26 year old Millennial Catholic who lives with parents in spite of having a degree. Should I even try to date someone?

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nocoastlayman said:
Thanks for telling me this. Lately i’ve heard a lot of people mentioning the Saint Augustine quote “Love God and do what you will” which definitely fits with this. I guess my problem is that this scares me somewhat. I guess at times when I don’t know what to do i hear people say how God has a plan for them and i’ve always wanted to know God’s plan but felt like i haven’t got an answer or that the answer is just that i’m not meant for success in this world. Like most people I hate not knowing but I see where people are coming from. Its a tough dilemma for me
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  1. I think a lot of people that think they know God’s plan for them may find that they wind up getting 2nd and 3rd and 4th and 5th sets of plans over the years that differ radically from their first set. So, don’t be over-impressed by other people’s certainty.
  2. If you make other people’s lives better, that is success. If you haven’t watched it recently, I would suggest watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” and noting the differences between the life that George Bailey wanted for himself, and the life he wound up living.
 
Xantippe said:
  1. I think a lot of people that think they know God’s plan for them may find that they wind up getting 2nd and 3rd and 4th and 5th sets of plans over the years that differ radically from their first set. So, don’t be over-impressed by other people’s certainty.
  2. If you make other people’s lives better, that is success. If you haven’t watched it recently, I would suggest watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” and noting the differences between the life that George Bailey wanted for himself, and the life he wound up living.
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I guess i’m just envious of folks. Like this one priest I admire who knew he’d be a priest at the age of 12 and of course he is a priest. I mean I feel like I missed something because I just never really had that sense until it was too late. Typical drifting type feelings.

But yes I’m sure a lot of people have plans that change but I guess I just want some stability. Sometimes I wonder if maybe religious life would be good for that but I have a feeling it isn’t. Also it just feels like God doesn’t talk to me even when I really try to listen. The best I get is just a feeling that God is there and its okay. It works but it’d be nice to find out I had a specific purpose in life. In a way it felt like that after I did Totus Tuus but now I feel like I don’t want to be a teacher because I felt like I sucked at it.

I know I should give more time to it but I also felt I wasn’t happy. But even my priest today said we shouldn’t treat God like Santa Claus and that his goal isn’t to make us happy but give us what I need. The thing is that I just wish God would say "well Nocoast it is your destiny to be a lowly person. Just deal with it and pray. Kind of like telling a person who’s epileptic they can’t be a pilot or a person with severe uncontrollable depression they can’t be a priest. Maybe God wants me in the lower position
 
God wants you to spend eternity with Him in heaven.
Feeling sorry for oneself, and not working to alleviate the pain of others through service, prayer, and gratitude for your talents is not the way to get there.
Once you begin to make it less about you and more about the people who need you, you’ll find purpose in your life. What you lack is purpose. What you seek is to belong. To matter.
Think of all the people who need a friend. People who need a meal. People who need someone to talk to. People who would like a visit in a nursing home.
There’s a food bank that needs your strength to carry cases of food. To hand it out. To sort and label. There’s so much work to do while you’re waiting for that “message from God”.
He gave us that message at the Sermon on the Mount.
Blessed are the poor, the meek, those who mourn, etc. Remember?

You’re received a lot of helpful advice from lots of people.
What will you do with it? Keep asking the same thing over and over?

I’ll pray for direction for you. Spend time before the Blessed Sacrament.
Be inspired. Accept inspiration. Take action.
Busy people don’t have time to feel bad.
They’re working for Him. 😉
 
pianistclare said:
God wants you to spend eternity with Him in heaven.
Feeling sorry for oneself, and not working to alleviate the pain of others through service, prayer, and gratitude for your talents is not the way to get there.
Once you begin to make it less about you and more about the people who need you, you’ll find purpose in your life. What you lack is purpose. What you seek is to belong. To matter.
Think of all the people who need a friend. People who need a meal. People who need someone to talk to. People who would like a visit in a nursing home.
There’s a food bank that needs your strength to carry cases of food. To hand it out. To sort and label. There’s so much work to do while you’re waiting for that “message from God”.
He gave us that message at the Sermon on the Mount.
Blessed are the poor, the meek, those who mourn, etc. Remember?

You’re received a lot of helpful advice from lots of people.
What will you do with it? Keep asking the same thing over and over?

I’ll pray for direction for you. Spend time before the Blessed Sacrament.
Be inspired. Accept inspiration. Take action.
Busy people don’t have time to feel bad.
They’re working for Him. 😉
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Interesting that you should bring this point up.

Maybe the OP is the one who has the pain that needs to be alleviated.
 
Norseman82 said:
Interesting that you should bring this point up.

Maybe the OP is the one who has the pain that needs to be alleviated.
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Yes. Our pain is less when we tend to the pain of others.
Jesus healed when tired, hungry, and pursued.
We should yes, take the initiative and look outside of ourselves.
 
nocoastlayman said:
Its not that I don’t want to or that I feel like I have to but more like its impossible for me to do. Like I want to but it feels like too many obstacles. I mean look at my posts. Its obvious to see that i’m easily depressed. Who wants that? Add to that i’m a tad socially awkward, not universally atractive. Don’t have a good job (I do work though, not to get mean but I do have a job, its just only 30 hours and pays right as $10 per hour.) It feels like the deck is stacked against me. It also doesn’t help that I just had a relationship with someone for 5 months where it was pretty good in spite of being long distance (I lived 3 hours away from her) but I couldn’t keep her. Granted she said she just thought of me as a friend.

In all honesty my big worry is that I don’t know what I want. I really don’t know. So many times i’ve prayed for God to make it clear for me but he’s just ambiguous. I mean if he exists wouldn’t he find a way to say "Well Nocoast you aren’t meant for a relationship or religious life or whatever. I know God “speaks in silence” but I feel like this is a copout. I mean how many people have actually on here heard God speak. And I don’t mean this to be bitter or mean, i’m just saying I don’t think God really talks with us like that.

To me scripture is okay but I live the commandments. I don’t really break any rules other than an occasional swear word or anything like that. I guess on the surface I follow what God tells me. I’m looking for a deeper relationship. About the only thing about God I know for sure is he exists because the world is too complex to just be random happenstance. My problem is he doesn’t communicate. I feel like i’m just drifting out to see in a boat with no oars while God isn’t giving me much. No map, no guides other than the basics.

I guess when it comes down to it I want a plan from God. If he tells me jump all i’ll ask is “How high lord?”
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God is not a micromanager. I don’t mean to sound deist here, but God has already given us a lot to go on. Remember the parable of the rich man and Lazarus, how when the rich man was suffering in the afterlife and asked Abraham to send someone to warn them, what did Abraham say? “They have the Law and prophets”. In other words, God already spoke on many of these subjects. I wonder if all this obsession with “what is God’s will?” is really a crutch for our own indecision.

The only thing I would offer is to ask yourself these questions:

What do I want in life (as long as it’s not sinful)?
What can I handle?
What am I eligible for?

That might answer some of your questions and give you a few ideas for a plan of action.
 
pianistclare said:
Yes. Our pain is less when we tend to the pain of others.
Jesus healed when tired, hungry, and pursued.
We should yes, take the initiative and look outside of ourselves.
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If we see a hungry person on the street, should we be callously lecturing them that they should stop whining and instead volunteer at a soup kitchen? Or should we give them an employment lead if we have one?
 
Norseman82 said:
If we see a hungry person on the street, should we be callously lecturing them that they should stop whining and instead volunteer at a soup kitchen? Or should we give them an employment lead if we have one?
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I think you grossly misunderstand my posts.
The OP is looking for life direction. He’s got a home, a family, an education.
We’re not talking about someone with no options.

You have a job for him? A beautiful girlfriend? Offer to pay off his student loans?

Best advice for getting satisfaction out of life: Follow Christ.
Nothing “callous” about that.
 
pianistclare said:
Best advice for getting satisfaction out of life: Follow Christ.
Nothing “callous” about that.
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That sounds very pious “on paper”, but simply “following Christ” does not pay the rent or put food on the table or pay off student loans. The Greek widows in Acts followed Christ, yet were still neglected, and when they complained, they were not treated as whiners. No, we got the diaconate as a result.

If the OP is posting the same thing under different screen names (and I say “If”, since only a moderator or admin here could verify that) and people are getting tired of it, it would be much more honest for people to confront him on that.

And although I don’t have any jobs or girlfriends for him (I’m still trying to find a wife myself), I did make an attempt to calm some of his anxieties about “what does God want” by giving him some questions to ask himself (which are specifically geared to the thread topic of whether he should seek dating/marriage). It may not miraculously solve every problem of his, but it may help him get his Catholic bearings on the dating/marriage (and may provide him with “ammo” to defend himself with if people try to manipulate him).
 
Norseman82 said:
That sounds very pious “on paper”, but simply “following Christ” does not pay the rent or put food on the table or pay off student loans. The Greek widows in Acts followed Christ, yet were still neglected, and when they complained, they were not treated as whiners. No, we got the diaconate as a result.

If the OP is posting the same thing under different screen names (and I say “If”, since only a moderator or qadmin here could verify that) and people are getting tired of it, it would be much more honest for people to confront him on that.
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I think you assume a lot.
I don’t think he’s a sock puppet, but that’s up to the mods to determine. It never occurred to me.
No one is “tired” of talking to him.
Actually, serving Christ does pay the bills. I work in a parish and my best friend runs a food bank, thanks very much.
And I’ve been a widow too. What a coincidence.

Why don’t you try to advise the OP rather than hopping on me?
I mean, since you care so deeply?

Nobody is trying to be" pious". Which I suppose to you seems a bad thing. 🤷
I’m an educator. I advise students all the time.

1)serve God with whatever gifts you possess. That’s the best way to thank God for your blessings.
2) Realize that it’s not really all about you.
Abandonment of self. It’s a “thing” in Catholic teaching. catholicspiritualdirection.org/abandonment.pdf

Continuing to pray for the OP.
 
I’m totally taking PianistClare’s side here. She’s offering good advice – as she always seems to IMHO.

Norseman, I’m sorry, but I respectfully think you are “hopping on her.”
 
I think the OP could very well begin to find direction by taking a look at the parish bulletin or listening to the announcements at Mass. Sometimes what we get from God is a nudge or a whisper rather than a big sign saying, “Hey you!”

What ministries need volunteers? What people can you meet? Even if the first thing isn’t “it,” it might lead to the thing that is.
 
Norseman82 said:
That sounds very pious “on paper”, but simply “following Christ” does not pay the rent or put food on the table or pay off student loans. The Greek widows in Acts followed Christ, yet were still neglected, and when they complained, they were not treated as whiners. No, we got the diaconate as a result.

If the OP is posting the same thing under different screen names (and I say “If”, since only a moderator or admin here could verify that) and people are getting tired of it, it would be much more honest for people to confront him on that.

And although I don’t have any jobs or girlfriends for him (I’m still trying to find a wife myself), I did make an attempt to calm some of his anxieties about “what does God want” by giving him some questions to ask himself (which are specifically geared to the thread topic of whether he should seek dating/marriage). It may not miraculously solve every problem of his, but it may help him get his Catholic bearings on the dating/marriage (and may provide him with “ammo” to defend himself with if people try to manipulate him).
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Well since chances are none of us know the OP personally, a lot of advice would be quite general to the point that these advice seem more like platitudes.

In order to really help the OP, face to face contact over time would be more effective.
 
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