T
- Status
S
Sarabande
Guest
I’m with EasterJoy and the others. Although there might be some people who have been scandalized by the “lie” and had a difficult time trusting their parents again (and it’s very sad that this did happen to them, so I would not want to discount their experiences), I think most people don’t have that problem. For me, when I found out, I remember being very sad about it, but at the same time, had this immense feeling of love and appreciation for my parents and for people in general. It was very beautiful to me thinking that they wanted to create this fun and lovely tradition and world for children. I realized that they were the ones spending the money on me and my siblings and I remember thanking them for all of the toys I received from “Santa” and the sacrifices they made for us. When I officially stopped believing in Santa (I had already had my doubts about it for a year), I had to move on to a new chapter of my life… and that was literally how I looked at it.
And I will admit that I was 10 at the time. It was the last thing I held onto. I stopped believing in the Easter Bunny early on because it seemed silly that a bunny would be able to deliver eggs in baskets. The tooth fairy as well, but I really wanted to believe they were real, so I kept making myself believe it. Santa… well… we celebrated St. Nicholas day at our Catholic school and we always learned that Santa was St. Nicholas. I was one of those children who early on (based on my diaries, my memories and memories of my parents) I was too acutely aware of my mortality. I was like an old person in a young person’s body and I was too concerned about the horrors and terrors of the world. I was aware of how quickly life passed by, how my childhood was going to quickly end and I would have to become an adult sooner than I really would want to. It depressed me. My early journals in gradeschool throughout highschool focused a lot on the quick passing of time. I couldn’t understand how my peers could go through life not concerned about growing up and growing old and not being concerned about important and serious events around them.
At the same time, I was still a child and innocent. Believing in Santa helped me keep a bit of my childhood without becoming too much of a worrying old woman. Knowing the truth about Santa actually made me see the beauty of people’s love for purity and innocence and simplicity. It allowed me to see in a new way how generous and completely loving my parents were/are in allowing me to extend a bit more of my innocence and childhood, as well as their material generosity. It also showed me how the story of one saint could create so much love and happiness for people of all ages for many generations. It never shook my faith in God. Neither one ever even crossed paths in that regard. The sisters at the hospital where my father worked called me their “little nun” because I wanted to be one at the time. I was nicknamed “Sister Sarabande” or “Mother Sarabande” by my classmates. Yes, I was an oddball to those normal people, but it didn’t bother me really once I embraced who I was and because I had such loving and supportive parents.
Believing in Santa, in no way, hurt me, but increased my hope and faith in people’s love. Call me an optimist, but that was how I viewed it as a child and as an adult. That said, I do suppose every child is different and a parent should be aware of what can help or hurt each individual child.
And I will admit that I was 10 at the time. It was the last thing I held onto. I stopped believing in the Easter Bunny early on because it seemed silly that a bunny would be able to deliver eggs in baskets. The tooth fairy as well, but I really wanted to believe they were real, so I kept making myself believe it. Santa… well… we celebrated St. Nicholas day at our Catholic school and we always learned that Santa was St. Nicholas. I was one of those children who early on (based on my diaries, my memories and memories of my parents) I was too acutely aware of my mortality. I was like an old person in a young person’s body and I was too concerned about the horrors and terrors of the world. I was aware of how quickly life passed by, how my childhood was going to quickly end and I would have to become an adult sooner than I really would want to. It depressed me. My early journals in gradeschool throughout highschool focused a lot on the quick passing of time. I couldn’t understand how my peers could go through life not concerned about growing up and growing old and not being concerned about important and serious events around them.
At the same time, I was still a child and innocent. Believing in Santa helped me keep a bit of my childhood without becoming too much of a worrying old woman. Knowing the truth about Santa actually made me see the beauty of people’s love for purity and innocence and simplicity. It allowed me to see in a new way how generous and completely loving my parents were/are in allowing me to extend a bit more of my innocence and childhood, as well as their material generosity. It also showed me how the story of one saint could create so much love and happiness for people of all ages for many generations. It never shook my faith in God. Neither one ever even crossed paths in that regard. The sisters at the hospital where my father worked called me their “little nun” because I wanted to be one at the time. I was nicknamed “Sister Sarabande” or “Mother Sarabande” by my classmates. Yes, I was an oddball to those normal people, but it didn’t bother me really once I embraced who I was and because I had such loving and supportive parents.
Believing in Santa, in no way, hurt me, but increased my hope and faith in people’s love. Call me an optimist, but that was how I viewed it as a child and as an adult. That said, I do suppose every child is different and a parent should be aware of what can help or hurt each individual child.
C
Cat
Guest
And that is exactly what I advised in my first post in this thread–“Give this back to the parents.”
I agree with everyone on the thread that the OP should not take it upon themselves to “inform” the children of “the truth.” That responsibility belongs to the parents, not any other relatives or friends.
But neither should the OP be forced to say, do, or act in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable.
E
Existence
Guest
Thanks to everyone for so much beautiful and meaning advice straight from your hearts!
My son, who is now 25 was taught to believe and live the birth of Christ that was so special and is Christmas! He never brought the Santa thing, but then I never enforced it or taught it either. I DID however, up until he moved out of the house as an adult from college, play a game with his presents tags from Santa and I used to pick movies and use obscure names of characters from the movies so he had to figure out what movie they were from, Cindy Lu Who from the Grinch, etc. We had so much fun with this tradition until he was 22 and graduated from college! Of course it’s fun to play around especially during holidays!
These kids really do believe that there is a Santa Claus and he does bring all of the presents. The girl even said to me recently since she wants a special present for Christmas, her dad and mom told her so that Santa will bring it. She asked me if he was real and if he would bring it, and oh my goodness of course I would never harm a child that way. The parents need to do what is age appropriate. He is my fiance and the kids will be with him at Christmas which we are celebrating at my house.
What I don’t understand is why is it such a difficult thing to instead teach our children about the miracle and beauty of the birth of Christ at Christmas and have that be the special and loving celebration? Continuing to tell children that Santa really came and go to extremes of proving that he was at your house-- what I ask does that do to Our Lord? He is First, not Santa. The parents today have taken it further and longer than any other generation. I love the children and of course will not hurt their feelings. I’m seeking for the parents to step up. What about the Christ in Christmas?
The tooth fairy past such an old age is difficult. The middle school boy really thinks that there is one and leaves him money, and the parents reinforce it. Within 2 months they will be 11 and 12 years old. No, I won’t hurt him because I do love him but I will not participate in it either. I had a neighbor boy who was my son’s friend that I babysat, whose parents did the same thing into middle school. He later came back and said, my parents were lying to me flat out when I asked them.
We cannot lie to children especially on the holiest and most special days of the years, the birth of Jesus. There is so much more we can do for Him and for our families. Love! Show Him Your Love!
My son, who is now 25 was taught to believe and live the birth of Christ that was so special and is Christmas! He never brought the Santa thing, but then I never enforced it or taught it either. I DID however, up until he moved out of the house as an adult from college, play a game with his presents tags from Santa and I used to pick movies and use obscure names of characters from the movies so he had to figure out what movie they were from, Cindy Lu Who from the Grinch, etc. We had so much fun with this tradition until he was 22 and graduated from college! Of course it’s fun to play around especially during holidays!
These kids really do believe that there is a Santa Claus and he does bring all of the presents. The girl even said to me recently since she wants a special present for Christmas, her dad and mom told her so that Santa will bring it. She asked me if he was real and if he would bring it, and oh my goodness of course I would never harm a child that way. The parents need to do what is age appropriate. He is my fiance and the kids will be with him at Christmas which we are celebrating at my house.
What I don’t understand is why is it such a difficult thing to instead teach our children about the miracle and beauty of the birth of Christ at Christmas and have that be the special and loving celebration? Continuing to tell children that Santa really came and go to extremes of proving that he was at your house-- what I ask does that do to Our Lord? He is First, not Santa. The parents today have taken it further and longer than any other generation. I love the children and of course will not hurt their feelings. I’m seeking for the parents to step up. What about the Christ in Christmas?
The tooth fairy past such an old age is difficult. The middle school boy really thinks that there is one and leaves him money, and the parents reinforce it. Within 2 months they will be 11 and 12 years old. No, I won’t hurt him because I do love him but I will not participate in it either. I had a neighbor boy who was my son’s friend that I babysat, whose parents did the same thing into middle school. He later came back and said, my parents were lying to me flat out when I asked them.
We cannot lie to children especially on the holiest and most special days of the years, the birth of Jesus. There is so much more we can do for Him and for our families. Love! Show Him Your Love!
R
Regina_Love
Guest
Why teach something you have to unteach later? Teach them about St. Nicholas. It is true. Kids totally get why some one would dress up & pretend. It’s what they love to do. They still enjoy the traditions, never feel lied to, or disapointed, AND they can give gifts from St. Nick /Santa Clause too! It’s a win, win!
C
Cat
Guest
The OP is in no way obligated to agree to keep other people’s children/teenagers for the holidays.
They have every right to say “No, they can’t stay with us.”
They probably should have said “No” from the get-go, if they knew about this “arrested development” thing. It is unfortunate if the OP has agreed to keep the boy and girl, and now they may have to go back and say, “We apologize for the inconvenience to you, but it won’t work out after all. They can’t stay with us because we don’t feel comfortable supporting older children in their belief of fairy tales.”
Yes, that does put the family in an awkward position of having to find another option for their child care over the holidays. But it’s early yet–not even Halloween. There’s plenty of time to look for another caregiver.
And I still stand by my statement that this is “almost abuse.” Deliberately arresting a child’s normal development is abusive.
It’s OK and lots of fun and very healthy to pretend and play games with little children, and to continue to play these games as part of family tradition even after the children are grown up.
It’s another thing to continue to encourage older children/teenagers to believe that a fairy tale is true, and to expect others be complicit with you in this.
I’m feeling more and more like a freak on this board. I can’t believe that grown ups, adults, parents, would think it’s perfectly OK for older children/teenagers to believe in Santa Claus (the North Pole Santa, not the Catholic saint). Wow.
I think some of you are trying too hard to be counter-cultural. I agree that Christian parents should be counter-cultural when it comes to monitoring children’s TV viewing, or limiting their time on a cell phone, or insisting that they wear clothes that cover all the sexy parts. But to insist that it’s OK for older children/teenagers to believe in Santa–that’s not counter-cultural, that’s just kind of weird. St. Paul says that “when I became a man, I put away childish things.”
Yes, I know, the children in the OP are not “men” yet, but they are growing up into adults, and it’s time that they start learning how to put away the childish things. No one is saying that they have to abandon Santa–good heavens no! Keep the jolly old fellow around for the holidays and have fun with him! But he’s not real. and older children should be treated with dignity and taught (gently) that he’s not real, not treated like babies and told that “Yes, he’s real, and don’t let any mean cats tell you otherwise.”
E
Existence
Guest
Yes, thank you! I think the same too. Pretending when kids are young is one thing and is fantasy that is healthy and can be fun. Christmas is bound with traditions and there are so many traditions that we should be teaching about Christ, not Santa Claus. For an older child that is taught to still believe, parents ought to help them with this. Jesus suffered and died for me. His birth was the most important thing at Christmas in my household growing up (I’m Irish from 61’) and I taught the same in our house for our son growing up. Christ is first in our lives and His birth was a beautiful miracle on that day with Mary and Joseph. Quiet, loving, peaceful.
Saint Nicholas is a good example to teach our children, but unfortunately that is not what is taught to children today about Santa.
There are so many Catholic and Christian traditions for Christmas. Put up a manger and place straw in it each day until Christmas, have the Wisemen move in their journey to the Northern Star until they are with Baby Jesus. Just be with Jesus! To me it’s simple and my #1 choice!
Saint Nicholas is a good example to teach our children, but unfortunately that is not what is taught to children today about Santa.
There are so many Catholic and Christian traditions for Christmas. Put up a manger and place straw in it each day until Christmas, have the Wisemen move in their journey to the Northern Star until they are with Baby Jesus. Just be with Jesus! To me it’s simple and my #1 choice!
E
Existence
Guest
I didn’t say this, someone else did!
E
Existence
Guest
S
Sarabande
Guest
Are these parents not teaching about the most important reason for Christmas - Jesus? If not, then that is a problem. For our family, it was always intertwined, so I can’t imagine Christmas without the birth of Christ.
T
TheRealJuliane
Guest
A middle school boy is still losing teeth?
That’s messed up. If he’s losing teeth they aren’t his baby teeth, but permanent teeth.
E
Existence
Guest
Yes, he just lost his last teeth over the summer. The other who is almost 11 is losing 2 teeth right now. I remember the same with my son at that age. They are the baby teeth.A middle school boy is still losing teeth?
That’s messed up. If he’s losing teeth they aren’t his baby teeth, but permanent teeth.
D
Do_Good_Then_Go
Guest
OP, are the children staying with you or with their father over Christmas? From reading your post, it sounds like they’re staying with their father and they’re all coming to your place on Christmas Day.
If that’s the case, what does it matter? Santa will have will have left the children’s gifts at their father’s house and you won’t have to pretend anything or leave evidence of reindeer or do anything at all really other than not contradict them when they tell you what they got.
It almost sounds as if you think the idea of allowing kids of any age to believe in Santa is wrong or at least something that should be highly discouraged lest the true meaning of Christmas be forgotten. There’s a danger of this of course but I think there’s room for both. You’ve said before that their father is Catholic and active in the Church so it’s hard to imagine that the children don’t know what Christmas is about or would be surprised by your tradition of having a manger that straw is added to every day. I think that’s a lovely idea by the way - why not ask the kids to add some straw every time they visit your house during the lead up to Christmas?
Why not let this Christmas play out without interfering and see what happens? I think you’ll find that the kids don’t REALLY believe in Santa but if they do, you’ll have the time to think properly about what might be going on here rather than rushing in and trying to ‘fix’ what you see as a problem, or trying to push the parents to ‘step up’ and correct what you see as an error in the way they are raising their children.
And I agree with TheRealJuliane, how is an almost 12 year old losing baby teeth?
If that’s the case, what does it matter? Santa will have will have left the children’s gifts at their father’s house and you won’t have to pretend anything or leave evidence of reindeer or do anything at all really other than not contradict them when they tell you what they got.
It almost sounds as if you think the idea of allowing kids of any age to believe in Santa is wrong or at least something that should be highly discouraged lest the true meaning of Christmas be forgotten. There’s a danger of this of course but I think there’s room for both. You’ve said before that their father is Catholic and active in the Church so it’s hard to imagine that the children don’t know what Christmas is about or would be surprised by your tradition of having a manger that straw is added to every day. I think that’s a lovely idea by the way - why not ask the kids to add some straw every time they visit your house during the lead up to Christmas?
Why not let this Christmas play out without interfering and see what happens? I think you’ll find that the kids don’t REALLY believe in Santa but if they do, you’ll have the time to think properly about what might be going on here rather than rushing in and trying to ‘fix’ what you see as a problem, or trying to push the parents to ‘step up’ and correct what you see as an error in the way they are raising their children.
And I agree with TheRealJuliane, how is an almost 12 year old losing baby teeth?
G
Gordon_Sims
Guest
I didn’t lose the last of mine until 13, and those had to be extracted.
E
Existence
Guest
The manger is not my tradition but I do think it is a beautiful gift for Baby Jesus, especially for children. I’m not rushing in to fix anything at all or push the parents. I think when we see something out of whack, it’s only human nature to question and try to help. When I was growing up this would have been met with different answers than today. We don’t change, but do what’s best or appropriate.This is my fiance, so of course I am asking how to handle this, since it is not my handling but know it needs attention.OP, are the children staying with you or with their father over Christmas? From reading your post, it sounds like they’re staying with their father and they’re all coming to your place on Christmas Day.
If that’s the case, what does it matter? Santa will have will have left the children’s gifts at their father’s house and you won’t have to pretend anything or leave evidence of reindeer or do anything at all really other than not contradict them when they tell you what they got.
It almost sounds as if you think the idea of allowing kids of any age to believe in Santa is wrong or at least something that should be highly discouraged lest the true meaning of Christmas be forgotten. There’s a danger of this of course but I think there’s room for both. You’ve said before that their father is Catholic and active in the Church so it’s hard to imagine that the children don’t know what Christmas is about or would be surprised by your tradition of having a manger that straw is added to every day. I think that’s a lovely idea by the way - why not ask the kids to add some straw every time they visit your house during the lead up to Christmas?
Why not let this Christmas play out without interfering and see what happens? I think you’ll find that the kids don’t REALLY believe in Santa but if they do, you’ll have the time to think properly about what might be going on here rather than rushing in and trying to ‘fix’ what you see as a problem, or trying to push the parents to ‘step up’ and correct what you see as an error in the way they are raising their children.
And I agree with TheRealJuliane, how is an almost 12 year old losing baby teeth?
As for losing the baby teeth, I googled it and the last ones do come out around age 12 for most, although there are differencesL
Most kids lose their last baby teeth around age 12 or 13, about the time the 12-year molars appear.
E
Existence
Guest
E
Existence
Guest
D
Do_Good_Then_Go
Guest
My kids are grown and my oldest grandchild is just coming up to the age when the baby teeth start falling out - I guess I’ve forgotten all about how long this whole teeth thing lasts!
I do know that we were still putting a dollar beside the bed for a lost tooth long after the kids were old enough to know that the tooth fairy wasn’t real. It’s just another family tradition I think.
M
maryjk
Guest
It sounds like you have a problem with Santa no matter what the age. That it somehow takes away from Christ.
Christ and Santa are not mutually exclusive. You can have both.
Um, right. That is why I quoted the person that I was responding to.
- Status