26 year old Millennial Catholic who lives with parents in spite of having a degree. Should I even try to date someone?

[nocoastlayman]

I think that you are coming from a place of pain, but please be aware that some of your attitudes are really condescending. Your comment about “older” women as leftovers earlier, and now fast food workers and welfare recipients. I’d guess that most of us have been that “lazy lowly” burger flipper or cashier at one point or another, and I think you probably know that there is nothing lazy about those types of jobs- they are hard and if you are lazy you won’t keep them. Referring to welfare recipients- most of whom really need assistance- as “losers” is uncharitable and especially unbecoming for someone who is trying to enter the field of Special Education. How you come across to people is a major part of interviewing and getting a job, and being successful in that position- keep that in mind.

Also- many people, myself included, had to further their education beyond a Bachelor’s to move away from the minimum wage type jobs. After my Bachelor’s I worked at the store I had worked at during college for awhile because I couldn’t find a job in my field, then I was in a few other varied customer service positions for about a year until I said “forget it- I don’t want to be a manager and I’m not going where I want here” and did what you are doing- went back to school. I had friends who were in business and nursing and got fantastic jobs right out of undergrad, which made me a little jealous, but in the end you have to take responsibility for all the choices you’ve made and work with what you have. You chose your major, you got into debt, and the question is what you’re going to do about it. Looking down on people (including yourself) who aren’t in “professional” positions won’t help anything.

Thanks. Thats what i thought I was doing wen i went back to school. But i didnt like my first teaching job and I worry im not good at anything and worry all im good at is low end work. It doesnt help that i just dont know what to do with my life. Im the kind of guy who likes structure and order. Id almost go to the military but im overweight.
And its not that i hate low end workers, but most women wont date someone who makes Ten dollars an hour. Women need a provider and sadly a good heart doesnt pay the bills. In all honesty id love to live back 50 or 60 years ago. My grampa said that if you could walk and move your arms you could have a job to support your family. If i was any good or had the patience id do trade school. But im worried that if i dont teach i wont have a good job or life. All i want is stability and happiness. Im tired of crying and feeling like a loser. I just want peace and joy and stability. But i guess it isnt in gods plan pr i screwed his plan up.

 

[pianistclare]

Thanks. Thats what i thought I was doing wen i went back to school. But i didnt like my first teaching job and I worry im not good at anything and worry all im good at is low end work. It doesnt help that i just dont know what to do with my life. Im the kind of guy who likes structure and order. Id almost go to the military but im overweight.
And its not that i hate low end workers, but most women wont date someone who makes Ten dollars an hour. Women need a provider and sadly a good heart doesnt pay the bills. In all honesty id love to live back 50 or 60 years ago. My grampa said that if you could walk and move your arms you could have a job to support your family. If i was any good or had the patience id do trade school. But im worried that if i dont teach i wont have a good job or life. All i want is stability and happiness. Im tired of crying and feeling like a loser. I just want peace and joy and stability. But i guess it isnt in gods plan pr i screwed his plan up.

Hmmm.
Do you listen?
Almost everyone here has offered lots of suggestions, words of encouragement, ideas for self improvement, different proven timelines for success…and all you can write is

“But i guess it isn’t in gods plan pr i screwed his plan up”.

If you were my child’s teacher I would be alarmed.
Ok, maybe you are tired, but if you put half as much effort in presenting yourself as competent as you do for presenting yourself as beyond hope…poor typing skills aside…I think you’d be way happier.
Being down seems to be your career right now.
Stop it.
Yup. Just stop it.
Rise today and be grateful for sunshine, and health, and parents, and home, and siblings, and all the other things that God blesses each of us with.
You’re putting way too much effort into being miserable. There’s an old saying “if you want to be a Saint, make up your mind to”. It’s kind of like that,
If you want to be successful, put on that air of competency. You can do it.
Someone on here even said that one job he had he had no clue what to do for a good while, and then it fell into place. What have you got to lose by being upbeat? What you are doing now is obviously not helping at all.
Stand tall. Work hard. Greet each day with purpose, even if the purpose is " I won’t allow myself to be negative today."
Good luck.

 

[nocoastlayman]

Hmmm.
Do you listen?
Almost everyone here has offered lots of suggestions, words of encouragement, ideas for self improvement, different proven timelines for success…and all you can write is

“But i guess it isn’t in gods plan pr i screwed his plan up”.

If you were my child’s teacher I would be alarmed.
Ok, maybe you are tired, but if you put half as much effort in presenting yourself as competent as you do for presenting yourself as beyond hope…poor typing skills aside…I think you’d be way happier.
Being down seems to be your career right now.
Stop it.
Yup. Just stop it.
Rise today and be grateful for sunshine, and health, and parents, and home, and siblings, and all the other things that God blesses each of us with.
You’re putting way too much effort into being miserable. There’s an old saying “if you want to be a Saint, make up your mind to”. It’s kind of like that,
If you want to be successful, put on that air of competency. You can do it.
Someone on here even said that one job he had he had no clue what to do for a good while, and then it fell into place. What have you got to lose by being upbeat? What you are doing now is obviously not helping at all.
Stand tall. Work hard. Greet each day with purpose, even if the purpose is " I won’t allow myself to be negative today."
Good luck.

Easy for you. Your probably normal and in good health. And its not like im some lazy loser sitting on my butt. I go to my ****** job, but my time in and persevere through this hell hole. Am i some joyful little elf, no. But i get through. I persevere. Yes my life sucks, but i do the best with what i got.

Yes i may not be super positive or chipper, but i put my boots on and go. I didnt know it:blush: was a sin to be depressed. Must be nice having a brain that isnt broken. Youre probably the type of person who think you can just snap out of depression

 

[on_the_hill]

In all honesty id love to live back 50 or 60 years ago. My grampa said that if you could walk and move your arms you could have a job to support your family.

I believe your grandfather. I also think he’s leaving out things like the Great Depression.

 

[nocoastlayman]

I believe your grandfather. I also think he’s leaving out things like the Great Depression.

Oh he talks about it. But he was a kid then. He said fter world war 2 everyone who wanted one could have a job. And even a lowly guy coyld support his family. Plus people didnt look at statis then as long as you could provide.

 

[pianistclare]

Easy for you. Your probably normal and in good health. And its not like im some lazy loser sitting on my butt. I go to my ****** job, but my time in and persevere through this hell hole. Am i some joyful little elf, no. But i get through. I persevere. Yes my life sucks, but i do the best with what i got.

Yes i may not be super positive or chipper, but i put my boots on and go. I didnt know it:blush: was a sin to be depressed. Must be nice having a brain that isnt broken. Youre probably the type of person who think you can just snap out of depression

If you are clinically depressed get help. Who said anything about sin?
See, this zero to 1 billion attitude is what is bringing you down. Not the supposedly happy folks in the world. Everyone’s just trying their best.
Otherwise, don’t assume life is peachy for everyone.
My husband killed himself. At home.
I was unjustly pushed out of a job I was great at.
My parents are gone, and we live 2000 miles from any relatives.
My new husband misses his homeland so much he’s sad all the time.
I’m retirement age, but can’t retire. Too many obligations.
Oh, and did I mention the arthritis?
Sound fun?
I make my like bearable by my attitude. I don’t rely on drugs or slap happy songs.
And I don’t feel sorry for myself.
People have been very charitable. People have offered you good advice. You just don’t want to accept that you should do anything differently.
I hope it works out for you, but I don’t see things changing without a mindset change.

 

[pensmama87]

Easy for you. Your probably normal and in good health. And its not like im some lazy loser sitting on my butt. I go to my ****** job, but my time in and persevere through this hell hole. Am i some joyful little elf, no. But i get through. I persevere. Yes my life sucks, but i do the best with what i got.

Yes i may not be super positive or chipper, but i put my boots on and go. I didnt know it:blush: was a sin to be depressed. Must be nice having a brain that isnt broken. Youre probably the type of person who think you can just snap out of depression

I have suffered from depression and I think pianistclare’s advice was spot on.

Your most recent posts on this thread highlight all of the major fallacies that come with depressive thinking. You need a licensed professional counselor to help get your thinking back on track. It is not useful at all to keep snapping at people who are trying to help you.

While it’s not “just snapping out of it,” depression is a cycle that needs to be broken, and strangers on the Internet can’t help with that. You need to decide to break it. It takes an incredible amount of willpower and not a little grace, and those things can be hard to find and see when you’re mired in it. I’ve been there - multiple times. I know. But you CAN decide that the way you think about life is not helpful to you and could very well be harming you. You CAN decide that life is about more than your circumstances.

Otherwise the pity party will extend way beyond a little slump, and by that time you’ve alienated everyone who was willing to help. Not an attractive way to go through life.

 

[Virga]

Easy for you. Your probably normal and in good health. And its **not like im some lazy loser **sitting on my butt. I go to my ****** job, but my time in and persevere through this hell hole. Am i some joyful little elf, no. But i get through. I persevere. Yes my life sucks, but i do the best with what i got.

Yes i may not be super positive or chipper, but i put my boots on and go. I didnt know it:blush: was a sin to be depressed. Must be nice having a brain that isnt broken. Youre probably the type of person who think you can just snap out of depression

My fear is what if i’m not good at anything except being some** lazy **lowly burger flipper or grocery checker or some loser on welfare?

Im tired of crying and feeling like a loser.

Bolded for my emphasis.

Your thread was about dating and your current situation. People are suggesting it’s your attitude towards yourself and life that need to be improved. No one said you were a loser. Quite the opposite, people are saying that it’s no good to view yourself negatively, whereas your posts imply you believe you’re a loser or that others see you as a loser.

Depression makes a person feel as if things can never change or improve, but I imagine you’re posting here because you’re frustrated and somewhere deep down, want to change. If so, consider taking the advice that you should see a therapist if you haven’t already, especially if you’re depressed.

And… although your prayer life isn’t great at the moment, try not to let it die off completely, even if you feel discouraged. Make time for God. Best wishes.

 

[on_the_hill]

it’s your attitude towards yourself and life that need to be improved. No one said you were a loser.

And it doesn’t help to continue to write posts that defend your bad feelings. :ehh:

 

[EasterJoy]

Thanks. Thats what i thought I was doing wen i went back to school. But i didnt like my first teaching job and I worry im not good at anything and worry all im good at is low end work. It doesnt help that i just dont know what to do with my life. Im the kind of guy who likes structure and order. Id almost go to the military but im overweight.
And its not that i hate low end workers, but most women wont date someone who makes Ten dollars an hour. Women need a provider and sadly a good heart doesnt pay the bills. In all honesty id love to live back 50 or 60 years ago. My grampa said that if you could walk and move your arms you could have a job to support your family. If i was any good or had the patience id do trade school. But im worried that if i dont teach i wont have a good job or life. All i want is stability and happiness. Im tired of crying and feeling like a loser. I just want peace and joy and stability. But i guess it isnt in gods plan pr i screwed his plan up.

Do you really believe that the guys working at the grocery store never married because they couldn’t find a woman who’d marry a guy who works at a grocery store? Do the guys who hang drywall for a living never marry because no one will marry a guy who hangs drywall? Talk to middle aged guys who work with their hands. They have wives and children, too. If they get divorced, it kills them worse financially, but they do marry and have children and find a way to scratch out a happy life.

Men and women who go into teaching marry and have children. Their children go to school, they go to college, and not uncommonly they go on to teach themselves.

Other people go into teaching and leave because it is not the right career for them. They don’t go on welfare! They get a job doing something else! Maybe they get their real estate license, maybe they sell cars, but there are things out there for a liberal arts college graduate working outside his or her field. You know how to learn and understand new things. You can do this!

You are discouraged because you found that what you thought would fulfill you does not, in your discouragement and panic you took an unrealistically limited view of your future options, and your unrealistically limited view of your future options has discouraged you further. It is a vicious cycle that can change your brain chemistry for the worse, if you let it go on and on. The funk you are in is TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE, but it does not have to be that way for you. You can float instead of sink!

Some people switch their noodle and get out of this kind of funk by sheer force of will. The more sensible option, the easier and more likely to be successful option, not to mention the more spiritually-aware option, the option of common-sense humility that says “not only can I probably not go it alone, but why would I even want to?” is to get outside help with your view of your options and your ambition to pursue them. If God intended us to each go it alone, he would not have made His Church the Body of Christ. We are intended to be grafted onto the same Life-Giving Vine and to be life to one another through the love that comes from God.

 

[nocoastlayman]

Do you really believe that the guys working at the grocery store never married because they couldn’t find a woman who’d marry a guy who works at a grocery store? Do the guys who hang drywall for a living never marry because no one will marry a guy who hangs drywall? Talk to middle aged guys who work with their hands. They have wives and children, too. If they get divorced, it kills them worse financially, but they do marry and have children and find a way to scratch out a happy life.

Men and women who go into teaching marry and have children. Their children go to school, they go to college, and not uncommonly they go on to teach themselves.

Other people go into teaching and leave because it is not the right career for them. They don’t go on welfare! They get a job doing something else! Maybe they get their real estate license, maybe they sell cars, but there are things out there for a liberal arts college graduate working outside his or her field. You know how to learn and understand new things. You can do this!

You are discouraged because you found that what you thought would fulfill you does not, in your discouragement and panic you took an unrealistically limited view of your future options, and your unrealistically limited view of your future options has discouraged you further. It is a vicious cycle that can change your brain chemistry for the worse, if you let it go on and on. The funk you are in is TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE, but it does not have to be that way for you. You can float instead of sink!

Some people switch their noodle and get out of this kind of funk by sheer force of will. The more sensible option, the easier and more likely to be successful option, not to mention the more spiritually-aware option, the option of common-sense humility that says “not only can I probably not go it alone, but why would I even want to?” is to get outside help with your view of your options and your ambition to pursue them. If God intended us to each go it alone, he would not have made His Church the Body of Christ. We are intended to be grafted onto the same Life-Giving Vine and to be life to one another through the love that comes from God.

I know people who work with their hands get married. Whst im taking about are guys making 8 dollars an hour as a cashier or low end worker. My dad himself was a factory worker and actually had responsibility and made okay money. Its npt working with my hands that worries me. Its being in a dead end job. Not a trade or a store manager. You cant support a family on 8 bucks an hour

 

[pensmama87]

I know people who work with their hands get married. Whst im taking about are guys making 8 dollars an hour as a cashier or low end worker. My dad himself was a factory worker and actually had responsibility and made okay money. Its npt working with my hands that worries me. Its being in a dead end job. Not a trade or a store manager. You cant support a family on 8 bucks an hour

If you start out at a job like that and demonstrate basic competency, you will get promoted quickly. There’s a lot of turnover (the job is hard, after all) but if you stick it out and get good performance reviews you can move up if that’s what you want to do.

When I worked in fast food there were a lot of other high schoolers and college students like me, but also lots of people who were older. Some were between jobs, some were picking up an additional job for extra income, and for some people with very limited skill sets, yes, that’s probably what they were going to do for the next 20 years. But they had very obvious limitations. That was at the basically minimum wage level.

Many of the managers, etc. had families. If you were the manager for the whole store you made a decent salary and worked basically a 9-5. I remember when I was in college I had one of the store managers tell me I should quit school and focus on a career there and I’d probably be running 2-3 restaurants myself within five years and making a tidy sum. I didn’t take his advice, but it was something to think about. Jobs like that do not have to be dead-end. It’s just that the lowest rung stinks so bad most people don’t stick it out very long.

 

[Xantippe]

If you start out at a job like that and demonstrate basic competency, you will get promoted quickly. There’s a lot of turnover (the job is hard, after all) but if you stick it out and get good performance reviews you can move up if that’s what you want to do.

When I worked in fast food there were a lot of other high schoolers and college students like me, but also lots of people who were older. Some were between jobs, some were picking up an additional job for extra income, and for some people with very limited skill sets, yes, that’s probably what they were going to do for the next 20 years. But they had very obvious limitations. That was at the basically minimum wage level.

Many of the managers, etc. had families. If you were the manager for the whole store you made a decent salary and worked basically a 9-5. I remember when I was in college I had one of the store managers tell me I should quit school and focus on a career there and I’d probably be running 2-3 restaurants myself within five years and making a tidy sum. I didn’t take his advice, but it was something to think about. Jobs like that do not have to be dead-end. It’s just that the lowest rung stinks so bad most people don’t stick it out very long.

That’s a good point.

 

[MJJean]

Thanks. Thats what i thought I was doing wen i went back to school. But i didnt like my first teaching job and I worry im not good at anything and worry all im good at is low end work. It doesnt help that i just dont know what to do with my life. Im the kind of guy who likes structure and order. Id almost go to the military but im overweight.
And its not that i hate low end workers, but most women wont date someone who makes Ten dollars an hour. Women need a provider and sadly a good heart doesnt pay the bills. In all honesty id love to live back 50 or 60 years ago. My grampa said that if you could walk and move your arms you could have a job to support your family. If i was any good or had the patience id do trade school. But im worried that if i dont teach i wont have a good job or life. All i want is stability and happiness. Im tired of crying and feeling like a loser. I just want peace and joy and stability. But i guess it isnt in gods plan pr i screwed his plan up.

A friend got his PhD in Chemistry. He wanted to do research and dreamed of developing a needed medication, meeting Ms. Right, and having babies. He worked very hard on projects at a couple of universities and a temporary government contract. Yet he couldn’t find a job in his field.

My friend eventually started teaching as a way to pay the bills. The first couple of years he hated it. He was down on himself. He even went through a few months his 3rd year teaching unemployed despite interviewing at a few schools. In the middle of the first semester, he heard about a job opening teaching Chem at a local high school that has a good reputation. He interviewed and was hired. They were pleased with him and he’s been working there for the last few years. He loves it. Every time we talk it’s “My kids did XYZ…” “You wouldn’t believe what one of my kids said in class…”

Maybe you just haven’t found the right fit yet.

If you seriously want to join the military, go for it! You wouldn’t be the first guy to join up overweight. Depending on how over weight you are, they will either shave it off you in basic or your recruiter will help you lose enough weight so that you can have the rest shaved off in basic. We have a recruiter near us who takes his hopefulls to the local high school track and works out with them, their families, their friends, and whoever else wants to show up. If you’re really interested in serving, contact a local recruiter and have a talk.

Other than that, there are PLENTY of blue collar jobs that require less than 2 years training. CDL-A truck drivers are in demand and make decent money. My husband worked regional and over the road for a couple years, but then he found a local job making double the minimum wage. His education was a 2 week course that totaled $6,000. Ditto plumbers, HVAC techs, mechanics, auto body techs, etc. Not expensive at community colleges and takes 2 years or less to be certified. There are many blue collar careers that pay well. Look into it if you don’t want to teach.

As for fast food, don’t knock it. My neighbor and her partner (in this situation I can’t say boyfriend with a straight face) have 6 kids with a 7th due any day now. She took a job working at Mc Donalds so she could be home during the day to get the kids to and from school, help with homework, and get them to and from their activities. She is now, 3 years later, the night shift manager and making a few dollars an hour above minimum wage. Her partner took a job as a laborer for a local asphalt and seal coating company. He is also making a few dollars an hour more than minimum wage. They don’t have debt other than mortgage and car payment. They live simply, no trips to the hair salon for a mani-pedi or what have you. They keep their house and yard in nice shape using resale shops, craigslist, and used appliance stores. And they’re happy.

Money isn’t everything and women do know that. Really, we do. We just want someone who is responsible, honest, faithful, dependable, with a sense of humor and intelligence who loves us passionately. Income can be worked with.

 

[EasterJoy]

I know people who work with their hands get married. Whst im taking about are guys making 8 dollars an hour as a cashier or low end worker. My dad himself was a factory worker and actually had responsibility and made okay money. Its npt working with my hands that worries me. Its being in a dead end job. Not a trade or a store manager. You cant support a family on 8 bucks an hour

Two employees can start in the same position, and one will use it as the first job in his career and the other will never go beyond that job. Of those two possibilities, what makes you think you’d be a dead-end employee? You have the intellectual and moral capacity to move up in responsibility, to build a resume and continue to improve on it. You ought to expect that you will do that.

Let us say you have difficulty with that, even though you can see intellectually that it is indeed a realistic expectation and even though you know that optimism is, from a purely scientific point of view, the mental habit most likely to lead to success.

If that is the case, you almost have a duty to go to a physician and rule out depression or some other psychological block as a diagnosis for the unrealistic mental state that is giving you fear and pessimism instead of an ability to enjoy life now and to look forward to pursuing and reaching your goals. In any event, you have to figure out how to get your mind in a state that is most likely to lead to full and sustaining employment.

 

[nocoastlayman]

Two employees can start in the same position, and one will use it as the first job in his career and the other will never go beyond that job. Of those two possibilities, what makes you think you’d be a dead-end employee? You have the intellectual and moral capacity to move up in responsibility, to build a resume and continue to improve on it. You ought to expect that you will do that.

Let us say you have difficulty with that, even though you can see intellectually that it is indeed a realistic expectation and even though you know that optimism is, from a purely scientific point of view, the mental habit most likely to lead to success.

If that is the case, you almost have a duty to go to a physician and rule out depression or some other psychological block as a diagnosis for the unrealistic mental state that is giving you fear and pessimism instead of an ability to enjoy life now and to look forward to pursuing and reaching your goals. In any event, you have to figure out how to get your mind in a state that is most likely to lead to full and sustaining employment.

The thing is i don’t know if I have any goals or if i’ve ever had any. Like many in my generation I went to college because they told us you wouldn’t have a good job without it and being I went to a catholic prep school that didn’t really have trade education to prepare you for stuff like that at a Juco I just went for teaching. I liked history and I thought teaching couldn’t be that hard. I had other dreams yes. I’ve always been interested in radio. Other than that though I just went to school because it was expected. Honestly if it weren’t for the stigma of being a loser i’d just go and work at some factory. And yes I know they aren’t bad jobs but most people don’t see it that way. Not among my generation. Maybe 50 years ago when finishing college wasn’t as common.

I know that i’m a smart and talented individual but it just feels like I have no specific purpose or skills. Like i’m just a drifter. I don’t have a specific thing that i’m just super good at. Its almost like i’m more bland or milquetoast than a true deadbeat loser. Like i’m the nice guy who isn’t ugly but is ignored by women because i’m not that interesting. It doesn’t help that in teaching i feel like a complete loser when I fail. Sometimes I wish I could just go back 100 years ago and be some bachelor farmer working for myself or just run away and do something out in the wilderness close to God and living the way we were probably supposed to live (not in a moral sense but in the sense that we live lives more in touch with the earth and stuff. Not that i’m some hippy dippy weirdo)

Add to that i’m 26 and living in a super conservative part of the country where a lot of people are already married or get married by now. Sure there are still a lot of single people but in my situation it might take a while. I don’t want to be old when I have kids. I’ve mentioned on previous posts about how i’m worried that older parents have kids with problems. And I know these can happen at any age but why take the risk. I almost just want to give up and just follow God and not care about anything else. If my darn head was screwed on straight i’d love to be a monk but I don’t want to just run away.

Anymore I just want things to be easy or to at least have the fortitude not to get run down by life. I just feel like i’ve screwed up and that I don’t have many more chances and if I screw those up i’ll be some old loser sitting in his crummy apartment crying because my life is ****.

Yes God can make me feel better but I guess I want some sort of reward. Thats the thing I hate too. So many people don’t even care about God and yet live wonderful lives. Yet me I struggle even though I pray and volunteered with my church and did a lot of good things to help my church. Even giving up a summer just to teach kids about scripture. I’m not trying to diss anyone but it just feels like God doesn’t care. Its like everything is just random BS and I just seem to get more piles of it than others, though I guess I get a lot less piled on than others.

Overall I just want to be happy and have a nice life and find out from God what the heck i’m supposed to do. Other than just the basics like the ten commandments or moral rules (not that those aren’t important. I don’t know who said it but yes i am literally discouraged. Sometimes I just want safety and structure so much that I don’t want to go out and try things. I want to be protected by God. Not just sent out without any guidance like someone driving without GPS.

Anyway its all just too complicated. I’m to the point I want simple too

God Bless

 

[EasterJoy]

The thing is i don’t know if I have any goals or if i’ve ever had any. Like many in my generation I went to college because they told us you wouldn’t have a good job without it and being I went to a catholic prep school that didn’t really have trade education to prepare you for stuff like that at a Juco I just went for teaching. I liked history and I thought teaching couldn’t be that hard. I had other dreams yes. I’ve always been interested in radio. Other than that though I just went to school because it was expected. Honestly if it weren’t for the stigma of being a loser i’d just go and work at some factory. And yes I know they aren’t bad jobs but most people don’t see it that way. Not among my generation. Maybe 50 years ago when finishing college wasn’t as common.

I know that i’m a smart and talented individual but it just feels like I have no specific purpose or skills. Like i’m just a drifter. I don’t have a specific thing that i’m just super good at. Its almost like i’m more bland or milquetoast than a true deadbeat loser. Like i’m the nice guy who isn’t ugly but is ignored by women because i’m not that interesting. It doesn’t help that in teaching i feel like a complete loser when I fail. Sometimes I wish I could just go back 100 years ago and be some bachelor farmer working for myself or just run away and do something out in the wilderness close to God and living the way we were probably supposed to live (not in a moral sense but in the sense that we live lives more in touch with the earth and stuff. Not that i’m some hippy dippy weirdo)

Add to that i’m 26 and living in a super conservative part of the country where a lot of people are already married or get married by now. Sure there are still a lot of single people but in my situation it might take a while. I don’t want to be old when I have kids. I’ve mentioned on previous posts about how i’m worried that older parents have kids with problems. And I know these can happen at any age but why take the risk. I almost just want to give up and just follow God and not care about anything else. If my darn head was screwed on straight i’d love to be a monk but I don’t want to just run away.

Anymore I just want things to be easy or to at least have the fortitude not to get run down by life. I just feel like i’ve screwed up and that I don’t have many more chances and if I screw those up i’ll be some old loser sitting in his crummy apartment crying because my life is ****.

Yes God can make me feel better but I guess I want some sort of reward. Thats the thing I hate too. So many people don’t even care about God and yet live wonderful lives. Yet me I struggle even though I pray and volunteered with my church and did a lot of good things to help my church. Even giving up a summer just to teach kids about scripture. I’m not trying to diss anyone but it just feels like God doesn’t care. Its like everything is just random BS and I just seem to get more piles of it than others, though I guess I get a lot less piled on than others.

Overall I just want to be happy and have a nice life and find out from God what the heck i’m supposed to do. Other than just the basics like the ten commandments or moral rules (not that those aren’t important. I don’t know who said it but yes i am literally discouraged. Sometimes I just want safety and structure so much that I don’t want to go out and try things. I want to be protected by God. Not just sent out without any guidance like someone driving without GPS.

Anyway its all just too complicated. I’m to the point I want simple too

God Bless

It is not complicated. It is as common as places called Main Street. Maybe not any more fun than a lot of Main Streets, but definitely not as complicated as it seems from where you’re standing.

Let’s say you were back in high school. If you had some great passion and someone told you, “No, you don’t want to be an electrician. Go to college” and now you find you are four years behind on your desire to be an electrician and lugging a lot of student loan debt you don’t want, you’d have a point. As it was, if somebody doesn’t know exactly what he wants to do, then if he’s academically capable sending him to college for a liberal arts college isn’t such a bad thing. He doesn’t have to do exactly what he studied for the degree to be worth it. You do know a lot and have developed a lot for having been to college, whether you appreciate it or not. The track record of people who do nothing in particular while hoping for lightning to strike them with inspiration isn’t better than just finding a likely major for college and going for it.

Look for things to do that you think will be worthwhile. That’s a good place to start…this is from the experience of people who’ve also found themselves feeling lost and unhappy at a bus stop on “Main Street.”

 

[Xantippe]

Anymore I just want things to be easy or to at least have the fortitude not to get run down by life. I just feel like i’ve screwed up and that I don’t have many more chances and if I screw those up i’ll be some old loser sitting in his crummy apartment crying because my life is ****.

**You have 30+ years between you and that.

You have lots of chances to screw up between now and then. In fact, you have just as many chances to get things right.
**
Yes God can make me feel better but I guess I want some sort of reward. Thats the thing I hate too. So many people don’t even care about God and yet live wonderful lives. Yet me I struggle even though I pray and volunteered with my church and did a lot of good things to help my church. Even giving up a summer just to teach kids about scripture. I’m not trying to diss anyone but it just feels like God doesn’t care. Its like everything is just random BS and I just seem to get more piles of it than others, though I guess I get a lot less piled on than others.

**Are you talking to your priest and your college counselor about your feelings? And your doctor?

I would start there.
**

Overall I just want to be happy and have a nice life and find out from God what the heck i’m supposed to do. Other than just the basics like the ten commandments or moral rules (not that those aren’t important. I don’t know who said it but yes i am literally discouraged. Sometimes I just want safety and structure so much that I don’t want to go out and try things. I want to be protected by God. Not just sent out without any guidance like someone driving without GPS.

Anyway its all just too complicated. I’m to the point I want simple too

God Bless

Aside from your internal feelings (which are genuinely very bad), in your exterior reality, nothing terrible is happening to you. You are eating every day, you have shelter, you have a basic job, you have a college degree, you are an American citizen, you are young, etc. As you walk around outside on a normal day, you’ll see literally dozens of people that don’t have at least one of those things. Your psychological state is genuinely a terrible burden, but that is the only thing about your situation that is unusually bad. In various material respects, you are more fortunate than most people around you.

So, work on the psychological side of your situation and perhaps take a personal finance class (like Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University). Your life can and will get better if you work every day at making it better.

And I really would encourage a personal finance class. If you do something like FPU, you’ll meet people that are better off and worse off than you, but they will all be working to improve their lives, and they’ll be happy to encourage you, and you’ll encourage them.

You sound so alone right now–do whatever you can to get out of your own head and build relationships with other people.

Best wishes!

 

[kozlosap]

Did you go away to college or did you stay at home and live with your parents and attend as a commuter student? If I were you I would find a roommate and start living as an adult where you cook your own food, do your own laundry and pay your bills. The likelihood of finding a romantic partner while your self esteem is so low is not very high. Finding good friends who are your own age is the best place to start. If you are sitting in your room every night or watching tv with your parents, you are not going to meet other young educated adults. I’ll pray for you!

 

[JimG]

Free advice from Larry Winget.
Here. And here.