You weren't kidding - trials of conversion

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DAML72

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Good morning,

I’m not exactly sure how to start this, as I feel a bit strange even acknowledging that there may be evil at work in my life. Growing up, I don’t think there was ever any mention of Satan or Hell in my church, so I’m not sure if I ever really believed. But I’ve been considering conversion to Catholicism for the past three weeks. Since RCIA just started, things are moving pretty quickly for me. When I first got the feeling I was being led to conversion, everything was so clear. Now I feel like I’m constantly being pelted with doubts about the Church ( I was up almost all night last night with this), and there seem to be a number of temptations from my past that I am deliberately turning away from popping up. Then, this morning I had a private message on here from a new, anonymous member that cautioned me about the Catholic church.

I have read on here how others have had difficulty with evil influence interceding. Is that what this is? It feels like it, as it’s not a nice feeling - very different from the peace you get when you know that you are being led in the direction the Holy Spirit wants you to go. I’m trying to pray the Rosary every day, but I think maybe I need to do a little more. What else can I or should I do? It seems like the more involved I get with the church and the more committed I get, the worse this ‘attack’ gets and then stronger, scarier thoughts enter my mind.
 
I didn’t even think anonymous PMs were allowed. Curious.
 
Hello DAML, I’m not good in the advice area, However I can say what I feel is happening. Our Lord Jesus Christ long time adversary is always at work, in trying to keep people away, that which is close’s to God. How much closer can you get in wanting to become a Catholic. I once read (I don’t remember where) that the closer you are to God that more his adversary will temp you. I would pray to the Holy spirit for guidence.
Welcome to our forums.

God bless

jesus g
 
I’m sorry you are experiencing this but many people go through something similar at some point on their spiritual journey. My advice is to keep calm and carry on. Don’t pay any attention to people who want to turn you away. Keep going to RCIA, ask questions, spend time here on the forum and ask for prayers whenever you need them. Basically do what you’ve been doing so far and don’t be afraid of the obstacles that seem to be appearing. May I suggest you also start going to the adoration of the Blessed Sacrament? That is a wonderful devotion that has helped me so much and I can’t recommend it enough.
 
DAML72 said:
Good morning,

I’m not exactly sure how to start this, as I feel a bit strange even acknowledging that there may be evil at work in my life. Growing up, I don’t think there was ever any mention of Satan or Hell in my church, so I’m not sure if I ever really believed. But I’ve been considering conversion to Catholicism for the past three weeks. Since RCIA just started, things are moving pretty quickly for me. When I first got the feeling I was being led to conversion, everything was so clear. Now I feel like I’m constantly being pelted with doubts about the Church ( I was up almost all night last night with this), and there seem to be a number of temptations from my past that I am deliberately turning away from popping up. Then, this morning I had a private message on here from a new, anonymous member that cautioned me about the Catholic church.

I have read on here how others have had difficulty with evil influence interceding. Is that what this is? It feels like it, as it’s not a nice feeling - very different from the peace you get when you know that you are being led in the direction the Holy Spirit wants you to go. I’m trying to pray the Rosary every day, but I think maybe I need to do a little more. What else can I or should I do? It seems like the more involved I get with the church and the more committed I get, the worse this ‘attack’ gets and then stronger, scarier thoughts enter my mind.
Click to expand...
RCIA is an information study on the why’s and wherefore’s of the Church. It explains and answers questions of anyone wanting to understand what the church teaches. It does not require anyone to become catholic or to make anyone do anything they don’t want to do. It is a course merely to explain the faith and the why’s and wherefore’s.

Now that is one thing. Seperate from that is another reality which everyone on this planet will undergo, temptations. Everyone will have temptations, of any faith, or even without any faith.
Sometimes these temptations will be stronger, and sometimes weaker. Everyone has those moments.
It is a common experience.

It appears you are suffering from the latter in a greater way than you usually do. If it were me, I wouldn’t make more out of it than just that.

Prayer is a great source of strength and consolation. Jesus always hears our prayers asking for grace to do the right things. Speak to him from your heart giving yourself to him.

Be at peace.
 
@Sailor Kenshin - I should clarify. My apologies for the confusion - I only slept for about 2 hours last night, so my brain isn’t firing on all cylinders.

It was not an ‘anonymous’ PM. The person has a username. I guess what I meant to say was that it is a new member, and no information was given to me about this person beyond the username. The person warned me to do more research and made vague references to the early church “Fathers’” teachings being very different than what the Church now teaches. It also included an invitation to join a completely different forum - for Protestants. I actually think it might be a violation of forum rules, as the person stated that he or she was canvassing these boards for current or former Protestants and referring them to an Anglican board, but I don’t know how to report it.

@jesuspsr - Thank you for your support. I will keep up the prayers.

@Contra Mundum - Thank you for the advice. I think the parish I am thinking of joining has adoration today. I will definitely go. Thank you!
 
@fred conty - I realize another clarification is needed. The RCIA classes are a result of a recent ‘conversion’ experience I have had. Long story, but my change (renunciation of my sin, desire to live according to His Word) has been in the works for a long time. I have been praying for guidance and cleaning house for months. It has been very turbulent, but also healing. Then, a few weeks ago, one email from an old friend who is catholic, with a clear message of God’s love for me while I was in a very difficult place, set off a string of experiences that has led me to a much deeper relationship with the Lord and a very, very strong faith. There were also a number of signs that lead me to believe that the Holy Spirit is pointing me in the direction of the Catholic church. That has, in turn, deepened my spiritual connection with the Lord. So, we’re not just talking about RCIA classes - I agree with you - if that were all that was going on, this would not be noteworthy. It’s more the fact that I had pretty much decided I was going to convert and then there was a deluge of doubts and confusion due to scary conspiracy theories. (It is a bit scary to have experienced such a close relationship with the Lord and have so many of my prayers answered and so much guidance from the Holy Spirit when I have not felt that before in my life, and I have to discern where it is coming from.)

As far as the temptations go - I’m not sure that I’m really feeling more temptation - maybe at the times when the doubts come in. But I am objectively noting that there seem to be more things placed in my path that pull on my emotions - not in a good way.
 
Be strong and have faith. I fully believe that the Evil one works in our lives, and it pains him so greatly when one of us turns towards grace. That is not to say that you have not encountered grace in protestantism–you certainly have. But the Eucharist is the truest, fullest, most brilliantly burning grace possible, and it is one that you are considering turning your face toward completely. Don’t let temptations or questions fool you. Ask your questions, seek your answers, embrace your doubts and learn what they are about, and continue to move forward with confidence that you will and can overcome all evil through Christ who is calling you! Pray for guidance of the Holy Spirit, who will never let you down. It brings to mind Romans 5:3-5:

“And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”
 
Jesus refers to some evil spirits that require much prayer and fasting in order to dispel. I believe there is another passage that refers to a demon screaming as it came out.
I mention these things to illustrate that the various demons often do not leave without a fight.

The attacks you are undergoing are these spirits trying to hold on to you. Often times they are subtle but insistent - posing questions - planting doubts. That is their way…to get you to question and hopefully to prevent you from fully committing.

You said in your first post that this is, “very different from the peace you get when you know that you are being led in the direction the Holy Spirit wants you to go”.

I believe that you might be getting one of your first lessons in true conversion. Peace is most definitely NOT the feeling one always has when being led by the Holy Spirit because so often the Spirit is calling you to something that is deeper and more profound and against what you are “use to”.
The journey of conversion is lifelong and full of peace AND conflict, joy AND tears, times of feeling God Close and times of feeling He has abandoned you…

Persevere my friend…It will be worth it.

Peace
James
 
DAML72 said:
It was not an ‘anonymous’ PM. The person has a username. I guess what I meant to say was that it is a new member, and no information was given to me about this person beyond the username. The person warned me to do more research and made vague references to the early church “Fathers’” teachings being very different than what the Church now teaches. It also included an invitation to join a completely different forum - for Protestants. **I actually think it might be a violation of forum rules, as the person stated that he or she was canvassing these boards for current or former Protestants and referring them to an Anglican board, but I don’t know how to report it. **
Click to expand...
Yes this is a violation of forum rules. I would suggest contacting the moderator of the Spirituality forum.
Click here
And scroll down the page until you see the list of CAF Moderators - Looks like Klara Collins is the moderator…you can PM her and she will address the issue.

Peace
James
 
DAML72 said:
@fred conty - I realize another clarification is needed. The RCIA classes are a result of a recent ‘conversion’ experience I have had. Long story, but my change (renunciation of my sin, desire to live according to His Word) has been in the works for a long time. I have been praying for guidance and cleaning house for months. It has been very turbulent, but also healing. Then, a few weeks ago, one email from an old friend who is catholic, with a clear message of God’s love for me while I was in a very difficult place, set off a string of experiences that has led me to a much deeper relationship with the Lord and a very, very strong faith. There were also a number of signs that lead me to believe that the Holy Spirit is pointing me in the direction of the Catholic church. That has, in turn, deepened my spiritual connection with the Lord. So, we’re not just talking about RCIA classes - I agree with you - if that were all that was going on, this would not be noteworthy. It’s more the fact that I had pretty much decided I was going to convert and then there was a deluge of doubts and confusion due to scary conspiracy theories. (It is a bit scary to have experienced such a close relationship with the Lord and have so many of my prayers answered and so much guidance from the Holy Spirit when I have not felt that before in my life, and I have to discern where it is coming from.)

As far as the temptations go - I’m not sure that I’m really feeling more temptation - maybe at the times when the doubts come in. But I am objectively noting that there seem to be more things placed in my path that pull on my emotions - not in a good way.
Click to expand...
The evil one can affect our emotions.(feelings). We can fight against negative emotions with prayer.
You have been given good advice about going to adoration, and it is a great weapon that you already use…the Rosary!

Peace,

Dorothy
 
After praying to God and having my prayers answered spirits harassed me a lot, especially when I refused to honor Hindu gods for the sake of peace in the family. I felt many things, heard many thing and generally doubted my own sanity, doubting that God answered my prayers and wondering if I was going insane. When I underwent a ritual to cast evil spirits out the evil that harassed me stopped.

I think doubt and fear are the primary tools of the devil. He made out ancestor Eve doubt God. He erected false religions to make us doubt the truth. He promotes Satanism and secularism so we doubt if God is a good God or if He even exists. He uses fear to make us despair of God’s mercy. I would not be surprised if he is using a more subtle approach than he did for me to make you doubt. If you knew that Satan was real you would cling to God. But if you knew that God was real he would work to turn you away from salvation.
 
DAML72 said:
Good morning,

I’m not exactly sure how to start this, as I feel a bit strange even acknowledging that there may be evil at work in my life. Growing up, I don’t think there was ever any mention of Satan or Hell in my church, so I’m not sure if I ever really believed. But I’ve been considering conversion to Catholicism for the past three weeks. Since RCIA just started, things are moving pretty quickly for me. When I first got the feeling I was being led to conversion, everything was so clear. Now I feel like I’m constantly being pelted with doubts about the Church ( I was up almost all night last night with this), and there seem to be a number of temptations from my past that I am deliberately turning away from popping up. Then, this morning I had a private message on here from a new, anonymous member that cautioned me about the Catholic church.

I have read on here how others have had difficulty with evil influence interceding. Is that what this is? It feels like it, as it’s not a nice feeling - very different from the peace you get when you know that you are being led in the direction the Holy Spirit wants you to go. I’m trying to pray the Rosary every day, but I think maybe I need to do a little more. What else can I or should I do? It seems like the more involved I get with the church and the more committed I get, the worse this ‘attack’ gets and then stronger, scarier thoughts enter my mind.
Click to expand...
Hello DAML,

I converted to the Catholic Church too. I had a similar experiece of the peace that I initially had, just draining away and then being plagued by doubts and temptations. It is natural to have some doubts, most people don’t find themselves believing it all at once. You’re not alone in this experience, so it is not something that you’re doing or not doing. I found comfort in reading the words to “Lead Kindly Light”, the hymn/poem by Blessed John Henry Newman, written as he too was on the journey that led him to the Catholic Church. We often have to make our way in darkness and doubt, just trusting in God. That’s what faith really is, clinging nakedly to God, even when all about us is telling us to let go.

I believe that Satan often attacks us when we want to join the Catholic Church because he knows the spiritual progress that we can make there. Don’t listen to those temptations, just ignore them and keep going. The anonymous PM must have been disturbing and upsetting but if that person really had the truth, they’d have put their own name to it and written it publicly, where others could respond to it. Sadly, the occasional anti-Catholic does make their way on here.

Please don’t be afraid to share your doubts and questions. Sometimes just the action of asking about them can help us to see the truth. Otherwise, you can get help with it, instead of lying awake worrying. As for things you could be doing or trying, that really depends on your spirituality. There are numerous forms of prayer and meditations that you could try. They all suit different people, that’s the beauty of the Catholic Church, there is something to suit everyone.

I found it very difficult to pray the Rosary at first, as I couldn’t just say the prayers automatically, I had to think the words and that meant that I couldn’t meditate on the mysteries, so I was really just saying the Hail Mary 50 times, which I didn’t find very inspiring. Don’t feel bad if you don’t find a common way of praying inspiring. You may find that Eucharistic Adoration or spending time in church with the Blessed Sacrament is more suited to your current stage of spiritual development. I can now say the Rosary without the struggles and feelings of boredom that plagued me at first, so you may find that you change as your progress on your spiritual journey.

One that I can suggest is trying to pray the Divine Office, which are a set of readings and psalms that are prayed at different times of the day. Start off with one or two of them, you don’t need to do all seven. I find that it gives rhythm to my day and that the psalms and readings start to become part of my thinking, coming to mind at different points throughout the day. You’ll find the readings at www.universalis.com , which also explains the Divine Office more fully.

Don’t give up, you can get through this difficult period. When you get to Easter and you’re a fully-fledged member of the Catholic Church, you’ll look back on this time and realise that it was worth it. The spiritual treasures in the Catholic Church are worth fighting for.

I’ll be praying for you in your struggles and I’ll ask some nuns I know to pray for you too. God bless.
 
DAML72 said:
Good morning,

I’m not exactly sure how to start this, as I feel a bit strange even acknowledging that there may be evil at work in my life. Growing up, I don’t think there was ever any mention of Satan or Hell in my church, so I’m not sure if I ever really believed. But I’ve been considering conversion to Catholicism for the past three weeks. Since RCIA just started, things are moving pretty quickly for me. When I first got the feeling I was being led to conversion, everything was so clear. Now I feel like I’m constantly being pelted with doubts about the Church ( I was up almost all night last night with this), and there seem to be a number of temptations from my past that I am deliberately turning away from popping up. Then, this morning I had a private message on here from a new, anonymous member that cautioned me about the Catholic church.

I have read on here how others have had difficulty with evil influence interceding. Is that what this is? It feels like it, as it’s not a nice feeling - very different from the peace you get when you know that you are being led in the direction the Holy Spirit wants you to go. I’m trying to pray the Rosary every day, but I think maybe I need to do a little more. What else can I or should I do? It seems like the more involved I get with the church and the more committed I get, the worse this ‘attack’ gets and then stronger, scarier thoughts enter my mind.
Click to expand...
First of all, no anonymous message should have been sent. Report that and that person will probably be banned. Also it is against the rules for anyone to attack a Catholic in the attempt to get them to abandon their faith and I think this would apply to anyone else considering the Catholic Faith.

Secondly, don’t worry about doubts crop up all the time, just ignore them and go on. The Catholic Faith is the absolute truth about God and our relationship with Him, so there is really nothing to doubt.

Just remember the " Smoke of Satan " is everywhere, you can’t escape it. Just be calm and keep close to God. 👍👍
 
JRKH said:
You said in your first post that this is, “very different from the peace you get when you know that you are being led in the direction the Holy Spirit wants you to go”.

I believe that you might be getting one of your first lessons in true conversion. Peace is most definitely NOT the feeling one always has when being led by the Holy Spirit because so often the Spirit is calling you to something that is deeper and more profound and against what you are “use to”.
The journey of conversion is lifelong and full of peace AND conflict, joy AND tears, times of feeling God Close and times of feeling He has abandoned you…

Persevere my friend…It will be worth it.

Peace
James
Click to expand...
Well, this is certainly true! Believe me, I haven’t been getting the answers that I want. But trusting in Him anyway, and giving up what I ‘want’ leads to a much deeper and fulfilling relationship - at least at this point. But yes, lately the answer has often been ‘not yet’, and I’m pretty sure that means I need some lessons in patience and perseverance. I guess what I mean about having ‘peace’ is knowing that, at the times when I’m fully present with the Lord, the answer I seek has come from him because it is in conformance with his Word. (And writing that out helps me because I was, at one point last night, after reading a particular website, questioning even certain books of the NT - so this would be where they would have to hit me in order to instill doubts, huh?)

Maybe it’s time to bite the bullet and order the ‘Living the Discerning Life’ series - or at least one of Father Gallagher’s books.
 
starsmurf said:
The anonymous PM must have been disturbing and upsetting but if that person really had the truth, they’d have put their own name to it and written it publicly, where others could respond to it. Sadly, the occasional anti-Catholic does make their way on here.
Click to expand...
That, in essence is what I told the person when I responded. LOL!
Please don’t be afraid to share your doubts and questions. Sometimes just the action of asking about them can help us to see the truth. Otherwise, you can get help with it, instead of lying awake worrying. As for things you could be doing or trying, that really depends on your spirituality. There are numerous forms of prayer and meditations that you could try. They all suit different people, that’s the beauty of the Catholic Church, there is something to suit everyone.
Click to expand...
I found it very difficult to pray the Rosary at first, as I couldn’t just say the prayers automatically, I had to think the words and that meant that I couldn’t meditate on the mysteries, so I was really just saying the Hail Mary 50 times, which I didn’t find very inspiring. Don’t feel bad if you don’t find a common way of praying inspiring. You may find that Eucharistic Adoration or spending time in church with the Blessed Sacrament is more suited to your current stage of spiritual development. I can now say the Rosary without the struggles and feelings of boredom that plagued me at first, so you may find that you change as your progress on your spiritual journey.
Click to expand...
One that I can suggest is trying to pray the Divine Office, which are a set of readings and psalms that are prayed at different times of the day. Start off with one or two of them, you don’t need to do all seven. I find that it gives rhythm to my day and that the psalms and readings start to become part of my thinking, coming to mind at different points throughout the day. You’ll find the readings at www.universalis.com , which also explains the Divine Office more fully.
Click to expand...
Don’t give up, you can get through this difficult period. When you get to Easter and you’re a fully-fledged member of the Catholic Church, you’ll look back on this time and realise that it was worth it. The spiritual treasures in the Catholic Church are worth fighting for.
Click to expand...
I’ll be praying for you in your struggles and I’ll ask some nuns I know to pray for you too. God bless.
Click to expand...
Thank you so much for your support and advice. Lots of great help here!
 
I can very clearly remember thinking to myself and telling somebody in the run-up to my entering the Church, if I didn’t believe in the devil before, I certainly would now! It’s odd, but I can’t remember what sort of things were going on, but I remember it was a very difficult time.
 
DAML72 said:
@Sailor Kenshin - I should clarify. My apologies for the confusion - I only slept for about 2 hours last night, so my brain isn’t firing on all cylinders.

It was not an ‘anonymous’ PM. The person has a username. I guess what I meant to say was that it is a new member, and no information was given to me about this person beyond the username. The person warned me to do more research and made vague references to the early church “Fathers’” teachings being very different than what the Church now teaches. It also included an invitation to join a completely different forum - for Protestants. I actually think it might be a violation of forum rules, as the person stated that he or she was canvassing these boards for current or former Protestants and referring them to an Anglican board, but I don’t know how to report it.

@jesuspsr - Thank you for your support. I will keep up the prayers.

@Contra Mundum - Thank you for the advice. I think the parish I am thinking of joining has adoration today. I will definitely go. Thank you!
Click to expand...
Ah, sorry. I misunderstood. Disturbing PMs can also be reported to a mod.

I’ll be prayin’ for ya!
 
DAML72 said:
Well, this is certainly true! Believe me, I haven’t been getting the answers that I want. But trusting in Him anyway, and giving up what I ‘want’ leads to a much deeper and fulfilling relationship - at least at this point. But yes, lately the answer has often been ‘not yet’, and I’m pretty sure that means I need some lessons in patience and perseverance. I guess what I mean about having ‘peace’ is knowing that, at the times when I’m fully present with the Lord, the answer I seek has come from him because it is in conformance with his Word. (And writing that out helps me because I was, at one point last night, after reading a particular website, questioning even certain books of the NT - so this would be where they would have to hit me in order to instill doubts, huh?)

Maybe it’s time to bite the bullet and order the ‘Living the Discerning Life’ series - or at least one of Father Gallagher’s books.
Click to expand...
On the physical level, we must be careful what we eat, because if we take in too much of what is bad, we will get sick. On the spiritual level it is the same, we must be careful not to eat(read) too much that is bad for us.

Some people are stronger in their faith, and some have great knowledge of the faith, and even they are fearful of the poison ideas they must deal with.

Until you are stronger and are more knowledgable and deeper in faith as well as love, go easy on youself with the poison. Read only what is good and pleasing to Jesus to build yourself up to be strong in him.

We all know how important it is for us to protect our young children. It is also important to also protect our young faith as well. We can be overwhelmed with controversy. God gives us a good faith, as he calls it, a treasure, and we need to protect it all costs. Only gradually get into the adversarial material.

For now, limit the controversy and increase the knowledge and the wisdom. Build yourself up.

Just a few ideas.
 
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