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Guest
Hi all,
I’m not sure I’ll fit the “young adult” group cause I’m 31, but I just want to share about my discernment.
I remember when I was at a young age probably between 6-8 years old, I thought of becoming a nun. It kind of stuck with me to adulthood, but it also slowly became a blur as I grew older. I dated, I sinned, seeing my human frailty I felt I didn’t belong in a religious community.
Then at my lowest point in life, I came back to God and learned a lot about living a Godly life and what it really means to discipline myself and live obediently to God’s teaching. Then my childhood thought of entering religious life entered my mind again, and i started questioning what was God’s will for me. I desperately, wanted to live out God’s will so I looked up a religious order and went to the come and see weekend. All the while I prayed God to show me the way and please give a big obvious sign cause I’m pretty stupid and don’t know how to discern. Anyway, right before I went to the come and see, I encountered a group of people which I really like to hang out with and there was a potential spouse in the group. Then on the day of my flight, as I was on the plane the announcement came on and said there would be a delay because the door had a mechanical issue and they had to fix it. Nevertheless, I was able to get down there. The thing is, while on the plane my feeling was fine as I told myself I’d be open to God. Then when I went there as soon as I stepped into that convent, I felt like I didn’t belong and wished to get out as soon as possible. I was so relief when that weekend was over. When I got home, my mom noticed that my tag on my shirt which I had a long time but never really pay attention said “NUN”. OK isn’t that just weird? Anyway, I just don’t know how to interpret that whole ordeal, but from that time on I decided that my calling isn’t to a religious life. I was somehow became afraid to be a nun.
So I looked to a marry life as a vocation, besides I’ve always loved to be a mother, but then I have so much difficulty meeting other people. I just couldn’t seem to find anyone. At this point, I felt so lost and not sure what it is that I’m called to do. I thought it over to see if I was really open to God’s will, and I probably was not. My most difficult thing among many others for me to leave behind is my family. I grew up in a very closed knit family and have never lived away from my family.
Anyway, two years ago I attended a retreat, and during the retreat the priest jokingly singled me out as a nun.
I don’t know if anyone there told him anything or not, but I then felt compel to told him the story. So he said he can be my spiritual director if I wanted and asked that i come to a longer retreat to help discern. I said yes, and without much hesitation bought a $300 or so plane ticket to California where the retreat is held and signed up for the retreat another $300 or so. Then just right before the retreat, I got sick with an autoimmune disorder which made my skin blister. I couldn’t go anywhere and had to take high dose of steroids for awhile and be monitored by doctor regularly. So I had to cancel the retreat. I was on medication since then and had gotten better and normal now.
So, that question of what’s the meaning of my life comes up again and I was ready to live a single busy life. Then I heard the explanation on EWTN about how single life is not a vocation. So I decided to give it another try and I’ve signed up for my belated retreat this June.
I’m still very confused, it just seems like everytime I try to explore the option of a religious life something comes up to deter me. I don’t know if that’s the devil or that’s God. Anyone, has any pointer? And I’m not sure I’d like living in a convent, and I don’t want to have to give up once I enter.
I’m not sure I’ll fit the “young adult” group cause I’m 31, but I just want to share about my discernment.
I remember when I was at a young age probably between 6-8 years old, I thought of becoming a nun. It kind of stuck with me to adulthood, but it also slowly became a blur as I grew older. I dated, I sinned, seeing my human frailty I felt I didn’t belong in a religious community.
Then at my lowest point in life, I came back to God and learned a lot about living a Godly life and what it really means to discipline myself and live obediently to God’s teaching. Then my childhood thought of entering religious life entered my mind again, and i started questioning what was God’s will for me. I desperately, wanted to live out God’s will so I looked up a religious order and went to the come and see weekend. All the while I prayed God to show me the way and please give a big obvious sign cause I’m pretty stupid and don’t know how to discern. Anyway, right before I went to the come and see, I encountered a group of people which I really like to hang out with and there was a potential spouse in the group. Then on the day of my flight, as I was on the plane the announcement came on and said there would be a delay because the door had a mechanical issue and they had to fix it. Nevertheless, I was able to get down there. The thing is, while on the plane my feeling was fine as I told myself I’d be open to God. Then when I went there as soon as I stepped into that convent, I felt like I didn’t belong and wished to get out as soon as possible. I was so relief when that weekend was over. When I got home, my mom noticed that my tag on my shirt which I had a long time but never really pay attention said “NUN”. OK isn’t that just weird? Anyway, I just don’t know how to interpret that whole ordeal, but from that time on I decided that my calling isn’t to a religious life. I was somehow became afraid to be a nun.
So I looked to a marry life as a vocation, besides I’ve always loved to be a mother, but then I have so much difficulty meeting other people. I just couldn’t seem to find anyone. At this point, I felt so lost and not sure what it is that I’m called to do. I thought it over to see if I was really open to God’s will, and I probably was not. My most difficult thing among many others for me to leave behind is my family. I grew up in a very closed knit family and have never lived away from my family.
Anyway, two years ago I attended a retreat, and during the retreat the priest jokingly singled me out as a nun.
So, that question of what’s the meaning of my life comes up again and I was ready to live a single busy life. Then I heard the explanation on EWTN about how single life is not a vocation. So I decided to give it another try and I’ve signed up for my belated retreat this June.
I’m still very confused, it just seems like everytime I try to explore the option of a religious life something comes up to deter me. I don’t know if that’s the devil or that’s God. Anyone, has any pointer? And I’m not sure I’d like living in a convent, and I don’t want to have to give up once I enter.
