4 Reasons I'm Glad I Got Married and Started a Family - At Age 21

  • Thread starter Thread starter edwest2
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
edwest2 said:
That’s where families, including relatives, came in. We all pulled together, Then we were sold the fantasy that those who we loved would mutate into these strange beings once we got married. That we didn’t need or want their ‘meddling’ in our lives. That lie needs to be thrown away. It was not unheard of for young people to get married and live at the home of one parent or another until they saved enough money to go on to the next stage. But we were brainwashed to believe that we - not our relatives or in-laws - were all that mattered. The idea that marriage creates a barrier to family ties over generations needs to be exposed for the lie it is. It is anti-family. My first car was a junker. But I got a job straight out of High School and went to college.
Click to expand...
I am not sure where you are getting this idea from, but this has not been my experience nor the experience of any married person I know. People get married and then cut off their families of origin? Huh? This is a strange theory, and not even really applicable to this thread. No one said anything about getting married and becoming estranged from their families.

Not all families can or want to help financially or with childcare. Would it be nice? Yeah sure. But your idea that married people want nothing to do with their families doesn’t make sense.
 
Lorelei12 said:
Did you also start a family while still in college? Although there are the rare cases where somehow things work out, I’d be willing to be that most people who marry and start a family while both still undergraduates have help in some way or another. Whether that is in the form of parents paying for college, other financial assistance, or at least family and friends to babysit, it would be very difficult without any of these things.

I’m not even trying to make it out to be a “bad” thing. I don’t think it’s bad. I think people should do whatever is best for them, and God Bless the author of the article and his family. All I’m saying is that I don’t like the insinuation that other people “should” be doing it too. And I also I think it’s very unrealistic for most young people who are still in college.
Click to expand...
I’m sure you already know what they call people who use NFP. So, yes, we did start a family while still in college. 🙂

As to needing help, most people who go to college need help of some kind. I’m not sure where you get the idea that getting married will somehow change that in any meaningful way. The only difference for me was that help went from being in the form of loans to being in the form of grants and student work. College wasn’t any more expensive because I got married and I was going to need help to finish no matter what I did.
 
edwest2 said:
That’s where families, including relatives, came in. We all pulled together, Then we were sold the fantasy that those who we loved would mutate into these strange beings once we got married. That we didn’t need or want their ‘meddling’ in our lives. That lie needs to be thrown away. It was not unheard of for young people to get married and live at the home of one parent or another until they saved enough money to go on to the next stage. But we were brainwashed to believe that we - not our relatives or in-laws - were all that mattered. The idea that marriage creates a barrier to family ties over generations needs to be exposed for the lie it is. It is anti-family. My first car was a junker. But I got a job straight out of High School and went to college.

Peace,
Ed
Click to expand...
I’m very lucky to have been born into a very close knit and extended family. I grew up with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and my brothers. Members of the clan both single and married helped each other out, financially and otherwise. I was not just raised by my parents but by grandparents, aunts, uncles and older cousins. I say bring back the extended family.
 
I guess I admire the young fellow in the article in the OP.

I know at 21 I wasn’t capable of marriage. I wasn’t practicing the faith, so I was not discerning marriage in the correct way. I was looking in the wrong places for the wrong types of guys. I did have a boyfriend, and at the time I thought we would get married.

I am so grateful I didn’t marry him, we probably would have divorced.

I am happy I waited for my DH. :love:

We were married when I was 28 and he was 30. It was the perfect age for us.
 
Sarcelle said:
I’m very lucky to have been born into a very close knit and extended family. I grew up with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and my brothers. Members of the clan both single and married helped each other out, financially and otherwise. I was not just raised by my parents but by grandparents, aunts, uncles and older cousins. I say bring back the extended family.
Click to expand...
That’s all I’m saying.

Peace,
Ed
 
Lorelei12 said:
Your husband was working full time. In this article, both husband and wife were in their senior year of college.
Click to expand...
Lorelei12 said:
Did you also start a family while still in college? Although there are the rare cases where somehow things work out, I’d be willing to be that most people who marry and start a family while both still undergraduates have help in some way or another. Whether that is in the form of parents paying for college, other financial assistance, or at least family and friends to babysit, it would be very difficult without any of these things.

I’m not even trying to make it out to be a “bad” thing. I don’t think it’s bad. I think people should do whatever is best for them, and God Bless the author of the article and his family. All I’m saying is that I don’t like the insinuation that other people “should” be doing it too. And I also I think it’s very unrealistic for most young people who are still in college.
Click to expand...
I get the feeling you’re discounting two of us who have said we married and started families while in college. Actually, my husband was finishing a college course when our oldest was born. We then returned to my college town where I finished my last year.
 
As much as I support getting married and having lots of kids, I honestly would avoid marriage at a young age to a young women, as this statistically seems to be the age at which most women will initiate divorce theft. Later on, they seem to be more disinclined to do this, probably cognizant of the difficulty there will be in acquiring another husband. As we all know, marriages are rather likely to end in divorce these days, and thanks to unilateral no fault divorce laws, there’s really nothing you can do about that as a husband; it’s kind of like playing russian roulette.

If you disagree with my take on marriage, please feel free to join in on the discussion in this thread:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=871831
 
Estevao said:
As much as I support getting married and having lots of kids, I honestly would avoid marriage at a young age to a young women, as this statistically seems to be the age at which most women will initiate divorce theft. Later on, they seem to be more disinclined to do this, probably cognizant of the difficulty there will be in acquiring another husband. As we all know, marriages are rather likely to end in divorce these days, and thanks to unilateral no fault divorce laws, there’s really nothing you can do about that as a husband; it’s kind of like playing russian roulette.

If you disagree with my take on marriage, please feel free to join in on the discussion in this thread:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=871831
Click to expand...
I don’t understand what this is supposed to mean.
 
holyrood said:
I get the feeling you’re discounting two of us who have said we married and started families while in college. Actually, my husband was finishing a college course when our oldest was born. We then returned to my college town where I finished my last year.
Click to expand...
Firstly, you said that your husband worked full time at the time. Which is not the same situation as the author.

Secondly, I am not discounting anyone. All I have said, over and over, is that it is rare TODAY that something like this works out (two people getting married AND starting a family while in college) WITHOUT some sort of financial or social assistance. I am talking very specifically about two young 20-somethings who both have not finished undergraduate school and are both in college full-time. Those people who have managed to do it, without any kind of help whatsoever (parents’ help with college and housing costs, parents offering a place to live, relatives or friends babysitting, etc) are the exception. The article encourages others to follow in their path, when it is not always (and I would argue most of the time) prudent to do so. I’ve repeated myself so many times in this thread I really don’t even know how to say it anymore. Somehow people are interpreting my comments as though I am saying it is never possible. All I’m saying is it’s not easy, and rarely possible these days without any kind of help.
 
I don’t know if that’s true or not, but it makes sense. Younger women who are divorced (especially if they are childless)have a better chance of remarriage than an older woman. However I’ve been seeing a lot of older men initialing divorce and I suspect most are for stupid reasons like they want younger or think they can do better. Meanwhile these loser men contact me on dating sites when they should be working on their marriage.
 
Joie_de_Vivre said:
I mean “divorce theft”
Click to expand...
Stealing money by means of divorce and transferring it primarily to the wife, but also to other parties involved in the divorce industry (mediators, lawyers, judges, police, child support enforcement, jail guards, psychologists et al.)
 
I’m just getting around to reading this, and I am thrilled for the writer that his life is working out so well and he is happy. I think his choice is viable but I disagree with the tone of the article that implies it is a superior way of going about marriage and family. When I was in high school, my HS sweetheart and I planned to marry young, I have always been very career oriented especially when I was in school. Long story short, he wanted children quickly after marriage, I wanted to go to school, start a career and travel, we parted company and both ended up getting what we wanted. He married and has four children I finished school, did a bit of traveling, had some awesome jobs and am just now looking forward to marrying in my late 20’s.

I would have been very resentful if I had married and ended up with a child before I could graduate. I have always been pro life and would not consider abortion but I know I would struggle with putting my dreams on the back burner at such a young age. Even at 28, I still have a lot of dreams and while now I would be in a much better place to joyfully accept children if they come I don’t think I could have said that at 21, or even 25. I think my experiences will make me a better wife, mother and person in general. I would not be that person had I been pressured to marry in college or right after. If I’m honest, I also worry about if the union would have lasted, I am not the same person that I was in my earlier 20’s. when I look at how I have matured, how my interests and philosophies have changed and even how my spiritual life has grown, I’m unsure if a person I chose at 21 would be a good fit with the person I am now 7 years later, much less a lifetime down the road.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top