"You cant't become Catholic if your wife doesn't want you to."

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When I reverted back to Catholicism I was attending a non-denominational bible study/concert/entertainment/tithe machine… I mean “church”… (Before that we had tried lutheran and baptist together. I was only Catholic in that I was baptized but had no confirmation nor catechism. I still had an affinity for Catholics though.) One day while going through the non-denoms “church 101” program which was their version of catechizing new comers the man teaching said something about the Pope akin to “he wears the fish hat” and this was the first moment I felt weird there. And, I really liked him before that. Sunday after Sunday for 8 years even though we had friends and the kids loved the youth program (Awana) I felt out of place there. The preachers would come and say we have to “TITHE” because it’s in the bible while quoting OT verses (I don’t disagree we support the Church but it was their presentation).

Finally just before I reverted their church split and those who were pastors there moved to another church down the road. This made it so much easier for me to make the move because they were fighting their own battles and no one really noticed or cared that I left for the Catholic Church. I also didn’t tell them because it wasn’t any of their business.

What I love about the Catholic Faith (well just one thing of many) is that we have free will and no one will ever harass your for leaving. That is your choice. It seems those who are confident they are in the right place won’t try to coerce someone from leaving because we know your choice is your choice, your free will is your free will.

You are on your journey and it is a beautiful one; I have never felt peace like this and there isn’t one moment where I think I am in the wrong place unlike before. Of course, I have never suffered like I have suffered since re-joining the faith… but that is another story.
 
Just to clarify about the book When Only One Converts, it includes a variety of testimonies from couples, including a few whose marriages did not survive the conversion.

Also, instead of giving people books to read, which they may not be interested in due to length, have you listened to any CDs from Lighthouse Catholic Media? They have many recordings from Scott Hahn, including his conversion story, which is very powerful. And it’s much shorter than a book. Just a thought.
 
Hello. I listened to some of the audio last night.

Big news. I touched base with Samantha and John about what they said “you can’t become Catholic if your wife doesn’t want you to.”

…I informed them why I believed that not even our wives can hold us back from following where the Lord is leading us. I had done some homework and explained to them that Calvin, John Welsey, and others they looked up to felt that we must go where the Lord is leading us even if a wife is against it. I informed them that three professionals discerned that my desire to convert to catholicism had nothing to do with my adhd disability. I invited them to listen to Scott Hahn’s audio conversion as well as Kimberly Hahn’s testimony…
 
Wonderful! Please let us know how this turns out. Praying for you and your wife.
 
Anne1964 said:
Wonderful! Please let us know how this turns out. Praying for you and your wife.
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Thank you. I’ll let you all know how it goes. A little update on my situation:

Me abstaining from Protestant Communion has let to a discussion between Samantha and I by e-mail. I brought up a lot of things and provided my reasons why I disagreed with their belief that about “you and your wife are one. You have to talk over major decisions until they become one! If you feel called to become a missionary and your wife says no, then I am sorry but the Lord has not called you.” And with that reasoning, they tried to persuade me that they feel it’s not the Lord’s will because I don’t have the support of my wife----and I cannot convert to the Catholic Church because…of my son.

I told them that for now I won’t act but the day may come when I feel I need to move with or without my wife’s support—but for now, I am handling this situation delicately. They don’t seem to be so concerned now whether or not I convert but are concerned about my marriage and how my wife would feel. They don’t want to see our marriage situation become worse. This isn’t as bad as I expected to be honest. They’ve seem to take it pretty well but then again, they didn’t really respond much to what I said in my e-mails. Samantha admitted she didn’t thoroughly read my e-mail where I gave convincing reasons for my position. I shared my research with them and concluded that based on the bible commentaries of Protestant commentaries and protestant theologies they look up to as well as what the bible says, I still feel convicted that the Lord is calling me and this is a matter of conscious.

I provided links to Scott Hahn’s conversion story and Kimberly Hahn’s story as an audio but I am not confident they’ll actually listen to it. They did say they were open to reading something that had an influence on me, so tomorrow I plan to provide them “Rome Sweet Home” and “Crossing The Tiber”.

I’m trying to arrange for my spiritual director to visit my home and bless my residence. The previous owners had divorced and sold there home, so I am not sure if there is some kind of spiritual connection going on, but I’d like to root that out. Apparently one of them committed infidelity…

…Some of the protestants I’ve tried to reach out to with some of the things that have troubled my conscious has gone cold and stopped any kind of discussion with me. One guy, Joe, he is a charismatic preacher who spoke at my church’s summer retreat this year. He teaches very well and captivated his entire audience with messages that spoke to their heart. I didn’t get a chance to bring up some things that had troubled me then and what I had discovered about catholicism due to me being preoccupied with my family—and I wasn’t to be discreet about it and not draw attention to myself. So I asked for his notes. His sermon was “how to discern God’s will in your life.” I wrote to him how it didn’t address the topic of the Canon Of Scripture and I gave him my reasons for that. He wrote back and sent me a six-part podcast his church had done on the topic of the Bible and the Canon Of Scripture. He said the preacher was one of his mentors and it was the best he could provide me on the subject. I spent six hours listening to it all and took some notes. Now, I pondered how to respond because the preacher spent like three or four episodes just to build a foundation in order to talk about the Bible and Canon Of Scripture in the fifth and sixth episodes. They didn’t address several things and he made a snide remark how people with a brain can see the deuterocanon didn’t belong in the Bible—then said “Just joking!”. I felt really offended by that. He said how the New Testament didn’t quote it and Jesus and the apostles didn’t quote or reference it. I have to hand it to him though that he said the typical protestant quote for “All scripture is inspired by god…” was ONLY about the Old Testament. He got that right.

So, I did a quick google search and looked up references of the deterocanon in the New Testament, and boy, did I find a lot! I stumbled across Wisdom Chapter 2:12-24 and was blown away by it! It was amazing! Why hadn’t I ever heard of this before. I mean, wow, this apparently is a prophecy about the Passion of Our Lord here! Now wonder jews tried to distance themselves from books like Wisdom: The christians were using their own books to convert them. So I sent him an e-mail asking him if he could read Wisdom 2:12-24 and let me know what he thought. I wait five days and got no response, so I e-mailed him back asking if he read it. He replied quickly and said he was too busy and had a lot going on. And that was that.

There is another protestant I asked how he could reconcile being a calvinist-leaning christian using a John McArthur Bible when Calvinists persecuted the Anabaptists who were craedobaptists like he was. It’s been two weeks and no response from him even though he said he would get back to me.

Is it me or do protestants stonewall people who challenge their beliefs? I just really, really wish my friends could join me on my journey to the Catholic Church and my spiritual director has encouraged me to plant the healthy seeds of truth with people around me. I hope at least one or two people can join me on my journey—I don’t want to do it alone 😦

I mean, one guy I know asked me to send him something I find interesting. I sent him the audio link for Scott Hahn’s Conversion. No response yet. :confused:

Do you guys face this kind of stonewalling too? As a protestant, I always hear how they want others to be open minded to their beliefs and not stonewall or shut them down, but I find they tend to do the same thing or have a fear of having their beliefs being challenged. I mean, the reason I actually READ my bible was because my brother and athiests challenged my faith…
 
Tomorrow, I’ll be going to church and Samantha and John will be there. Most likely they may want to discuss with me in person what I brought up to them. I also plan to hand them the book Rome Sweet Home and Crossing the Tiber tomorrow. Please pray they will accept it 👍 and I think that would be very cool if they joined me on my journey to Rome. I don’t want to cross the Tiber alone 😦
 
Cyril_Of_Canada said:
Tomorrow, I’ll be going to church and Samantha and John will be there. Most likely they may want to discuss with me in person what I brought up to them. I also plan to hand them the book Rome Sweet Home and Crossing the Tiber tomorrow. Please pray they will accept it 👍 and I think that would be very cool if they joined me on my journey to Rome. I don’t want to cross the Tiber alone 😦
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Praying God’s will be done.
 
I hope you plant seeds and it goes well, but don’t lose hope if it does not. With God, you are not alone. You can do this.
 
You don’t have to feel burdened trying to convert your colleagues. As time passes they may become converted or they may not. Conversion is for the Holy Spirit. The people who you are trying to convert have to also participate with the Holy Spirit. They have to become curious (open) as you were and then open to what they discover as you did. They most likely are praying for you not to become a catholic. The risk is that we see the other’s conversion or non-conversion as a “win or lose” situation.
 
kingston1 said:
You don’t have to feel burdened trying to convert your colleagues. As time passes they may become converted or they may not. Conversion is for the Holy Spirit. The people who you are trying to convert have to also participate with the Holy Spirit. They have to become curious (open) as you were and then open to what they discover as you did. They most likely are praying for you not to become a catholic. The risk is that we see the other’s conversion or non-conversion as a “win or lose” situation.
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Right. The one you really need to convince - not to convert, but for understanding of your position - is your wife. Of course, it will be harder if she is surrounded by people who aren’t willing to listen to you, but it needs to happen. Are you going to marital counselling? It’ll help if you talk with a neutral party to mediate, instead of people who want something from you (ie to stay Protestant or to become Catholic).

Lou
 
kingston1 said:
Praying God’s will be done.
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Thank you! 🙂 I appreciate your prayers very much.
AClaire11 said:
I hope you plant seeds and it goes well, but don’t lose hope if it does not. With God, you are not alone. You can do this.
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Thank you for encouraging me.
kingston1 said:
You don’t have to feel burdened trying to convert your colleagues. As time passes they may become converted or they may not. Conversion is for the Holy Spirit. The people who you are trying to convert have to also participate with the Holy Spirit. They have to become curious (open) as you were and then open to what they discover as you did. They most likely are praying for you not to become a catholic. The risk is that we see the other’s conversion or non-conversion as a “win or lose” situation.
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I agree “conversion is for the Holy Spirit”. You are 100% right about this, brother. I pray for God to go before me and fight my battles.
Lou2U said:
Right. The one you really need to convince - not to convert, but for understanding of your position - is your wife. Of course, it will be harder if she is surrounded by people who aren’t willing to listen to you, but it needs to happen. Are you going to marital counselling? It’ll help if you talk with a neutral party to mediate, instead of people who want something from you (ie to stay Protestant or to become Catholic).

Lou
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You are 100% absolutely correct that I need to convince my wife for understanding of my position. I am not going to marital counselling yet BECAUSE there was a falling out with our last marital counsellor. It had to do with my disability playing a role. Months later, I now can cope with my disability, stress, and emotional regulation better, so this would not happen again. HOWEVER, my wife recognizes that adhd played a role, but in her mind we spent enough on marital councellors with no relief for our situation. She feels we spent about $500 and it was not helpful, so she doesn’t want to spend any more money on councillors. In her mind, $500 was the most she wanted to spend and since it did not help with our situation, she doesn’t want us to pay for marital councelling any longer. She wants to find a free one and has complained how in her country, stuff like this is free(I think). I am still planning to go to marital councelling with or without her, and if she wants to go to a free one, that’s fine. We found a service that provides free marital councelling. My priest—the spiritual director—gave me a contact for a catholic marital councellor. I’ve been thinking on it and feel most likely I’ll be contacting that person really soon to set up councelling sessions for myself. It’s just—my wife doesn’t really like the city that he is located in and his, um, I hate to say it, background, because she has a gripe with my ex having lived in that city and being of the same background, and certain feelings and things trigger her emotions and set her off. I mean, I just received a very disheartening text from her today saying to not mention the word “love” or else she will separate from me and find a different place to live…

On a side note, I want to get back on topic here. Today I went to church. Samantha and John were preaching a sermon on keeping faith in Jesus even when we are tempted to doubt, like John The Baptist when he was in prison, when we are going through tough times in our lives—times which tempt us to lose heart and fall away and lose faith. After the sermon, I thanked them for their sermon and shared with them what my wife had sent to me. I communicated to them that even though I’m going through something very difficult, God has allowed it and I see the bigger picture with which God has allowed this to happen in order to give me an opportunity to love my wife and son, and though the message is disheartening, I’m trusting in God and not losing heart or my faith in Jesus.

We also touched base on the e-mails that had gone back-and-forth through out the week. I was able to hand Samantha the two books, Rome Sweet Home and Crossing The Tiber. I was able to talk one-on-one with Tony briefly about the situation with my wife and I, and then we moved to a more private, quiet location. He told me he has no problem that I recorded our conversation back in April. So that makes me feel better. And I was able to share quite a bit about what I had learned since then. The discussion was calm. He was surprised to learn that Luther retained his belief in the Perpetual Virginity of Mary. And I think John Wesley retained that as well—and he couldn’t believe that either when I told him and it threw him off. So, I have to double check that John Wesley retained that belief. In good conscious I recall he did based on my investigation. I was also able to discuss about papal infallibility and indulgances with him, and how protestants mix papal infallibility up with impeccability and so on. And we discussed many things. And We touched base on this very thing that he and Samantha once told me: “You can not become catholic if your wife doesn’t want you to because then the Lord has not called you.” He was a bit taken back by what I had sent in the e-mail about that because I provided good reason why Protestant theologians and reformers thought we must put God above our wives even if they don’t agree with where God is leading us. Now, keep in mind, I did not mention what catholics thought about that at all. I’m trying to make points using protestant theologians and so on.
 
John told me that if I’m going to convert to the catholic church and be catholic, then that’s fine. But they are concerned about my marriage, because if I do it now then it very much well could be the end of my marriage. My wife could leave me and take my son and they wouldn’t want to see that happen, and they said back then “if I’m going to bring it up, I should do it later, preferably after my marital situation improves.”

Now, I explained to him how I had my wife’s full support at one point, but then after talking to the head pastor and his wife—even though they were respectful about the fact if I were to leave and become Catholic—my wife did a 90 degree turn and said “don’t pray for me to become catholic” and told me she didn’t want to join anymore, but that I could continue if I wanted to to become catholic. I then said after they came over to visit and talk to us and told my wife and I that I didn’t have their blessing and not to do it, my wife took their side and did another 90 degree turn and opposed my desire to become catholic—in fact, she threatened me with divorce and put her foot down and told me to stop looking into this and asked me “Why won’t you listen to me and the pastors.”

I’m really glad that Tony and I had this discussion because his tune was different than I recall. He told me he is not anti-catholic and never was. So I mentioned that if down the road I move in that direction and convert, I would very much appreciate them speaking to my wife and saying “We don’t agree but we fully respect his decision” or to give me their blessing because then it would help my marriage situation at home and my relationship with my wife. He seemed open to that and he is open to what catholics have to say on things I brought up.

We had to end our conversation, but I invited him to share with me what was it about Catholic Weekly newspaper that he got upset about. He told me he liked the newspaper and there were good things he liked and agreed with and their were things that he felt was unbiblical and had strayed from the truth—such as saying that christians are saved through their church. I suggested to him that perhaps they could be right but that it had to do with being saved by faith in Jesus, which is well, what he feels is the truth. And I suggested that we should look into why they said that and what language they used to describe if that’s true and, if they even said that, is it true, and why. He seemed open to the idea.

We had to go, but we’re going to continue our discussion at a later time. I also touched base with him on the Canon Of Scripture and he didn’t know what to really say about it. In fact, I don’t think he knows much about that topic, but he seems open to learning more about it. After discussing it, he started to wonder “Well, there MUST be a reason why Luther and the Reformers left.” He mentioned that Calvin was catholic, but I said “no, calvin was born about one hundred years after Luther and I recall him being protestant but that I would look back into this and double check.” In fact, I said I’m not great at defending or explaining so I’d have to let the appologists and professionals handle explaining these subjects and topics and I could just share what they said on the matter—both protestants and catholics when it came to their different beliefs.

Anyway, I just wanted to share guys. I need to go. I did mention to John that the Bible says we are saved through baptism and he asked me where in the bible it says that and we started to get into a wonderful discussion about it but we had to go. He also says he doesn’t disagree with infant baptism, but he feels baptism is better done as an adult. So, i’ll need to get back to him about a lot of what we talked about in our discussion.

Anyway, I got to go. God bless. Thanks for listening. I’ll be dropping by to read all your comments. Thank you for participating in this thread with me and for all your prayers and help. Thank you.
 
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