“The test of true religion is that you forcibly take money from others and give it to the poor, the orphan and the widow.”
“Judge not unless ye be tolerant.”
“For I was hungry and you sent me to the government, I was thirsty and you sent me to the government, I was a stranger and you sent me to government housing, I was naked and you sent me to the government, I was sick and you sent me to the government, I was in prison and you sent me a government social worker.”
“Go and sin only when you can find an excuse for it.”
“Love does not reject wrongdoing, but rejoices with tolerance.”
“I am not the only way, nor the only truth, nor the only life.”
“Be fruitful and multiply, unless it is inconvenient. Then thou shalt kill.”
“Therefore a man or woman shall leave his/her father and his/her mother and hold fast to either his/her man or woman, and they shall become one flesh.”
“Thou shalt send thy father and they mother to a government bureaucrat to see whether they shall receive health care or die, so that your days may be long without them burdening you.”
“Thou shalt not bear false witness except when trying to put down those rascally republicans.”