Well, to start with, my Grandparents on my father’s side were not your “ideal” Mormons, but I have pioneer ancestry on that side of the family so a lot of stories have been passed down. Still, my grandfather struggled with alcoholicsm, but he was a good friend of W. Cleon Skousen, who I greatly admire. My grandmother was emotionally unstable throughout the majority of her life, but she’s tolerable enough now that she is older. They divorced shortly before my father’s mission, resulting in my grandfather’s death. My father did not go on a mission until he was 21 years old because he became the primary breadwinner of the family after his father’s death and his mother’s incapability of holding her life together.
My father served his mission in Nova Scotia, then returned and met my mother on a blind date. He said the Lord told him to marry her, but he thought, “Lord, she’s too short!” Eventually he gave in and she started running away because he was tall and she wanted to go on a mission. They got married (both 26 years old at the time) and my eldest sister was born a year later. Today, she serves a mission in Taiwan and will be returning in May of this year.
My other sister was born a year and a half later and just received her own mission call today, but isn’t opening it until this evening, when she’ll call us on the phone as she is away in college. I was born June 25th, 1987 and received a mission call a few months ago (though never really having a full testimony of the church) and have been called to Brazil along with everyone else I know of who received a mission call that week. I also have three younger siblings (all brothers) who look up to me to serve that mission.
My family has rarely missed church and we have always been active. I believe it would be safe to say the majority of us are convinced the church is true.
It is easy enough to say I was born questioning the church. I remember very few things from when I was young, but I remember that in “nursery” I was taught about Christ. I questioned whether he was real, so I decided to test out prayer and I received an answer in a rather miraculous way that I don’t feel comfortable posting on this board as there are unfortunately a lot of religious bigots on here. I try not to be one of them. I have spent the remaining 16+ years from that point attempting to receive an answer concerning the Book of Mormon and Mormonism, etc., but it’s always come back negative despite all the promises that it would be positive. I’ve questioned whether it is just myself answering in the negative because I really have always wanted to believe the Church is true. I’d much rather that be the case than have the hell I’ve been through, but regardless of my desires, the answers still stand as I originally receive them, though sometimes a new light is shed on them and I come to understand the answers better. I’ve already been through an explanation of how I define such spiritual answers, so I’d rather not go through that discussion again. Read through the thread.
Let’s see. I suppose that’s enough for you to disect however you like right now. Of course, you can go through and say “this affected you in this way” but since you don’t know the whole story it’s hard to honestly do that. For example, the fact that I do not believe in the church makes a lot more sense to the bishop than the fact I don’t believe in the ordinances, and I agree. It is because I do not believe in the church that the ordinances bother me - not the other way around.
I would likely have accepted the temple experience if I really had faith in the church before going. I wasn’t truly dishonest in getting into the temple. When asked whether I believed in this or that, I really looked into my heart and said, “Well, I do want to believe in it and I don’t really
not accept it [at the time], so I suppose it’s okay to say I believe because I’m trying,” and that may have been a real mistake on my part if indeed the church
is true because the temple experience destroyed my acceptance of the church and I pity those who accept it because I feel they have been fooled, though most of those doing the fooling are honest and sincere fools. It doesn’t make them bad people. In fact, the majority of them are
very good. That’s not enough for me to accept the doctrine though. I can be good and even righteous perhaps, without accepting something my heart and mind tell me is false even though it teaches true principles.
I hope that answers some questions, but more than likely it brings up a million others. Such is life.
