A Catholic Joke

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During a Eucharistic Congress, a number of priests from different orders are gathered in a church for Vespers. While they are praying, a fuse blows and all the lights go out.

The Benedictines continue praying from memory, without missing a beat.

The Jesuits begin to discuss whether the blown fuse means they are dispensed from the obligation to pray Vespers.

The Franciscans compose a song of praise for God’s gift of darkness.

The Dominicans revisit their ongoing debate on light as a signification of the transmission of divine knowledge.

The Carmelites fall into silence and slow, steady breathing.

The parish priest goes to the basement and replaces the fuse.

(Found on Facebook)
 
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The Vincentians organize a candle drive so that those can know the light of God.

The Barnabites prepare a homily that able to be understood by youth and reflects on St. Paul’s blindness.
 
The FSSP and ICKSP priests speculate that 51% beeswax candles blessed in the old rite would not have done this.

The SSPX priest agrees with this, citing it as another shortcoming of Vatican II.
 
A Jesuit, a Dominican, and a Trappist were marooned on a desert island. They found a magic lamp, and after some discussion decided to rub it. Lo and behold, a genie appeared and offered them three wishes. They decided it was only fair that they could each have one wish. The Jesuit said he wanted to teach at the world’s most famous university, and poof, he was gone! The Dominican wished to preach in the world’s largest church, and poof, he was gone! Then the Trappist said, “Gee, I already got my wish!”
 
[moved to Casual Discussion]

A group of priests were arguing about which was the greatest order. As the discussion became increasingly heated, they decided to leave a note in the tabernacle, and check it after morning Mass.

The note read, “Lord, which order is the greatest?” and was signed by Father Dominic, OP; Father Augustus, OSA; and Father Benedict, OSB.

When the returned in the morning, at the bottom of the note was the inscriptions, “None. All orders are equal”, signed by “God, SJ”

🤣

hawk
 
I waffled between the two 🙂

I guess it depends upon the quality of the forthcoming jokes :crazy_face:🤣:roll_eyes:

hawk
 
Two men considering a religious vocation were having a conversation. “What is similar about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders? ” the one asked.

The second replied, “Well, they were both founded by Spaniards — St. Dominic for the Dominicans, and St. Ignatius of Loyola for the Jesuits. They were also both founded to combat heresy — the Dominicans to fight the Albigensians, and the Jesuits to fight the Protestants.”

“What is different about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?”

“Met any Albigensians lately?
 
I think it’s as old as the Gnostics. I saw it on 'St. Peters List".
 
Fssp is in Union Rome what about the other one I know sspx isnt
 
A group of robbers arrive one day at the Pearly gates of Heaven.

Saint Peter looks at them. ‘sorry guys, you are not on the list. You cannot enter.’

The robbers insisted; ‘We are on the list. We are.’

They were so insistant, Peter replies: ‘Ok, wait here and I will go check with Our Lord.’

Peter went to Our Lord and came back to tell them the bad news,

but when he got back, the robbers were gone,
and so were the gates…
 
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A taxi driver and a priest were best friends.

They both died at the exact same time.

Saint Peter lets the taxi driver into the 2nd height of Heaven, but the priest’s eternal reward is the 3rd height of heaven.

The priest says to Saint Peter:
‘There must be some mistake, … while that taxi driver was driving people around all day, speeding like a bullet as he always does, i was preaching in churches all day! Surely I have earned the higher place in Heaven and he the lower place?’

Saint Peter turns to the priest:
‘Ah you see, when you were preaching, the people were sleeping. But when that taxi driver was driving, the people couldn’t stop praying’
 
True story:

Pope John 23rd was famous for his funny one liner comments.

One day he was being interviewed by a journalist:

Journalist: ‘How many people work in the Vatican?’
Pope John 23rd: ‘About half of them’
 
True story:

Pope John 23rd was walking across Saint Peter’s square.

A Vatican pilgrim looking at him says to her friend; ‘Goodness he is fat.’

Pope John 23rd hears and replies:
‘Madam, the clergy is not a beauty pageant!’
 
A little-known fact about the most recent Papal conclave: Francis was not the first choice for the See of Peter.

The first choice was a little-known Cardinal from Africa, Cardinal Edward McMahon. He was born in Ireland and served as a missionary in seven different African countries over the past forty years, earning the love and respect of believers and non-believers alike everywhere he went.

In recognition of his tireless missionary zeal and self-evident holiness, he was made an Archbishop in 1991 and created a Cardinal in 1998.

In order to administer to his far-flung flock, he learned to fly and logged millions of miles in the air visiting remote sections of the continent. Ten years ago, he unfortunately crashed his plane shortly after takeoff. Luckily, he survived but he was severely injured, losing his left arm and the sight in his left eye. While he was recovering in the hospital, he contracted a rare form of malaria which resulted in an incurable purple rash on his arms.

Because of his injuries, he resigned his See and moved to Rome, where he won immediate fame as a Confessor and Spiritual Director. Entering the conclave, he was among the leading papabili.

In the end, however, the cardinals decided the world wasn’t ready for a one-eyed, one-armed, flying purple papal leader.
 
We like to think God is omniscient, but there are actually three things He doesn’t know. God does not know:
  1. What the Jesuits are teaching.
  2. What the Dominicans are preaching.
  3. Where the Franciscans are getting their money from.
 
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