MIL i would simply tell them, i hope you can understand and respect my feelings, i cannot attend a holy wedding if you invite active and proud sinners. but this is your life, i will pray for you.

 

[AHapka]

i cannot attend a holy wedding if you invite active and proud sinners. but this is your life, i will pray for you.

But then, to be fair, she would have to determine if every other guest of the wedding is an active and proud sinner.

Is there a person who actively drinks to much at their neighborhood bar and gloats about it invited to the wedding? How would it be ascertained?

Is there a person who goes to strip clubs and enjoys pornography invited to the wedding?

Are there gluttons who make their love of food well known invited to the wedding?

Are there people with obvious anger problems invited to the wedding?

Aside from sending out a questionnaire, how are you gonig to determine who is an “active and proud” sinner?

Better to have the “active and proud” sinner invited to a Catholic wedding and expose them to holiness then to shun them.

 

[Matt33]

But then, to be fair, she would have to determine if every other guest of the wedding is an active and proud sinner.

Is there a person who actively drinks to much at their neighborhood bar and gloats about it invited to the wedding? How would it be ascertained?

Is there a person who goes to strip clubs and enjoys pornography invited to the wedding?

Are there gluttons who make their love of food well known invited to the wedding?

Are there people with obvious anger problems invited to the wedding?

Aside from sending out a questionnaire, how are you gonig to determine who is an “active and proud” sinner?

Better to have the “active and proud” sinner invited to a Catholic wedding and expose them to holiness then to shun them.

Right, I do see your point but certainly as Catholics we believe there are varying degrees of sinners. A Grandma who likes Italian food and is 50 lbs overwieght is not in the same category as say, an abortion doctor right? Mortal, Venial, Culpability, guilt, Knowlege, gravity and struggle, enter into the mix.
Incedentaly, What if it were an abortion doctor? Interesting thought. I wonder if peoples reactions would change.

Plus (and I am NOT saying this is the case here.) With homosexual issues there tends to be a lot of flamboyance on both sides of the issue. But as I stated, from the previous posts this does sound like a tasteful and dare I say respectful friend. I say let her come. But I don’t agree with those who want to make it sound as if Jesus Himself is telling us to “look the other way” when it comes to sin.

 

[Bass]

But then, to be fair, she would have to determine if every other guest of the wedding is an active and proud sinner.

Is there a person who actively drinks to much at their neighborhood bar and gloats about it invited to the wedding? How would it be ascertained?

Is there a person who goes to strip clubs and enjoys pornography invited to the wedding?

Are there gluttons who make their love of food well known invited to the wedding?

Are there people with obvious anger problems invited to the wedding?

Aside from sending out a questionnaire, how are you gonig to determine who is an “active and proud” sinner?

Better to have the “active and proud” sinner invited to a Catholic wedding and expose them to holiness then to shun them.

no one is suggesting to investigate people for their moral status, and where does it say all sinner have to tell the world their sins and expect to be honored? people have the right to select friends based on their moral status.

 

[AHapka]

people have the right to select friends based on their moral status.

Absolutely true. But do I have the right at as MIL to tell you which friends you will or will not invite to your own wedding based on their moral status is the question at hand.

 

[Bass]

Absolutely true. But do I have the right at as MIL to tell you which friends you will or will not invite to your own wedding based on their moral status is the question at hand.

absolutely not, that’s why i said that the MIL was out of line. BTW, the MIL is paying for the whole wedding, so maybe she’s got some leverage there

 

[takers]

If the MIL is paying for the entire wedding then I agree that she gets a say in who’s invited. Her money, her opinion. If the couple wants to be able to invite this friend then they either need to pay for the wedding themselves or pay for a significant portion of it to have their say-so.

This is why having other people pay for your wedding can be problematic at times.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

well, i agree with you there, but not the last part. Jena have to make a decision as to who is more important to her, her mother or her friend. its one thing for a repentant sinner to be invited and quite another for an openly proud sinner, homosexual or not, sinner is a sinner and yes it is a bad example to have active sinners as your friends, especially if you have kids.

Now a comment about the mother in law, yes she is unreasonable to get angry at her daughter and future son in law, after all they are adults and have free will. if i was the MIL i would simply tell them, i hope you can understand and respect my feelings, i cannot attend a holy wedding if you invite active and proud sinners. but this is your life, i will pray for you.

Maybe she doesn’t have to choose between her friend and mom, maybe Wendy doesn’t flaunt it. I don’t know. Our family members we invited were not the type to flaunt it. I had a friend/ lab partner in college that did not flaunt it either. I do not spend time with people who try to push it in other people’s faces, they weren’t my friends, but there are some very kind confused people out there and there are ways to be kind and loving to them without causing scandal or condoning their choices.

 

[Bass]

Maybe she doesn’t have to choose between her friend and mom, maybe Wendy doesn’t flaunt it. I don’t know. Our family members we invited were not the type to flaunt it. I had a friend/ lab partner in college that did not flaunt it either. I do not spend time with people who try to push it in other people’s faces, they weren’t my friends, but there are some very kind confused people out there and there are ways to be kind and loving to them without causing scandal or condoning their choices.

not telling them the truth is not kind either. accepting them without helping them to realize their sin is false compassion. condemning their choice (sin) is not bad, but condemning them is a sin.

 

[Annn]

Maybe she doesn’t have to choose between her friend and mom, maybe Wendy doesn’t flaunt it. I don’t know. Our family members we invited were not the type to flaunt it. I had a friend/ lab partner in college that did not flaunt it either. I do not spend time with people who try to push it in other people’s faces, they weren’t my friends, but there are some very kind confused people out there and there are ways to be kind and loving to them without causing scandal or condoning their choices.

Not sure what you mean by “one to flaunt it,” can you explain, please?

 

[JanetF]

Hello,
My fiance, “Jenna” and I will be getting married in September, and are planning our guest lists now. We both come from Catholic families and will be married in a Catholic ceremony. Jenna has a good friend “Wendy” who she works with who happens to be a lesbian, and very much wanted to invite her to the ceremony. But Jenna’s mother, who is a devout Catholic, notified us that she will not “permit” us to invite Wendy to the wedding. Wendy and Jenna were both somewhat upset about this. Since, as is traditional, Jenna’s parents are paying for most of the ceremony, her mother feels that she has ultimate approval over who comes to the wedding and would be seriously offended to have a homosexual as a guest, and said that if we wanted to invite Wendy she would not go to the wedding.
I feel as though I am a devout Catholic as well, but I feel there is nothing wrong in inviting a homosexual friend to a wedding. I don’t feel that this implies approval of her sexual activity, nor do I feel that homosexuals should be treated as personae non grata because they are committing sin in their sexual lives.
Is my future mother-in-law being unreasonable, or are my fiance and I too lax in our moral standards?

Unless the gay person is going to put on an exhibition of gay sex, she should be included in the list of invitees. MIL should look at this as an opportunity to be more Christ-like. Is MIL free of all sin herself???

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

not telling them the truth is not kind either. accepting them without helping them to realize their sin is false compassion. condemning their choice (sin) is not bad, but condemning them is a sin.

I agree to a certain point, if one has a close loved one, or a close friend, one may have the opportunity to help that person, in a charitable and loving way, understand how their actions are not correct. Nevertheless, we cannot go around pointing fingers at everyone and pointing out all their sins. It would just be counterproductive. We have to pray about how to do it, ask for guidance from the Holy Spirit, etc. I do agree with helping others if we see them going asytray, but I don’t think that we need to tell every single person we know what their sins are. I like the idea of evangelizing with actions/example, use words if necessary.