"You cant't become Catholic if your wife doesn't want you to."

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Hi guys. This was said to me a few months back and I’m really pondering on it. I finally am getting around to asking for advice about it. I’m going to bring it up with my spiritual guide next week when he comes back into town at the Catholic parish where I see him. He is a priest there that has taken me under his wing. But it doesn’t stop me from asking you guys for advice on this. Hearing this at the time really broke my heart and caused me a lot of stress, fear and anxiety. And some of you who know me know that my wife has since sided with the pastor who put this idea into her head. I’ve been threatened with divorce if I become Catholic. Today was the first time I ever refused to participate in a protestant communion service, and the person I happened to be sitting beside was non other than this person! It was so awkward, so my action is bound to get back to my wife and others that I refused their church’s bread and wine in their communion service due to a disagreement with it. The pastor knows I want to be a catholic, so my journey to Rome is bound to come up in conversation again and how they feel the Holy Spirit doesn’t want me in the catholic church and that I can’t move if my wife doesn’t approve of it because “we are one.”

Here is the quote:

"“You must be able to defend the Catholic faith because if we can’t defend the faith that we believe in then it’s not worth having, right? So, I think you must really say “This is definately the right way to go.” And then, even then…otherwise, there would be no point in becoming a Catholic. And then the other problem you saw we can have different faiths, but you can’t because of your son. You know, you want to grow up together. You want to be able to say…we see how difficult it is in other countries when one parent is christian and one isn’t, you know. In the end, the child is confused. Which church would your son go to: Catholic Church or Protestant Church? Families worship the Lord together. I would assume that your wife would go with your to the Catholic Church, but why would…and so that is why you can’t really make the move until your wife or maybe she doesn’t move at all, and so you can’t make this move. You two are one! You both make decisions together. For example, you feel the Lord has called you to go on missions. You wanted to go on missions but your wife doesn’t want you to go, then I’m sorry but the Lord hasn’t called you.”

The advice on the forum I received a few months back was not to deride the faith of the pastor and my wife and not to get into verse slinging with them and defend the catholic faith. But I want to be prepared for a quick defence as a protestant why I am no longer taking their protestant communion. I’ve done a good bit of reading since then on Protestantism, and from Devin Rose, Scott Hahn, and Steve Ray, Catholic Answers has been a truly wonderful source of information, but I’m terrible at explaining things, especially when under anxiety and stress.
 
Only you can decide your faith. Unless there is a canonical reason you are prohibited nothing you have shared prevents you. It is sad your wife has threatened Divorce…and you must weigh the personal cost and decide if being Catholic is for you. As the parent of a son whose wife divorced him for several things including his becoming Catholic … You have my empathy
 
Suppose a Catholic man wanted to leave the Church and join that pastor’s church, but his wife wanted him to remain Catholic.
Would the pastor tell that man “You can’t leave the Catholic Church because your wife wants you to stay and you two are one”?
 
YADA said:
Only you can decide your faith. Unless there is a canonical reason you are prohibited nothing you have shared prevents you. It is sad your wife has threatened Divorce…and you must weigh the personal cost and decide if being Catholic is for you. As the parent of a son whose wife divorced him for several things including his becoming Catholic … You have my empathy
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God bless you and your courage. I can imagine the pain and suffering you must have gone through, brother. You have carried your cross and are an inspiration to me.
 
Reepicheep said:
Suppose a Catholic man wanted to leave the Church and join that pastor’s church, but his wife wanted him to remain Catholic.
Would the pastor tell that man “You can’t leave the Catholic Church because your wife wants you to stay and you two are one”?
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Great answer!
 
I would also be tempted to reply, “I agree that we are one, husband and wife are one, but in being one, we are also inseparable, in sickness and in health, until death do us part Mark 10:8-9, so how then could one threaten divorce?”

Mark 10:8-9
8 and the two shall become one.’ So they are no longer two but one. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.”

I hope this has helped

God Bless You

Thank you for reading
Josh
 
OP you are your own person. Period. Free to make your own choices.

Many times I have perforce gone against general opinion. Not easy but peace lies at the end of that road and in no other place. It is a rough old road though 😉 God speed on it and keep walking it.
 
This may help, or it may not.

1 Corinthians 7:10-16 Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (RSVCE)

10 To the married I give charge, not I but the Lord, that the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, let her remain single or else be reconciled to her husband)—and that the husband should not divorce his wife. 12 To the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner desires to separate, let it be so; in such a case the brother or sister is not bound. For God has called us[a] to peace. 16 Wife, how do you know whether you will save your husband? Husband, how do you know whether you will save your wife?

Scott and Kimberly Hahn (as recorded in Rome Sweet Home) went through some pretty dark times. Another such example is Glen Allen, a Baptist minister whose wife had terrible difficulty converting.
 
This statement:

“You cant’t become Catholic if your wife doesn’t want you to.”

Is a lie, and we all know who the father of lies is. That said, I would heed the advice of your spiritual guide/priest and cancel out the devil’s messengers. Candidates to the Catholic faith are targets of the devil in an all out battle for your soul and will stoop to any means to dissuade you.

I do not see why you have to ‘defend’ why you don’t take their communion. If asked, throw the question back at them. Why do you take communion? Here is a lesson from the gospel of John about the true bread from heaven. Towards the end, you see that some disciples turned away and walked no more with Jesus, because He said He was the bread of heaven and they had to eat His flesh.

33 For the bread of God is He who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.”

34 Then they said to Him, “Lord, give us this bread always.”

35 And Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst. 36 But I said to you that you have seen Me and yet do not believe. 37 All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out. 38 For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me. 39 This is the will of the Father who sent Me, that of all He has given Me I should lose nothing, but should raise it up at the last day. 40 And this is the will of Him who sent Me, that everyone who sees the Son and believes in Him may have everlasting life; and I will raise him up at the last day.”

Rejected by His Own
41 The Jews then complained about Him, because He said, “I am the bread which came down from heaven.” 42 And they said, “Is not this Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? How is it then that He says, ‘I have come down from heaven’?”

John 6:52-68

52 The Jews therefore quarreled among themselves, saying, “How can this Man give us His flesh to eat?”

53 Then Jesus said to them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in you. 54 Whoever eats My flesh and drinks My blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. 55 For My flesh is food indeed, and My blood is drink indeed. 56 He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him. 57 As the living Father sent Me, and I live because of the Father, so he who feeds on Me will live because of Me. 58 This is the bread which came down from heaven—not as your fathers ate the manna, and are dead. He who eats this bread will live forever.”

59 These things He said in the synagogue as He taught in Capernaum.

Many Disciples Turn Away
60 Therefore many of His disciples, when they heard this, said, “This is a hard saying; who can understand it?”

61 When Jesus knew in Himself that His disciples complained about this, He said to them, “Does this offend you? 62 What then if you should see the Son of Man ascend where He was before? 63 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life. 64 But there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus knew from the beginning who they were who did not believe, and who would betray Him. 65 And He said, “Therefore I have said to you that no one can come to Me unless it has been granted to him by My Father.”

66 From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more. 67 Then Jesus said to the twelve, “Do you also want to go away?”

68 But Simon Peter answered Him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. 69 Also we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”
 
Very good advice posted already. Especially the Scott Hahn books.

Your wife is probably very afraid. She’s also probably having ‘well meaning’ confidants bending her ear telling her you won’t be equally yoked, or that Catholics are pagans, etc. Some of these people might not even be alive today, just shadows of memories she has been exposed to since she was a little girl.

You and your wife are in my prayers today.

As Rosebud and other’s have said, this is your choice.

My husband and I have always had agreement in being catholic, although we don’t always agree on how. Even in agreement there can be differences and potential contention. Paradise isn’t here on earth. :o

If you have been a faithful husband, and given her confidence in your marriage up until now, you have the authority to talk to her about this. But, your wife is not obligated to join you on your journey. St. Paul talks about this. You will still be able to share generalized Christianity. You will both still be Christian.

Or you could just pacify your wife and remain in the current ‘denomination’. Does she push her weight around normally? I come from a long line of contentious and pushy women. It has cost me dearly in my life. Mostly in happiness I couldn’t experience because I was too busy fretting. Not saying your wife is thus, but divorce or separation over such a deeply personal choice is not cool. Not at all.

If your wife is just being pushy, you guys need counseling. Pronto. It’s disrespectful and not healthy. Consider getting the book on “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud. He has one on marriage specifically, and I haven’t read it yet although it’s on my short list.

God Bless you.
 
Cyril_Of_Canada said:
And some of you who know me know that my wife has since sided with the pastor who put this idea into her head. I’ve been threatened with divorce if I become Catholic. Today was the first time I ever refused to participate in a protestant communion service, and the person I happened to be sitting beside was non other than this person! It was so awkward, so my action is bound to get back to my wife and others that I refused their church’s bread and wine in their communion service due to a disagreement with it. The pastor knows I want to be a catholic, so my journey to Rome is bound to come up in conversation again and how they feel the Holy Spirit doesn’t want me in the catholic church and that I can’t move if my wife doesn’t approve of it because “we are one.”
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I agree with others here, this makes no sense??? The Bible says no where that husbands and wives have to agree on everything. However, it does speak against divorce. I would hate to start an arguement but I would ask the pastor where does it say that in the Bible?
Here is the quote:
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""You must be able to defend the Catholic faith because if we can’t defend the faith that we believe in then it’s not worth having, right?
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I disagree. We are not all called to be Apologists. I consider myself more knowledgeable of the Catholic Faith every day, but I am not sure I could defend her in an outright debate. My brain is an iron vault, everything is stored in there, sometimes I just have difficulties opening the vault door so the words get to my tongue.

I believe we must understand our Catholic Faith and trust the Church that she has defended everything and anything that has been thrown at her for the past 2000 years. There is no argument in existence that hasn’t already been defended. As faithful Catholics we need to be willing and able to find the defense and present it. However, there is no sin in saying “I don’t know”, as long as it is followed with “but I will find out and get back to you”.

PS…I would also say "well in that case can you explain this verse to me…or this one…or that one… They are the ones approaching you, the balls in their court to prove you wrong. I would reverse it on them, show them the verses that you can’t see with as Steve Ray would say “Protestant glasses” and ask them to explain the Protestant view. Don’t jump on the defense right away. Take what you were told and study it and see how this fits in with the rest of the Chapter and the entire Bible. This will more than likely contradict other verses of scripture so go back with those verses. It’s all about getting to the truth, if your Pastor is seeking the truth he should be willing to spend this time with you. If not then he is a close minded individual that just wants you to do as you are told.
You two are one! You both make decisions together. For example, you feel the Lord has called you to go on missions. You wanted to go on missions but your wife doesn’t want you to go, then I’m sorry but the Lord hasn’t called you."
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I don’t understand this line of reasoning? Since when does the Lord calling you involve other people. Last time I checked God wan’t running a democracy. How does your wife not wanting you to go on a mission trip equal the Lord hasn’t called you. I think I remember reading Mother Angelica’s mother didn’t want her to become a nun, I guess that would mean all she accomplished in her life was all her and not the Lord’s calling. I know many a priest who’s parents wanted them to get married and continue the family line.

I hope this doesn’t come off wrong but I always thought the only one that stood in the way of the Lord’s calling was the devil. That being said maybe the wife doesn’t want the husband to leave on a year long mission trip because they would lose everything. Then in that case maybe it’s not the Lord’s calling. But if she just doesn’t want him to go with no reasoning and doesn’t want to discuss it, then I would say that is the devil trying to stand in his way.
But I want to be prepared for a quick defense as a protestant why I am no longer taking their protestant communion. I’ve done a good bit of reading since then on Protestantism, and from Devin Rose, Scott Hahn, and Steve Ray, Catholic Answers has been a truly wonderful source of information, but I’m terrible at explaining things, especially when under anxiety and stress.
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I think trying to defend the faith would be a mistake. It sounds like they have their minds made up already. I would simple state that you are trying to understand the truth and are more than willing to share with them what you are reading. They have no say in where God wants you to be, therefore there is nothing to defend. Now if they want to keep an open mind and have discussions of what you are understanding, tell them you are more than willing to hear both sides of the argument. However, at this point in time let it be known that you are the student and it is not your responsibility to defend the Catholic church to him. However, by his own logic he should be willing to defend the Protestant faith to you.
 
I can only share my own story, and hope that it is of comfort to you in your own journey. My wife was raised to believe Catholicism was “not Christian” and the Pope was “the anti-Christ.” I was agnostic, at best, and more along the lines of atheist. I experienced a radical conversion (hence my username, Took2Long). When I was touched by the Holy Spirit, I began to explore the Christian faith. Logic told me to begin with Catholicism. Afterall, if I was going to identify as a Protestant, I thought I should at least know what teachings I would be protesting. I read, studied, and prayed. I went through the RCIA process, and found it all to be true. I was taken in to full communion with the church at the Easter Vigil in 2014.

I lived my new found faith loudly and proudly. My wife obviously took notice, even though both she and our children went to another church. She might not have agreed with my choice, but she respected me as a person, and allowed me to grow. Fast forward, she approached me sometime in the summer of 2015 with some questions about Catholicism. I answered her questions as best I could, and directed her to speak with my parish priest. All of her walls collapsed. She went through RCIA starting in the fall of 2015, and her and our daughter were taken in at this year’s Easter Vigil.

Now my mom, who attended Moody Bible College in the early 1960s, is reading Scott Hahn, asking me about papal encyclicals, and attending Mass at our church. I don’t know if she will convert, but she certainly has an interest that was never there before. She has always been very vocal about her areas of opposition to Catholic church teaching.

I have done nothing to change the minds of those around me. I believe fully that it is the Holy Spirit at work. My living the life of a faithful Catholic may have helped introduce the truth of the Church into others lives. Their conversions-or in the case of my mom, near-conversion-is the work of the Holy Spirit. The best advice I can give is to live the truth as you come to know it and believe it, and let God take care of the rest. As a faithful Catholic, I believe resistance to the faith comes from ignorance of the church teachings, not actually doctrinal issues. I believe it because I’ve lived it, and I watched others close to me live it as well. God Bless, and follow the truth wherever it may lead you.
 
MT1926 said:
I agree with others here, this makes no sense??? The Bible says no where that husbands and wives have to agree on everything. However, it does speak against divorce.
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^ This is true.

I am sorry for what you are going through; I can only imagine how difficult it must be. Have you heard of the Coming Home Network and reached out to them? chnetwork.org/ They might be able to offer you some help and assistance, as they are a ministry formed to help people who want to become Catholic but who are experiencing hardship because of it.
 
I remember your thread.

I really think that any response you give, however well thought out and explained, is going to be used against you. I would seriously recommend you stop meeting with your wife’s pastors. Also, are you going to counselling with your wife? If not, I think it would really benefit you both to be able to talk with a neutral third party, and it’ll help you communicate better as a couple.

I’m really sorry you’re still going through this. As you know, the quotation is completely false. Don’t waste your breath trying to convince people who will never understand and aren’t interested in hearing. Reassure your wife that no matter what you love her, but let her know that divorce has to be completely off the table for proper discussions. You can’t talk through your issues if she threatens you with divorce when you try.

Lou
 
Me getting serious about my faith has caused serious division in my relationship as well. Not only there, but with protestant family members as well.

God comes first and now that i have found the Church that Jesus established, there is no turning back no matter who leaves me.

I think of the Lord saying how your enemies may be in your own household because of Him.

I wish there was a visible Catholic support group for people in our situations. I’m sure there are factions here and there, but I mean a nationwide deal with a 1-800 number !

God bless you bro. All we can do is pray for people and for Christian unity as a whole. 🙂
 
Cyril_Of_Canada said:
I’ve been threatened with divorce if I become Catholic. Today was the first time I ever refused to participate in a protestant communion service, and the person I happened to be sitting beside was non other than this person!
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Have they usurped the power of God? Didn’t their Bible say what God has joined together, let not man put asunder (Mk 10:9)? Very unbiblical I would say. Have you became unfaithful to your spouse? Mat 19:9. If not, such actions are truly not justifiable. If you have joined any other denomination, became atheist, would they have recommended this course of action? When a so-call man of God, prescribe action that is at variance with what God mandated, anyone should be doubly cautious. Reminds me of what Jesus said of the Pharisees wiping their cups clean on the outside and yet the inside is filthy. Mat 23:25.

I wouldn’t want to sit on the communion table with anyone encouraging divorce. The signs of deterioration of morality is telling. A pastor promoting divorce? Will tomorrow lead to the pastor encouraging his congregation to divorce the spouse if they are not of the same church? What is the guiding principle? Just for Catholics?

That ranting aside, a neutral party may helped to counsel. Perhaps discover the true reasons for threatening divorce. It is not a light matter and underlying reasons may surface.

Children are affected by divorce. No child should be subjected to this. Jesus teaching on divorce is totally holistic. Good for the family unit and forgiveness for the one that sinned.

Using the child’s distress and threat of divorce is akin to blackmailing. You wouldn’t want to use techniques like this on another just to have your own way.

I presume that prayers are being offered already so I won’t want to repeat that other than I will remember you in my prayers. As a temporary measure, continue with your progress towards the Catholic Church. You need not make it official yet till you have resolve these issues. Time can give everyone room to reflect. Perhaps a friendly private meeting with the pastor seeking his help on how to resolve this issue. This can’t be the very first time someone quitting his church. I can’t imagine a pastor recommending divorce on every such case.

The Coming Home channel may be a useful resource. Perhaps the host of the program can provide some assistance in tying you with people who has the experience of handling such issues.
 
How “they” feel the Holy Spirit doesn’t want you to become Catholic?..yet you are being led by the Holy Spirit to become Catholic…I would listen to the Holy Spirit is saying to you…and not “them”…as for being threatened with divorce…and at the same time being told…(more like threatened)… that you and your wife are one…now that seems hypocritical…it sounds more like your wife is being brainwashed by this Pastor because of his own prejudices…sadly this anti Catholicism is still more common than many might think…one of my brother-in-laws had a somewhat similar problem years ago…his wife attended a small Protestant church with a charismatic Pastor who asked her why her husband was not attending church with her…my brother-in-law had told her he was not interested in that particular church but in no way stopped her from going…her Pastor convinced her that he was a sinner and was not worthy of her…she eventually divorced him because of that reason…and they had been married for many years and had a very happy marriage…until…is there any way you could get your wife away from that church…it sounds like she is being manipulated.
 
Good advice here already. To this I just add my prayers; I thought our marriage wouldn’t survive my coming home to the Church. My husband certainly hasn’t converted, but is much less hurt and much more open. Our oldest son is discerning the priesthood, our next to the oldest was baptized Catholic, 3 oldest daughters are considering Catholicism strongly. God is faithful.
 
You must follow your own conscience. If I did what I was told I’d still be agnostic.
 
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