WWYD? "Please stand and greet your neighbor."

[Irishmom2]

Many if not most Catholic Churches I attend do this before Sunday Mass.
It takes 30 seconds or less - it is not a 5 or 10 minute thing.

I am not big on socializing with strangers at Mass because I don’t attend Mass for the community interaction, but I realize some other people are concerned with feeling friendly and welcome, and that this feature has been added in large part to try to make Catholics come out of their shells and be less standoffish, plus it’s very short. No need to have a conversation.

I nod, smile and say Good Morning and it’s over in an eye blink. No biggie.

I feel the same way. It’s not a big deal to me.

 

[Erikaspirit16]

Anything that bothers you is worth discussing with your pastor.

That’s like saying Edward Snowden should have complained to his boss.

 

[CradleJourney]

What would you do in this scenario?

Our parish began a new custom recently. Just before Mass begins, a lector comes to the pulpit to wish good morning, welcome all to the parish, and introduce themselves by name. Then, they say, “At this time, we invite you to stand and greet your neighbor.” Everyone stands and the once quiet church turns into a buzz of movement and noise. No more praying. The opening hymn begins from that point.

My husband and I spent a number of years living in a town that was much more informed by the surrounding Protestantism than the town we live in now. People would chat quietly before Mass, hanging over pews to greet people. There was no reverent silence and there was very little sense of preparing oneself spiritually for the liturgy between arrival and the opening hymn.

It was one aspect of many that made it very difficult to nourish the spiritual life. Now, our parish is doing the same thing, The last moments of prayerful silence are turned into a brief social event. I kind of rely on every last moment of that preparatory period because when you’re hurrying to Mass with two small children, you’re trying to strike a balance between not getting there too early and having to corral the children for an extra 10-15 minutes, butvalso have time to settle in, take a break, and pray a moment.

The last thing I want to do is wind up my children and myself and shake hands and say good morning.

What would you do? My husband sits and doesn’t respond if anyone tries to greet him. That seems churlish to me. I don’t stand, but I nod and smile and say good morning. It’s a very healthy, vibrant parish so sitting where no one can greet us isn’t an option. It’s a full church. And the noise riles up the children anyway. I don’t think it’s THAT big a deal. I roll my eyes and wish they wouldn’t but it’s not worth being rude or addressing the pastor.

What’s your take?

I’m sorry it gets your children wound up. That would be frustrating to me. On a positive note though - I found with my children that after this greeting was started in our parish, things actually went smoother with my “neighbors” in the pews. They used the greeting time to quickly ask “how old?” or say “cute shoes”, etc and there was no longer extra talking during the sign of peace. Also, it could be my imagination, but after teaching the little ones to say “hi” and shake hands at the beginning, there seemed to be more tolerance from those around us when the littles sometimes had a bit of trouble behaving for the entire mass. So maybe it will work out?

For those times I go to mass and wish to be basically “left alone”, I try to get an end seat in a corner, so maybe your husband could sit on an end with you and the children as a buffer to avoid most of the greetings?

Honestly though I’m one who usually finds the Catholic lack of socializing and friendship to be distressing and this really does help me on most of the time to feel a little more connected.

CJ

 

[Erikaspirit16]

When you come to Mass it is for a communal prayer. You remove yourself from the everyday world by entering a special building which has been blessed. The priest wears special robes, not blue jeans and a T-shirt. You say ritual prayers that have been used for hundreds and even thousands of years. You assume ritual postures: kneeling, sitting, standing at different prayers. All this is to place you in a “special” place. Socializing before Mass goes against all of this. It shows a deep lack of understanding of what the Mass is. (And no, it’s not a social gathering like a picnic.) You see this deep lack of understanding when the priest says “Good morning” before saying “Peace be with you.” And yes, some of us hate it.

 

[Irishmom2]

That’s like saying Edward Snowden should have complained to his boss.

That’s good.

 

[DaveBj]

I would stand and greet my neighbor. Not a big deal to me. I have already gotten to church early and “prepared” myself for the celebration of Mass. I like meeting new people and helping them feel comfortable in Church.

The church I visited the last two Sundays (St. Thomas More in Decatur, GA) does this, and that’s precisely what I did. It took about 30 seconds, and as you said, it was no big deal.

 

[ChurchSoldier]

I wouldn’t be that much of a fan of something like that, but also don’t think it’s a big deal if it fits into the culture of the parish. I might nicely mention my viewpoint to the priest and then drop it.

 

[BoomBoomMancini]

What would you do? My husband sits and doesn’t respond if anyone tries to greet him. That seems churlish to me.

Yeah, that seems incredibly rude. I get why you’re annoyed (I would be too) but your husband must look like the world’s biggest a-hole if he just stares straight ahead refusing to acknowledge someone. (I’m not saying he actually is an a-hole, just saying that’s the impression someone would get if that was all the context they had.)

Is there a side chapel or anything you can spend the last few minutes before Mass?

I personally think it’s fine to mention it to your pastor. If he wants to encourage people to socialize and make new people feel welcome, I think the proper time and place for that is after Mass. If your church doesn’t already do this, maybe float the idea of having coffee and donuts after Mass for people who want to chit-chat for a bit.

 

[randomuser]

When you come to Mass it is for a communal prayer. You remove yourself from the everyday world by entering a special building which has been blessed. The priest wears special robes, not blue jeans and a T-shirt. You say ritual prayers that have been used for hundreds and even thousands of years. You assume ritual postures: kneeling, sitting, standing at different prayers. All this is to place you in a “special” place. Socializing before Mass goes against all of this. It shows a deep lack of understanding of what the Mass is. (And no, it’s not a social gathering like a picnic.) You see this deep lack of understanding when the priest says “Good morning” before saying “Peace be with you.” And yes, some of us hate it.

You hate it when the priest says “Good morning”? Is that a typo?

 

[RCbkr]

Is this a Georgia custom? I’ve only seen it done while visiting churches in Georgia. And, being someone who is just passing through and who is not interested in trying to get to know anyone at that particular church, I do find it a bit of a strange custom. I assume the parishioners enjoy doing it and can’t find any other time to greet each other so I participate when it’s done, but I must admit that I’m glad my church doesn’t do it.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I also agree. Especially for singles, who are already treated like second-class citizens at Catholic parishes and already getting dirty looks from people because there’s no family with us, those greetings can help makes us feel included.

As someone who typically attends church alone, for some years as a single person and then for many more years as a married person without children whose non-Catholic spouse is usually not present for various reasons, I can understand wanting to feel welcome and perhaps feeling a bit out of place if you’re surrounded by couples and/or children. But I sincerely doubt anyone is giving you “dirty looks” or really, thinking anything about you at all. People tend to have their minds on their own business, whether that is praising the Lord, watching their child, or thinking about the errand they need to run after Mass.

If you truly feel a sense of not fitting in, I would urge you to at least once a month try to attend at a parish that has a broad group of attendees including singles, individuals (may be widowed folks or those whose spouses or partners don’t attend) or transients. Good places for this tend to be large urban churches and cathedrals, any Newman Center or other church close to a college, or convents/ monasteries/ shrines open to the public.

 

[Irishmom2]

I really don’t understand what the big deal is.
“Hello, how are you today?”
“Good morning, nice to see you.”

If mass begins immediately after those exchanges, how is that ruining or cutting into anyone’s prayer time? I would suggest you show up 5 seconds earlier for mass then.

 

[pianistclare]

One of the things I hear repeatedly in RCIA is that it’s hard to meet people and how Catholics are so stand-offish. If I were asked to greet others before Mass I would do so and would be grateful to know that my brothers and sisters in Christ had come together with me to pray together and worship God together. I’d be happy for that small effort at fellowship that might make someone feel welcome as a guest or as someone returning to church after a time away. And if I really hated it I’d take it as a moment to remind myself that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

Exactly. I agree wholeheartedly.
We now do it, (my pastor just asked me to introduce it) and we cut it off after 30 seconds.
It’s just supposed to be a gesture, but there is NOTHING wrong with it.
I’m sure the Apostles greeted each other on many occasions. After all, they were friends.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Is this a Georgia custom? I’ve only seen it done while visiting churches in Georgia. And, being someone who is just passing through and who is not interested in trying to get to know anyone at that particular church, I do find it a bit of a strange custom. I assume the parishioners enjoy doing it and can’t find any other time to greet each other so I participate when it’s done, but I must admit that I’m glad my church doesn’t do it.

It’s not a “Georgia custom”. I’ve seen it all over the East Coast and Midwest and I haven’t been to church in Georgia ever to my knowledge.
We are all brothers and sisters in Christ and the point is to recognize and welcome your family in Christ, not to become their friend in 30 seconds.

 

[Redraptor]

Turn and greet your neighbor. I am no fan of all the chat going on before Mass at my church, but when I compare the communities of my in-laws Methodist church and my Catholic church it is night and day. I believe we could do with more socializing and less ceremony. How many people do you know in your church? I am ashed to admit my number is pretty low. My in-law’s church community is tight. Everybody knows everybody and they are constantly helping each other, from yardwork to grieving. That is just not done in ANY of the churches I have attended. We need to put down the catechism sometimes and take anothers hand.

Need more time before Mass? Go early yourself and have your husband bring the kids, or if you have time during the week go to daily mass. Mass with kids is rarely a time for prayer in my experience.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

For a time we did this at our parish. It was at most a minute. I didn’t love it, but I didn’t get worked up about it, either.

What I really prefer is actual fellowship after Mass. Preferably with donuts and coffee.

Fellowship after Mass has its limitations as well. People talk to people they already know. How often does anyone go up to a stranger – assuming the stranger even stops for coffee and donuts – to introduce themselves and welcome the newbie?

 

[Erikaspirit16]

You hate it when the priest says “Good morning”? Is that a typo?

Nope, no typo. By saying “Good morning” what he is really saying is either “I don’t know that ‘Peace be with you’ is a greeting” or “you in the congregation don’t know that ‘Peace be with you’ is a greeting, and I’d better say ‘Good morning’ because you are so ignorant.” Either way, I hate it because it shows lack of understanding. And as I pointed out in a short earlier post, by going to Mass, you remove yourself from the ordinary world to place yourself in a ritualized world of prayer. Saying “Good morning” (just like socializing before Mass) goes completely counter to that idea.

 

[pianistclare]

Nope, no typo. By saying “Good morning” what he is really saying is either “I don’t know that ‘Peace be with you’ is a greeting” or “you in the congregation don’t know that ‘Peace be with you’ is a greeting, and I’d better say ‘Good morning’ because you are so ignorant.” Either way, I hate it because it shows lack of understanding. And as I pointed out in a short earlier post, by going to Mass, you remove yourself from the ordinary world to place yourself in a ritualized world of prayer. Saying “Good morning” (just like socializing before Mass) goes completely counter to that idea.

“Lack of understanding”.
That’s for sure not a typo.
I think you are being quite uncharitable to the priest in these statements.
Maybe read up on some church documents on liturgy.
The guys who graduated from seminary and have been ordained know what they are doing. Really they do.

 

[Erikaspirit16]

Yeah, that seems incredibly rude. I get why you’re annoyed (I would be too) but your husband must look like the world’s biggest a-hole if he just stares straight ahead refusing to acknowledge someone.

…I think the proper time and place for that is after Mass. If your church doesn’t already do this, maybe float the idea of having coffee and donuts after Mass for people who want to chit-chat for a bit.

If, before Mass, the priest tells us to stand and greet our neighbors, I don’t just sit and stare straight ahead, but I say “I don’t think this is the appropriate time or place for this” and refuse to shake hands. It’s called principles. And yes, after Mass outside the church itself is the correct time and place for any and all socializing. I don’t go to Mass to socialize. I go to pray.

 

[on_the_hill]

Our parish has been doing it since before we started attending there, which was around 1997. At first I didn’t like it at all. I wanted to arrive late to miss it.

But, over a short period of time, I got used to it. And now, it’s o.k.

We live in an area that has a lot of newcomers, and it’s an area that’s not always welcoming to newcomers (although that’s been changing over the years since so many people “aren’t from around here.”) Also, it’s an area that’s predominantly Protestant. Catholics tend to be a minority. Maybe there’s not an outward prejudice but there’s a “different” about it.

Our parish was one of the few places where people did feel welcomed because so many were outsiders. Even as I didn’t like “Please stand and greet those around you,” I realized that these were people who identified with me as a Catholic and were happy to have me be there.