18 yr old daughter's boyfriend wants to spend the night

[cthulhubryan]

*So, I posed this question to my husband tonight…and he said…NO WAY. I guess I’m a little more trusting that my husband on this situation. I said, even if we are in the house? He said, that might ease my mind, but he said…why does the kid need to sleep over? Doesn’t he have his own bed? My husband is stricter with the kids than me. Not a bad thing really, just I think we balance each other out.
*

Good man! Teenage boys are still the enemy for at least 10 more months until my son turns 13. Oy Vey! Men Tracht, Gott Lacht!

 

[whatevergirl]

Good man! Teenage boys are still the enemy for at least 10 more months until my son turns 13. Oy Vey! Men Tracht, Gott Lacht!

lol

Here’s the thing…I have a 16 yr old boy, and I know he thinks about sex…but he isn’t dating anyone now, and frankly, wants to wait until marriage to have sex. He is rather shy in many regards. I know that there can be tempting situations for a teen boy, but it seems like teen boys are automatically written off as always wanting sex, meanwhile, teen girls these days are quite aggressive in this dept., and no one talks about that. I just don’t believe that a teen boy, given the situation, is always the aggressor, and frankly, the girls will have to get through ME to convince me of their sincerity and morals when my son begins dating someone, no different than when boys come calling for my daughter some day.

I’m Italian, what can I do? *

 

[ljvt]

Hi there,

I think one of the most important points you brought up is that you said your daughter and her boyfriend don’t want to have sex before marriage. If she has made that decision and been honest and open enough to tell you then I think you should have some faith in her.

Having been brought up in a family where the thought of being alone with a man in your bedroom would lead to sex, I have to say it’s pretty insulting. It assumes that no one, regardless of beliefs or morals could resist the temptation. My family has mellowed a lot and when my now fiance go to visit them we have seperate rooms. Even if we had the same room it wouldn’t make any difference because we have both made the decision to wait.

If your daughter is not trustworthy then of course that would be an entirely different situation. In the end, it is your roof and whichever way you decide I don’t think you’ll be in the wrong.

Good luck

 

[Love_is_Patient]

Hmm. I always thought of myself as conservative and now you’re all making me second-guess…

If you can’t trust your daughter’s boyfriend to sleep on the couch when you and your wife are home, how the heck do you trust the two of them being alone together? Do you let them hang out when no one is home? Or go on unsupervised dates?

Just askin’. I think you’re being overprotective, but that’s way better than permissive in any case.

Love is Patient

 

[godsgurl]

lol

Here’s the thing…I have a 16 yr old boy, and I know he thinks about sex…but he isn’t dating anyone now, and frankly, wants to wait until marriage to have sex. He is rather shy in many regards. I know that there can be tempting situations for a teen boy, but it seems like teen boys are automatically written off as always wanting sex, meanwhile, teen girls these days are quite aggressive in this dept., and no one talks about that. I just don’t believe that a teen boy, given the situation, is always the aggressor, and frankly, the girls will have to get through ME to convince me of their sincerity and morals when my son begins dating someone, no different than when boys come calling for my daughter some day.

I’m Italian, what can I do? *

im italian too!! and im a 16-year-old girl! how ironic!
well basically, speaking as a teen, i know exactly what you mean. girls throw themselves at guys, and while guys are WIRED to really want the sex because of the visual factor, girls are definatly becoming more and more aggressive.
and go right ahead and make sure the girl isnt one of those types…sadly, you may have some trouble finding the good girls, there arent many of us out there!!!
and good for your son for wanting the right thing! i wish my guy friends felt the same way! that is a mature decision for a 16-yr-old guy and something the right girls will find VERY attractive!!

Hmm. I always thought of myself as conservative and now you’re all making me second-guess…

If you can’t trust your daughter’s boyfriend to sleep on the couch when you and your wife are home, how the heck do you trust the two of them being alone together? Do you let them hang out when no one is home? Or go on unsupervised dates?

Just askin’. I think you’re being overprotective, but that’s way better than permissive in any case.

Love is Patient

and i DONT think you are being overprotective!! you love your daughter and know that things can get out of control, even though both parties have good intentions. she is ONLY 18!! she still needs guidance in her life…aka PARENTS!
stick by your initial decision is my best advice!

 

[meridith]

He needs to leave earlier in the evening so driving back late at night wouldn’t be an issue, period. Your house, your rules. My youngest was upset that his aunt and grandmother wouldn’t let he and his girlfriend sleep together at my mom’s lake house(his grandmother). He’s 21, callled me complaining. I laughed, asked him why he is so surprised and upset about this, after all, it’s the way he grew up, and my entire family and I have the same "rule’, unless you’re married, no-no.( He was offered a bedroom at our neighbors (nextdoor), who is like family. I asked what the point was of going to lake for the weekend: To sleep with girlfriend or to go and enjoy the lake? They went, slept separately, had a great time, and got over it without any hard feelings.

 

[jesuspsr]

you are her father and her protector. as a teen girl myself,and as annoying as my father and all his RULES are, i know he loves me and recognizes his responsibility to protect me and keep me safe, just as you do. Sometimes i forget that, though, so he has to remind me. Trust your gut on this. you are a male–you know how tempting the situation can be for the well-meaning boyfriend. Say no then explain to her that you just want to protect her, because that’s your job, and that you love her. She may say something like “If you really loved me, you would trust me enough to let him stay and know we won’t do anything!” It may hurt, but us teen girls really just say that to wear down our parents and their rules. Deep down, she will realize how much you care for her…though she may NEVER admit it! hope this helps!

AMEN!

 

[DDSmith411]

Well, this is interesting. Hi Dad!!

Hi, Im gsmith411’s daughter imagine my surprise when i start reading this thread to find out its my dad lol.

So I’m sure some of you are wondering about how the weekend went. well, there were a few changes in plans. my dad must have posted this before my boyfriends car broke down, because as far as i had ever heard, i was picking him up bright and early saterday morning and he was staying that night so i wouldn’t be taking him home and on the highway at 1am. I agree with all of you- an hour drive early in the morning is not a good enough reason for him to spend the night. i was actually still a little skeptical about him spending the night regardless, not because i was worried about something happening, but because (and i do so hate to agree with my father about something) of the whole precedent thing. why start something? but all parties knew and understood this was a one time thing.
For those of you who brought up trustworthiness (i don’t blame you, since you don’t know me), I’ve got an autographed copy of one of Jason Evert’s DVD, and i had my boyfriend read my copy of “Good News about Sex and Marriage” (required senior ready at my high school). He’s Lutheran, although interested in the Catholic Church (he attended Mass with us the next day) and supportive of my beliefs. Before i even went out with him the first time, i told him point blank “i don’t believe in sex before marriage” and not only was he fine with it, he told me he had broken up with past girlfriends because they did not share that view. We’ve talked about it, and we are waiting for marriage.

so, the weekend. I picked him up at 8am (on a saterday during the summer. you know i must like him ) my parents, younger brother, his friend, my boyfriend and myself had a fun day at the boardwalk, ate a delicious dinner, then drove the 2 hours back home. it was probably 11 by then, so my boyfriend and I decided to watch a movie until he started to fall asleep on the couch, at which time i said good night and went to my own room and shut my door. said door remained shut (the door knob has necklaces and bells on it to prevent younger brother from teepeeing my room again, so sneaking out= impossible) until 8 am the next morning when i woke up, found out the dog had woken my boyfriend up, then we all got ready for church. At church, i recieved communion with a clear conscience, and my boyfriend did not because he understands that there is a difference between Catholic communion and Lutheran communion we’ve spent alot of time talking about our respective beliefs, and im excited to say that he finds the Catholic beliefs to make a lot more sense then some of the things his pastors had taught him

well, as i’m sure most of you have better things to do then listen to an 18 year old girl gush about her boyfriend, i will wrap this up. thanks to everyone for their concern and prayers, its appreciated.