You might like to meditate on the life of Job. Job1-40, tough reading but worth it. If the Son of God, who is fully man and fully God, who is sinless, came to redeem all humanity by his suffering, death and glorious resurrection and told us that he is the way the truth and the life, why would any of our lives not be marked by the cross? Even Mary suffered at the foot of the cross and she never sinned. Never did Jesus say our life would be without pain or suffering. Christ had an angel comfort him in the agony of that garden, but the angel did not stop Christ’s crucifixion. Will pray for you.
I’ve read the story of Job, multiple times over, actually, and if nothing else, it’s a good read. My issue is that it seems that over time, most likely after Christ’s resurrection–God developed a “catalog” of tribulations which He’s begun to callously cycle people through. You can find that a great deal of the Biblical suffering tropes manifest through the modern populous’ lives post-resurrection, and while some may think it virtuous to be able to suffer like the fathers of the church and the early saints, it seems to show from a divine perspective, that God views us, and consequently me–as inferior beings, whose greatest purpose comes only from emulating their “superiors”. While I don’t need to be some “overlord” in this world, let alone the next, I
do want to be my own person, with my own life, trajectory, aspirations, and ends, not Job v1.0.1 (Beta).
If the trend continues faithfully, however, I wont even be that, given as all people that have suffered “as their predecessors” have, ultimately ended up with far less for their struggles. Maybe this is shifting bases slightly, but I feel that God is nothing short of cruel for doing that. It’s one thing to be born into an average life, and live average yet. It’s another to be supernaturally saved from the clutches of death and subjected to dreadfulness. It’s basically like Moses if he
wasn’t chosen, just somehow, conveniently transported to safety, and then forgotten. That’s why I question God’s, and even the Guardian Angel’s–consideration. It’s like they’re intent on cycling the same narrative ad infinitum, and will even bring people back from the moment of death to do it.