Your kid getting bullied at school

[captainrick]

Interesting. What of the kids who are not able to beat a bully up? If they “win” a fight they are free to not be bullied? What if they lose all the fights. What if they get seriously hurt?

This stand up to a bully and they will leave you alone mentality is rarely true. And sadly in today’s world it can lead to worse things than just a couple of fights in the schoolyard.

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Sounds to me like you became the toughest bully.

No, not at all. A bully attacks the innocent. I only defended myself when attacked. I did not win all the fights, but bullies hate it when a victim fights back, so yes, in my day (1950’s - 1960’s) in my town (middle class suburbs) fighting back definitely resulted in the bullies leaving their victims alone to seek targets who would not fight back.

Seriously hurt? No, back then the bullies were satisfied with just knocking you around a bit.

Sorry if that doesn’t fit with your view of society, and it may be much different today, but that was my experience. You can attest to your own experiences.

 

[EasterJoy]

I agree. I watched a documentary on that poor boy who was shot by a classmate for being gay and it obviously was not okay for kids to bully him for being gay or for a kid to shoot him for being gay. However, the gay agenda uses this stuff to say that anytime we disagree with them we are hateful bigots who are bullying them. When that is simply not true! Besides, the young man from that documentary was teasing the shooter too by telling kids at school they were dating and making kissy faces at him in the hallway, etc. Obviously this is not an excuse to kill someone but why isn’t anyone addressing the fact that he too, was a bully.

Sometimes I think the problem is that kids do not realize that gaining social “standing” in a “competitive world” and having real friends are often mutually exclusive enterprises. An atmosphere of mutual jealousy and fighting for the center of attention excludes an atmosphere of mutual appreciation. More students might choose the better part, if they learned to see the social world in that way. If there is a quorum of students with their heads on straight, the bullies don’t make nearly the trouble; it is possible to just ignore them.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

No, not at all. A bully attacks the innocent. I only defended myself when attacked. I did not win all the fights, but bullies hate it when a victim fights back, so yes, in my day (1950’s - 1960’s) in my town (middle class suburbs) fighting back definitely resulted in the bullies leaving their victims alone to seek targets who would not fight back.

Seriously hurt? No, back then the bullies were satisfied with just knocking you around a bit.

Sorry if that doesn’t fit with your view of society, and it may be much different today, but that was my experience. You can attest to your own experiences.

It is funny that in all the school sites or curriculum that deal with bullying. They never mention physically fighting back? If it works so well why not? If it is how one becomes an honest upright person, why do we not encourage our little johnnys to go out and punch in the face the first bully they find? Because not only is it dangerous. It is wrong.

I know that we love to say “back in my day” and romanticize things to be some kind of norman rockwell kind of thing. But the fact is that there were murders at schools “in your day” there were shootings. There were accidental deaths involving an innocent fight when a skull got cracked open. You just were not aware of this. That a punch thrown at you or a punch you took did not result in a life ending brain injury is fortunate. Because it happens. And when you become trained in a self defense martial art worth anything they will tell you that it is a dangerous thing. They will tell you that you have a responsibility to resolve the situation without force. And they will tell you that your actions may result in horrible consequences.
In kempo we have a saying. “Distance is your best friend.” Seeking out and engaging a bully physically is the LAST resort.

Bullying should not be tolerated. At all. By schools or society. Authorities need to be given the tools and information to effectively help the victims and stop the bullys.

Any parent that tells a child that fighting is how you earn respect of a bully is endangering their child.

 

[travissbeloved]

It is funny that in all the school sites or curriculum that deal with bullying. They never mention physically fighting back? If it works so well why not? If it is how one becomes an honest upright person, why do we not encourage our little johnnys to go out and punch in the face the first bully they find? Because not only is it dangerous. It is wrong.

I know that we love to say “back in my day” and romanticize things to be some kind of norman rockwell kind of thing. But the fact is that there were murders at schools “in your day” there were shootings. There were accidental deaths involving an innocent fight when a skull got cracked open. You just were not aware of this. That a punch thrown at you or a punch you took did not result in a life ending brain injury is fortunate. Because it happens. And when you become trained in a self defense martial art worth anything they will tell you that it is a dangerous thing. They will tell you that you have a responsibility to resolve the situation without force. And they will tell you that your actions may result in horrible consequences.
In kempo we have a saying. “Distance is your best friend.” Seeking out and engaging a bully physically is the LAST resort.

Bullying should not be tolerated. At all. By schools or society. Authorities need to be given the tools and information to effectively help the victims and stop the bullys.

Any parent that tells a child that fighting is how you earn respect of a bully is endangering their child.

Because today’s society suppresses masculinity and wants to basically neuter little boys. They aren’t allowed to play soldiers at daycare or use fake bow and arrows or anything like that because it is “bad”. Men are meant to be protectors of women! Why can’t we teach this to our sons when they are young? And as long as they are fighting in defense of the greater good and they understand that the “good guys” should get the “bad guys” then there is nothing wrong with it! My son gets in trouble at daycare a lot for “acting out” when really he is just play fighting because I allow him to do so at home.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Because today’s society suppresses masculinity and wants to basically neuter little boys. They aren’t allowed to play soldiers at daycare or use fake bow and arrows or anything like that because it is “bad”. Little boys are meant to be protectors of women! And as long as they are fighting in defense of the greater good and they understand that the “good guys” should get the “bad guys” then there is nothing wrong with it! My son gets in trouble at daycare a lot for “acting out” when really he is just play fighting because I allow him to do so at home.

I agree with your philosophy. I agree that men are not men in today’s world. I cannot make the leap to violence that you do. I say this as a football playing, gun toting, meat eating, rodeo loving american male. If you are teaching that beating someone up on the playgound can be construed as noble. You run the risk of endangering those who will be beat up. School, the playground, and the local park should not be a place where we expect or encourage our children to physically harm each other. There is no need for it. Because it can be solved other ways. It should not come down to the “last resort” and if it does then we really should start arming our kids at school as well.

 

[pensmama87]

Because today’s society suppresses masculinity and wants to basically neuter little boys. They aren’t allowed to play soldiers at daycare or use fake bow and arrows or anything like that because it is “bad”. Men are meant to be protectors of women! Why can’t we teach this to our sons when they are young? And as long as they are fighting in defense of the greater good and they understand that the “good guys” should get the “bad guys” then there is nothing wrong with it! My son gets in trouble at daycare a lot for “acting out” when really he is just play fighting because I allow him to do so at home.

I am a woman. Should I have retaliated against bullies by beating them up?

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

My son gets in trouble at daycare a lot for “acting out” when really he is just play fighting because I allow him to do so at home.

LOL print this sentence. Save it. And pull it out when your son is in detention someday.

Foreshadowing…

I know, there are many things I do and say that I know will come back to bite me later too.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I am a woman. Should I have retaliated against bullies by beating them up?

No, you need to go ask a boy child to do it for you.

 

[travissbeloved]

I am a woman. Should I have retaliated against bullies by beating them up?

Maybe, but women tend to bully more with words. I was picked on in middle school by the stuck up “popular” girls and I fought back by always having a witty comeback and not necessarily being mean, but letting them know that I would not take their bull****. It’s what I had to do to keep them from seeing me as a target. As soon as I made it clear that I wasn’t going to be picked on without a backlash they left me alone.

 

[travissbeloved]

I agree with your philosophy. I agree that men are not men in today’s world. I cannot make the leap to violence that you do. I say this as a football playing, gun toting, meat eating, rodeo loving american male. If you are teaching that beating someone up on the playgound can be construed as noble. You run the risk of endangering those who will be beat up. School, the playground, and the local park should not be a place where we expect or encourage our children to physically harm each other. There is no need for it. Because it can be solved other ways. It should not come down to the “last resort” and if it does then we really should start arming our kids at school as well.

I’m not saying that we should let them all run around and kill each other. But I would like to think that if one of my son’s friends is being beat on and picked on relentlessly then he would stand up and either say something or fight back for his friend. I want him to defend himself and others. I’m sorry but to me and my experiences that works much better than going to the bully’s parents who most likely think their child is an angel and aren’t going to take anything you say seriously anyways.

 

[pensmama87]

Maybe, but women tend to bully more with words. I was picked on in middle school by the stuck up “popular” girls and I fought back by always having a witty comeback and not necessarily being mean, but letting them know that I would not take their bull****. It’s what I had to do to keep them from seeing me as a target. As soon as I made it clear that I wasn’t going to be picked on without a backlash they left me alone.

Funny, this never worked for me. And believe me, I tried it.

It’s hard for me to read this as anything other than victim-blaming - just using an “empowerment” veneer to make it sound better. I’m not saying we do nothing, but a sensitive child hears this and thinks that it is their fault that the bullying continues.

 

[travissbeloved]

Funny, this never worked for me. And believe me, I tried it.

It’s hard for me to read this as anything other than victim-blaming - just using an “empowerment” veneer to make it sound better. I’m not saying we do nothing, but a sensitive child hears this and thinks that it is their fault that the bullying continues.

I’m not blaming the victim, those kids shouldn’t be bullied at all and the kids who are bullies should be punished but the problem is MOST parents these days are not going to acknowledge that their kids are anything but perfection so we have to teach our own kids how to self protect.

 

[travissbeloved]

My mother is a 5th grade teacher and she has relayed to me many times that when she confront a parents about their child’s bad behavior they usually just shrug it off.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I’m not saying that we should let them all run around and kill each other. But I would like to think that if one of my son’s friends is being beat on and picked on relentlessly then he would stand up and either say something or fight back for his friend. I want him to defend himself and others. I’m sorry but to me and my experiences that works much better than going to the bully’s parents who most likely think their child is an angel and aren’t going to take anything you say seriously anyways.

The parents are not the only remedy. And it is ironic that you do not want to confront a parent of a bully but expect a little child to physically confront a bully himself.

So, standing up to the parents does not solve the problem? Why not just punch the parents. It would be consistent with your logic.

Of course that is ridiculous. But I am telling you, if one of my children makes the moral mistake of bullying someone and that person makes the moral mistake physically harms my child, there will be consequences. Even legal ones.
Sometimes age is a huge factor in this. Second graders should not be settling anything physically on the playground. Where we could teach a 200 LB QB for the football team in high school to protect the innocent from bullies.

I guess if the entire thing comes down to violence anyway there was a failure on the part of both parties. I tell my kids, if you have to use force fine. But that means you were too dumb and weak to find another solution. Perhaps not everyone can mentally solve a problem.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

My mother is a 5th grade teacher and she has relayed to me many times that when she confront a parents about their child’s bad behavior they usually just shrug it off.

My mother was a teacher too. So what?

So what if parents shrug it off. There are procedures and escalations put into place. If the answer is physical violence between two children, then everyone involved has failed. And if you as a parent TOLD or approved of a child hitting another child, you have an incredible amount of culpability.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I’m not blaming the victim, those kids shouldn’t be bullied at all and the kids who are bullies should be punished but the problem is MOST parents these days are not going to acknowledge that their kids are anything but perfection so we have to teach our own kids how to self protect.

problem is MOST parents these days are not going to acknowledge that their kids are anything but perfection

Including those parents of the victims that excuse away little johnny’s pummeling of a bully as standing up to him.

 

[travissbeloved]

Including those parents of the victims that excuse away little johnny’s pummeling of a bully as standing up to him.

I’d rather have him punch another kid in the face than hang himself after 3 straight years of being bullied mercilessly.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I’d rather have him punch another kid in the face than hang himself after 3 straight years of being bullied mercilessly.

Yes, if those are the ONLY two possibilities I think any parent would agree.

But you are being kind of dramatic here right?

Perhaps neither needs to happen. Perhaps you could, as a parent, do everything possible to make sure neither does happen.

 

[travissbeloved]

My mother was a teacher too. So what?

So what if parents shrug it off. There are procedures and escalations put into place. If the answer is physical violence between two children, then everyone involved has failed. And if you as a parent TOLD or approved of a child hitting another child, you have an incredible amount of culpability.

I was just trying to say it is a problem in schools, I’m not saying that I’m better because my mom was a teacher.

I’m saying that I’ve been bullied and seen what happens when you bring it to faculty and parents…absolutely nothing. I, as a parent, am the only person who can help my kids deal with these situations. And if they don’t want to spend 6 years of school being bullied then they have to come up with a way to make it stop. I’m sorry but most schools just shove this stuff under the rug. My kid should be able to stand up for himself IF he’s being picked on. That’s how it was done back in the 50’s and 60’s when everything wasn’t so “politically correct” and we didn’t have nearly as many young people killing themselves over hurt feelings.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I was just trying to say it is a problem in schools, I’m not saying that I’m better because my mom was a teacher.

I’m saying that I’ve been bullied and seen what happens when you bring it to faculty and parents…absolutely nothing. I, as a parent, am the only person who can help my kids deal with these situations. And if they don’t want to spend 6 years of school being bullied then they have to come up with a way to make it stop. I’m sorry but most schools just shove this stuff under the rug. My kid should be able to stand up for himself IF he’s being picked on. That’s how it was done back in the 50’s and 60’s when everything wasn’t so “politically correct” and we didn’t have nearly as many young people killing themselves over hurt feelings.

Yes, we did.

Your job as a parent is to protect your child. To ensure their safety and to teach them how to gain heaven and be successful in life. This whole thing started because someone said that the way to deal with a bully is to stand up to them physically. That is false. That is dangerous, and that is not what we should tell our children. YOU need to protect your child, not send them off into battle at the playground. I am still amazed by the idea that you say the schools and parents do not do anything. It is as if you are saying “I won’t even try.” But encouraging your kid to physically hit and damage another human when you wont even talk to a parent in defense of your child is not the example we should show them. And physicality plays into it. The biggest baddest kid is never the one being bullied. IF talking to the parents does not solve it, why not just start beating it into the parents. Fight them. That is what you expect your kid to do?

Come on. No one is saying that self defense is wrong, only that it is not the go to answer for a bully, or any situation at all.