You're not going to BELIEVE this!

  • Thread starter Thread starter Lexee15
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
gambino said:
I may be in the minority here but why wouldn’t you be open to seeing where his contrite attitude takes your relationship? I’m not saying go back to him, but over time, God could have a plan to change him back into the man you fell in love with again. I know it sounds far fetched, maybe too hopeful but I just think God hates divorce more than almost any other sin. He may have been a jerk but people change and God works through everyone when they are open to him. I would take back my stbw if she just called and talked over time even though I know she blantantly committed adultery, hurt my family and am now going through a bitter divorce. I pray for her everyday. I miss her. I really don’t know how we could ever fix our relationship but I hold out hope that God can do anything…even change my family’s disdain for her and change her heart. Lexee, I’ll pray for you.
Click to expand...
Gambino, I am so sorry for your situation, I know exactly how you feel:(. I do hope that he is sincerely contrite, but I could never go back to him, I don’t think God would want that, I do think, however, that He wants me to pray for him. I truly believe He has been healing my heart so that I am able to do that for him.

Not sure if you are aware of my circumstances in particular, but I did receive a decree of nullity for this marriage…without even being divorced yet, this is NOT the norm. The reason why is that he was married before, was NOT granted an annulment, lied about it and married me…so my marriage was NOT valid from the get go. Aside from this, the reason for our divorce is gambling addiction, alcohol addiction and the worst massive adultery:(.

He not only had, that I know of, about 7 girlfriends he got, at least, one pregnant…while I was pregnant with our 2nd:eek:. I was about 4 months pregnant and ds was 8 months old when I decided I wasn’t going to let him back in the house. In the meantime I was told that the child I was carrying only had a 35% chance of surviving if I carried her to term and that I ran the risk of dying (because of the complications associated) if I chose not to terminate the pregnancy:eek:. If there was ever a time in my life when I needed my husband it was then, I have no family and had maybe 2 friends that I was close to.

I went through the pregnancy, birth and death of my little girl without him…he didn’t even go to her funeral. My little one was born in May, the child he had with his girlfriend was born in April and now they have 2 kids. There is only so much a person can take, and the fact that I’m in a place now where I can pray for him can only be a miracle from God, it surely hasn’t been because I’m a good person.

I agree that maybe God has touched my heart to be able to forgive him, but I don’t think it’s because we are suppose to be married:shrug:. I do, however, think it’s happened because He wants me to stay in his life for some reason, aside from the fact that I have his child. I don’t know what the reason is, but it might be just so that I pray for him…who knows:shrug:. I think if the circumstances that caused our separation were not as severe I would reconsider the divorce, but it’s just too much and besides he’s already married.
 
gambino said:
I may be in the minority here but why wouldn’t you be open to seeing where his contrite attitude takes your relationship? I’m not saying go back to him, but over time, God could have a plan to change him back into the man you fell in love with again. I know it sounds far fetched, maybe too hopeful but I just think God hates divorce more than almost any other sin. He may have been a jerk but people change and God works through everyone when they are open to him. I would take back my stbw if she just called and talked over time even though I know she blantantly committed adultery, hurt my family and am now going through a bitter divorce. I pray for her everyday. I miss her. I really don’t know how we could ever fix our relationship but I hold out hope that God can do anything…even change my family’s disdain for her and change her heart. Lexee, I’ll pray for you.
Click to expand...
Gambino, sweetie, with all due respect: You need to read all of Lexee’s postings, every last one of them, to understand what this man has put her through. You are hurting yourself right now so much!!!

It is not merely “being a jerk”. This man makes your description of your situation with your estranged wife look like a Hallmark card. She has suffered so much, our Lexee has, including the loss of her dear Fatima, brought on partially (at least in my opinion) by this man. She has met it with grace and prayer. She truly needs to be free of him, and the sooner she gets a final decree and heads home, the better for her and her boy.
 
OutinChgoburbs said:
Gabino, sweetie, with all due respect: You need to read all of Lexee’s postings, every last one of them, to understand what this man has put her through. You are hurting yourself right now so much!!!

It is not merely “being a jerk”. This man makes your description of your situation with your estranged wife look like a Hallmark card. She has suffered so much, our Lexee has, incoluding the loss of her dear Fatima, brought on partially (at least in my opinion) by this man. She has met it with grace and prayer. She truly needs to be free of him, and the sooner she gets a final decree and heads home, the better for her and her boy.
Click to expand...
…and when you add to that that it turns out her marriage wasn’t valid…I am positive that God is not hating her divorce.

I told you this a long time ago, when you first left him Lexee, and when it was I was scared to do…you’re my hero.
 
It might not be his strategy to manipulate you. It might actually be his way of alleviating his guilt and anguish.

Even bad people feel it, deep down. It bothers them when they try to sleep, or when they have goodness in their life (such as a child, or a sunny day).

He’s trying to get closure from you. He wants to hear that he is okay and that he really wasn’t that bad.

I’m watching an ex do this to a coworker right now. It is just a selfish way to make themselves feel good instead of coming to grips with their horrible, evil actions.
 
Lexee,
I didn’t realize it was so complicated or deceitful. I am sorry. My prayers go out to you none-the-less.
 
hasikelee said:
He’s trying to get closure from you. He wants to hear that he is okay and that he really wasn’t that bad.

I’m watching an ex do this to a coworker right now. It is just a selfish way to make themselves feel good instead of coming to grips with their horrible, evil actions.
Click to expand...
I don’t want to get off topic but I’m confused by this comment. I think sometimes people underestimate true sorrow. In Lexee’s case, its probably right that she doesn’t go back. But I think there are people out there who say sorry-sometimes repeatedly, mean it and truly want to fix it. I just think we judge an awful lot on this board.
 
gambino said:
I don’t want to get off topic but I’m confused by this comment. I think sometimes people underestimate true sorrow. In Lexee’s case, its probably right that she doesn’t go back. But I think there are people out there who say sorry-sometimes repeatedly, mean it and truly want to fix it. I just think we judge an awful lot on this board.
Click to expand...
By using only the OP’s post, we can see that he is not asking for forgiveness nor wishing her well, nor presenting anything that shows him to be contrite. He is looking for emotional satisfaction. There is simply disagreement on this thread as to what kind of satisfaction.

I personally have not read all of the other posts, nor have I read the history of Lexee. The information she presents in her first post is all that my post is based upon.
 
Lexee, prayers for you. It’s good that you’ve been able to forgive. Much better that you rely on God. 🙂 I hope it all turns out the best for you and in a certain sense I’m sure it will. As for why you should stay in his life, I don’t know - or if.

I must confess I had a bit similar thoughts to Gambino’s, but one is sure: you can’t be with him the way he is. You can love him the way he is and you could even be with him after all that he has done. But you can’t be with him while such things continue.

Worse things have been forgiven than he has done. By God and possibly by mortals. It’s pain for him that he misses you - who knows where it will lead. It’s also pain for you that he misses you - where this will lead you I don’t know, although some kinds of pain, even severe pain, let us grow. Maybe it’s so we see good in everyone, including those who have hurt us. Stalin and Hitler might have been forgiven, had they asked - simply no one is beyond salvation or repentance and there’s no such person whom God’s grace couldn’t bring there, except that God will not act against our will.

This said, once again, you need to be free of unhealthy dependencies, domination, obsessions, whatever people would put you in with enough ill will. He may be sincere and may have begun to realise what he’s lost and I certainly don’t want to judge him. You don’t need to either. Perhaps now is the time to focus on yourself - I don’t mean egoistically. Now is lent, time of reflection, penance also, improving our lives and growing spiritually. You will have enough to do to avert your mind from him.

Outin, respect for your suffering and how you dealt with it. There are things that are hard to imagine until they happen. Those in your history belong in that category.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top