A Funny Thing Happened in Church

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michael servant:
Several years ago I was a lector at a 6:PM Saturday Mass, At the end of the Mass we lost power and all the lights went out. (…you have to believe this was not contrived but really the music that was scheduled) Reading by candle power I said, “Our recessional this evening is ‘We are the light of the world’.” Even Father cracked up!
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Thus debunking the thought that God does not have a sense of humor! 😃
 
My mother, God rest her soul, was the oldest of seven kids. One day, so I’m told, the entire family went to the movies, for the first time,and it was the only time they had ever been in a theater type setting other than going to Mass. The lighting in the theater was dim and when my mother, leading the pack, got to the row where they were to sit she genuflected and the entire family turned into a tumbling set of dominos. People in the theater said the entertainment was better than the movie. Not a church story, but close.
 
LOL - these are great!

I went to Canada on exchange in 1998 and the parish had a Filipino priest who’s English wasn’t terribly good.

And his homily - one fine day - was on the need for peace. However, he couldn’t pronounce “peace” and instead said “piss.”

I had to place a hand over my mouth and drop to my knees during the final blessing to stifle my laughs as Father said “We need more piss in the world. Be people of piss. Be piss bringers. Piss everywhere you go. Now, go and piss on Chris the log.”
 
This one involves me as a 5th grade newly instituted rookie altar boy.

I had never served a wedding as I had only been a server for about three months. Of course I was trained to serve a wedding but as 10 year old boy your lucky if you can remember to put on underwear in the morning…Anyway one of my uncles was getting married and asked my older brother and I if we would serve their wedding Mass. Of course we said yes.

We at the time had a very large ( 6ft 4 300 + lb) holy and orthodox priest who outside of Mass was jolly and fun to be around but when it came time to say Mass he was all busines and the altar boys new better then to fool around on the Altar…Now to the story…

The Mass was going off with out a hitch , I was following my brothers lead on everything and doing ok. Then it came time for Father to bless the rings. He Blessed the rings which were in a little bowl in front of the kneeling couple then handed me the crucible ( i think that is what it is called) and took a missal from my brother and began saying a prayer. Father then looked at me and nodded his head. I had no idea what I was to do so I Blessed the rings . Well Father did not notice but my brother and the couple did and they started giggling. Father again looked at me and nodded so I did it again. This time he did notice and he tried his hardest not laugh…Then he DID and then my brother and the couple lost it…I was pretty embarressed.

The funniest part was Father would turn bright red put his hand to his mouth give out a weezing belly laugh then stop and have the most serious look on his face. Then 2 minutes later he would do it again. This went on for the rest of the Mass. He could not control himself. Once Father would laugh so would my brother and the couple, the rest of the people at Mass had no idea what was going on and were clueless.

Father and I were buddys after that day 😉 . He died a few years later and I still miss him.

The best part is this was the early days of the cam corder (86) and I was given a copy of the Mass a few years ago, people still talk about in my family.
 
Several years ago, our nephews were attending church with us on Easter morning. Our two teenage nephews were regulars, but the three year old had not been to church with us. He was behaving wonderfully untill it was time for the sermon. Our preacher came to the podium and welcomed everyone “this Easter morning” and our nephew shouted at the top of his lungs, “Yea, Easter!” He then continued to shout Easter every few seconds until I walked him outside. He could still see my husband inside through the door and started shouting “Uncle!” The teenagers could barely contain themselves and were shaking with laughter for the rest of the service.
 
I was an altar server at my church for a long time. Toward the end of my stint as one they would have me serve mass with the newly trained serves to show them the ropes I guess. One Sunday I was helping to train some new servers and before mass I told them to make sure that once you ring the communion bells to slide them back under the chair so you don’t trip over them later.

Well as the mass played out I ended up ringing the communion bells. I put them back under my chair, but not far enough and sure enough while carrying the water cruet to father to rinse out the chalice after communion I tripped over those darn bells. Father almost lost it, I almost lost it and the water cruet, and the new servers I was helping train did loose it. So much for me being a role model for the new servers!:o
 
When she was about two, my daughter looked up at one of the stations of the cross, and said, “Look, Daddy, Jesus has his pajam-jams on!”

When I was younger, the Brother at our church was a good friend to my family, and he always had funny stories to tell. At that time, the associate pastor at our church was very…height challenged. According to Brother David, during Mass one day, the priest knelt down behind the altar. A young child in the front row asked his mother, out loud,“Where’d he go? Where’d he go?”

My mother told a story about my brother yelling out, “Lordy, Lordy, Lordy” during Mass.

I love these funny stories! The wireless mic has gotten our new associate pastor as well!
:rotfl:
 
Two of our newbies just served their first Mass, following what the deacon thought was extensive training. trouble is they never practiced with “live” incense, and their first Mass was the first Sunday in Advent, when the altar, ministers and people are censed. the older boy did not realize how hot the censer is, and burned his finger, exclaiming quite loudly in words I know for absolute fact he has learned from his dad. broke everybody up in the choir and first 10 pews. Father frowned severely at him during the rest of the Mass, as if daring him to mess up again. After Mass he apologized, and Father patiently took him through the whole ritual again to improve his education. Finger did not blister, he is fine now.
 
While in college, I attended the Catholic Church about a block away from campus. Every week, one well-known student would arrive for Mass a few minutes late, walk up the main aisle and sit in the front. We all would roll our eyes then get back to focusing our attention on Mass. One Sunday, right on schedule he came marching down the aisle after mass had started. He was wearing perfectly pressed slacks and a white cotton shirt with the imprint of an iron scorched across his back. Funny thing, he never came in late after that.
 
At Mass this past Sunday as you recall the Gospel reading from Luke was about when Mary was visited by Gabriel. Part of Father’s homily was explaining what it meant when the Bible speaks of Mary being betrothed to Joseph.

Our priest is Slovakian and has a pretty strong accent. As he began he said something like “as you know in the Bible it talks of how Mary was be throwed to Joseph.” He said it several times after that and I had to surpress a giggle. The visual I had by his mispronounciation was funny but not particularily reverent
 
Just dropped by this thread to check out any new posts and I simply can’t quit laughing - these are just so funny!
 
I was about 3 years old when my mother took me to Mass in about 1954. We lived in a neighborhood in New Orleans where the ice cream man rode a bicycle with an “ice box” attached to the front through our neighborhood every day selling ice cream. He had bells across the handle bars which he would ring to alert everyone that the ice cream man was in the neighborhood. I made it through the Sanctus bells but (and those of you who are old enought to have been pre-Vatican II altar boys will reconize this) at the Consecration (heavy on those bells, boys) I blurted out Mamma the ice cream man is here!. Couldn’t laugh is those days, folks. Ma picked me up and brought me outside. Ever after, I went with my Daddy (who was not Catholic) to Audubon Park to feed the ducks.
 
Some years ago, friends of ours got married in a non-denominational church. In the sanctuary, there were 3 steps to reach the altar. The first bridesmaid made it fine. The second bridesmaid tripped on a step, bt recovered and made it, too. The maid of honor tripped and said, “Oh, sh*t!” Small church, everyone heard her! Minister was pretty upset.

Peace,
Linda
 
We had an elderly priest who didn’t realize his wireless microphone was on before he went to the bathroom before mass started. Nothing like the sound of a toilet flush to distract your pre-mass meditation.
 
On the day of our parish festival, about twenty minutes after one of the masses concluded, I walked into the Church to pick up a bulletin. Booming from the speaker was the sound of our Pastor singing “…wasting away again in Margaritaville…” along with the band playing outside. He had also forgotten to turn off his microphone.
 
My mom loves to tell this story to everyone: when I was about 3 or 4 years old at church one sunday for some reason the choir in the above loft was keeping my attention. I kept twisting around to to look up there and my mom kept whispering at me to keep still. Well finally I broke free from my mom, stood on the pew and facing the choir loft yelled at the top of my lungs, “Hey! What are you doing up there!” (I vaguely remember this but maybe I’ve just heard the story too many times too) anyway, everyone around laughed and my mom was so embarassed at the time but now she doesn’t seem to mind telling everyone about it :rolleyes: !
 
😉
In the church I used to attend it seemed the associate pastor was always running into one problem or another. One week it was a new sound system. As he and the deacon were finishing the Tues evening novena Mass a police car went down the street and the radio transmission was picked up on our sound system. The look on the priest’s face was as if he thought God had just spoken!

Gloria
 
The funniest story i know comes from my grandpa.

When he was an altar boy in the 1910s the old mass had the “asperges” where the priest walks thru church sprinkling holy water on the people.

Now one woman who always sat in the last row had complained to the priest that when he comes back to her she hardly ever got one drop of holy water.

So the next Sunday when having reached the last row the priest dipped the aspergill in and with a sweeping gesture he sprinkled in the direction of the woman.

From that the aspergill broke apart, the top flying towards the woman’s head, missing it by just an inch.

The priest, without batting an eyelid, walked back to the altar and went on with mass like nothing had happened.

The woman never complained again about not enough holy water 🙂

Werner
 
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