T
thunderboom
Guest
No offense, bro, but this is kind of deranged.
- Status
A
anp1215
Guest
Why do some people think that as long as they add “no offense” in front of something, they can be as insulting as they want?
A
anp1215
Guest
I thought it was a pretty good list, except for the no time alone part. I get what they are trying to say, but time alone depends on the context.
And I must say I think the idea of “passionate kissing practice” before marriage to be very…wrong.
And I must say I think the idea of “passionate kissing practice” before marriage to be very…wrong.
C
chevalier
Guest
I’m inclined to see it the same way, especially with sexual arousal as a stated goal.
A
anp1215
Guest
It’s really one of the strangest notions I’ve heard.
C
Cat
Guest
33 years married and quite happy. Worked for us!
I think some of you are getting the wrong idea about this. All I’m saying is that it is utter unrealistic and unnecessary for a couple to stick with “pecks” until they are actually married.
I had a Superman comic book printed in the 1960s, when the Comstock rules were in full force and NOTHING got by the censors, and those comics were clean enough for a little child to read! But in this particular comic, Superman and Lois Lane are re-united after being apart for a time, and they “enjoy long moments of clinging rapture.” Remember, this was back in the days when you could even show a married couple in bed together in a comic book, but yet, this old-fashioned comic writer saw nothing wrong with pictures of Superman and Lois Lane kissing passionately and describing it as “long moments of clinging rapture.”
I see nothing wrong with this for couples who are altar-bound. I don’t think it’s appropriate for couples who are just dating and still in the “search” for Mr. or Miss Right.
A
anp1215
Guest
You described it as “arousal practice” though. Getting aroused shouldn’t be on the agenda for someone who isn’t married until they are married. Why do they need practice? I think they will be aroused on their wedding night, no practice needed.
Sorry, I just disagree with you about this.
Sorry, I just disagree with you about this.
T
thunderboom
Guest
Maybe because they can?
Why do some people think that as long as they add “no offense” in front of something, they can be as insulting as they want?
T
TrueLight
Guest
How so?
By the way, I hope everyone read the original article, because it explains each rule.
The rule about being alone together seems to suggest that we are talking about single people who live with or near family. I would hope that people who are planning to marry are able to discuss some highly sensitive personal matters.
This article seems more geared toward young people although even someone on a third marriage could glean some tidbits of wisdom.
T
thunderboom
Guest
If two people discerning marriage can’t sit together alone on a beach, you’ve got serious problems…
T
TrueLight
Guest
I actually wasn’t referring to a beach.
I was referring to more of a make-out spot by a pier, where you drive up, sit in your car and look at the ocean. In fact there is one near my house. You know…the kind where all the cars are fogged up?
This is an example of having idle time, where all you’re doing is cuddling in the dark, which can lead to a lot of inappropriate behavior.
T
thunderboom
Guest
I know what you’re referring to. But just because idle time can possibly lead to inappropriate behavior doesn’t mean it’s wrong to hang out during idle time. Especially for responsible adults who are trying to discern marriage in a chaste way. Again, I just think it’s a little ridiculous to tell two people who may be in love that they can’t hang out alone together in a romantic location, just because some people might be tempted to sin in a similar situation.
T
TrueLight
Guest
I don’t know. I don’t find hanging out in a car under the moonlight, to be a particularly good situation for a couple that wants their relationship to be chaste. Some can do it - no doubt-, but I think it would be a near occasion of sin for a lot of people.
M
mini_me640
Guest
I agree. A lot of this advice seems geared toward teenagers with raging hormones in my opinion, not mature adults. People often date well into their 30s before getting married these days, and it isn’t realistic to assume adult couples shouldn’t be alone, shouldn’t more than peck kiss, etc. It also assumes that the people live with their parents so that the couples can spend lots of time with each other’s families, which also often isn’t the case. Many young adults live hundreds or thousands of miles away from their families.
My husband and I spent LOTS of time alone when we were dating. We used to sit on the balcony at his house (without chaperones
) and talk for hours. We did not have sex until our wedding night (I was a virgin when we married, he was not when we met). These private, intimate conversations are how we really got to know each other.
T
TrueLight
Guest
But you spent hours on the balcony, not on his couch per se.I agree. A lot of this advice seems geared toward teenagers with raging hormones in my opinion, not mature adults. People often date well into their 30s before getting married these days, and it isn’t realistic to assume adult couples shouldn’t be alone, shouldn’t more than peck kiss, etc. It also assumes that the people live with their parents so that the couples can spend lots of time with each other’s families, which also often isn’t the case. Many young adults live hundreds or thousands of miles away from their families.
My husband and I spent LOTS of time alone when we were dating. We used to sit on the balcony at his house (without chaperones
I know a couple in their late 20’s who hang out a lot at church, go to the park, having picnics and go to restaurants(all activities where you are in a public place)., yet you have alone time. They rarely hang out at each other’s houses alone, if ever.
By the way, I don’t find older people to be less…umm… into sex than younger or even better able to control themselves…
T
thunderboom
Guest
I know. An adult can control their hormones. I’m 21, and sitting on a pier in the moonlight would not present an occasion of sin for me…I just think that setting these up as “rules” for dating is too restrictive for adults in today’s modern society. And besides, they’ll inhibit the growth of a man and a woman as a couple during their discernment.I agree. A lot of this advice seems geared toward teenagers with raging hormones in my opinion, not mature adults. People often date well into their 30s before getting married these days, and it isn’t realistic to assume adult couples shouldn’t be alone, shouldn’t more than peck kiss, etc. It also assumes that the people live with their parents so that the couples can spend lots of time with each other’s families, which also often isn’t the case. Many young adults live hundreds or thousands of miles away from their families.
My husband and I spent LOTS of time alone when we were dating. We used to sit on the balcony at his house (without chaperones
T
thunderboom
Guest
Again, the potential or possibility of something illicit happening does not mean that such a situation is sinful or even an occasion of sin for a normal, responsible adult couple.
M
mini_me640
Guest
I spent ample time on his couch as well watching movies, etc. It wasn’t an extraordinary temptation for us.
I think older people at least know what kind of decisions they are making. 16 year olds sometimes “fall into” sexual temptation without making a conscious choice. A 25 year old probably has a better idea of what they are doing.
I’m not saying that every couple should spend hours alone. If it’s going to be a problem for you to control yourself, then you shouldn’t be alone much. But just because it’s an isue for some people, doesn’t mean the “rule” for everyone should be no time alone in private.
T
thunderboom
Guest
Amen, sister!
- Status