19 Kids and Counting

[Faith1960]

Does anybody else besides me watch this show? If so, anybody else noticing how Jim Bob keeps pushing this Ben kid in his relationship with Jessa? In front of all these people, including Ben’s,parents , Jim Bob asks him to move onto their property and then there’s all this marriage marriage marriage talk by Jim Bob and Michelle.
The kid seems really immature to me, and he’s 2 years younger than Jessa.
When they have their interview part of the show, he’s hinted he’s going to buy her an engagement ring but hasn’t…then last night Jessa asked him on camera, if they are engaged…

 

[robwar]

I do not watch reality tv because I feel they are not reality. I have watched some clips of them and I am very familar with Bill Gothard and his teaching which I have some big issues with. I think it is total hypocracy not have have a tv in your home yet you have put yourself and your children out there on tv. I do not think this is healthy and what they follow in Bill Gothard’s teaching is totally unhealthy. The homeschool program which they have now switched from has some serious issues. to micro manage their kids lives in what careers they have as well as their courtship is really setting them up for huge problems later. Their buddy system burdens the older children with raising the younger ones. That should be the parents responsibilities. I have some serious concerns about the children and raising them in front of a camera.

 

[Cricket2]

My sister and I watch this show. We only get to see certain things on the public show, and no one knows all that is going on in the back-ground. I don’t think Jim Bob is pushing for an engagement really.

I think the boyfriend is really insecure really, and my impression is he is not marriage material at this time. He does not seem to have the concept of manual labor down very well, seems perplexed by being kept busy, and more of a follower than a leader. I would say he is immature for his age and Jessa might be better off waiting for “Mr. Right.” This boy has been too pampered in my opinion, and needs time to grow up on his own.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

I think the wedding is this Saturday.

 

[Faith1960]

I do not watch reality tv because I feel they are not reality. I have watched some clips of them and I am very familar with Bill Gothard and his teaching which I have some big issues with. I think it is total hypocracy not have have a tv in your home yet you have put yourself and your children out there on tv. I do not think this is healthy and what they follow in Bill Gothard’s teaching is totally unhealthy. The homeschool program which they have now switched from has some serious issues. to micro manage their kids lives in what careers they have as well as their courtship is really setting them up for huge problems later. Their buddy system burdens the older children with raising the younger ones. That should be the parents responsibilities. I have some serious concerns about the children and raising them in front of a camera.

I agree with the hypocracy thing.

 

[Evania]

I remember hearing that he (Ben) was saying some pretty offensive anti-Catholic stuff online a few months ago and was called out on it by the Duggar’s Catholic fans. While that wasn’t neccessarily a shock, it was somewhat disappointing to me and speaks about his maturity especially when the Duggar’s are careful to be welcoming (at least publicly) of other Christian faiths. I know a lot of people dislike the Duggar’s, but I’ve always been a fan. I met the Duggar’s and was impressed at how grounded and friendly they were. However lately, I don’t know why, but something just seems creepy with Jim Bob. I think it’s important for dads to be there for their children, but the story of how Jessa started her relationship with Ben is the same as her sister, Jill and Derek. In both cases, Jim Bob was the matchmaker before either girl expressed interest in the guys. He met the guys first, and expressed interest on behalf of his daughters. He said, "You’ll really enjoy talking to my daughter (so and so). Then he gave them their cell numbers so they could call or text them. To me, I found that a little weird.

 

[jenna1983]

I watch this show and I agree with you.

 

[robwar]

I remember hearing that he (Ben) was saying some pretty offensive anti-Catholic stuff online a few months ago and was called out on it by the Duggar’s Catholic fans. While that wasn’t neccessarily a shock, it was somewhat disappointing to me and speaks about his maturity especially when the Duggar’s are careful to be welcoming (at least publicly) of other Christian faiths. I know a lot of people dislike the Duggar’s, but I’ve always been a fan. I met the Duggar’s and was impressed at how grounded and friendly they were. However lately, I don’t know why, but something just seems creepy with Jim Bob. I think it’s important for dads to be there for their children, but the story of how Jessa started her relationship with Ben is the same as her sister, Jill and Derek. In both cases, Jim Bob was the matchmaker before either girl expressed interest in the guys. He met the guys first, and expressed interest on behalf of his daughters. He said, "You’ll really enjoy talking to my daughter (so and so). Then he gave them their cell numbers so they could call or text them. To me, I found that a little weird.

I did have a thread on CAF concerning this. The post was pulled after an hour but it already went viral. I think the maturity of Ben may noticed because he has not been raised in front of the camera like Jesse. I think that is the difference, he is being more real and natural and she has been more conditioned for this sort of attention.

 

[robwar]

I think the wedding is this Saturday.

that is correct. They believe in very “short courtships”. They are never allowed to be alone and it is hard to get to know someone in a four month “courtship” where every move is being watched and monitored in being in front of a camera for the world to see.

 

[bitterhope]

I don’t have cable so it’s not a show I watch, but I have seen it a couple times several years ago and I hear about this family quite often (because apparently having 8 kids means I’m soon to be like this mom to strangers in the grocery store…). From the few times I’ve seen the show, my opinion is that they are a loving, happy, peaceful and good Christian family. Beyond that I really can’t say anything besides that I admire the fact that they open their lives up to the world as a good witness to the glory of God even though it also sets them up for severe criticism from total strangers. I am not brave enough to allow people into my inner circle to see the way my family functions. People who live life in worry, anxiety and fear prefer to belittle and degrade them, even though as a family they are overwhelmingly happy and joyful. They must be doing something right or as much as the spotlight is on them, the entire universe would know by now. As a family of so many kids, they must run their home and life differently than the majority of us do, just as a farming family runs their life and home differently than a city family. Different circumstances require different ways of life. They have found the key to success and happiness for their family. As far as I’m aware they have never tried to tell others how they should be running their lives, they just put themselves in public as a Christian example to the world. As far as choosing their children’s spouses, like I said I have no idea about that since I don’t have cable and have only seen this family a few times years ago. If that is how they have chosen for their kids to find spouses, though, I can’t see that it is wrong. Many cultures around the world still practice this as well as other forms of arranged marriages. Even parents in the US are known to “set their kids up” with someone, or at least attempt to play match maker. No, I will not ever to do this for my kids. I am more likely to try to introduce them to the priesthood or religious life, but my inlaws attempted on several occasions to pick my husband’s wife for him. If the kids are not on board with that, they will not cooperate and no marriage will come about. My husband married me instead of any of the suitable woman in his hometown. I don’t see what people are calling hypocrisy. Mr. Rogers often criticized children’s television shows, and that’s why he started his own show. Seems like the proper way to bring about a change for the better

 

[Faith1960]

I remember hearing that he (Ben) was saying some pretty offensive anti-Catholic stuff online a few months ago and was called out on it by the Duggar’s Catholic fans. While that wasn’t neccessarily a shock, it was somewhat disappointing to me and speaks about his maturity especially when the Duggar’s are careful to be welcoming (at least publicly) of other Christian faiths. I know a lot of people dislike the Duggar’s, but I’ve always been a fan. I met the Duggar’s and was impressed at how grounded and friendly they were. However lately, I don’t know why, but something just seems creepy with Jim Bob. I think it’s important for dads to be there for their children, but the story of how Jessa started her relationship with Ben is the same as her sister, Jill and Derek. In both cases, Jim Bob was the matchmaker before either girl expressed interest in the guys. He met the guys first, and expressed interest on behalf of his daughters. He said, "You’ll really enjoy talking to my daughter (so and so). Then he gave them their cell numbers so they could call or text them. To me, I found that a little weird.

I thought it was really creepy and inappropriate when Jim. Bob said that Jill was looking forward to the wedding itself but Derrick is looking forward to the honeymoon and he said it with a giggle.

 

[masondoggy]

I like the Duggars and think they’re a nice family. I don’t agree with everything they do but I’m sure they probably would feel the same about me and my family.
However, I do have concerns about the way they micro-manage their kids courtships and it’s setting them up for very difficult marriages. These couples never have an opportunity to have a private conversation so they can really get to know each other and work out how THEY want to do things when they get married. They always have to be on guard as to what they say. And to take it even further, a few episodes ago, Jim Bob and Michelle acted as pre-marital counselor rather than a clergy member. And it essentially was a grilling session of Derrick to make sure that he would handle finances the Duggar way. I think this is very, very dangerous for a couple going into marriage. The COUPLE needs to have that conversation ALONE so that they can decide TOGETHER how they will handle finances. And Derrick needs to feel that he has the freedom to say to Jill that he might do something differently than Jim Bob does. But he doesn’t have that freedom. He has to toe the line and what ends up happening is Jill doesn’t hear the whole complete picture of the guy she’s about to marry. I’m not saying he’s lying or hiding who he is, but it’s very possible. The temptation is there and it’s very dangerous for Jill.

I think Derrick and Jill will be fine, though. They are obviously very much in love and they do seem like a good match. It’s the other two that I’m concerned about. I do not see them as being compatible and he is way too immature to get married. I’m afraid it will be a disaster for both of them. And they likely won’t get divorced because of their beliefs, they’ll just spend their lives being miserable. And that’s a terrible way to live.

 

[masondoggy]

I remember hearing that he (Ben) was saying some pretty offensive anti-Catholic stuff online a few months ago and was called out on it by the Duggar’s Catholic fans. While that wasn’t neccessarily a shock, it was somewhat disappointing to me and speaks about his maturity especially when the Duggar’s are careful to be welcoming (at least publicly) of other Christian faiths. I know a lot of people dislike the Duggar’s, but I’ve always been a fan. I met the Duggar’s and was impressed at how grounded and friendly they were. However lately, I don’t know why, but something just seems creepy with Jim Bob. I think it’s important for dads to be there for their children, but the story of how Jessa started her relationship with Ben is the same as her sister, Jill and Derek. In both cases, Jim Bob was the matchmaker before either girl expressed interest in the guys. He met the guys first, and expressed interest on behalf of his daughters. He said, "You’ll really enjoy talking to my daughter (so and so). Then he gave them their cell numbers so they could call or text them. To me, I found that a little weird.

I have heard that it is very common for girls of families that follow this movement to never get married because they are not allowed to initiate any sort of relationship. The guy has to go to her father and ask permission to even begin talking to the daughter. He doesn’t even know at that point whether she will be interested in him either, so it’s a huge, uncomfortable risk for the guy to take. So if no guy ever gets the nerve up to ask Daddy, the girl never gets married.

I feel for the rest of the Duggar girls because it’s obviously well known because of their show how controlling Jim Bob is when it comes to his daughters courtships and I think most guys will shy away from that and not even bother. I wouldn’t be surprised if many of those girls never leave the home.

 

[iheartdance]

I find Jim Bob just plain creepy. She treat’s his daughters like property. I do love the show though. I think Ben is just kinda shy in front of the camera, but I think part of it is just maturity. He is too young (just out of high school last year!) and I find it weird that he is 19 and she is 21 :twocents:

 

[robwar]

I don’t have cable so it’s not a show I watch, but I have seen it a couple times several years ago and I hear about this family quite often (because apparently having 8 kids means I’m soon to be like this mom to strangers in the grocery store…). From the few times I’ve seen the show, my opinion is that they are a loving, happy, peaceful and good Christian family. Beyond that I really can’t say anything besides that I admire the fact that they open their lives up to the world as a good witness to the glory of God even though it also sets them up for severe criticism from total strangers. I am not brave enough to allow people into my inner circle to see the way my family functions. People who live life in worry, anxiety and fear prefer to belittle and degrade them, even though as a family they are overwhelmingly happy and joyful. They must be doing something right or as much as the spotlight is on them, the entire universe would know by now. As a family of so many kids, they must run their home and life differently than the majority of us do, just as a farming family runs their life and home differently than a city family. Different circumstances require different ways of life. They have found the key to success and happiness for their family. As far as I’m aware they have never tried to tell others how they should be running their lives, they just put themselves in public as a Christian example to the world. As far as choosing their children’s spouses, like I said I have no idea about that since I don’t have cable and have only seen this family a few times years ago. If that is how they have chosen for their kids to find spouses, though, I can’t see that it is wrong. Many cultures around the world still practice this as well as other forms of arranged marriages. Even parents in the US are known to “set their kids up” with someone, or at least attempt to play match maker. No, I will not ever to do this for my kids. I am more likely to try to introduce them to the priesthood or religious life, but my inlaws attempted on several occasions to pick my husband’s wife for him. If the kids are not on board with that, they will not cooperate and no marriage will come about. My husband married me instead of any of the suitable woman in his hometown. I don’t see what people are calling hypocrisy. Mr. Rogers often criticized children’s television shows, and that’s why he started his own show. Seems like the proper way to bring about a change for the better

part of why they are on TV is the money it brings in to support such a large family. That house they currently have is built by funds from doing this type of show. Reality TV isn’t reality and we do not see what happens when the cameras are off. Michelle and Jim following another fundamentalist couple called the Pearls who teach a very heavy handed corporal punishment. When Michelle has been asked about corporal punishment and if she believes and uses it, she found a way to skirt around the issue. The ATI homeschool program which they followed until recently does not end with a high school diploma nor does it set up its followers to attend college which the Duggars don’t believe in. The oldest boy has a political job, due to obviously his father’s connections, the other older boy is just trying to sell used cars, the girls dabbled in becoming midwives using a on-line college type program which again hasn’t led to anything. Ben had to give up his own used car business to move in the court Jesse. If you think that people are criticizing them, it is more out of concern for their children. I don’t think the constant flaunting of their courtships and “Godly” marriages is healthy. They shouldn’t be made into Christian rock star status. This isn’t outreach but flaunting of themselves and they become just another reality family like sister wives etc.

 

[robwar]

I find Jim Bob just plain creepy. She treat’s his daughters like property. I do love the show though. I think Ben is just kinda shy in front of the camera, but I think part of it is just maturity. He is too young (just out of high school last year!) and I find it weird that he is 19 and she is 21 :twocents:

That is what the quiver full movement leads to. Girls and women are property of the men

 

[masondoggy]

part of why they are on TV is the money it brings in to support such a large family. That house they currently have is built by funds from doing this type of show. Reality TV isn’t reality and we do not see what happens when the cameras are off. Michelle and Jim following another fundamentalist couple called the Pearls who teach a very heavy handed corporal punishment. When Michelle has been asked about corporal punishment and if she believes and uses it, she found a way to skirt around the issue. The ATI homeschool program which they followed until recently does not end with a high school diploma nor does it set up its followers to attend college which the Duggars don’t believe in. The oldest boy has a political job, due to obviously his father’s connections, the other older boy is just trying to sell used cars, the girls dabbled in becoming midwives using a on-line college type program which again hasn’t led to anything. Ben had to give up his own used car business to move in the court Jesse. If you think that people are criticizing them, it is more out of concern for their children. I don’t think the constant flaunting of their courtships and “Godly” marriages is healthy. They shouldn’t be made into Christian rock star status. This isn’t outreach but flaunting of themselves and they become just another reality family like sister wives etc.

I don’t think that the show paid for their home. They were already in the process of building that house, very frugally (they did a lot of work themselves and already owned the land), before the show even started out. Jim Bob and Michelle have definitely made some good financial decisions and built up quite a nest egg despite what they get from the show. BUT that is because they built a lot of it up before they even had kids. From what I remember, they held off even starting a family for several years while they built up their businesses and that type of preparation has a lot to do with why they were able to raise such a large family without being in the poor house.

But I think it’s going to be very hard for their kids to be so lucky. They are not given anywhere close to the education advantage that both Jim bob and Michelle had (they both graduated from college) but they are rushed into marriage at very young ages with zero job skills. It’s hard enough raising a family in this economy with reasonable job skills, but it’s downright impossible when you none. And these kids will most likely have very large families so unless Jim Bob and Michelle share a good chunk of the TLC money they have made with all of their kids, those kids’ will live in poverty when they have families of their own and they will struggle.

I often wonder how they expect Jessa’s fiance to support her? He just barely became an adult and probably couldn’t even support himself right now. And within 5 years, they’ll probably have at least 2-3 kids and she’ll be a SAHM. Are Jim Bob and Michelle going to provide for them? It just completely blows my mind.

I am very concerned about the future of their kids.

 

[Sarcelle]

That is what the quiver full movement leads to. Girls and women are property of the men

Correct me if I am wrong. but is the Quiverfull movement attached to the whole Reconstructionist movement? They believe women should always have a male authority over her so single women must always live in their father’s house until they get married. A woman should never be independent of a man. Higher learning is also out of the picture as it gets in the way of Godly wifehood and motherhood.

Some Catholics also believe the same thing

 

[bitterhope]

Many of the criticism I see hurled towards the Duggars are very similar to the ones hurled at my grandparents, parents, my own, and just about every other large family I’ve ever met. It’s always people saying that they fear for our kids’ well being, education, work load, etc. that’s probably why I get so fed up with it. People look at my house and see 8 kids under 15 and think it must be horrible for them. How do they get attention? How do they feed them? How do they get school work done? The older kids change diapers?!? How awful! And tons worse things go on. My grandmother had 16 kids in 19 years so for me, my house is empty. Add on my husband gone 75% of the time and it’s obvious to most that I must be either neglectful or abusive. Neither is true. So what if Michelle Duggar spanks her kids at times. So what if her kids need to help with caring for each other. If someone has only 1-5 kids they are not going to need to live the way those of us with 6+ live. And me with my 8 will not need to do things the way my grandmother did with 16. Her kids seem fine to me. None are in legal trouble. None are neglected, starving or beaten up. They are all happy and healthy so something must be going right. Maybe in material ways they will not be as successful as other families. Maybe they will not have a few different degrees or whatever. But not everyone measured success in worldly ways. If things were not going well for them spiritually or emotionally, as often as they are in the public eye, it would be known and held up as proof of how bad it is to have a family that size. They are living counter culturally, no doubt about that. But so should we as Catholics. They aren’t Catholic so we can’t really compare them to our religious standards, but as Christians they are doing fine. So what if others live differently than the secular would says they should.

I agree reality TV isn’t real. Too much scripting and editing is done for it to be real. But just as the truth about other reality stars and famous people of various entertainment/political/sport/whatever field’s life and behavior is common knowledge, this family would as well if they could dig up any garbage.

 

[Faith1960]

that is correct. They believe in very “short courtships”. They are never allowed to be alone and it is hard to get to know someone in a four month “courtship” where every move is being watched and monitored in being in front of a camera for the world to see.

All dates are chaperoned, sometimes by their little brothers. Some chaperone.