"You got your boy! Now you're done, right? :)"

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A few sarcastic or thoughtful responses:

“I didn’t know we were in China. I thought we had reproductive FREEDOM here!”

“Are you from the Gestapo?”

“We thought we would try to make up for the lapses in our population caused by abortions.”

“Do you still believe that nonsense?”

“And can we talk about Margaret Sanger being a eugenicist and racist?”

“Where did you get THAT idea?”

Softer responses:

“We believe this is a private issue.”

“You say the silliest things!” …and change the subject.

Just stare for a second. No response, then change subject.

“We’re done when we’re done.”

Have fun. From the youngest daughter whose mother used to walk by Planned Parenthood booths at County Fairs and respond to their question: “Do you practice Family Planning?” by saying, “Yes, with all ten kids!”

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Q: “You got your boy! Now you’re done, right?”

A: “No, that’s just the pitcher. We still have to get the rest of the baseball team.”

😃

(However, I would probably go with “That’s really none of your [insert your favorite intensifier here] business!”)
 
“You got your boy! Now you’re done, right?”

You saying I’m too OLD to have more!?! :ehh:
 
I’m happy that you realize that most people are trying to be kind - even if their remarks are insensitive.

To me, it depends on the situation - and how well i know the remarker.

It’s simply not worth the effort to “put them in their place” if it is some stranger making an offhand comment. I’m not going to see them again, so I just can be bothered to worry about what their opinion is on anything. And truthfully, they are probably trying to make conversation - and just hit upon an awkward comment. (I’ve made awkward comments, too. without realizing it, until later).

If it is a friend or relative that i will see on a regular basis, then it might be worth the effort to let them see that their comments were hurtful, so they don’t repeat it. (When we suffered two miscarriages after our first three children - we got comments like “Well, at least you have healthy children.”, “You really are getting too old anyway”. “It’s all for the better”. stuff like that). With my own mother, i did have to set her straight that her comments were hurtful.

With others, sometimes a blank stare - like I must have misunderstood what they were saying. Dead silence has a way of making someone realize that what they said was awkward at best.

I don’t using like coming up with a zinger to put someone in his/her place. If someone is sensitive, he may realize his mistake. If he’s not, then he isn’t going to get it anyway. Sure a gentle “Why do you ask?” comment can bring to light that the question is inappropriate - because it won’t take long for a person to realize that it is none of her business.
 
“Man plans- God laughs.”

God told Abraham at the age of 99that he would have a son, Abraham laughed.
When his wife Sarah heard that God said she’d have a son at her advanced age, Sarah laughed.

They had a son which God had told them to name ‘Isaac’. Isaac means- “He laughs”
 
If you are a stay at home parent, how about answering with “This is my job security.” 😉

A lot of people (not close friends) think we’re crazy for wanting a fourth when our kids are almost 15, 13.5, and 6. Maybe we are crazy, but we also hope to adopt through the foster care system so the 6 year old and the one we are praying to have will have a sibling to go through school with since we homeschool. Our goal – 8 kids. I can only have 4 biological pregnancies safely though. Praying for multiples! ha ha!
 
Pax2u said:
Ann Landers used to pass along this response to those kinds of questions…ask another question!

“Why would you ask that?”

It really works!!!
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Or Miss Manners, who (if memory serves) wrote that what such a questioner deserves is raised eyebrows and an “I beg your pardon?”

Most nosy people won’t get that, and will need the Ann Landers follow-up question.

Whatever your reply is to their almost-inevitable third go-round at putting their foot in their mouth, let them know that nothing could be less their business than whether you hope God blesses you with more children or not.
 
I’m pregnant with my second - a boy after a girl - and a lot of friends were like, “Oh, one of each! Perfect!” I know they were just trying to find something to say and were happy for me, but yeah, I did want to say things like, “What makes you think we’re stopping here?” or “Thanks for making that decision for me,” but holding my tongue, smiling, and nodding, is just more charitable. I think I’ll save the witty responses for things like, “You know what causes that, right?” and “You guys need a TV or something.” 🙂 You know, when they’re actually being snarky.
 
We had three girls and then 4 months ago a boy. I get this all the time! From family, friends and cashiers.
I deal with it two ways.
1 I say, “Maybe we will have three boys next”
or 2 and this is my favorite!

2 My seven year old daughter who is really annoyed by the statement will ask them what is wrong with her and her sisters. She says "Do you think having a boy is better than having one of me?

Funny because it is almost always a woman that makes this statement or question to begin with.
Finally got your boy!
Or “Are you done now that you have a boy?”

Maybe I should just start saying “Yes, males are so much more superior. After three failed attempts we finally got it right.”
 
What really gets me is when somebody makes these sorts of comments who himself has multiple older siblings. Good thing for you that your parents didn’t think 1 and 1 was “perfect” since you’re #5…
 
aemcpa said:
What really gets me is when somebody makes these sorts of comments who himself has multiple older siblings. Good thing for you that your parents didn’t think 1 and 1 was “perfect” since you’re #5…
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You know, I find that interesting too. People that had more than 3 kids or are one of more than three, and then act like I have 3 eyes because I am having more than 2 or 3! Funny thing, is a lot of them are family! I had one family member (I am fond of) tell me one is fine, 2 is great, 3 is too much! I told him I was glad his sibling did not agree, because I was a 3rd child, and my brother was a 4th child (not to mention that he was 1 of 4).

Another one that was kind of funny, was when I had my first two (boy and girl) pretty quickly after marriage (my first was a honeymoon baby, the second was born 15 months later). I had people tell me things like “Oh you are so smart, you hurried up and had your children quickly and young so you will be done with the diapers soon, and raise them together since they are close in age, and you will be done early!” And then kids kept coming, and well I guess they think I’m not that smart any more :).
 
“Well, we* think* he’s a boy, but we want to have more. You never can really be sure too sure about these things today. Cher* thought* she had a boy and a girl too, you know, but now she has two sons.”
 
But I want to collect them all: the future priest, the strong athletic boy, the sensitive artistic boy, the scientifically inclined boy and the ambitious boy! I also want all the girls: the princess, the tomboy, the flaky artsy one, the serious intellectual one, and the future nun.

Seriously, each human being is unique and you can never “collect 'em all.” Biological sex is just one trait determined by DNA. I have two girls, as different from one another as two siblings can be. The only thing they have in common, apart from their blue eyes, is their sex. I now need, apart from several different boys, a green-eyed girl, too, or I won’t have “one of each.” 😃

If these people got identical twins, would they put one up for adoption, you know, because it’s so redundant? 🤷
 
Litcrit said:
If these people got identical twins, would they put one up for adoption, you know, because it’s so redundant? 🤷
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😦 If you see the other thread on twins, you will see that something that sounds crazy to us, is actually being done out there (and adoption would be a nicer option than what people are doing).
 
gardenswithkids said:
“Well, we* think* he’s a boy, but we want to have more. You never can really be sure too sure about these things today. Cher* thought* she had a boy and a girl too, you know, but now she has two sons.”
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lol, I love it - but I’m not sure how well THAT would go over!

Personally, I don’t like to shut down the questioning with hints that it’s none of their business. I simply don’t know how else to witness to the joy of being open to life without being willing to answer such questions joyfully. People really are completely and utterly clueless. It is so sad, but you never know when your joyful response about being open to more or wanting more (in whatever fun, witty, or straightforward way you do it) will cause a person to mull it over and for the first time, question what the culture has been shoving down their throats all these years.

I’ve never been good at pulling off joke answers. I tend to just say, “Oh no, I’d LOVE to have more! I’ve always loved the idea of a big family.”
 
ThyKingdomCome said:
lol, I love it - but I’m not sure how well THAT would go over!

Personally, I don’t like to shut down the questioning with hints that it’s none of their business. I simply don’t know how else to witness to the joy of being open to life without being willing to answer such questions joyfully. People really are completely and utterly clueless. It is so sad, but you never know when your joyful response about being open to more or wanting more (in whatever fun, witty, or straightforward way you do it) will cause a person to mull it over and for the first time, question what the culture has been shoving down their throats all these years.

I’ve never been good at pulling off joke answers. I tend to just say, “Oh no, I’d LOVE to have more! I’ve always loved the idea of a big family.”
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It is fine to answer rude questions as if they were merely ignorant, so you can certainly say that.

Still, it is none of their business, and it is highly unlikely that your business is the only business they stick their noses into. You’d do a lot of other people–like people who can’t have children or want more and can’t have any or already have more than they think they have the emotional or financial resources–a big favor if you’d let them know that it is none of their business.
 
Need help articulating this response, but how about something along the lines like one does not simply stop playing gold once they get the shot they want. Or one does not simply stop batting when they get their first home run. Needs to be more funny though 😛

Something along these lines. Maybe someone can add to this??
 
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