26 year old Millennial Catholic who lives with parents in spite of having a degree. Should I even try to date someone?

[SuperLuigi]

Should I. I know that most women like men who are independent and don’t rely on mommy and daddy. Sure I work but my job isn’t the best. Yes I’m going to school to get my masters but to me education doesn’t necessarily mean employment and I don’t want to be an unemployed egghead. Add to that the fact that I have a lot of debt and am not that attractive and have issues with anxiety, should I even consider dating?

I guess I just want a concrete answer because God hasn’t given me one (though my prayer life quite honestly stinks right now). I worry that I’m just not pursuing the right vocation since I haven’t been a success at relationships (I dated a girl for 6 months and it was long distance so it isn’t like we saw each other than often) and sometimes I just feel like I should just give up and focus on getting out of debt and just working to be closer to God. I don’t even really feel sad about this. Anymore I look at it as that I’m a catholic without a great job or great looks and no prospects and I’m just one of the unlucky few who won’t get to be married. It’s just God’s will. Rather than complain or cry like a big fat baby i’ll just take what God gives me. And if that means the cross of singleness than all I can do is carry it.

Thanks and God Bless

If you’re going to have a pity party, that’s a huge turn-off for any woman.

Not having a great job or not being out of debt are not good enough reasons to not date if you think you are called to marriage. Reasonable women will understand, gold diggers will not.

In terms of anxiety, if you are in school I strongly suggest you meet with a counselor to see if you have some kind of anxiety disorder. There are resources that could help you with this.

As a Millennial, lots of women are in the same situation you are. The key thing is to have a plan.

What it really comes down to is how you COMMUNICATE with women. If you’re giving off a vibe of self-pity or self-loathing, that will not get a good woman to respect you. It may get you attention, for a short while until she gets tired of it, but attention and attraction are two very different things.

 

[SuperLuigi]

As for being single right now i’m sure your right but i have so many worries about waiting. One is that i’ll end up like my dad. My dad didn’t get married until he was 45 and he ended up dying before I was 16. Also with the anxiety and my brother and sister also having mental problems i’m worried any kids i’d have wouldn’t be healthy. Not that problems can’t occur at any other time in pregnancy but why risk it?

You’re getting too far ahead of yourself.

My second worry is that all the good women will be taken. Yes people are waiting longer to be married but A lot of Catholics and devout christians I know still get married by 23 or so. 25 is average and 28 is late. I’m worried all that will be left are those who I probably wouldn’t want to marry in the first place. Or at least that’s what i’d have to wade through to find someone. I’m not saying all those single past 30 aren’t desirable but in away I worry what will be left.

Believe it or not, as the man, you have the advantage. First, it’s generally women who look to date older men and second, there’s a lot of devout Catholic women in your age range who want a good Catholic man, but that good Catholic man needs to be able to communicate with women, not have a pity party and not think the sky is falling.

This is why sometimes i’m to the point of just quitting trying and just being a single person forever.

Well, you need some confidence and a can-do attitude.

 

[pianistclare]

Tape this to your mirror:

ALL THE GOOD CATHOLIC WOMEN
ARE NOT
TAKEN YET.

 

[nocoastlayman]

If you’re going to have a pity party, that’s a huge turn-off for any woman.

Not having a great job or not being out of debt are not good enough reasons to not date if you think you are called to marriage. Reasonable women will understand, gold diggers will not.

In terms of anxiety, if you are in school I strongly suggest you meet with a counselor to see if you have some kind of anxiety disorder. There are resources that could help you with this.

As a Millennial, lots of women are in the same situation you are. The key thing is to have a plan.

What it really comes down to is how you COMMUNICATE with women. If you’re giving off a vibe of self-pity or self-loathing, that will not get a good woman to respect you. It may get you attention, for a short while until she gets tired of it, but attention and attraction are two very different things.

I know self pity won’t get me anything but neither will being a confident loser who keeps trying and failing. Thats what I worry i’ll become.

 

[shainski]

Okay, let’s turn this around.

1. you’re ONLY 26 -
2. Truly beautiful people are less than 5% of the population. The rest of us have visible flaws - and if we spend too much time concentrating on them, we’re going to get depressed. 3) If you’re going for a masters and working full-time, you likely don’t have a lot of time to concentrate on dating right now.

Now, you can spend your time contemplating all the reasons that no one would want to date you - or you can spend your time making yourself an interesting person. Pursue the interests in your life that you enjoy - and you will find like-minded people to enjoy them with. (Assuming your interests don’t all involve sitting in your parent’s basement playing video games).

Even if your interests don’t involve many women - if you do things with other people - they may eventually expand your social life - and they may have sisters - or friends.

did I mention - YOU’RE ONLY 26.

When I was about your age - I wondered, too, if it will ever happen for me. I looked at all my happily married friends. I wondered how they met spouses so perfect. Then one day, I took a serious look at that. If I had met their spouses when they were single, would I have thought that they were as ideal as I thought they were now? Then I realized that - no, I may not have considered them. So why were they all happily married now,. I realized that they were content with their lives - and that contentment made them attractive - not their physical features.

You will be attractive to others out there - but don’t spend your time dwelling on all the reasons why you are not - unless there are flaws that you can change - and are willing to do so.

 

[Lorelei12]

My husband and I married in our late 20s, and he lived at his parents’ home until then. It did bother me- but obviously not enough to let him go. He demonstrated that he was responsible and dependable, did his own laundry, paid them rent, managed the home when they were away, etc. He also had a career plan and worked hard to get where he wanted to be.

Are you taking on more debt for your Masters? That would be a red flag to me if you’re already in a lot of debt. Do you have a long term plan for getting out of debt? Do you at least pay for your own cell phone bill and personal expenses, contribute to household chores, do your own laundry, etc.? Do your friends, family, coworkers, professors, speak highly of you? (Don’t need to answer these here, but these are questions someone who might be interested in dating you would ask.)

I think it might be a good idea to work through some of your anxiety and self esteem issues with a counselor before considering dating. Those are going to be of more concern to prospective partners than living with your parents, I think. It would a good idea to work very seriously at getting out on your own, too. Save everything you can, get a second part time job, look for roommates…once you are out on your own you may have a lot more confidence.

Also- lose the idea that all the “good women” are going to be taken before you get to them. You only need one, and it’s a little insulting to those of us who consider ourselves faithful Catholics and didn’t marry in our early 20s. I don’t think my husband feels that he had to “wade through” the “leftovers” to find me.

 

[Kal2012]

1. There’s nothing wrong with dating.
2. You’ll find your life partner when you do. There’s no set age. A friend of mine married her high school boyfriend and they are still married and going strong twenty years later. One of my college friends is still single and just about 40.

I married my husband at 26 and he was 23.

1. I can understand the anxiety you feel about getting married while you are young.

You see, my mom died when she was just about 40. She was terrified of growing old and had a lot of issues associated with that. (She was anorexic) She was in a car accident and refused medical treatment because she just wanted to die. (This was way before 40 was the new 20. We are talking the early 1980s).

That really skewed how I looked at aging and getting married and having a family, as I am a female, just like my mom. Aging, apparently, was something very, very bad.

I wanted to get married ASAP and have kids early so that I would be around for them. My mom died when I was 7.

Looking back, I see how my mom’s early death really affected the way that I looked at marriage and family. However, when you are in the middle of feeling what you are feeling, it’s hard to see that you aren’t the same person as the person who died (and is your same-sex role model.) Dads are role models for sons. Moms are role models for daughters. And regardless of having an opposite-sex parent, you still look to the same-sex parent to see how things are going to turn out for you. That’s just the way it is.

Our perception of time does get skewed and things feel more urgent because of everything you’ve been through. (So, you want to make sure that you have time to be a parent because you know what it’s like when your parent isn’t there. That matters A LOT. (I so get it. My kid’s 7 now and there’s a part of me that just wants to get over this hump and he’ll be 8 sooner rather than later - because 7 was a hard year for me.) )

People think that you grieve the loss of your parent once, but you don’t. It pops up in all these places that you wouldn’t expect it. The 5 stages don’t end, but change as you get older.

Just know that there are people out here who do understand what you are going through. Find someone to talk to. Be gentle with yourself. It’s natural to make comparisons, but don’t get caught up in them.

When you meet the girl, you’ll know. There’s no magic age. Though, it’s easy to think that there is one because our parents’ died at a definite age, so you think that there’s only so much time. I totally remember thinking and feeling that way when I was your age.

Other people really don’t understand the urgent feeling, but they haven’t lost a parent at a young age either.

 

[Xantippe]

Not having a great job or not being out of debt are not good enough reasons to not date if you think you are called to marriage. Reasonable women will understand, gold diggers will not.

But reasonable women will want to see visible progress and improvement over say a six month period.

In terms of anxiety, if you are in school I strongly suggest you meet with a counselor to see if you have some kind of anxiety disorder. There are resources that could help you with this.

Yes.

What it really comes down to is how you COMMUNICATE with women. If you’re giving off a vibe of self-pity or self-loathing, that will not get a good woman to respect you.

Right.

A good spouse needs to be able to carry themselves plus a little person. If your prospective spouse needs to carry YOU already, as a 20-something, that is a disaster in the making.

Demonstrate that you can be a good partner and do your fair share at the very least.

 

[styrgwillidar]

“Yes I’m going to school to get my masters but to me education doesn’t necessarily mean employment and I don’t want to be an unemployed egghead.”

Ok. Stop worrying about what other people think, and start focusing on what you think of yourself.

What do you want to be if you don’t want to be an unemployed egghead? What do you want to be employed doing, what is your passion? You owned up to taking on a lot of debt-- why? What was your plan? Why did you think taking on that level of debt was justified? Why do you think taking on increasing debt for your masters is justified? How does that masters align with your plan for yourself? What is going to make you feel good and confident about what you’re doing?

Don’t worry about attracting a woman, focus on improving and working on yourself. You will then come across women who are compatible with your goals, and where you currently are in life.

As for failing-- someone who’s never failed has never really tried. I’ve failed at many things in life, succeeded in many others. I don’t regret the failures, I would have regretted a lack to attempt those things far more.

[A degree nowadays is no indication of a person being educated. Many colleges, at least in the US seem to be focused on keeping their students in a state of perpetual adolescence with no furthering of their intellectual development. With all the 'trigger warning’s and groups protesting anyone with a contrary view, or throwing around discredited and false studies as if they’re fact - no interest in verifying, it seems that students are no longer confronted with multiple viewpoints to consider, analyze and broaden their understanding of the world. They’re simply having whatever views they happen to have reinforced.]

 

[Allegra]

Also with the anxiety and my brother and sister also having mental problems i’m worried any kids i’d have wouldn’t be healthy. Not that problems can’t occur at any other time in pregnancy but why risk it?

I’m not saying all those single past 30 aren’t desirable but in away I worry what will be left.

This is why sometimes i’m to the point of just quitting trying and just being a single person forever.

Any time you have a baby, you are taking a risk that they might not be healthy. If this is a problem for you, you aren’t ready to be a father.

What will be left are women who focused on their education, building a career, and their emotional and spiritual growth into a fully functioning adult. You should be more concerned with preparing yourself in the same way. What do you mean by “trying”? What you should be doing is preparing yourself financially and spiritually to be a husband. Pray for your future wife. Read on what is expected of a Catholic husband. Study, work, and volunteer. That’s the sort of “trying” you should be doing at your stage of life. Trust that God will send you the right woman when you are properly disposed to love her as Christ loves the Church.

 

[Xantippe]

Any time you have a baby, you are taking a risk that they might not be healthy. If this is a problem for you, you aren’t ready to be a father.

**Right.

If one is only willing to have a 100% healthy child, one isn’t ready to have a child.
**

What will be left are women who focused on their education, building a career, and their emotional and spiritual growth into a fully functioning adult. You should be more concerned with preparing yourself in the same way. What do you mean by “trying”? What you should be doing is preparing yourself financially and spiritually to be a husband. Pray for your future wife. Read on what is expected of a Catholic husband. Study, work, and volunteer. That’s the sort of “trying” you should be doing at your stage of life. Trust that God will send you the right woman when you are properly disposed to love her as Christ loves the Church.

Right.

We recently had a female poster with a sociology/anthropology degree, a $1k a month income, and $60k in debt. Someone like that is going to need a few years to get on their feet. In the process, she may meet a lot of guys that like her but look at her situation and say “Nope!” It may take her a few more years to get her income up and her debt down to the point that guys aren’t scared of her.

 

[EasterJoy]

Should I. I know that most women like men who are independent and don’t rely on mommy and daddy. Sure I work but my job isn’t the best. Yes I’m going to school to get my masters but to me education doesn’t necessarily mean employment and I don’t want to be an unemployed egghead. Add to that the fact that I have a lot of debt and am not that attractive and have issues with anxiety, should I even consider dating?

I guess I just want a concrete answer because God hasn’t given me one (though my prayer life quite honestly stinks right now). I worry that I’m just not pursuing the right vocation since I haven’t been a success at relationships (I dated a girl for 6 months and it was long distance so it isn’t like we saw each other than often) and sometimes I just feel like I should just give up and focus on getting out of debt and just working to be closer to God. I don’t even really feel sad about this. Anymore I look at it as that I’m a catholic without a great job or great looks and no prospects and I’m just one of the unlucky few who won’t get to be married. It’s just God’s will. Rather than complain or cry like a big fat baby i’ll just take what God gives me. And if that means the cross of singleness than all I can do is carry it.

Thanks and God Bless

Thanks for the advice. And yeah I have anxiety but not social. At least not social in the sense i’m a recluse.

As for being single right now i’m sure your right but i have so many worries about waiting. One is that i’ll end up like my dad. My dad didn’t get married until he was 45 and he ended up dying before I was 16. Also with the anxiety and my brother and sister also having mental problems i’m worried any kids i’d have wouldn’t be healthy. Not that problems can’t occur at any other time in pregnancy but why risk it?

My second worry is that all the good women will be taken. Yes people are waiting longer to be married but A lot of Catholics and devout christians I know still get married by 23 or so. 25 is average and 28 is late. I’m worried all that will be left are those who I probably wouldn’t want to marry in the first place. Or at least that’s what i’d have to wade through to find someone. I’m not saying all those single past 30 aren’t desirable but in away I worry what will be left.

This is why sometimes i’m to the point of just quitting trying and just being a single person forever.

Unlucky few? About 30% of adults 18-34 live with their parents, the highest rate ever recorded by the Census Bureau. The pattern of college graduates finding no job or serious under-employment after graduation is very common. The problem of graduating from college with a mountain of student loan debt claiming whatever paycheck they can bring home is also at epidemic proportions.
cnsnews.com/news/article/ali-meyer/census-bureau-303-millennials-still-living-their-parents

OP, why are you assuming that any good Catholic woman you might find to date has a job and has her life together? The chances are about 1 in 3 that any woman in the OP’s age group will be in the same boat as the OP, and the closer to 25 she is the more likely that is. She is not going to sit in her old bedroom that is still outfitted with the same pink bed that she chose for herself in 6th grade and judge him.

The great irony of the field of education is that there are job markets in which it is hardly possible to land a teaching job with less than a master’s degree, even though teaching jobs are notorious for how low-paying they are. Were I the OP, I’d keep working away and, as the Gospel says: Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil. Matt. 6:34

You HAVE a job. You HAVE an education that will soon be completed.
You HAVE a place to live and a positive relationship with your family.
You HAVE the faith and actually practice it.
You CARE about tomorrow and actually WANT to marry and have a family.
You UNDERSTAND that this is a life of duty and obligation, and you WELCOME the chance to take those on with the right woman at your side.
You do NOT have a laundry list of old flames lurking in your past.
There is NO “ideal lover” who jilted you still haunting your thoughts.
You are ready to fall in love entirely and 100% with the woman you eventually marry.

You seem to believe this is common. It isn’t.

Hang in there. Yes, pay down your student loans as quickly as you can, and look out for your credit history. Yes, keep looking for professional advancement and do build your resume. You maintain a normal social life that is within your means, neither forcing the question of finding a spouse nor abandoning it. That part of preparing for tomorrow is today’s work.

No, don’t start thinking that all the things you don’t have, like a half a dozen ex-girlfriends, is going to be seen as a negative. Don’t think that every girl you meet is going to look down on you from her life of self-sufficiency and her past that is filled with an unbroken line of exciting romantic successes. Don’t think that finding a man with lots of ex-girlfriends in his past is every woman’s dream. That is not the way I’d bet, let’s just put it that way. Besides, you only have to find that one. It can happen any day, as long as you keep your attitude in the right place so that you’ll recognize her when you see her. Keep your oil flasks full, “seek ye first the Kingdom of God,” and just wait to see what happens. You’ll do OK.

 

[edwest2]

Tape this to your mirror:

ALL THE GOOD CATHOLIC WOMEN
ARE NOT
TAKEN YET.

That’s for sure.

Ed

 

[nocoastlayman]

“Yes I’m going to school to get my masters but to me education doesn’t necessarily mean employment and I don’t want to be an unemployed egghead.”

Ok. Stop worrying about what other people think, and start focusing on what you think of yourself.

What do you want to be if you don’t want to be an unemployed egghead? What do you want to be employed doing, what is your passion? You owned up to taking on a lot of debt-- why? What was your plan? Why did you think taking on that level of debt was justified? Why do you think taking on increasing debt for your masters is justified? How does that masters align with your plan for yourself? What is going to make you feel good and confident about what you’re doing?

Don’t worry about attracting a woman, focus on improving and working on yourself. You will then come across women who are compatible with your goals, and where you currently are in life.

As for failing-- someone who’s never failed has never really tried. I’ve failed at many things in life, succeeded in many others. I don’t regret the failures, I would have regretted a lack to attempt those things far more.

[A degree nowadays is no indication of a person being educated. Many colleges, at least in the US seem to be focused on keeping their students in a state of perpetual adolescence with no furthering of their intellectual development. With all the 'trigger warning’s and groups protesting anyone with a contrary view, or throwing around discredited and false studies as if they’re fact - no interest in verifying, it seems that students are no longer confronted with multiple viewpoints to consider, analyze and broaden their understanding of the world. They’re simply having whatever views they happen to have reinforced.]

Well my plan was to become a special education teacher and I guess I felt like a few years ago this was my calling. I had just come off the best summer of my life where I was a teacher for my diocese’s Totus Tuus program (basically a vacation bible school but more intense and better) and I just felt like God was so much a part of my life that I wanted to get into SPED because I couldn’t find a job as a social studies teacher. Well I went and I enjoyed the classes and took a job as a social studies teacher in a really small school in a remote part of my state.
Anyway I didn’t really like teaching. I liked my subject but my classroom management was a work in progress. Anyway its to the point I don’t know if i can be a successful teacher. I’ve had job interviews for sped positions (because i’m eligible for a provisional) but I didn’t get any. It makes me wonder if I 'm just some dope who’s terrible at interviews and I also wonder if I really want to teach. My mom’s a teacher and she encouraged me to do whatever but sadly I have this strange feeling that she’d love me more if I was a teacher and I thought since she was successful at it i’d be good at it. I never really had any other passions except for sports, movies, reading. I did theater in school and liked that and have always had this desire to go into broadcasting but career options for that are worse than social studies teaching.

As of right now I might still do sped but i’m to the point I just want a decent job where I can make enough money to raise a family. I’d like to help kids out in things like social work or in sped or even get into corrections (right now I work at an alternative school with kids with severe emotional and behavioral disorders.) I honestly never really had an idea of what to do and chose teaching because I was really super good at history and I thought teaching would be a career I could get and have for 40 years and then retire and i’d have a fairly comfortable life.

Anymore I feel like school itself was a mistake. I should have just been some blue collar guy working at the local truck plant making $10 an hour. I could have just saved up and moved out when I made enough. Maybe i’d have a better life. I guess though I feel like i’m smarter than that. But at the same time at least I’d have the same job for a long time and things wouldn’t change that much. That’s all I want is stability.

So yeah that’s my life story. I screwed up. All I have is my faith anymore. Sometimes I wish I could just be a monk or a priest for stability’s sake but I know that’s not a reason to join.

 

[nocoastlayman]

No, don’t start thinking that all the things you don’t have, like a half a dozen ex-girlfriends, is going to be seen as a negative. Don’t think that every girl you meet is going to look down on you from her life of self-sufficiency and her past that is filled with an unbroken line of exciting romantic successes. Don’t think that finding a man with lots of ex-girlfriends in his past is every woman’s dream. That is not the way I’d bet, let’s just put it that way. Besides, you only have to find that one. It can happen any day, as long as you keep your attitude in the right place so that you’ll recognize her when you see her. Keep your oil flasks full, “seek ye first the Kingdom of God,” and just wait to see what happens. You’ll do OK.

I know girls don’t want a guy with a string of broken relationships, but do they want some dope who’s a cold fish and doesn’t know how to make a relationship work? I know the self sufficiency thing isn’t as big of a deal but as I get older I feel more and more loserish and while i’m sure there are a lot of women who would be sympathetic or wouldn’t care, most would have better options. For example say some guy has the same personality as me but is much better looking and has the better job. Being human, most women would go for the more attractive one, as would most men. Its just the way us people are. We want the best for ourselves.

And i’m sorry if I have offended people with the “all good women are taken.” I know they aren’t but it feels like it. I also feel that most of the good men are probably taken too. Or at least good in the sense that they have good jobs and are good looking and have great personalities. Not that my personality sucks or that i’m ugly but people can always do better. I mean thats sadly a problem with today’s culture.

 

[Xantippe]

I know girls don’t want a guy with a string of broken relationships, but do they want some dope who’s a cold fish and doesn’t know how to make a relationship work? I know the self sufficiency thing isn’t as big of a deal but as I get older I feel more and more loserish and while i’m sure there are a lot of women who would be sympathetic or wouldn’t care, most would have better options. For example say some guy has the same personality as me but is much better looking and has the better job. Being human, most women would go for the more attractive one, as would most men. Its just the way us people are. We want the best for ourselves.

And i’m sorry if I have offended people with the “all good women are taken.” I know they aren’t but it feels like it. I also feel that most of the good men are probably taken too. Or at least good in the sense that they have good jobs and are good looking and have great personalities. Not that my personality sucks or that i’m ugly but people can always do better. I mean thats sadly a problem with today’s culture.

The average age at first marriage for US men today is 29. You aren’t behind.

 

[pianistclare]

Keep referring to yourself as a loser, a dope, a cold fish, loserish, and a (this is a good one) competent loser.

Wow! Sign me up! :banghead:

You’re going to say that you don’t say these things IRL, but honestly. I’ll bet anything that you give off that same woe is me vibe.

Complete turn off.
That, and the notion that the women over 30 are leftovers.

I married a guy with a double degree in Geography and History. Uber smart. Incredibly shy. Teaching was fun, yet terrifying for him. He’s blue collar now. Happy. You seem to think that being a blue collar worker is a sure sign of failure. it’s not, He’s a sexy guy. And devoutly Catholic. And kind. Humble. Witty. Generous. Gallant even.

What is it you really want? To be beloved of someone? You’ll have to regard yourself a bit better first.

In short, your perceptions are way off.
Take a hard look in that mirror with the sign on it.

Start being positive. Not positive you’ll fail.
When you do meet the woman of your dreams, you’ll look back on this thread and get a chuckle out of it.
Good luck!

 

[nocoastlayman]

Keep referring to yourself as a loser, a dope, a cold fish, loserish, and a (this is a good one) competent loser.

Wow! Sign me up! :banghead:

You’re going to say that you don’t say these things IRL, but honestly. I’ll bet anything that you give off that same woe is me vibe.

Complete turn off.
That, and the notion that the women over 30 are leftovers.

I married a guy with a double degree in Geography and History. Uber smart. Incredibly shy. Teaching was fun, yet terrifying for him. He’s blue collar now. Happy. You seem to think that being a blue collar worker is a sure sign of failure. it’s not, He’s a sexy guy. And devoutly Catholic. And kind. Humble. Witty. Generous. Gallant even.

What is it you really want? To be beloved of someone? You’ll have to regard yourself a bit better first.

In short, your perceptions are way off.
Take a hard look in that mirror with the sign on it.

Start being positive. Not positive you’ll fail.
When you do meet the woman of your dreams, you’ll look back on this thread and get a chuckle out of it.
Good luck!

See I guess I see being positive as being too confident in myself. I don’t want to be the guy who thinks he’s all that but isn’t. I don’t want to be a jerk. Its not like i’m some guy who thinks "oh i’m so terrible " its more like I know my own strengths and weaknesses. Sadly some people don’t have many strengths. Honestly i’m average when it comes down to it. I don’t like to toot my own horn. Whats wrong with a little modesty?

 

[victrolatim]

God will place someone in your path who likes you for you. I’m 27 with an associates degree and I still live at home (been in a happy relationship for 6 years now)

 

[Xantippe]

See I guess I see being positive as being too confident in myself. I don’t want to be the guy who thinks he’s all that but isn’t. I don’t want to be a jerk. Its not like i’m some guy who thinks "oh i’m so terrible " its more like I know my own strengths and weaknesses. Sadly some people don’t have many strengths. Honestly i’m average when it comes down to it. I don’t like to toot my own horn. Whats wrong with a little modesty?

It comes off as self-absorption is all.

Also, down the road, when you have a wife, it’s going to be a huge burden on her to be propping your fragile psyche up all the time.

You sound like a lot of work.

Do your future wife and family a favor and start doing some necessary psychological repairs. You need to be stronger for your future family.