Young People Leaving the Catholic Faith

[Sarcelle]

Blame God. I’ve been told He made me this way.

Math is completely different. Children need to be skilled in math in order to have a better future. Religion isn’t necessary to human well-being at all. And I wouldn’t teach my children about one religion only,

Sure, I’ll teach them humanist ideals. But I won’t force them to go the humanist association. I won’t send them to a humanist school either.

It didn’t take any courage at all, because I’ve never believed in it. I had already read about Egyptian, Greek, Roman and Norse gods and knew that many people have made many gods in their own image. The Hebrew one didn’t seem any different. And still doesn’t seem different.

With regards to eternity: all the interesting people seem bound the same way.

Bound where?

What is your definition of interesting?

 

[Rosebud77]

How does a 10 year old leave the Church? Where are his parents? How does a 10 year old even know enough to make that decision? I can only believe that most parents don’t engage their kids in any serious discussions regarding the faith, but really what parent says to their 10 year old child “Oh, you don’t want to go to Mass anymore, well ok.” I understand that with adult children–they have to find their own way–they have to have their own conversion experience and make the faith their own–but I’m sorry–at 10? 10-18 is when they have to be educated–seriously educated and their questions addressed–with serious writings and thought not some watered down version of the faith. We need to educate them so that they have something to evaluate the what others tell them against rather than a vacuum. We don’t let them quit school or stop going to the doctor so why let them stop learning the faith? I just don’t understand it. I think the problem is many of the parents stopped learning their faith at an age when they were just able to start picking up the heavy hitters, and just don’t feel they know enough to answer the questions and their faith is not overly strong or important to them–so those kids don’t really have a chance. We all know people who occasionally attend, you see them a lot as their kids are getting ready for first communion and then a little as confirmation approaches and then occasionally after that. That doesn’t say the faith is important and needs to be taken seriously, but there is nothing we can do about that, but pray, try to live our faith as best we can and love these people making them feel loved and welcome when they do come.

One has to wonder how many of those who disagree with Catholic teaching even know the actual Catholic teaching and the well thought out reasoning behind it? How many who no longer believe in God have even seriously studied the various proofs for the existence of God. And how many have ever thought of the reasons for organized religion. I wouldn’t worry too much about those who can’t see themselves returning to the Church–there are lots of things young people can’t see themselves doing–reminds me of the commercial where the guy says–he’s never getting married, then he says we’re never having kids, then he says we’re never getting a mini-van, but he did all those things he said he’d never do.

The peace of Christ,
Mark

The peace of Christ,
Mark

If the parents are lax, what hope for the children? Although my parents ( I was raised Church of England) never went to church, they sent us to Sunday School, through Confirmation then on to Church. I never wavered though. So it was not through example.

But that was over half a century ago.

My landlord here in rural Ireland has deep simple faith and devotion to the Church. He prays with his 4 under 10s, they go to Mass as a family and he fought long and hard to keep the small rural Catholic school open.

I do not know how rare or common that is here.

 

[AClaire11]

I think every child is different and it’s not always because the parents didn’t care. After all, my parents chose athletics over church every time there was a conflict, and I was sad to miss church just because I had a sports game. I ended up more religious than my parents. Whereas my husband’s father was like a Catholic drill sergeant, to the point of yelling at my husband (then a child) one time when they went out to eat on a Lenten Friday and he ordered meat. Needless to say…none of FIL’s kids are Catholic.

 

[Sarcelle]

I think every child is different and it’s not always because the parents didn’t care. After all, my parents chose athletics over church every time there was a conflict, and I was sad to miss church just because I had a sports game. I ended up more religious than my parents. Whereas my husband’s father was like a Catholic drill sergeant, to the point of yelling at my husband (then a child) one time when they went out to eat on a Lenten Friday and he ordered meat. Needless to say…none of FIL’s kids are Catholic.

Same goes for my grandfather.

He was also like a Catholic drill sergeant. His son, my father, is now an atheist.

 

[AClaire11]

I don’t understand when people say this.
You are not Jewish or Muslim or Hindu…is it only because you don’t know the teachings of those religions, or is it because you disagree with the teachings?
You have to give people credit, for goodness sakes.
If someone doesn’t agree with Catholic teachings…can you not respect a person enough to accept that they may indeed know all the details of the teachings and reasoning behind them, and still* they do not agree?!*

Most atheists I know are atheists *exactly *because they studied religions thoroughly–and “seriously” studied the various “proofs” of God–and found them all lacking.

…

.

I agree.

 

[bmaj]

Okay, here is my take on what is happening and I think being a recent convert gives me some perspective. If the average age is 13, then the blame lies SQUARELY on the parents. My son just turned 13 and guess what?!? He is going to CCD and he is going to our parish’s middle school program. Does he want to? No. Does he have a choice? No. Why? Because 13yo’s really don’t know what is good for them and often, positive things happen when they are placed in situations that they wouldn’t necessarily choose to do for themselves.
…

Hmmm, probably because of how much secularism has crept into the school system and parents haven’t been attentive enough to combat it with rock solid evidence.
…

It really bothers me that many parents would go to great lengths to make sure their child was taking a medicine that was necessary for their well-being (like ADHD meds, insulin, antibiotics, etc.) to the point of holding them down and forcing it (been there, done that) but don’t see the need for enforcing Mass attendance or religious instruction as “necessary” for their child. That’s the most extreme form of parental neglect, IMHO

EXCELLENT points, slh! And we as parents must remember to ALWAYS keep praying for our children after we’ve done all else we possibly can - even if they leave the Church after they are grown and on their own. There are no greater prayers than those of a parent for their offspring, no matter what their age - and Our Lord will always be there to listen very attentively! He can - and does - work miracles in ways we’ve never dreamed.

 

[Cheiron]

Bound where?

Hell. I think that’s what truetofaith was implying when he told me to think of eternity.

What is your definition of interesting?

Freethinkers, secularists, people who like to party and have no problems with premarital sex. This is a matter of opinion ofcourse.

 

[Wesrock]

I think parent’s have largely been complacent in forming their children’s faith. It’s no wonder, as much of the secularization is relatively new on the scene. Children also face pressure at school and have a desire to “think for themselves” (a great idea, but laughable in the way people use it). Some may face a total conversion of heart as they get older and return to the faith on their own accord. But we may have to face the reality of a smaller, minority Church in a “pagan” world again.

Then all those kids raised militantly atheist can “think for themselves” and explore religion with an open mind.

 

[truetofaith]

Dawkins and Hitchens also say that they realized gods didn’t exist and that religions were created by man…at around age ten. Ricky Gervais as well. A lot of atheists seem to come to that realization around that age…

Isn’t it the Catholic religion that says children reach the “age of reason” at age seven?

.

When you read about all the miracles in the Bible…how can anyone not believe?

Old Testament miracles but especially the miracles of Jesus were experienced by thousands of people and even His enemies had to admit the lame walk, the blind see & the dead were raised!

 

[truetofaith]

I think every child is different and it’s not always because the parents didn’t care. After all, my parents chose athletics over church every time there was a conflict, and I was sad to miss church just because I had a sports game. I ended up more religious than my parents. Whereas my husband’s father was like a Catholic drill sergeant, to the point of yelling at my husband (then a child) one time when they went out to eat on a Lenten Friday and he ordered meat. Needless to say…none of FIL’s kids are Catholic.

Awwww! Poor kid couldn’t take getting yelled at for eating meat on Friday. :crying:

 

[ConfusedLucy]

Awwww! Poor kid couldn’t take getting yelled at for eating meat on Friday. :crying:

If he had calmly and kindly explained the reasons behind not having meat that that might have had a more positive impact on the kids.

 

[Sarcelle]

Hell. I think that’s what truetofaith was implying when he told me to think of eternity.

Freethinkers, secularists, people who like to party and have no problems with premarital sex. This is a matter of opinion ofcourse.

I respect your opinion.

I was raised by atheist secular parents and they had no problem with the concept of premarital sex. However even when I was an atheist, I found the idea of reckless partying and premarital sex to be risky. The rewards were not worth the risks.

As for interesting, I used to work as a research assistant to pay my way through college. I met a lot of astrophysicists who were devout Christians which shocked me as I was under the impression that most Christians were ignorant fundamentalists and most secularists were brilliant intellectuals. This was not the case. I think astrophysicists are interesting people but you may not agree with me.

 

[truetofaith]

Blame God. I’ve been told He made me this way.

Math is completely different. Children need to be skilled in math in order to have a better future. Religion isn’t necessary to human well-being at all. And I wouldn’t teach my children about one religion only,

Sure, I’ll teach them humanist ideals. But I won’t force them to go the humanist association. I won’t send them to a humanist school either.

It didn’t take any courage at all, because I’ve never believed in it. I had already read about Egyptian, Greek, Roman and Norse gods and knew that many people have made many gods in their own image. The Hebrew one didn’t seem any different. And still doesn’t seem different.

With regards to eternity: all the interesting people seem bound the same way.

If all the interesting people are together in hell, they will be hating each other and not enjoying interesting conversations. …God forbid!

 

[Padres1969]

I lost one of my sons to Protestantism. He’s neurotypical, and these friends were the only ones he had.

I’ve also been pulling on St. Jude’s robe for the last several months for both him and his father. This particular son mentioned an attraction to the priesthood when he was younger. I wish he would at least come back and explore it. The other son, my eldest, is on the Spectrum, and has been clinging to the Eucharistic Lord for help.

My advice is for parents to obtain a St. Benedict Medal blessed for exorcism, and place it between the mattress and box springs of their “faithless” childrens’ beds.

If the education system and the Church were doing things correctly, our kids would be capable of moving out at 16. Confirmation needs to be put back in its place as the second sacrament received, then First Holy Communion. The Holy Ghost is the one illuminating the mind to the True Presence.

Blessings,
Cloisters

Well the be fair your neurotypical (so he’s got no learning disability?) son is not “faithless” if he’s become Protestant. Protestants have faith too, even the RCC acknowledges that.

 

[truetofaith]

If he had calmly and kindly explained the reasons behind not having meat that that might have had a more positive impact on the kids.

Sometimes parents react without thinking. It happened many times for other reasons…a sharp word or a punishment in anger when raising our child.
It has nothing to do with religion.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

Sometimes parents react without thinking. It happened many times for other reasons…a sharp word or a punishment in anger when raising our child.
It has nothing to do with religion.

It’s not as though the kid was about to run into the road though. The dictatorial approach doesn’t work for long but a good explanation for the faith can really stay with a person. All I know is that when someone yelled at me like that I used to just see it as mean, I might not repeat the behaviour out of fear but I probably wouldn’t appreciate why the rule is good.

 

[AClaire11]

Awwww! Poor kid couldn’t take getting yelled at for eating meat on Friday. :crying:

Wow, I certainly hope you’re not advocating screaming at a young child, WHO WAS TOO YOUNG TO HAVE THOSE RULES APPLY, in public. If people have this attitude towards raising children, no wonder people leave. My FIL is an emotionally abusive jerk and his neglect (spending all hours at the parish to the detriment of family life) and authoritarianism (examples like the above) are indeed large parts of why the children left.

 

[Maximilan_Kolbe]

What do 12 - 18 year olds know about God? Mostly, what parents and priests in the media tell them. I don’t have a Catholic background, but when I first realized what the concept of God really meant, I immediately rejected it. It just seems incomprehensible to me. And I was around nine or ten at the time. Do you really think a teenager can’t decide whether God exists or not?

Also, I’ve noticed that some people here want to force their children to go to Church or a Catholic school. Those people I’d like to ask if they think the First Amendment doesn’t apply to children. If your child says he or she wants to become a protestant, will you still force him/her to go to a Catholic school?

And I will say immediately that if I had children, I would gladly bring them to Church every sunday morning, if that’s what they want. Because, as a secular humanist, I think freedom of religion also applies to children. Unless the Church is around the corner, then they should use their bike.

The first amendment not only has limits, but doesn’t apply to non-government repercussions for speech. Since I don’t work for the government, it doesn’t apply to my children.

They can’t cuss. They must say please and thank you. I don’t allow my 5 year old to say “I hate xxx…” She isn’t allowed to watch Sleeping Beauty yet, much to her chagrin, because of the visage of Dragon-queen Malificent at the end. She goes to Mass twice a week.

The notion of freedom of speech no more applies to minors in their parents care than the child’s right to bear arms does.

Hopefully, with hard work from the day they are born (not starting years later), a close connection to God and family in all aspects of their life, and God’s providence, it will not come to forcing. But like anything else that is vital for a child, coercion can be necessary; if it weren’t my three year old would eat nothing but Dum-Dums for dinner.

I am not sure why the statistics of children are surprising. The stats for weekly Mass attending adults is around 25%, and 46% are aware of the Church’s teaching on the Real Presence and also believe it:

uscatholic.org/blog/201305/knowing-believing-and-sometimes-not-knowing-believing-too-27323

This also means a large chunk believe that Christ is present in the Eucharist, but isn’t worth seeing and taking part in once a week, which is probably even more galling.

When adult numbers are so gloomy, why is anyone surprised our children fall away?

There is no guarantee that a family will have a wayward child (or children), even when they do everything in the power to do the best by the child and God. But I have to be able to live with myself as a parent to the children entrusted to my wife and I by the Lord (they are His!), and if something happens to them, I need to be able to tell the Lord “Lord, I did everything in my power to care for your children.”

 

[JimG]

Children learn from their parents’ example beginning at birth, long before they learn to talk.

My niece and husband have taught their 3 and 5 year old children to sit quietly as grace before meals is said, and the 5 year old can make the sign of the cross. I have noticed that during the prayer she often glances around at the adults to see if they are really serious about this prayer.

 

[Padres1969]

This is exactly what I wanted to say…what do 12 - 18 yr olds know about God to make a decision not to follow any church any longer?
There are brilliant adults who are actively seeking an answer to discovering the existence of God and a kid who gets bored playing a video game is supposed to be capable of making a decision about worshiping God? A decision which will affect their eternal destiny?
I don’t think so!

The Catholic Church considers one responsible for their own salvation once they achieve the age of reason and have the ability to sin and repent do they not? I’d argue that if the Church feels they’re old enough to be responsible for their own soul’s well being through sin and the sacraments, they’d also be able to discern whether they care about their soul vis-a-vis being members of the Catholic Church.

If not, then why does the Church put the eternal salvation of a person in their hands at a time when they’re not really capable of making decisions about their eternal salvation?