You've got to be kidding me

  • Thread starter Thread starter ChildofGod2091
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Sure, it don’t feel so great…but one day, your husband is going to have to get a colonoscopy where they stick an entire tube up his wazoo…and that doesn’t feel so great, either, but he will do it for the sake of being healthy.

Hey! I’m getting one of those (colonoscopy) today!! (Seriously, 8:00 a.m. PST). That’s why I’m awake all night posting on CAF (nasty laxatives!)

I really have no business posting on this thread (I’m a guy), but listen to the others: your doctor can help.
 
ChildofGod, if a gyn scares you, you could go to a midwife who provides well-woman care. The midwife model of care is very different from the medical model, and the atmosphere is completely different. The only pleasant exams I’ve ever had were by midwives.
 
ChildofGod, in trying to figure out what to say to try to be helpful, I looked at some of your other posts. Are you conflicted at all about your vocation of wife and your calling to a secular order? Some of your other posts suggest some conflict. Perhaps that is a part of your issue? I suggest you talk to a priest.
ChildofGod2091 said:
But I don’t want to be a nun! Well yet…or at all…because I’m married…which is why I would join a Secular order^^
Of course we never quite know what God has planned for us…so who knows…my husband could die at a young age, but I certainly hope not!
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ChildofGod2091 said:
Well I actually have a couple of questions.
The first one is that I have been discerning a while on whether God is calling me to join a Secular Third Order (Discalced Carmelites) and I believe that is what He is calling me to do. …
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SwizzleStick said:
ChildofGod, in trying to figure out what to say to try to be helpful, I looked at some of your other posts. Are you conflicted at all about your vocation of wife and your calling to a secular order? Some of your other posts suggest some conflict. Perhaps that is a part of your issue? I suggest you talk to a priest.
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It has been a few days and no response. Did I perhaps hit on something with my post above? Are you conflicted, ChildofGod?

I do think you need to seek the guidance of your priest. Someone here might be able to help you, but I still think speaking with your priest is the best route to take.
 
I’m going to say this one time, and being so young, you should have a least a little respect for an old uncle figure – and listen.

Every night without fail:

(1) both you and your husband need to shower and clean your genitals thoroughly (rinse the inside too, missy), and brush your teeth and gargle with peroxide or mouthwash to kill any bacteria or yeast,

(2) your husband needs to take charge and kiss you, use his mouth on your body, and do oral sex on you until you orgasm,

(3) then he should spit generously to lubricate as he very very slowly inserts his sex organ into yours and finishes as quickly as possible,

(4) whenever he wishes, he may opt for 69, anal insertion, your hair, or so forth, and you must utterly submit to his manhood and satisfy him according to his demands (this is a form of foreplay and wholly within the realm of God’s plan).

Over the years, you will learn that your internal muscles will relax after you get turned on, and there will be no pain.

Ask your husband to read this. He will understand. Part of becoming a man is learning how to give your wife what she needs (rather than paying attention to the contrary and insulting things she says).
 
Excuse me, but the original poster is in anguish and despair:

All in all…I’m pretty frustrated…I really don’t want to do this, and I’m about ready to just tell him it’s probably not even worth it to be with me. It’s turning into one, huge, painful, nightmare.

Somebody tell me there’s more options than that. There has to be…seriously…are there other options?

Look you two last posters, if you’re so smart, instead of knocking me for offering an option, why don’t you offer some concrete advice?
 
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