Monica, please have no fear. I know you may hear that often from people who are trying to console you and give you hope, but God Himself says that to us. Have no fear. It’s easy in this day and age to get mixed up in the world and all its attractions, but being a Christian, we are called to depart from this world and all its vanities. It requires an internal conversion, which you have already experienced by seeking the will of God in your life, and seeking truth within the Catholic Church. This is one of the most important steps, and you have already taken it. That should really help you out.
This Sunday, the Gospel focused on serving the Lord, even if we are required to leave our families:
Gospel
Mk 1:14-20
After John had been arrested,
Jesus came to Galilee proclaiming the gospel of God:
“This is the time of fulfillment.
The kingdom of God is at hand.
Repent, and believe in the gospel.”
As he passed by the Sea of Galilee,
he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting their nets into the sea;
they were fishermen.
Jesus said to them,
“Come after me, and I will make you fishers of men.”
Then they abandoned their nets and followed him.
He walked along a little farther
and saw James, the son of Zebedee, and his brother John.
They too were in a boat mending their nets.
Then he called them.
So they left their father Zebedee in the boat
along with the hired men and followed him.
The question you need to ask yourself is, what is keeping you from following Jesus, whatever the cost? It may be your family, which it sounds like a very good possibility; or it might be your own fear. Were not those fishermen unsure of what Jesus was calling them to? He did not tell them what they were coming for, He just said to follow Him, and they did. Such a steadfast faith, my friend. It’s that faith that allows us to rest in the arms of Jesus and take His hand when we are afraid. Ask Him to lead you in all paths, whether it be religious life or married life. It’s true that you can serve Jesus as a married woman. Bl. Louis and Zelie Martin served in that capacity by becoming parents of 4 Carmelite nuns and 1 Visitation Sister. One of those Carmelite nuns included St. Therese of Lisieux! They rose their children to have a strong faith in God and to serve Him in religious life. And they are becoming saints themselves! If they can do it, you can too!
It could be possible that God is calling you to be open to religious life to prepare for a possibility of a child accepting the call, or He wants you to respond yourself. Whichever the case may be, you must get yourself a spiritual director. This can be the form of a priest, brother, sister, deacon, or even a lay member of the Church. Spiritual directors are an invaluable resource because they help us figure out our call in this life, whether it be marriage, consecrated single life, religious life, or the priesthood. Since you have a few years before you can become a religious, you can use this time to grow even closer to Jesus. I pray that you will have clarity. This time is a test of your vocation. Whether you chose to date the young man you met, or wait, that’s up to you, but it might help you figure out if you are called to marriage. That’s something to discuss with your spiritual director.
I know that what you are feeling is confusion. I’ve been there many times myself. I am called to religious life as a Sister. It took me a while to get to the point where I was very accepting of it, and I’ve been discerning for a little over a year. My mom was not really open to the idea of discussing it, although she said she was supportive. That has changed for the better. I talked to her yesterday about it, and we are both sure that this is where I am called. One reason I am so sure is that I have ADD. I change my mind often because of changing motivating factors. But the two things that have remained VERY sure in my life are that I want to be a Sister and that I am called to be a nurse. My mom confirmed this, and knows that I have spoken of nothing short of responding to that call. It’s a matter of being truthful with myself and with her, and most importantly, GOD! If you do that, then prayerfully your family will see your serious attitude and may adjust their feelings accordingly. Or, if they don’t, it may be a test of your vocation to see if you are willing to respond while experiencing doubt and confusion. If that is the case, you have been blessed! It’s often those who receive the call in doubt and confusion that remain strong in the Lord’s power.
I’ll be praying for you, Monica. Don’t lose heart, my friend and sister in Christ. If you would like, I have Facebook, and we can be support buddies if you feel you need that. Let me know if there is anything else I can help you with. God bless you!
I hope in the next few years He will strengthen me… I’d have to wait a few years anyway since I’m a convert. I find myself telling Jesus during Adoration that I’d give up anything for Him, but then later on I feel terrified. lol! I have so many attachments to the world.
