Now here is the rub: The Sunday mass is started with a “lets greet our neighbors” bit where all turn and smile,shake hands, hug and actually talk in greeting. This is followed later with hand holding at the Pater Noster and the usual (horrible in my opinion) “offer each other a sign of peace” handshaking and touchy feelyness (while ignoring that our Lord is laid bare on the altar!).
My question: While I try to just go along for continuitys sake (with gritted teeth) I am often tempted to just NOT participate in these silly little customs. Would you, good readers, consider this rude? Would it be to offensive?
The “meet and greet” to start is not part of the rubrics, and if necessary at all (because the parish is so big that the people around you are so likely to be total strangers), then it should be done
very briefly before the processional hymn starts. At most parishes I’ve been to, this is the same time that everyone is reminded to turn off their cell phones and pagers. In an ideal world, neither would ever be necessary. It is anti-social not to give any recognition to others at all, when the request is not in violation of the rubrics, but you don’t have to respond in kind to whatever recognition you’re getting or that they’re exchanging. If it comes at a time that* is* in violation of the rubrics, you don’t have to do it at all.
The issue of handing-holding during the Pater Noster has been beaten to death, I’d think.
The Sign of Peace, however, is not a silly little custom. It is part of the Mass in recognition of the fact that the Lord calls us to receive Himself
in communion. If the Lord is being ignored, then the whole point of this part of our worship is being missed. Rather, it is in keeping with the command to be reconciled and at peace with each other before we even think of approaching the altar. I’d rather it came earlier in the Mass, but that is the Holy See’s decision, not mine.
In any event, the Sign of Peace is a necessary part of the Mass, but you are free to observe it so it remains a part of the single act of worship that is the Mass. I’ve found it worthwhile to offer it with the meditation on each face: “This is someone for whose soul alone you would have died, Lord” “This is someone for whose soul alone you would have died, Lord”. As Holy Communion goes on, meditate on how the Lord thirsts for each one, how infinitely precious each one is to Him, how deeply He desires that, having received Him in joy, you love each one He has called His own with the same patience and zeal that He does. This is what Heaven will be, when you and each one of our brothers and sisters really “gets” what God’s love is, what worshiping and glorifying Him is, and shares in it. This meditation can make instances of lukewarmness more painful to witness, but at the same time heightens one’s affection for the ones He has chosen to draw to Himself.
And, let us face it: if we, knowing what we know about ourselves, can accept His thirst for us, why should their sins present us with difficulty? For we should always love others in the knowledge that we are the ones who have been forgiven the largest sum. We should demand not a penny of repayment for debts owed to us, nor should we grumble at all at the Lord’s generosity to others. Rather, meditating on the largess shown to us should make us all the more generous to others. God’s boundless generosity, and it alone, has been our own salvation.
Gritted teeth are inevitable for those with that temptation, but they are a little thing to offer up. So if you think the practice profitable for your brothers and sisters, or if you think you will scandalize them in their weakness if you don’t join in, then join in. If you think the practice is hurting them, then refrain from it as gently and with as much affection for their souls as you can. Love them first, knowing you cannot honor and give glory to God while loving weakly, and then decide how to act that out in a way that gives only glory and honor to God.
