Young Marriage-how young is too young?

[ekblad7]

pittsburghjeff:

From a practical point, reading through your posts on here, I think that waiting for you might be a good idea.

I have never met a 20 year old who didnt think they knew what was best for them or knew the right thing to do. All I can tell you is this: If I would have married the people “I knew were the right one” when I was that age, I would be in big trouble today. If it is right now, it will be right five years from now. Immerse yourself in prayer. Study the riches of the Catholic faith. The more you grow spiritually the more you may find that you find other people more attractive for different reasons.

God bless you

While I totally “get” what you’re saying, I really do think it’s on a case by case basis. My husband and I are happily married for 9 years. He has severe health problems and I suffered from undiagnosed depression for a number of years. Plus we have five children. I’m so glad I married him. I can’t imagine my life without him. I met him at 20 and married him a year later. I know that wouldn’t work for everyone but we have grown together in love and our faith so much. I feel like we grew up together.

 

[mariayben]

I just read all of the comments and just want to say that, above ALL else, pray!! Ask God to lead you and to guide you. I agree 100% with the NECESSITY to begin practicing chastity with your boyfriend. It will be hard, no doubt, as you know what it is like and making love is so beautiful and intimate. But know that when you sacrifice your worldy desires for God, there is so much more that comes of it. Marriage by no means is about “sex”. Making love is such a beautiful part of marriage and such a deep way of communication. Abstaining from this moment on will tell eachother, “i love you so much that i am willing to sacrifice for you. I am willing to put aside my desires and i will put your soul before my wants. i love you and more than that, i want to respect you and to love you with a pure love. a selfless love. a deeper love. i love you so much that i am willing to give up what we have experienced together until a time when it will be blessed by God, and i trust that it will be a beautiful union, more beautiful than i could ever imagine. i long for you to be in Heaven and i long to be your partner for life. in saying our vows before God, i want to stand there and be proud of who i am and what we have done to show him that we do love Him above all else. i love you more than you’ll ever know, and i hope that in my sacrifice to you, it can always serve as a reminder that love is so much more than a feeling or a desire…it is wanting the Lord to be Lord of our lives…wanting HIm to look upon us and smile. To look upon us and know that, while yes we are sinners, we are striving for holiness. i love you and i will always put God first, you second, and myself third…spelling out JOY that will come from that…Jesus…othes…yourself…”

God bless you…i will be praying for you and asking for the Lord to lead you to HIs perfect will and His perfect peace…

maria

 

[mamaedina]

I think on whole what most of the posts are saying is that it is not so much the age in terms of the number of years one has lived on the earth that matter but more a question of enough spiritual maturity and knowledge to be able to deal with the human side of marriage. I think most of us agree that having a solid foundation in our Catholic faith goes a long way in smoothing the path to a successful marriage. If I’m not mistaken Mary was only a teenager when she experienced the immaculate conception. I know that Mary was full of grace and that grace must have helped her to deal with the mind-boggling revealation of the angel. In the same way, we need many graces to be successful in marriage and as someone already said, we cannot receive those graces when we are living sinful lives. From what I’ve read many of our saints were quite young when the took on so much. So to me it’s not so much the age. Some of the most grace-filled priests I’ve known are quite young as well.

 

[masondoggy]

I married my husband when I was 20, he was 23. I was very ready for marrige at the time. I wasn’t interested in partying or dating around. I have never had any problems dealing with being married so young myself, however DH was not ready at all. Due to many problems in his family (his parents split a month before the wedding) he seemed to regress to acting like a teen-ager again. His immaturity caused 3 years of hell for us, which we almost didn’t make it through, due to his actions. Right after my daughter was born, he walked out on us, a newborn and a 1 1/2 year old. Very bad time in my life. I was more than ready to divorce him (saw lawyer and was ready to file) most likely would have been granted an annullment. But I felt like God was telling me to wait, so I did. (I DID NOT WANT TO!) Well, I must say after that God did quite a number on him! He completely turned around and straightened his act up and as of today he is the best dang husband I could hope for! I attribute God’s intervention to my prayers from the beginning of our marriage. I always told God every single day that I put my marriage in His hands and asked him to protect it. That is the key right there.
I’m not saying that could happen to you, I’m just sharing my experience marrying at that age. But the point is that if you two really feel that your ready, be prepared to entrust your marriage to God no matter what, and I think you’ll be fine. But if your boyfriend is worried about what other people think, then maybe he isn’t really ready yet. I think that’s the part that concerns me. I found myself that that was when I grew up, when I quit worrying about what my family thought about what I was doing. That worrying really influenced my decisions. But there came a point where I realized that only I can know what’s right for me, nobody else and now I really could care less if others disapprove of things I do. When you and your boyfriend decide to get married, you both have to let go of that kind of attachment to other people, and concentrate on what’s right for you.
And I must also definitely agree with the others, stop living in sin before your marriage! Get yourself right with God first, and then you’ll benefit much more from the Sacrament of Marriage! I really wish that I had done it that way in the first place!

 

[rfk]

Not trying to side track the thread here, but I did want to gently correct one thing:

mamaedina:

If I’m not mistaken Mary was only a teenager when she experienced the immaculate conception.

Tradition has always held she was a teenager for the Annunciation, where Our Lord was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit.

The Immaculate Conception was when Mary was conceived without the stain of original sin.

 

[marytb]

I got married at age 18 and my husband was 23. Unless you are prepared to deal with many unwanted rude comments do not do it. The only thing I was ridiculed more for was having babies while I was young. Its kind of funny, no one makes fun of you for having babies young unless you are married too. Especially if you have more than one child. Is this anyone elses experience?

 

[magdelena_paris]

Well, my boyfriend and i have discussed it and no more pre-marital sex. I told him that i was feeling guilty about it and he said that if i no longer felt comfortable than he doesn’t so that is that. We’re still going to live together. I don’t really listen to statistics all that much, and like i said, I DO NOT believe in divorce, never have, never will.

As for children, we’ll discuss that when the time is right. I’m going to attend RCIA soon, so once i become catholic, then we will discuss it.

I know, my boyfriend may not be ready for marriage, that is ok with me, I lve him enough, i’ll wait until he is ready. He said it probably won’t happen for another year or 2, until we get his work and my school sorted out (not finished). I’m fine with that. i didn’t post this thread because we intended to marry right away, just because i wanted to guage other people’s experiences.

So thank you all for you replies, they are much appreciated!!