S
SuzanneD
Guest
They would have kept having girls.
- Status
L
lifeisbeautiful
Guest
Need help articulating this response, but how about something along the lines like one does not simply stop playing gold once they get the shot they want. Or one does not simply stop batting when they get their first home run. Needs to be more funny though
Something along these lines. Maybe someone can add to this??
You might want to rethink those… It sounds like your son was the home run and the girls are chopped liver .How about… Oh, you thought we were just having babies to try to get a boy? No, we were just being open to whatever God sent us!
Not much of a zinger
, and I am sure there can be many variations making reference to sex, it’s just not really something I like to do, but some people come up with some cute comebacks with this that leave the busybodies 
.
D
DaveBj
Guest
Back in the 80s I did some wedding music gigs with a gal that I worked with. She was one of several sisters, and then the youngest sib was a brother. She told me that he had a real easy time getting dates, because he had all these older sisters telling him, “Girls like it when you do this,” or “Girls don’t like it when you do that.”
Unfortunately, I am the older of two brothers. I could have used some older sisters; I su . . . stunk at dating
T
TheRealJuliane
Guest
That reminds me of when my 2 (little family) son were small and we’d be out in public somewhere, with probably the younger one misbehaving to some extent,
and some older lady or man would tell me, “Looks like you’ve got your hands full!”I started saying, “Yes, and my heart is full as well!” That seemed to make them think, and they usually smiled at it.
R
Rico_S
Guest
Congrats on the baby!! I have 4 daughters, and while I always wanted a son…frankly, I wouldn’t know what to do with one at this point!
I am so so happy to have someone express this on these forums. Too many here are so quick to be offended and find mean-spiritedness in comments where it does not exist. Kudos to you for proper perspective
T
ThyKingdomCome
Guest
I get that comment a lot when I’m with my 4 in public. I usually just smile and say, “I do!” because it’s true. The comment has almost always been offered with a smile to begin with, so if there is ever a follow up comment, it is usually positive. It could be that I’m too naive to catch the judgments of people right away, but OTOH, people often reflect back what is provided to them, so it may be that my responses that make it clear that I think I’m being complimented have an affect on the commentors.That reminds me of when my 2 (little family) son were small and we’d be out in public somewhere, with probably the younger one misbehaving to some extent,
I started saying, “Yes, and my heart is full as well!” That seemed to make them think, and they usually smiled at it.
K
KendraDZ1902
Guest
My husband is the last boy in his family. If the family name is going to carry on, we will have to have a boy. While we don’t have children yet, I think my husband would want to keep trying until we have a boy. lol.
K
Kelfa28
Guest
I’ve got one child and another on the way…and I’m already getting these comments!
I keep thinking to myself…
“Well, I’m not done having sex yet…so, I guess not…”
I keep thinking to myself…
“Well, I’m not done having sex yet…so, I guess not…”
E
EasterJoy
Guest
We only have two children, who are twins. One of my happiest moments as a parent happened when I was out driving with our two in the back. We were stopped at a crosswalk, and a woman crossed with four children, all apparently under five years old. One of my sons, seeing this parade go by, said, “Look at that! What a lucky mom!!”
I don’t take offense at the “you have your hands full!” comments, though. I take them as acknowledgement that taking care of small children (or even two teens) is a “real job.” What I really hated was the people who were insensitive enough to say, “Twins! I’m glad it is you and not me.” I would reiterate to them that I felt very lucky. Then of course there was “Double Trouble!” to which I would say, “Oh, no…four times the fun!”
The main thing to remember is that most people who toss off these comments won’t remember what you say, but any children in earshot most definitely will. They’re the ones who care the most about whether adults see them as a blessing or a burden.
E
EasterJoy
Guest
BTW, the people who deserve the most sympathy are the parents whose spouse–the other parent of their children!–makes insensitive comments in public about their own kids or makes loud announcements about the couple’s family decisions that the other one would rather keep private. 
I mean, what does someone say when some acquaintance comes up and says, “So, Bob says you’re trying for another.” You have to think Oh, thank you, Bob, for putting that revealing mental picture into the minds of all our friends and relatives, but what on earth do you say to that? Some couples are fine with those kind of disclosures. That’ a little TMI for me, but mostly, IMHO, the spouse with the greater desire for privacy ought to always prevail. Whatever comments people make, they had better not just assume that both spouses agree about these things, or that any couple will just automatically get the reproductive results they hope for. Just because your friend, Bob, tells you that he and his wife want lots more kids or no more kids, don’t assume that you’ve been given carte blanche to broach the subject with his wife!
I mean, what does someone say when some acquaintance comes up and says, “So, Bob says you’re trying for another.” You have to think Oh, thank you, Bob, for putting that revealing mental picture into the minds of all our friends and relatives, but what on earth do you say to that? Some couples are fine with those kind of disclosures. That’ a little TMI for me, but mostly, IMHO, the spouse with the greater desire for privacy ought to always prevail. Whatever comments people make, they had better not just assume that both spouses agree about these things, or that any couple will just automatically get the reproductive results they hope for. Just because your friend, Bob, tells you that he and his wife want lots more kids or no more kids, don’t assume that you’ve been given carte blanche to broach the subject with his wife!
R
russet1
Guest
I know that people probably do not mean to be rude but I do take offense to the hands full comment. When I go somewhere with my 4 kids I hear this all the time. I do not take it as affirmation that it is work. My children are well behaved, cute and fun. Taking care of them might be work but it is easy and enjoyable. I am quite good at it.
Imagine if you said this type of thing to any other person working during a normal day doing normal tasks. “Hey, Jim, looks like you really got your hands full with that hammer. I don’t know how you do it. I could never just hit a nail all day.” or “Gee Bob, filing in alphabetical order today, looks like you really got your hands full.” Or the ultimate, since it is usually the cashier at the store who says something. “Hey there Dianne, Looks like you really got your hands full trying to figure out how to ring up bananas.”
To me it is as offensive as telling the local McDonalds worker that they should have gone to college.
This is exactly why I do quip back. I want my 3 girls to know that just because they have a little brother now, I was just as excited when they were born and I love them all no matter what sex they are.
I am a man, I never grew up buying into all that feminist nonsense. But having girls has made me realize a few things and I am more sensitive to a world that tells my own flesh and blood that they are less then desirable because they are not boys. And honestly that is really what people are communicating with the finally a boy comments. Oh, it is not as overt as China killing it’s girl babies, or King Henry XVIII killing to try to get a boy. But it is there.
The irony is that it is usually women who are doing it.
S
shainski
Guest
Interesting.
Sure if you add “I could never JUST hit a nail all day”, that woul dbe offensive because it diminishes the accomplishment. And if people said “I could never JUST take care of kids” that might be offensive. (I say might, because it could still be a signal of admiration. If you said to an accountant - “I’m impressed that you can do this with my taxes - i would be bored to tears if i were to look at numbers all day long”. That could be offensive, but it doesn’t have to be. We all have different interests and talents - and people can admire those in others recognizing that they would be incapable of doing them).
When i’ve heard people make this comment - I take it as they are in awe. "Wow, I don’t know how you do it - you really got your hands full (and i read into it - “because I could never be able to handle four kids on a regular basis”). To me, it’s a compliment.
I give people the benefit of the doubt. Even when their comments could be taken badly, I try to judge their intent. If they are trying to be nice, then i see no reason to try to get them with a zinger. If it were a close friend, then i might try to get him/her to see how it might be better to reword his/her comment in the future.
Now, if the comment is one that would hurt my children if i did not respond, then that would be a different story. Like saying to someone with an adopted child - “How do your REAL children feel about this chlid?”. I would feel like i have to say something - even to a stranger.
R
russet1
Guest
Yes, there are different ways to look at things but I like to think about the real deep underlying biases that form how people interact in public. If indeed people think 2 or 4 well behaved kids in the store is something to be in awe of then I suppose other natural human responses should also be encouraged.
“Hey, great job going to the bathroom so fast. I could never do that!”
As for the gender comments I honestly think they indicate a deep, maybe even subconscious, sexist thought.
S
shainski
Guest
Well, i guess I disagree about that. 2 or 4 well behaved kids are a significant undertaking. That doesn’t mean that people shouldn’t be capable of doing it, but probably most jobs COULD be done by most people. I mean 150 years ago, many people built their own houses, their own furniture and made their own clothes and grew or hunted their own food. So people must have been capable of doing all those things - even though most people couldn’t do any of those things today.Yes, there are different ways to look at things but I like to think about the real deep underlying biases that form how people interact in public. If indeed people think 2 or 4 well behaved kids in the store is something to be in awe of then I suppose other natural human responses should also be encouraged.
“Hey, great job going to the bathroom so fast. I could never do that!”
As for the gender comments I honestly think they indicate a deep, maybe even subconscious, sexist thought.
Same with raising 4 children. Many people today are in awe of it - because they haven’t trained themselves to be able to do it.
And as for the gender comments - maybe i’ve been sheltered from them because we had two boys and then two girls. But we did get the same comments about “finally having a girl”. So, in themselves, the comments do not have to denote sexism. Most of the comments to us now are “two boys and two girls - that is a perfect family.”.
R
russet1
Guest
LOL, see, I just see things differently. If someone said that to me I would say: “So it would be a mistake to have another?”
Why can’t people just say “What a lovely family.” Or “good job!” Or “what beautiful children you have?” There is no need to comment on how many, or how “hard” it is.
Or that we FINALLY got a boy or girl or etc. I am overflowing with love for my kids, I would love another just the same.We live in a time where people can and do stick their noses in your sex life or parenting style. Without meaning to that is what they are really doing. I like to call attention to the words people use.
When I see someone with two kids or 8 kids the only comment I would make to them is how nice their family is. I would not comment on how hard their life choices have made it for them or how I could never have the horrible plague of more than 2.5 kids, or what sex they are. I would never assume the person sees the world the way I do and I do not know their mind.
The nicest comments I get are about how cute my family is or how someone enjoyed seeing my kids. Other than that, just smile and move on!
S
shainski
Guest
While i may agree with you on how I might speak to others, I think it is unrealistic to expect everyone else to adhere to what you might find offensive. And I think that any snarky comeback will reflect just as unkindly upon you as you found the original comment.
Most people just say things to initiate conversation. Or they say things based on their own life experiences. They aren’t trying to be judgmental.
I think i can discern the difference in tone between someone who might be implying that “wow you have four children - are you trying to ruin the planet?]” and “wow you have four children - bless you for keeping the wonderful sounds of children in the neighborhood.]”
And if i can’t tell, i would prefer to think then they are implying the latter and not the former. To which i would just respond: “Thank you”.
Most people just say things to initiate conversation. Or they say things based on their own life experiences. They aren’t trying to be judgmental.
I think i can discern the difference in tone between someone who might be implying that “wow you have four children - are you trying to ruin the planet?]” and “wow you have four children - bless you for keeping the wonderful sounds of children in the neighborhood.]”
And if i can’t tell, i would prefer to think then they are implying the latter and not the former. To which i would just respond: “Thank you”.
G
gardenswithkids
Guest
Yes, there are different ways to look at things but I like to think about the real deep underlying biases that form how people interact in public. If indeed people think 2 or 4 well behaved kids in the store is something to be in awe of then I suppose other natural human responses should also be encouraged.
"Hey, great job going to the bathroom so fast. I could never do that!"
As for the gender comments I honestly think they indicate a deep, maybe even subconscious, sexist thought.
From the perspective of one who has potty trained eight, I have told my kids many versions of that bolded part. “Good job!” “Yay, you did it!”I’ve gotten far more than a handful of those “hands full” comments. I take them like a toddler takes a potty training comment, as simply recognition that I’m doing something that is difficult–because it is hard to take them out to the grocery store or wherever I am when I hear those kinds of comments. Many times they are simply honest observations. My hands literally are full. Sometimes I hear those comments from elderly people who have “been-there, done-that.” and they remember their own days with lots of young children. (My older kids are older now, and I hear that comment less and less. I hope I don’t turn into one of those people who says it!) The comment may be somewhat trite and unoriginal, but so are phrases like, “Have a nice day!” Just assume the person making those comments means them in a nice way, and they may be followed up with smiles and stories of how many children they raised.
“You’ve got your hands full” is very different from, “Are you done?” And I’ll give that even the later comments may be made with no ill intent. And as I had several boys before a sister came along, I heard the flip side of the comments about “getting a girl”. People seem to expect that families who have children all of one sex keep trying for the other–afterall, why else would we keep getting pregnant?
It’s somewhat socially acceptable to keep getting pregnant until you have one of each, and after that, some people have simply no idea why we’d keep filling our grocery carts with more and more children. But some do. They may be people who once had their hands and hearts and grocery carts filled with young children. It might be their little way of saying, “Great job!”
A
Auntie_A
Guest
The sad change in this post-Jerry Springer world is that many people FEEL that their opinions MUST be expressed.
I’ve gotten far more than a handful of those “hands full” comments. I take them like a toddler takes a potty training comment, as simply recognition that I’m doing something that is difficult–because it is hard to take them out to the grocery store or wherever I am when I hear those kinds of comments. Many times they are simply honest observations. My hands literally are full. Sometimes I hear those comments from elderly people who have “been-there, done-that.” and they remember their own days with lots of young children. (My older kids are older now, and I hear that comment less and less. I hope I don’t turn into one of those people who says it!) The comment may be somewhat trite and unoriginal, but so are phrases like, “Have a nice day!” Just assume the person making those comments means them in a nice way, and they may be followed up with smiles and stories of how many children they raised.
“You’ve got your hands full” is very different from, “Are you done?” And I’ll give that even the later comments may be made with no ill intent. And as I had several boys before a sister came along, I heard the flip side of the comments about “getting a girl”. People seem to expect that families who have children all of one sex keep trying for the other–afterall, why else would we keep getting pregnant?
I
ishnianqueen
Guest
My BIL said that one way to guarantee feeling better about yourself was to go to the bathroom while a toddler is being potty trained. Every time he came out of the bathroom, his 3 year old son would start clapping and saying, “Yay! Good job, daddy!”
D
Debora123
Guest
Lol I think raising children is probably a little bit more difficult than any of those things.
- Status