You might be in a redneck church if

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The Holy Spirit descends like a dove…

…and half the congregation draws a bead on it.
 
…the parish priest has three cars. Two are on the lawn on blocks, and the other is a riding mower.
 
After Mass discussions usually involve- hunting, fishing, mudding, farm animal health, or “ya’ll ain’t going to believe this…”
 
… the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
… when the pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,” five guys and two women stand up.
 
The pews are hay bales. No joke, it was called a “cowboy church.” 😃
 
…the Mary garden entrance gate is doors off the 1998 Monster Nationals winner and the Mary statue is painted John Deer green.
 
Just before the Homily, you hear a beer can crack open.

Incidentally, I went to my dad’s wedding vow renewals at his local protestant church and that actually happened in the pew behind me. 2 cans, they were both Red Bull, but still. Could’ve strangled my aunt.
 
…it’s a double-wide.

…the holy water stoup has a sign on it: “Not a spit cup!”

…they seem to think “woodland camo” and “blaze orange” count as liturgical colours.

…the candles are all citronella.

…the bishop’s zucchetto has a bill on it.

…the church loudspeakers came out of a '76 Ford truck.

…during the Canon, the altar boy shakes his truck keys.

…the priest makes a chasuble by cutting the sleeves off an alb.

…the bishop’s mitre has sponsor patches.

…the name of the church is spray-painted on.

…the collection plate is a hubcap. From a Datsun. Which is why no one has stolen it yet.

…the priest’s stole doubles as suspenders.

…the little old ladies in the congregation have hairdos taller than the bishop’s mitre. And a nicer blue.

…the confessionals have screen doors on them.

…they will accept coupons in the collection plate.

…instead of incense, they put mosquito coils in the thurible.

…the numbers on the hymn board are cut from old license plates.

…the confessional grill is actually a truck door and the priest rolls down the window to hear confession.

…“dressing up for church” means black rubbers instead of green, and a clean ball cap.

…Two words: Ecclesiatic tattoos. “Wayne, roll up your sleeves, gramma wants to do the stations.”
 
John_Lazarus said:
…it’s a double-wide.

…the holy water stoup has a sign on it: “Not a spit cup!”

…they seem to think “woodland camo” and “blaze orange” count as liturgical colours.

…the candles are all citronella.

…the bishop’s zucchetto has a bill on it.

…the church loudspeakers came out of a '76 Ford truck.

…during the Canon, the altar boy shakes his truck keys.

…the priest makes a chasuble by cutting the sleeves off an alb.

…the bishop’s mitre has sponsor patches.

…the name of the church is spray-painted on.

…the collection plate is a hubcap. From a Datsun. Which is why no one has stolen it yet.

…the priest’s stole doubles as suspenders.

…the little old ladies in the congregation have hairdos taller than the bishop’s mitre. And a nicer blue.

…the confessionals have screen doors on them.

…they will accept coupons in the collection plate.

…instead of incense, they put mosquito coils in the thurible.

…the numbers on the hymn board are cut from old license plates.

…the confessional grill is actually a truck door and the priest rolls down the window to hear confession.

…“dressing up for church” means black rubbers instead of green, and a clean ball cap.

…Two words: Ecclesiatic tattoos. “Wayne, roll up your sleeves, gramma wants to do the stations.”
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Ha ha ha…especially the last one. 😃
 
oldcatholicguy said:
Guilty.😦
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Don’t sweat it. It’s actually the original pronunciation. IIRC, only English has a silent ‘p’, every other language – including the original Greek – pronounces the ‘p’.

On the other hand, if you are mispronouncing it as “P’salm P’sunday…” 😃
 
The Grotto is made from a bathtub turned on end and buried halfway in the ground.
 
… when it comes time for the Sign of Peace, the fellow next to you (Billy Bob) says “Hey buddy, wouldja pull my finger?”
 
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